Does a best male friend exist?

[Lost in fairytales]

I've know him for over 4 years now (since senior high), although we don't see each other much, but everytime we talk, it's always really friendly and warm. Every birthday, he would give me something really sweet and thoughtful, such as a hand made birthday card, or a sepcial gift from overseas when he was travelling. Then I would always find myself liking him after my brithday, but when i tried to get him to hang out, he would always refuse. And I am terribly confused.

 

Just last week, he had a really small 21st Birthday party, and I was the only female friend he invited, (other females are his friend's girlfriends). And during the night, he looked out for me, and even noted that there was this song I used to really like. I am really touched by his thoughfulness and sensitivity.

 

However, history tends to repeat itself. I sms him a couple of days ago, asking him to hang out, but he cleverly dodged the question with a simple "good night".

 

 

I am really really confused by the male species. If he is not interested, then why does he notice so many of my details? Why does so many sweet and personal things for me? Yet, if he's interested, why is he running away? It seems the harder i push, the faster he runs.

 

Does true male friends really exist? Because if they do, he's 1 in a million, and I am very lucky to have such a good male friend.

[My Fair Katie]

Does true male friends really exist? Because if they do, he's 1 in a million, and I am very lucky to have such a good male friend.

 

Sure. One of my best friends is a male. I've known him somewhere between 14 and 16 years. However, we never really had any type of a flirtatious relationship (I think he *may* have had a wee crush on me when we were juniors in high school, but I ignored it and it went away, phew). That's what makes our friendship comfortable.

 

He is named as the executor of our estate (some estate, the bank owns pretty much all of it), he's the go to guy if both my husband and I are in comas and someone needs to decide on the plug-pulling. He's our emergency contact on our home security system.

 

I think the reason our friendship worked was because I *treated* him as a guy friend/brother. We talk about silly things most of time. However, I do know that in a pinch, he's my go-to-guy. If anything should happen to my huisband he'd be the first person I'd call (I'm not saying hubs dies I want a bootycall, I'm saying hubs gets in accident and I don't know what all I'm supposed to do, I call him and let him talk me down from panic).

 

The difference between my guy friend and your relationship with yours, I think you may have feelings deeper than friendship. When my guy friend gets me something for my birthday I think, "Awesome, brownies," I don't sit and consider how he remembers brownies are my favorite food. When he says, "Remember in high school when..." I don't think, "How sweet, he remembers" I think, "Crap, I did way too many embarrassing things as a teenager in front of witnesses and now my husband gets to know all about it."

 

Cliffs Notes Answer: yes it's possible, but are you sure that's what you want?

 

Not sure if that's the answer you're looking for, but it's all I got.

[barfool]

I totally agree with MFK. I'm not sure what his reactions to you wanting to hang out mean, but there is the possibility that he is just as confused about your friendship as you are.

[Lost in fairytales]

Thanks My Fair Katie and barfool for your wonderful advice.

 

After reading your advices, maybe next time when i see him, I'll try to flirt with him a little (i don't flirt well), and see how he respond. If he reciprocates, then maybe we can take it to the next level. But if there's no response and zero chemistry, then i guess we were destined to be good friends, and things will just stay the way it is now. And hopefully him and I can find long lasting pure friendship like you did My Fair Katie.

[cbstyles69]

u know its funny because i've been best friends with this girl for 11 years now. 8 of those 11 years i considered her a best friend and nothing more although i do have deep feelings for her now. i have told her about this and she told me about her feelings aswell. i truley believe that best friends of the opposite sex is almost impossible. 11 years of having relationship problems because woman do not like a man thats best friends with a female. i think finding a non jealous female is impossible. my point being about friends of the opposite sex remaining friends without some sort of feelings for one another seems almost nul. i'd do anything for this female and she would do the same.

 

i hope this helps. and feel free to read my last thread cuz i kinda need some advice on my own delema..

 

later.

[Guest]

I've know him for over 4 years now (since senior high), although we don't see each other much, but everytime we talk, it's always really friendly and warm. Every birthday, he would give me something really sweet and thoughtful, such as a hand made birthday card, or a sepcial gift from overseas when he was travelling. Then I would always find myself liking him after my brithday, but when i tried to get him to hang out, he would always refuse. And I am terribly confused.

 

Just last week, he had a really small 21st Birthday party, and I was the only female friend he invited, (other females are his friend's girlfriends). And during the night, he looked out for me, and even noted that there was this song I used to really like. I am really touched by his thoughfulness and sensitivity.

 

However, history tends to repeat itself. I sms him a couple of days ago, asking him to hang out, but he cleverly dodged the question with a simple "good night".

 

 

I am really really confused by the male species. If he is not interested, then why does he notice so many of my details? Why does so many sweet and personal things for me? Yet, if he's interested, why is he running away? It seems the harder i push, the faster he runs.

 

Does true male friends really exist? Because if they do, he's 1 in a million, and I am very lucky to have such a good male friend.

 

SEEE ALL THOSE THINGS ARE REALLY GREAT TO HEAR AND GUYS LOVE THAT BUT IN A POST IT DOESN'T TRANSLATE THATS ONE ON ONE

THE ISSUE IS WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY UNKNOWNS ABOUT MEN? IS IT TRUE OR BAIT?

 

SEE THAT WAS FUN

A GUY THAT SHOWS INTEREST IN YOU AND EVERYTHING OK:?

 

I MUST GET HOME FOR SLLEPIES NOW

GOOD NITE

[Guestguest]

I find this thread particularly interesting. There are so many on LS who talk about their feelings for their opposite sex friends (I'm one of those) and that those feelings are not returned in the way they would like to. In most cases the boundary between "brother"-like friendship and "boyfriend"-like friendship or even plain lust is blurred. It's extremely refreshing to read My Fair Katie's story as it seems rare. Her friendship is the kind which would be achievable with a gay guy - because you know that there isn't anything subconscious or hidden or about to develop or confusing.

 

In most cases, as in OP's, the confusion exists and somehow threatens a healthy friends-only relationship. I have had the same doubts about my best (male) friend's actions. Anything he would do for me out of friendship I would wonder if he didn't have "other" feelings for me. But that was just fantasy. His "love" for me is platonic (hasn't always been tho). But whether his feelings are closer to those of a brother or those of a boyfriend is still not clear - probably not even to him.

[engravefeelthevoid]

out of personal experience...trust me males and females are as complex as eachother.....a male best friend is very difficult to find...I am a male and I had four incidents of a female/male best friend scenario which did not end up as I expected...there must be feelings from either side of the relationship...

 

1-this girl we agreed on best friends..we ended up with feelings and unfortunately didn't workout between us...

 

2-she has a friend that I met last year who considers me her best friend..but we can both feel that there is chance for future development...

 

3-this other girl from school I thought of as my all time best-friend girl, but I ended up with feelings for her and I had to back up efore things got messed up for me (she didn't know).....

 

4-on the other hand...theres this girl I know now...I started off with feelings for her and I loved her...but then it all calmed down and now we're best friends with no intrest...I wish she can get a bf (though Id feel uncomfortable - not jealous - since I wont be able to talk to her like before)..but still I don't know what might happen later on..from my personal experience I don't think things will workout as I think (best friends)

 

so yah aslong as 1 part has feelings for the others...best friend possibility is diminished..gone with the wind....and what that guy is doing now..I can feel that he's playing hard to get..thats what guys do when theyfeel a girl likes them...and trust me girls do the same...the feeling of control....