would you forgive?

[NoIDidn't]

It became about my husband because all the OW's tried to put doubts in my head about my husband. Their lives revolve around lies and betrayal and sneaking around with MM so that's their reality and what all MM do.

 

I am not naive. I have been married to this man for 18 years. I know him well. He comes home to me every night and I look in his eyes and we talk. Our conversations do not revolve around email and text and a few stolen moments. They are real and they are daily and this man is doing everything he can for me right now.

 

A lie detector test??? You're kidding right? If i am ever to the point i feel i need a lie detector test for my husband I will end the relationship. This is life not some trashy jerry springer show.

 

I love my husband and know for a fact he feels the same about me. I trust him but that does not mean i will walk around with bliners on.

 

Thanks everyone who truly tried to help and answer this question.

 

This may not be popular with some of the OW, but I happen to agree with this statement. Its not that I think the OW are subhuman or anything disrespectful of their humanity, but when you are involved with a man that is sneaking around behind the back of a family and W that he claims to have loved at one point - it is easy to have this experience color your view of other people in the same position.

 

Again, and I hate to TJ, this isn't your MM. So stop generalizing. Its something the OW and MM hate, but they do just as freely. You don't want your sitch generalized, then don't do it to others.

 

I believe that NF has suffered a horrible blow and those that minimize it because she has offended them really aren't as mature and compassionate as they would like to think.

[yousaveme]

I posted what happened with my MM. Was making a point that if they want to remain in contact they will. If she has doubts with him then she should take it to MC or to him.

 

As for the friend issue that was a horrible thing. But not confronting the friend and at least put some end to it all, is always going to leave the issue wide open for doubt and wondering. Nip it in the bud and move on.

[Freedom Now]

I, too, was not being subhuman. My dialogue with LJ was with the best intent and I do hope that NF's husband is being honest and true.

 

What she has endured is painful and I would never want to inflict more pain on her. I just spoke MY reality. It was no intended to hurt anyone. Just wanted the other side to be seen.

 

I will bow out now.

 

Peace.

[Buttaflyy]

I would not forgive her NF. She's like a cancer and she's terminal to your marriage.

 

Since she doesn't seem to have remorse anyways, it doesn't sound like you have much of an option.

[NoIDidn't]

FN and YSM

 

I think you took my post the wrong way. I was not calling anyone or their actions subhuman. I could tell that you were projecting your situations onto hers and her H. They are not one and the same, is all I was saying. You are/were in a sitch where the H kept deceiving his W. And it really did come across as you guys trying to keep her in a place of distrust with her H. She is probably already not as trusting as she used to be, but that wasn't the point of this thread. It was about her FF, not her H.

 

And FN, I really commend you on the dialog with LJ. It takes a really big person to admit that a sitch has you doubting your interactions with the opposite sex. I have been there. Believe me. And what you said is what I think I was trying to say. Being the OW makes you a skeptic of sorts. But NF doesn't need anymore skepticism beyond what I am sure she already has.

 

I wasn't calling anyone out, just trying to bring the focus back to what she posted about. Her former best friend.

[Freedom Now]

Thanks, NoIDidn't.

 

I just wanted her to be careful.

 

I don't want anyone to endure anymore pain than they already have. Myself included.

 

The ripple effect of my MM's deception on me has had massive effects on my trust for the opposite sex. I am just so fragile and vulnerable now. And at the first sign of potential bad behavior, I am gone. And worse yet, I know that my perception of "bad behavior" is distorted right now. And I hate that. It isn't like me to be so cautious.

 

Actually, it makes me sick. I have tremendous strength in all other areas of my life, but I am wounded now when it comes to men. I am scared now. And I know that is because my MM lied to me from the beginning. I just can't reconcile that in my mind. I just don't understand why he did that to me and my kids. I will undoubtedly NEVER know.

 

My MM: he did a number on me, that's for sure. I just don't want any more MM doing numbers on anyone else: the wife included.

 

I just wanted to her be prudent and keep her eyes and ears open.

 

Thanks for understanding my perspective.

 

And sorry about the TJ noforgiveness.

[bonehead]

Why is the FF still taking up so much of your brain-space, NF???

 

If things are going well for you and your husband in recovery... why do you feel that the question of forgiveness is on your mind so much?

 

Do you think maybe she represents a void in your life where the friendship used to be? And if so, what are your plans for fulfillment on that?

 

Dealing with a double loss. The loss of what she thought her marriage was at the time, and the loss of her best friend.

 

NF said that there are OW on her who say she should forgive the FF. She doesnt feel she has to, and I do fully agree with that. No one can say when someone else should forgive.

 

With that in mind though forgiveness is a powerful self help tactic. Helps you let go of the pain.