Untie these knots in my head and heart

[typical]

Can someone PLEASE tell me the mystery of this strange phenomenom?

 

 

Situation:

For two years you were a jealous wreck, but you could have sworn that you were jealous for a reason. You didnt have proof, but yet you were persistant with your insecurities. You brought these insecurities to your boyfriend time and time again. At first he would simply reassure you that the things you were suspecting were not true.

As things got deeper, and you became more and more convinced that something wasnt right, you would confront him and he would scream at you, telling you that you needed medical help and that you needed to talk to someone because your head wasnt right, all of those things you think are happening is not happening at all, and you are making yourself sick and he was getting tired of it. In addition, he told you that if you would just learn to trust him, your life would be so much better.

 

Climax:

For two years you have entertained the possibility that you really were an obsessed, jealous crazy wreck that needed to seek medical attention, but couldnt get past that one nagging doubt that you werent sick and demented. For old times sake, one more go around, you decided to go ahead, and launch full steam into an investigation.

So, lo and behold, you were right all along!!! He WAS calling these women, and many many times throughout the course of the day for months and months on end. He wasnt where he said he was, wasnt even in the same vicinity. Wasnt working when he told you he was.

You gathered all the information necessary to confront him and he still lied repeatedly until there was no denying hard copies, information straight from the sources mouth, dates, times, bills, etc. Finally, after two years of hell, he admits to having a couple of female friends that are nice but thats all there is to it, and he didnt want to tell you because he didnt want you to be mad.

 

 

Outcome:

You decided to back off, way off, and basically tend to your wounds. Boyfriend still maintains he loves you, and will do anything to make it work. You tell him that you think you need to go to a therapist after all, because you need help with your head now. This time he tells you that you dont need a therapist, that he will help fix your head. Yet, when he is late, steps out the door, gets on the phone, the craziness inside of you starts up again. The craziness that he put in there to begin with.

 

For two years, you were made to feel crazy, and that you needed true professional help when it turns out all along you were right.

 

Why did he do this?

I am asking for some brave souls to come forward and tell me, if you ever cheated and lied and you saw what a wreck your SO was in emotionally, why did you tell her/him that they were sick, jealous and needed help professionally when you KNEW she/he was right?

Did you just forget they were right and trick yourself into believing that they really were sick and needed help? What were your reasons?

[typical]

Okay, fine, you dont have to have been a cheater to answer, but could some of you just give me some advice?

 

Why do people do this to each other? Why would someone make someone out to be a crazy jealous wreck when it was their fault to begin with? How could someone do that and not feel guilty about it??

[Bryanp]

I would agree that you would need intensive therapy if you decide to remain with your sadistic boyfriend. You are a total fool if you stay with him after what he has done to you. Go to a therapist and learn to leave this emotionally abusive relationship. You are being played by him and allowing him to do it. You would have to be a masochist to stay in such a relationship after he has humiliated and disrespected you this way.

[typical]

Thank you Bryanp,

 

I noted that we both have 509 postings..actually, I now have 510.

 

As far as being a masochist, I will look into that.

 

It should be noted that one doesnt just decide to stay with someone because they like the pain and punishment. It usually grows on you, and in the right environment, its often almost too late before you realized that it isnt even normal, especially if you have grown up up dysfunctionally.

[Madeamistake]

Seek Therapy!!!

 

I cheated once on my now ex girlfriend, but I did not lie about it. As a matter of fact, I confessed without her even suspecting it. I even seeked therapy for myseslf cause my self esteem took an extreme dive from my actions! I would never dream of putting anyone through that ever again (including myself)! Therefore I feel for you! You have not only been cheated on, but lied to and decieved for such a long time! Im feel for you!

 

Please do yourself a favour and dont go back! He is not going to change cause if you think about it, his was not a one time thing or a singled out affair with one person, it was countless affairs! With those that you found out, how many more do you not know about?

 

Its good that you are taking time to lick your wounds! Love youself more than anything out there in the world! Pray for healing too, that helps a great deal (If you are a christian)!

 

Take care and good luck!

 

[Guest]

Hi there,

 

having your SO say things like 'it is all in your head' and 'you're depressed', is something I have had to put up with. When we have our fights over these matters, it always is about her, and what I'm doing to her. I just wish she would stop for a moment and at least consider where I'm coming from.

 

I don't have firm proof that she is cheating, but there are just too many unanswered questions. I feel I deserve the truth. Yes, our relationship has been rocky - and I'll admit I have looked at other women. I've been in situations where it would have been so easy for something to start - but I didn't cross that line. I doubt that I suspected W was cheat at that time - but even now I still don't want to cross that line.

Do yourself a favour - get therapy.

Good Luck.

[Trialbyfire]

The best defense is an offense. This is my experience with a cheater. If you think about the act of cheating, it's based on a network of lies and denial. In order for a cheater to admit the truth, they need to admit all their lies and admit to themselves what kind of person they are and how badly they've treated you.

 

For your own sake, please get professional help. After two years of hell, no matter how strong you are, you could use a professional helping hand. Good luck.