LDR problem...

[divalannie]

hey guys

this is going to be long but i hope some one will give me some sought of advice please. i have been with my BF for 2.5years and have been in ldr for about 7 months, he lives in South Africa and i live in the UK. very long distance. i went to go and visit him for a while and during my time there he made up a story about him and his exgirlfriend. when i was there i noticed she called him alot about 3-4 times in a day and they would talk for about 15mins every time this happened through out the week.

 

i confronted him but he said nothing, then when she came round to see him i got into a tantrum cause she was there, i felt hurt cause he paid her more attention. he was about to walk her home when i stopped him and pulled him back, when i went out about 10 mins later to clear my head she was waiting for him, i asked her what was going on and she told me they had been seeing each other and he slept with her and that he told her i was not with him anymore, that we broke up before he left for South africa. but here is the catch this was the first time she came by in the five weeks that i was there, and also i thought if she really thought we broke up why would i have travelled all the way to South Africa to visit him because i am sure she knew i was there before she even came by. when he came out to find us, i asked him and he said it was all true. i shouted at him and she walked off and instead of comforting me he went off with her.

 

i then went to go and stay with my aunt for two weeks and went back to see him he then told me it was a story they made up so that when i came back to the UK i would move on with my life and not worry so much about him because the first couple of months we were apart were hard for me and i called him constantly. i forgave him but over the last weeks i was with him he seemed to spend more time with her and still talk to her and i found a couple of msgs they sent to each other telling her he loves her and she loves him, they also made a few sexual references i asked him why he would say that kind of stuff to her if he doesnt mean it he said he was just flirting with her and meant nothing by it. also the one day was our anniversary and also the same day was her birthday instead of spending the evening with me he spent it with her. when i asked him why he just said it was her birthday.

 

i love him so much so and forgave him again but we constantly fought about it before i left to return to the UK. i have major trust issues with him ever since we started going out with him i knw that i should not assume he will cheat on me like every other guy i have been out with has but i do but i cant seem to understand why if he really loved me that much he would do such a hurtful thing to me but still after ward tell me he loves me.

 

since i have been back in the UK i have tried to not be so possesive of him and given him his space we chat often and talk on the phone bout 3 times a week. he has apologised about what happened when i was there, and says he feels terrible for hurting me like that and he seems to say alot of sweet stuff to me. the problem i have is i am so hurt by it that i cant stop thinking about it that day is so vivid in my mind, he still keeps in contact with but he tells me not as much as before he also says that the flirting has stopped.

 

what i need to knw is how do i trust him and get over what has happened how do i believe he does really mean he is sorry and he loves me? i still love him so much and dont want to break up with him but i feel if i cant get over this we will end up breaking up how do i begin to deal with this? oh and when i spoke to his ex before i left she told me to just leave because he we would never live together again in the same country and i must forget about him.

[norajane]

How do you trust him again? You are asking the wrong question.

 

This man has shown you that his so-called "ex" is more important to him than you are. He left you at every opportunity while you were there so he could be with her. I don't understand what their relationship is about, but clearly, he is not fully committed to you.

 

You should be angry, and not wishing to have him back. Why would you want a weasel like him? Leave him to his girlfriend, and get on with your life.

[InspectHerGadget]

Yup, this guy is a lier and a cheater. Stop talking to him and wasting your time.

[Guest]

Girl let him be, he doesn't love you cant you see he loves her. there is someone out there who is going to treat you perfect. and when that person comes to you you will just laugh about the things you used to do for this guy. What a jackass for him to treat you like that. You do not deserve that no girl deserves that. Move on and find a real man!

 

 

hey guys

this is going to be long but i hope some one will give me some sought of advice please. i have been with my BF for 2.5years and have been in ldr for about 7 months, he lives in South Africa and i live in the UK. very long distance. i went to go and visit him for a while and during my time there he made up a story about him and his exgirlfriend. when i was there i noticed she called him alot about 3-4 times in a day and they would talk for about 15mins every time this happened through out the week.

 

i confronted him but he said nothing, then when she came round to see him i got into a tantrum cause she was there, i felt hurt cause he paid her more attention. he was about to walk her home when i stopped him and pulled him back, when i went out about 10 mins later to clear my head she was waiting for him, i asked her what was going on and she told me they had been seeing each other and he slept with her and that he told her i was not with him anymore, that we broke up before he left for South africa. but here is the catch this was the first time she came by in the five weeks that i was there, and also i thought if she really thought we broke up why would i have travelled all the way to South Africa to visit him because i am sure she knew i was there before she even came by. when he came out to find us, i asked him and he said it was all true. i shouted at him and she walked off and instead of comforting me he went off with her.

 

i then went to go and stay with my aunt for two weeks and went back to see him he then told me it was a story they made up so that when i came back to the UK i would move on with my life and not worry so much about him because the first couple of months we were apart were hard for me and i called him constantly. i forgave him but over the last weeks i was with him he seemed to spend more time with her and still talk to her and i found a couple of msgs they sent to each other telling her he loves her and she loves him, they also made a few sexual references i asked him why he would say that kind of stuff to her if he doesnt mean it he said he was just flirting with her and meant nothing by it. also the one day was our anniversary and also the same day was her birthday instead of spending the evening with me he spent it with her. when i asked him why he just said it was her birthday.

 

i love him so much so and forgave him again but we constantly fought about it before i left to return to the UK. i have major trust issues with him ever since we started going out with him i knw that i should not assume he will cheat on me like every other guy i have been out with has but i do but i cant seem to understand why if he really loved me that much he would do such a hurtful thing to me but still after ward tell me he loves me.

 

since i have been back in the UK i have tried to not be so possesive of him and given him his space we chat often and talk on the phone bout 3 times a week. he has apologised about what happened when i was there, and says he feels terrible for hurting me like that and he seems to say alot of sweet stuff to me. the problem i have is i am so hurt by it that i cant stop thinking about it that day is so vivid in my mind, he still keeps in contact with but he tells me not as much as before he also says that the flirting has stopped.

 

what i need to knw is how do i trust him and get over what has happened how do i believe he does really mean he is sorry and he loves me? i still love him so much and dont want to break up with him but i feel if i cant get over this we will end up breaking up how do i begin to deal with this? oh and when i spoke to his ex before i left she told me to just leave because he we would never live together again in the same country and i must forget about him.

[kristy102]

The minute the ex girlfriend started calling soo much i would of thrown a tantrum but when she actually showed up ... naw i would of left ! Deep down i think you know he isnt the one ... he hasnt cheated at all he has fully moved on .. he treated you as the friend and her as the girlfriend.

[Island Girl]

The minute the ex girlfriend started calling soo much i would of thrown a tantrum but when she actually showed up ... naw i would of left ! Deep down i think you know he isnt the one ... he hasnt cheated at all he has fully moved on .. he treated you as the friend and her as the girlfriend.

 

This is so true.

 

But it really doesn't matter that he has moved on -- you should move one.

 

I can not see any redeaming behavior and you allowed him to turn his infidelity and lies into your problem.

 

Run - don't walk - run - away from any contact with him.

 

He can't be trusted and anything that comes out of his mouth should not be believed.

 

A relationship - LD or not - should be important to both people.

In a LD it is more important than ever for both people to be "open books" to each other.

 

It is a tool to keep all of the 'what ifs' out of your heads - so that both people can feel secure.

 

He lied to you. He cheated on you. From his behavior - it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to know he is still cheating on you.

 

He is having more of relationship with her than with you.

 

You need to get to the bottom of the reasons you think you deserve this kind of behavior and why you would tolerate it.

 

You are being treated badly. He is walking all over you treating you like a doormat with no feelings.

 

You should be demanding more for yourself. You should not allow this kind of person in your life and yet you are.

 

That is something you need to answer for yourself and work on.

 

You really are worth more and deserve to be treated better.

 

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you and for whatever reason you are settling for waaaaaaaaay less than you should be.

 

He is in another country, lying to you, cheating on you, perhaps getting a disease he will pass on to you.

 

Why would you want to stay with him?