A story of cheating and jealousy - needed

[Confused Guest]

Hi guys,

 

Around a year ago I met my current girlfriend at work (though I no longer work there) and we ended up having sex at the xmas party. trouble was she was already engaged to someone for 4 years at the time and after that we continued to see each other for a while.

 

While we were seeing each other I got pretty mad that I was constantly getting treated like her bit on the side and went out with this other girl to try and make her jealous (only really lasted a month) and towards the end of the relationship they split up. As she thought I was now happy with this other girl she got drunk at a party and slept with a guy though she never told me this until we had been going out around 4 months.

 

We are now happy although my problems are as follows:

 

1. She has always been adament that she wasnt the sort of person to sleep with someone on the 1st night although it has happened twice since I've known her.

 

2. Everytime she goes a night out without me I cant stop thinking about what she may be upto and cant help but think she has cheated on me even if there hardly any signs.

 

3. She is a very attractive girl (not the problem!) although I have stopped going into nightclubs with her because all she does is get looked at by other guys and hit on when I am at the bathroom. We even been out with her friend and her bf and the bf has tried it on with her both times we've been out! So all I do is picture all these guys hitting on her when she is out without me. Even my best friend tried it on with her right after me telling him how much I liked her and we have never been friends since that night.

 

4. I am not a very confident guy so i think this is only fueling my jealousy towards her and half the guys that look at her seem better looking than me. I swear sometimes she even looks back!

 

5. She has never gone without a bf before and she hasnt been truthful about her past to me so I cant stop thinking about that as well!

 

Despite all this, we do get on very well and she says she wants everything with me and I'm sure I want this same with her. I know she loves me but I cant stop thinking all of these negative thoughts and it is really starting to drive me crazy! Its really starting to depress me as I just want to forget about all the things that have happened though I am finding it hard to let go because its all happened within the last year.

 

If anyone can help me out here it would be very much appreciated as I'm really starting to lose my mind!

 

Thanks for Reading

[Baybee9404]

Confused Guest I am sure you have heard the phrase WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. If she cheated on her soon to be husband with you, What makes you think she wouldnt do it to you? You cant change her as much as you are hoping you can, you cant and you wont. I think you have all these feelings because as much as you dont want to see it you know in your gut that she will do it to you too. I know it is easier said than done but you need to let her go so this dont eat you up inside and have an affect on your other relationships. You need to find someone who only wants to be with you. Sorry to say this but you know you cant turn a hoe into a house wife. Let her be someone elses headache and you go on with life and find someone who you are happy with. Trust is a big thing in a relationship if you dont have that then there is no relationship. I wish you the best of luck. I know you will do the right thing for your sake. Take Care.

[KrissyP]

Thanks for your comments Baybee, theres no way I can ever find the strength to leave her purely because I love her more than the anything else in the world. It would be fair to say that your comments have a good point although I just hope that what you say is what actually happens.

 

Does anyone have any other advice that I can take on board?

[Baybee9404]

Krissy Look i have been in your shoes before trust me my situation is a little bit different but i will tell you if it eases your mind. I was with my sons father for 6 year i loved him to death i thought he was my everything but he wasnt he cheated on me the first time i found out i forgave him i was willing enough to put it behind me because i loved him and i believed him that he wouldnt do it again, people make mistakes ok. i got pregnant with our son life was good. After i had the baby i found out yet again that he cheated on me while i was pregnant. That was it for i was heart broken but once again i forgave him because we had a son together and i wanted a family. Every time he went out i thought the same things you did and then all those thoughts turned into hate i fell out of love with him because my mind took over. I left him, at first it was hard but i didnt give in i kept telling myself i can do better and i deserve better. Now we are better friends than lovers. Now I have a wonderful man in my life that i will be marrying next month. He never cheated on me and that is what i deserve. Sure we have our ups and downs but i trust him and i dont have to worry when he goes out what he is doing because i know he loves me and only me.

[Madeamistake]

Off topic but, baybee9404, I admire the strength you had to forgive your ex the first time he cheated! He should have seen what he had in you and held on strong! Damn, I cheated on my ex, was truly sorry for it and she saw it was a free pass to try and cheat on me. Wow! Two wrongs never made it right and now she knows that!

 

Any how, As for you KrissyP. All I can say is be very careful buddy! Actually, my best advice is for you to leave. Find someone who will boost your self esteem and make you feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. Not someone who will indirectly abuse you emotionally. She knows you weaknesses and she will destroy you!

 

GET OUT FAST AND KEEP RUNNING!!!

[Baybee9404]

Thank you Madeamistake i will be honest with you it wasnt easy, and the second time was a smack in the face. I did put my responsiablities first when i should of put myself first. Your right 2 wrongs never make it right, what makes it right to me is when i drop off my son to him he always tells me i wish i never screwed up and i tell him its fine by me because if you didnt i wouldnt be marrying the man i am so thank you in a sense and he hates it that i have a good life without him.