Author oyster Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Oh, so the date was the 4th. Still owe ya a beer dont I sure I am getting drunk tomorrow, not driving, having a buddy drive me while I get drunk, 1 more beer won't hurt haha yup date was the 4th. I waited all day to see more than a sign of life from her. She is not aware of the midnight thing (my own deadline) but she knows that I told her inaction is form of action and if you don't make a decision I will. There, off my chest. Tomorrow night is Friday, out I go prowling. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I have to admit, I have it fairly easy. He doesn't try to contact me. Only thing I have to deal with are the stare-downs. If he kept trying to call or write, I'd ignore for a while, then I'd probably pick the phone up and start a screaming match. Which would just be opening a line of communication. That line needs to stay completely closed. Yes, I understand absolutely. That's what he has been doing. Messages, e mails, songs...and then yesterday I picked up the phone after three weeks to rant and rave...and tell hin off...instead he tried to turn the tables on me saying I was in the wrong about many things...that I never believed him ...THE GALL IN THIS MAN...he demands trust when he knows he's been lying all along..or does he? Maybe he's sick and believes in his own fabrications.. a sociopath maybe...in the meanwhile he kept calling my love and other terms of endearments...UGH!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 ...he demands trust when he knows he's been lying all along..or does he? Maybe he's sick and believes in his own fabrications.. a sociopath maybe...in the meanwhile he kept calling my love and other terms of endearments...UGH!!!!!!!! They all demand to trust them, to give them time, use the endearments to keep you hanging on because they are too weak to survive on their own. They most likely won't leave their spouse for you. All lies. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 my biggest problem is that we broke up for the wrong reasons. Not because it was bad between us but because the idiot husband has been feeding her brainwashing stories. She is confused and has lots of emotional things to over come Hate to say it, but obviously she still has feelings for him because if she didn't, she would walk away and know it was the right thing to do for her. Maybe she's just not willing to change her whole life. Hello everyone, Today Decision day expired at midnight. Still see her on msn but no phone call, no email, no IMs from her. Since she wanted 1 month of No Contact to think what she wants. Well I am no longer wasting my time. Inaction is a form of action, therefore I am moving on. I am no longer the the OM:p I am going FULL NC from now. It is sad that people don't have the guts to tell you in your face when they want it over. Geez weak people. Did she see you online? Just wondering. She probably couldn't handle the pain of it. She should atleast have the balls to end it with you face to face. Atleast you'd be able to go on with some respect for her. They all demand to trust them, to give them time, use the endearments to keep you hanging on because they are too weak to survive on their own. They most likely won't leave their spouse for you. All lies. Hang in there, oyster. Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I've just gotta say that the LS's are the "bomb"...so insightful, and caring...I think it is so great the way the forum supports each other...it's all love...now, as for me and my nc...I think it has turned into some form of "I can hold out longer than you can"...I was upset that I didn't hear from here on christmas(even though I never intended to answer if he did call..(insane I know)...and then when he called on new years, I didn't answer...(again, insanity)...So at this point, I'm considering it over for us...although, somewhere inside of me, I still want him to miss me, and to call me....In the pass, I would always nc on him when he pissed me off, and now I honestly think that he's just "use to it", and he "expects it"...he just waits it out.....the only difference now is that I refuse to call him back or answer his calls...So please tell me that my nc has not been in vain....Does nc work only if you want to completely end the relationship, or can it help to "open his eyes to what he's missing?"....I'm curious to know of the cases where nc actually "saved" the relationship.... Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hey Oyster, sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted them to, brother. Take this for what it's worth though - I have a feeling at some point she'll try to contact you again. I've read it so many times on here (you probably have too). Whether it's next week, next month, next year or 15 years from now, I can almost guarantee that you will hear from her again. Hopefully you will have moved on if a considerable amount of time has passed. Go out and get drunk. I'm not sure where you live, but I'd be happy to buy you a beer and trade a story or two. One thing to remember - give yourself time to heal. Don't kid yourself... you're going to need it. Don't be too quick to get involved with someone new. Spend time with your buddies, spend time by yourself, join a club that interests you... just keep yourself busy. But you will need time to mourn this relationship before you can move on. And if you need some support, we're all here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 MOMMIE: If you look up Old Europe's threads she gave alot of good advice...and she got her man... And keep ignoring him...it'll drive him nuts... Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 GEL, I'm going to check it out...I still have not completely figured out how to work this site....how embarrassing(i know) Do I just search through the post????.. And yes, I fully intend to keep dissing him....All's fair in love and war...and at this point, I do believe this is WAR!!! Thanks again.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Mommie: I think this it... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68968/ Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Yeah, that's it ... Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Good looking out...(I'm picking up my son's slang.. I appreciate it... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Your Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Oyster, are you all right? Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you.... I wish you the best and hope you are OK! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I guess this week outcome will be interesting. She initiated NC to think things clearly and what she wants. Now if she doesn't show sign of life, then I will self initiate NC just to keep myself in check and start moving on for good. She doesn't know this but she will find out when she calls me in 2-4 months. Should she call to permenantly end the affair, then it gives me closure. If she says that her marriage is done and will initiate seperation, do you think it is fair for me to keep dating other woman while the "divorce" is in progress? totally...i already have plans for saturday - i mean come on - 2 - 4 months i could have gone on a date tonite - i took the freaking day off because she asked me too then just stayed online - i even did the dinner thing tonite so saturday i already have a date lined up Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hate to say it, but obviously she still has feelings for him because if she didn't, she would walk away and know it was the right thing to do for her. Maybe she's just not willing to change her whole life. Did she see you online? Just wondering. She probably couldn't handle the pain of it. She should atleast have the balls to end it with you face to face. Atleast you'd be able to go on with some respect for her. Hang in there, oyster. thanks, you are right about her still having feeling for him and not willing to change her whole life. She said by meeting me, I turn her world upside down. She saw me online, I decided to unblock her because I thought it might block email on top of instant messaging. Dunno about the pain on her end. yup I am hanging in there. Still love this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hey Oyster, sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted them to, brother. Take this for what it's worth though - I have a feeling at some point she'll try to contact you again. I've read it so many times on here (you probably have too). Whether it's next week, next month, next year or 15 years from now, I can almost guarantee that you will hear from her again. Hopefully you will have moved on if a considerable amount of time has passed. Go out and get drunk. I'm not sure where you live, but I'd be happy to buy you a beer and trade a story or two. One thing to remember - give yourself time to heal. Don't kid yourself... you're going to need it. Don't be too quick to get involved with someone new. Spend time with your buddies, spend time by yourself, join a club that interests you... just keep yourself busy. But you will need time to mourn this relationship before you can move on. And if you need some support, we're all here for you. my mourning is pretty much done because 1-I opened my heart, my house, my welcome, my wallet, my time to her. I treated her real good as per her saying. Better than her husband. 2-I supported her emotional needs, physical need, gave her space, time, support. 3-Told her I would respect her decision whatever it was and told her to look after herself and what best is for her. So once you did everything possible on your part, if they walk away, I know it is not me at fault. I can start a new relationship knowing I was not a bad guy. What I do take away is to make sure my next girlfriend is AVAILABLE. (no hidding husband, boyfriend, kids, debts) I am in Toronto Ontario, just came back from the coffee shop and bar. I am keeping busy with yoga and spinning class. I have this ongoing bet with my buddies. By maintaining NC with open line of communication, she will show up on my door steps by June. (my house renovation should be done by March, so I will be living there soon). Why June?, Old habits will settle back in, she will miss me, and she hear wind of my new girlfriend (still interviewing for that position) Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 So please tell me that my nc has not been in vain....Does nc work only if you want to completely end the relationship, or can it help to "open his eyes to what he's missing?"....I'm curious to know of the cases where nc actually "saved" the relationship.... NC is not in vain is you set bounderies. When he calls, remind him you both agreed to NC and CLICK. (hang up on him). To end relationship, you tell it to their face. NC usually brings back Second chances. (I think) Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Oyster, are you all right? Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you.... I wish you the best and hope you are OK! thanks, I am ok. I think she is either lacking guts to tell me it is over or that she does not want it to be over. She wants to see without me in the decor if she can end it with him. Either way, I have to move on. No worries, I check this section and the forum in general. It will help me improve with my relationships Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Well, baby-doll I wish you many many in depth "interviews" and a front stoop filled with the anticipation of Spring! AS in someone who doesn't use the stoop to just "leave" or ring the bell just to make nice. Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 ORIGINALLY POSED BY: OYSTER NC is not in vain is you set bounderies. When he calls, remind him you both agreed to NC and CLICK. (hang up on him). To end relationship, you tell it to their face. NC usually brings back Second chances. (I think) __________________ ____________________________________ If she wanted to be with me, she would have been. But she's not. Time to MOVE ON. She has chosen her misery, rot in it without me. Oys, Just wanted to let you know that "he" never agreed to it....although he knows the reason why I feel I have to do it...I spoiled him so much and allowed him to get away with a lot of sh*t; when it started to make me hate myself, I said enough....so am I going at this the wrong way or should I just let him wonder??? I'm with you, if he wants to be with me, then he's gonna have to prove it...otherwise he can rot in his misery without me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Oyster.... Activate your PM.... Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hey FN, not to change the subject, but that is the cutest kitty I've ever seen! I've been meaning to say that. Ok, resume discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Thanks! He is a half bobcat kitty that I inherited from my daughter's teacher right before Christmas. He has a sister that is living with us, too. The kids and I love him! Such a beautiful creature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Oyster.... Activate your PM.... ok done, was not aware that we had this option, I guess I met the minimum post requirement to be "entitled" to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Oys, Just wanted to let you know that "he" never agreed to it....although he knows the reason why I feel I have to do it...I spoiled him so much and allowed him to get away with a lot of sh*t; when it started to make me hate myself, I said enough....so am I going at this the wrong way or should I just let him wonder??? I'm with you, if he wants to be with me, then he's gonna have to prove it...otherwise he can rot in his misery without me.... I think you should get everything off your chest, also men are lousy at the mind reading game. Just thought of this during my sleep, NC has the purpose also to remove yourself from all the internal battles at home (MM/MW with their spouse). For instance, I am pretty sure my exMW is still getting brainwash by her hubby. He is probably anticipaticing me crawling to her, calling her non stop, saying I am a stalker, blablabla. I see ex-MW on MSN regularly. I think it is to leave communication line open and also a trap for me. If I just say "hello", I am guilty of whatever her hubby is brainwashing her. So by having NC and finding another girlfriend, time will tell her, she lost the diamond she found and her hubby is a Loser and she wasted all her life and time with a Loser. Link to post Share on other sites
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