ssstrider Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 I Need some advice. My Girlfriend was pysically abused in a seven year marriage. It was so bad that he actually got two years in jail for what he did to her. She also lived with her great aunt who she thought was her mother till she died when my girlfriend was 11, then the family told her that this isnt your real mother and put her in foster homes. Well I didn't know this when I met her, it came out well after we were together. Our relationship was like a fairy tale, we got along perfectly, even after she told me I was very supportive and told her to do what ever she wanted, go to school or what ever makes her happy, she always seemed so happy and when i asked her she said she was happy. After about 5 months in our relationship she wanted to go back home to send some of her stuff out. I said sure and she was going for a week. During the week she e-mailed and called me every day to tell me she missed me, and I did the same. The last day she sent a e-mail saying she wasnt coming back because she missed her family. After about a week we started to talk on line, then eventually I was able to convince her to talk to me on the phone , after another week she decided to come back, but only for awhile. When she did come back with in hours she was back to her usual self, happy as can be at least as it seemed. she told me that the main reason is she was scared of some doctors tests she had to go through. then months went by and we bought a house and she seemed very happy. Till one day she sent a gift to her step dad (she made contact with mum when she was 20) they never called her or thanked her. I could tell she was upset with this. I told her to go visit and see why they acted the way they did. So she went what I thought was going to be for a week. She was there for no longer then a day and she called saying her family doesn't approve of our relationship. So she had to respect her family and that she broke down when she was there and she was going to go to a psychiatrist. I told her that I very much cared for her and wanted her back, but if this was what was going to ease her pain then I respect her decision. She called me and said she was coming to get her stuff. I said no problem. She came and after helping her pack, she hugged me and cried and said it is not our relationship, our relationship was great, and she very much cared for me. But she couldn't get rid of the pain inside. I told her I very much cared for her and this place would always be her home. She said she needed some therapy and git rid of the demons. I told her since I know you have no money, that I would pay for it, anything to make her happy. she resisted the help untill i insisted. Since then she has only called me once, I asked her if she missed me and she said yes. I know her parents are telling her to stay away from me, cause if I try and phone they just say she is not here very rudely. I am not sure what I should do, I have heard that abused women do what is called the yo you effect. and will keep running back to me, because i was a safe haven. However I do not want to keep going through this, but I also do not want to leave her cause she is ill, I care to much for her. We had such a perfect relationship. Please give me any advice at all Link to post Share on other sites
no_more_abuse Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Personally, I would give this girl the space she needs. It won't be easy, but she needs time to think. It's not your fault so don't be hard on yourself. If and when she is ready, she'll come back. Just don't get your hopes built up too much. Wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssstrider Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 I have given her space and not contacted her....i Made sure she took her christmas gifts though......I will be supportive as possible with whatever decision she makes....her health is most important Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Obviously she has something very wrong going inside her head, I mean her mother that abandoned her all her life told her she didn't "approve" of the relationship and she just dumps you...that's not right Maybe she deseperately craves the family that she never has, so she is letting everything else go and throwing herself at people that don't care about her... From the little that you said it might be that her "family" is abusing/controlling her, do you think that's possible? I'd say staying with them is hurting her, they obviously don't care about her and she's just trying to be close to them I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Support Her The Best U Can And Let Her Know That U Will Do Whatever She Needs. Give Her Space And Love And Unconditional Support. That's What I Would Do. And If Asked I Would Do More. Hang In There - Her Health Is The Priority Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssstrider Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 yes i think you are right....she never had a family...and she does think they do no wrong. and the mother was never a mother, so she is trying to be a mother to a 35 year old woman. As far as abuse....she gets confused very easily......and I think that is the issue. hopefully she is getting help now. But i worry about her....i hate to think she is in pain trying to please everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssstrider Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 Well its been 12 days since I last heard from her. I am hoping when she opens all the gifts I gave her, it will trigger some emotion. I have not at all tried to contantact her. Right now I am hoping she is continued with her therapy. I know her parents right now are in control of the situation, and it was said best by NOT MAKING SENSE thread, she is probably not healthy enough to resist them. The hardest thing is figureing out how long a person should wait. You read all kinds of posts that say anywhere from a few weeks to months. I am doing my own things ..keeping active. It is not so miuch the relationship I am concerned about, but her health is most important, and I am not sure her mum is the right person for this, While she was getting abused buy her husband her mother never had any thing to do with her. I know her mother likes her around because tammy does everything for her. However like I was told several times I cant control the situation, she will have to see it for her self. I really dont know her parents these are just a few things that tammy told me in the past. I jus dont undersatnd how a person who has been through so much, then comes into a relationship where she is so happy (at least as it seemed) would want to leave that. she had full control of her life here, I gave her all the options to go to school for anything she wanted, to just stay home and go get counciling if she wanted, if she wanted to work, i told her go for it, make sure its a job you enjoy. well im dwelling cant change the past....but maybe i can change my future Link to post Share on other sites
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