Should I be worried???

[millert1]

My girlfriend of one year is still in contact with her ex and it’s driving me crazy. The guy was with her for three years so I understand that it’s not unusual for them to remain friendly, but this guy treated her like, and I'm very uncomfortable with it.

 

She once told me that when she was separated from him in the past and dating someone else, he was always trying to hook back up with her, and even forcing her to kiss him on occasion when she was alone with him. This of course makes me very nervous.

 

She has recently added him as friend on Myspace, and Facebook, and they are constantly texting one another, and on top of that she has old pictures of them together in her room.

 

I know she isn’t cheating on me, and she’s very open about her relationship with him which gives me a little bit of comfort, I’m concerned, however, that something might happen between them one day, and I’m wondering if I have a right to be a little bothered by it or if I’m just overreacting. I can’t imagine what her reaction would be if I had pictures of my exgirlfriend hanging in my room, and kept in constant contact with her via texting, Myspace, Facebook, etc.

 

Your thoughts???

[Rooster_DAR]

She has recently added him as friend on Myspace, and Facebook, and they are constantly texting one another, and on top of that she has old pictures of them together in her room.

 

This is a huge red flag and is not acceptable in a commited relationship. What they are doing is engaging in an emotional connection that will drive old feelings and probably lead to bigger problems. You need to address this now, and if you choose to ignore don't say I didn't tell you so. Establish your boundaries and let her know that it's very uncomfortable for you that she is doing this. If she cares about you and your relationship, she will be able to compromise a solution. If she immediately becomes defensive, you know you are in trouble.

 

Good luck!

 

P.S. Text messaging is a major harbor for infidelity.

[IpAncA]

Great Advice!

 

If my H did what she is doing with his ex girlfriend, I would probably feel the same way as you do, maybe worse. I would talk to her about this and let her know how you feel. Don't let this one slide on by.

[millert1]

What do you mean by "establish your boundaries?" Should I ask her not to talk to him at all? I don't want her to think I'm a psyco boyfriend. Do I say Myspace is ok, but texting isn't? Or do I say that any contact at all is unacceptable? Please advise.

[silentalways]

no worries ok

 

we might as we do this the right ok

[Krytellan]

I agree with the others. You should consider what's happening as a prelude to cheating. If it continues, there is a good likelihood it will happen. So in dealing with this with your girlfriend, she may try to minimize what she is doing by saying "we're just friends" or "you can't tell me who to talk to". However, you're no moron, and simply need to be firm that although she is partially correct, you have every right to demand this as a committed partner and she has the right to refuse. If she refuses and you stay with her, though, you have lost all credibility in your relationship.

 

Make sense? This is bad... expect better from your gf.

[Sal Paradise]

What do you mean by "establish your boundaries?" Should I ask her not to talk to him at all? I don't want her to think I'm a psyco boyfriend. Do I say Myspace is ok, but texting isn't? Or do I say that any contact at all is unacceptable? Please advise.

 

 

It's not being psycho to expect someone you're in a committed relationship with not to be involved in a close friendship with someone who wants to screw her and whom she used to be in a serious relationship with. On top of that the guy has a history of trying to hook up with her despite her being involved with other guys. She cheated on those guys when she kissed him. There is no way in hell I would stay with her as long as she continues this "friendship". Thats not being psycho, possessive or jealous. Its completely normal. If she is unwilling to break contact with this guy then you should find someone else because she is likely to cheat on you with him.

 

You might be better off just ending it now. Personally I won't get seriously involved with someone who remains friends with exes or people they've slept with. Perhaps you should do the same in the future.

[millert1]

I agree with the others. You should consider what's happening as a prelude to cheating. If it continues, there is a good likelihood it will happen. So in dealing with this with your girlfriend, she may try to minimize what she is doing by saying "we're just friends" or "you can't tell me who to talk to". However, you're no moron, and simply need to be firm that although she is partially correct, you have every right to demand this as a committed partner and she has the right to refuse. If she refuses and you stay with her, though, you have lost all credibility in your relationship.

 

Make sense? This is bad... expect better from your gf.

Again, what should my expectations be from her?

[silentalways]

i really don;t knwo anyone

 

and no one ever wants t\ol

 

talk

 

so i think i stop coming here

 

boring

[IpAncA]

You know if he is truly and ex, then thats the way it should remain. There shouldn't be pictures of them in her room, or them talking through e-mails, message boards or God knows what else. She is doing the things that she should be doing with YOU. She's with you right?

 

If you are in a commited relationship, then ex's remain ex's. Plan and simple.

[Krytellan]

Again, what should my expectations be from her?

 

It's not about "should" but reality... what ARE your expectations? It sounds to me like an expectation you have is that she does not maintain such a close personal friendship with an ex. That's your expectation, state it as such.

 

Look, we talk a lot about what is fair and what we should expect out of others. You know, as a sensitive male myself, I have to worry about more than fair or just, I have to worry about myself too. As such, if you can't handle this relationship she has with her ex, you need to acknowledge that. Screw fair. This is what you NEED. If she can't give that to you, you have every right to walk away... fair or not fair, that doesn't matter. You have every right to care about yourself and acknowledge what you can and cannot handle.

 

Relationships aren't had so that we can strive to be fair to someone else.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with such disrespectful behavior from you? She is disrespecting you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will?