I'm Pushing Her Away

[garvis]

I've been dealing with some depression lately. I realize that I have a low self esteem. Boo hoo, right?

 

When I feel this way I desire my wife's love and affection more than anything. But I don't want to ask for it, I just want it to be. Of course this isn't logical. I try to talk about everything that bothers me, but I'm actually pushing my wife a way more. She tells me that she feels like she can't say anything right, that she cannot say anything to make me feel better and that she feels like she's walking on eggshells around me. This is totally opposite of what I want. But the more I act this way, the further I push her away. I don't know what to say in response. I don't know what to do to get what I desire. I can give her some space, I suppose. But that would make me feel even more lonely.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[norajane]

If you want affection, start treating her with affection. Do nice things for her and with her. Take her out to dinner. Get tickets to a Christmas show. Go Christmas shopping together. Walk or drive around looking at the lights. Hold her hand. Give her a day at the spa. Make a special dinner at home, and make sure you pick up a rose. Tell her how beautiful she looks.

 

Stop focusing so much on worrying about and talking about your problems, and go have a little fun with your wife. Bring a little fresh air into your lives.

[Wantingtogetitright]

if you need a hug, go hug her. If she asks why the hug just say cos you felt like it. I have days where I feel a little low or un pretty or having a fat day or a bad hair day etc etc we all have them regardless of medical conditions. If I need a hug I will just go and grab him sometimes he says you feeling extra sooky today babe and I say yeah having a fat day or whatever and he will know I need a little more attention than normal. If I don't tell him, how will he know.

 

If you don't tell her how will she know.

[jmargel]

I've been dealing with some depression lately. I realize that I have a low self esteem. Boo hoo, right?

 

When I feel this way I desire my wife's love and affection more than anything. But I don't want to ask for it, I just want it to be. Of course this isn't logical. I try to talk about everything that bothers me, but I'm actually pushing my wife a way more. She tells me that she feels like she can't say anything right, that she cannot say anything to make me feel better and that she feels like she's walking on eggshells around me. This is totally opposite of what I want. But the more I act this way, the further I push her away. I don't know what to say in response. I don't know what to do to get what I desire. I can give her some space, I suppose. But that would make me feel even more lonely.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Has she done anything for you to feel this way? If not, I would think individual counseling might help.

 

As the space thing goes, that's someting you must give her. Think of it as a gift you are giving to her. If you keep smothering her, when will she get the chance to come to you and show you affection?

 

If you feel 'lonely' in your marriage, good chance the communicate between you two is lacking quite a bit. There are ways to fix this with marriage counseling.