He's as cold as ice

[anna13]

wow , my teen is at work ( relief) my toddler is asleep ... this is the first alone time i have had . not fun . i guess i have been keep pn moving so that i didnt have to stop and think . . everything is for my own mental survival I guess. I didnt want to deal with my teenager if possible because all he does is make my toddler unhappy , and me stressed out. so i am always out , then i also dont have to think about how lonely i really am . sitting here without my talking toddler and my annoying teen... i mean it isnt fun . just really reallly lonely . forces me to think and think and think about how unhappy i am . when my H is around I feel ok , balanced when we get along , but right now it is just empty and lonely. my toddler is really the only one that keeps me sane . this quiet time is not good for me . i am glad my teen is at work, when my teen is around ,my life just isnt my life anymore. it is his , his to anger his to unnerve.. I am just tired I guess.. . here is my weak moment . . oh .. my toddler just woke up , got to go .

[anna13]

ok i feel better... my teen came home and was nice to me ... made me feel a little better but i am sure it is temporary , but I'll enjoy it for now. i didnt mention earlier my H wants to meet tomoro , he said he has something for me .. i wonder what it is i didnt expect anything , i got choked up when he said he got me something. but he didnt know i did. I dont care what he got me really , as long as it comes from his heart. we shall see... hopefully it isnt a bad surprise (joke) .. I know not funny, i still feel sad inside but I seemed to have gotten a grip from earlier. good thing.

[anna13]

well this is the second weekend he has stayed over.. things are going really well, so far , i am a bit surprised, just worried that it is a matter of time before things go heywire around here. my teen seems fine with my H being here but deep inside i know my teen is not thrilled because now he cant get away with as much .

 

I guess my teen will always try to sabotage this because without my H here , my teen pretty much does what he wants to ( pick on my toddler alot ect ~) ... my H and I are getting along well , it is taking effort on my part because i am bitter about the past and rightfully so , but I am trying to leave it in the past. I can see my H is actually making a great effort in his behavior as well . I dont know if that is a good thing that we both are making so much effort , maybe after time it will feel more natural for me . But i am happy the way things are going right now .

I surely dont want to jinx this. my toddler is thrilled that daddy is around . I am not quite sure if it is a good or bad thing there because if things do fall apart like i fear , then he will be much hurt . so far so good but i am watching . my teen is showing resistance because i am sure he loves life without "father" in the house , but i can see that my H is showing patience with my teen and hopefully things will continue to go well . hopefully . but I have this feeling that soon my teen will create some issue.

my teen doesnt want my H around , but when my h buys something for him it is fine , but if my teen wants to irritate my toddler and my H tells him to chill , he gets angry and tells me in another room that he wants my H to leave. i always get harrased by my teen like this.. it really is hard. but i am hanging in there. thanks everyone for reading . I am sure I will be back soon , i just hope it isnt too much of bad news when i am.

[ilmw]

well this is the second weekend he has stayed over.. things are going really well, so far , i am a bit surprised, just worried that it is a matter of time before things go heywire around here. my teen seems fine with my H being here but deep inside i know my teen is not thrilled because now he cant get away with as much .

 

I guess my teen will always try to sabotage this because without my H here , my teen pretty much does what he wants to ( pick on my toddler alot ect ~) ... my H and I are getting along well , it is taking effort on my part because i am bitter about the past and rightfully so , but I am trying to leave it in the past. I can see my H is actually making a great effort in his behavior as well . I dont know if that is a good thing that we both are making so much effort , maybe after time it will feel more natural for me . But i am happy the way things are going right now .

I surely dont want to jinx this. my toddler is thrilled that daddy is around . I am not quite sure if it is a good or bad thing there because if things do fall apart like i fear , then he will be much hurt . so far so good but i am watching . my teen is showing resistance because i am sure he loves life without "father" in the house , but i can see that my H is showing patience with my teen and hopefully things will continue to go well . hopefully . but I have this feeling that soon my teen will create some issue.

my teen doesnt want my H around , but when my h buys something for him it is fine , but if my teen wants to irritate my toddler and my H tells him to chill , he gets angry and tells me in another room that he wants my H to leave. i always get harrased by my teen like this.. it really is hard. but i am hanging in there. thanks everyone for reading . I am sure I will be back soon , i just hope it isnt too much of bad news when i am.

 

I hear you,

 

I understand what you are saying. I know my step son loves me... but I also know... he does the same things your teen is doing. Miserable... mouthy... disrespectful... picks on his brother...etc.. also... I know... he must think about... if I and DW did get back together.... he would lose allot of his..."freedom" Would not get away with some of the stuff he is getting away with... (allot of what he per sieves... is based on how things were.. nearly a year ago...)

 

I have seen some of this behaviour... and have been told some of it by DW... and also from some of her family members..Uncle, Father, and her Mom.

 

If you want your marriage to work... and you think there is a good chance things will improve... for everyone... put up with your teen... and work on the marriage... If you guys fix this... it will benefit your teen more in the end.. Happy home and all that good stuff.

 

Well that is how I see it.

 

BTW... many years ago... when I was around 10-11 years old.. my mother and father attempted to reconcile... we all went on a camping trip. I remember resenting my own father.. who had pretty much been out of the picture for some time.. shows up and starts bosing us around...

 

That did not go down well with us (Older Bro and I) we did not mouth off as we knew Dad was a hands on kind of guy...

 

Mom and dad did not infact reconcile.. as he had not changed one bit. (My mother told me this many years after the fact)

 

Just thought I would add this... to ... well ... confirm what I think what your teen and my S/son are thinking and going through. Teens are very self absorbed and can be very selfish.... I know I was at that age...

 

All I do... is I am loving and nice... and leave the door open... and constantly tell him I love and miss him... That is all I can do. It is like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes ... but what else can we do???

 

Its hard... I know.

 

ilmw

[anna13]

if I and DW did get back together.... he would lose allot of his..."freedom" Would not get away with some of the stuff he is getting away with... (allot of what he per sieves... is based on how things were.. nearly a year ago...)

yes exactly , i know what it is like to be a stubborn teenager as well, that is what i am concerned about , I remember that my point of view could not be budged , alot of it not even today . i fear that my teen will think bad thoughts about things forever.

If you want your marriage to work... and you think there is a good chance things will improve... for everyone... put up with your teen... and work on the marriage... If you guys fix this... it will benefit your teen more in the end.. Happy home and all that good stuff.

 

for the first time in a long time I feel there may be a real chance , the teen is a hard thing for me because like you said it can be like banging your head against a brick wall. My H has put alot of effort into tolerating my teens obnoxious behavior. I can see it since I have been observing my H . but I wonder what will be the breaking point . I hope there isnt one , but I can only speak for myself. my teen says he is "all good" with my H moving back in .. but then he will ask when my H is going back to his place. . or when is the date he is moving back in , like it is doomsday or something. It really bothers me. I have talked to him and told him we are all trying to move forward here. everything will be ok . then he just makes faces and rolls around on his bed " probobly because it annoys me soo when he does that. then the next day he says he's "cool" with it , and he goes back and forth . I am so stressed out , sometimes my feeling are all over , I feel like I dont trust my teen and I dont trust my H .. not a good place to be .. then somedays i feel like it is just my anxiety ruling my brain . I really am having a hard time . but in the end I want my mariage to work and i want my teen to be happy with me . I wonder though can I have it all ? probobly not.

 

Your words have made me feel like I am not alone with dealing with the situation i am in . I guess it would be foolish of me to think that i was alone . i guess i will continue to try to reasure my teen . I just cant see saying , ok , my teen hates this situation so i am divorsing to make my teen happy . I dont think so . It is my choice , not my teen's. but my teen surely does have a negative effect on my general feelings.

 

It is like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes ... but what else can we do???

your exactly right about that one. I just hope that my teen will not go crazy when my H moves back in .. the other night when my H came un announced ( meaning I couldnt reach my teen to let him know my H was coming over ) my teen and a reaction and said to me ," I don't want him here , I just wanted to relax... I wasnt mentally prepaired for him to be here..." makes me wonder ,

 

when my H is around is my teen just pretending to get along with us ..? it makes me angry to think this way but the little things he says makes me believe this. my H bought him a skateborad that night ( before he came over) and when my teen found out how much it was he told me that he felt bad for acting out since my H bought him something nice... I dont know . . sorry for babbling .. but it is getting into my head .

 

too much anxiety . you figure my marriage almost seems like it is saved but then there is the "teen" factor ... and i feel complete and utter anxiety everytime that they are together. I wonder if there will be an argument between them that day , i wonder if my teen will pull me over to the side to drop another bomb on me ... my days should be filled with enthusiasm but instead it is constant Stress. I wonder how long it will be this way for me . everytime my teen comes home my heartrate goes up , and my hands shake. even if my H is not even here. my teen just gives me alot of anxiety because i feel like my marriage survival depends on how he chooses to behave or act like. it is horrible.

 

thanks ILMW , your words have helped at least ease my mind that I am not alone with this kind of circumstance and also to let me know that most teens to react this way .

[Lor]

Maybe you need to look at his reactions in a different way. This is the kid that your H hasn't been a total complete father figure to thru some of this. I remember from your first posts that your H would take the little one but didn't want to see your teen, or at least not as much. He pretty much let your teen know thru his actions that he was not his father and never was, that he was a step-father.

 

Now you and the H are getting chummy again. And you are taking your H's side in his attitude towards your teen ~ he's obnoxious, he gets on your nerves, you can't deal with him...etc, etc. Guess what, before too long you'll have pushed your son out of the picture and then it won't matter anyway cuz he'll be grown and gone. Is that what you want? Your son has been hurt thru all this. the guy he thought was his Dad up and left, causing you to cry for hours on end, giving you enormous stress, making your little one cry and act out, not wanting to see him, choosing his natural son over his step-son. And now all of sudden everything is supposed to be rosy and wonderful cuz he's coming back around? He's supposed to forgive and forget just cuz you are? Sorry but I'm siding with your boy on this one. He's a teen ~ he doesn't handle things like this very well. He's having a lot of issues with this ~ now all of a sudden H is buying him stuff, too ~ just for him ~ and for no real reason. He may be looking at it as a bribe, then feeling guilty for feeling that way. He may want to trust him but can't because he's been hurt thru this too, not just you.

 

On top of that, he doesn't know if this guy is gonna stick around or if he's gonna run off again. Just because you are trying to accept him back in your life and to make this work, don't expect your teen to be able to handle this the same way, or as "easily". Your H hurt him, hurt you, hurt his brother. He acting out by the stuff he does. Cut the kid some slack, learn to ignore the comments and to try and work with him instead of against him.

 

I know it will be hard ~ for everyone. You need to hear and respect what he's saying ~ how he has to "mentally prepare" to your H.

 

I had to take a class before my divorce would be final ~ on how kids cope with divorce ~ and it gave amazing insight. I think you need to read up on how they react. Just cuz he's old enough to drive doesn't mean he's mature enough to handle this.

[Very_Confused]

Maybe you need to look at his reactions in a different way. This is the kid that your H hasn't been a total complete father figure to thru some of this. I remember from your first posts that your H would take the little one but didn't want to see your teen, or at least not as much. He pretty much let your teen know thru his actions that he was not his father and never was, that he was a step-father.

 

Now you and the H are getting chummy again. And you are taking your H's side in his attitude towards your teen ~ he's obnoxious, he gets on your nerves, you can't deal with him...etc, etc. Guess what, before too long you'll have pushed your son out of the picture and then it won't matter anyway cuz he'll be grown and gone. Is that what you want? Your son has been hurt thru all this. the guy he thought was his Dad up and left, causing you to cry for hours on end, giving you enormous stress, making your little one cry and act out, not wanting to see him, choosing his natural son over his step-son. And now all of sudden everything is supposed to be rosy and wonderful cuz he's coming back around? He's supposed to forgive and forget just cuz you are? Sorry but I'm siding with your boy on this one. He's a teen ~ he doesn't handle things like this very well. He's having a lot of issues with this ~ now all of a sudden H is buying him stuff, too ~ just for him ~ and for no real reason. He may be looking at it as a bribe, then feeling guilty for feeling that way. He may want to trust him but can't because he's been hurt thru this too, not just you.

 

On top of that, he doesn't know if this guy is gonna stick around or if he's gonna run off again. Just because you are trying to accept him back in your life and to make this work, don't expect your teen to be able to handle this the same way, or as "easily". Your H hurt him, hurt you, hurt his brother. He acting out by the stuff he does. Cut the kid some slack, learn to ignore the comments and to try and work with him instead of against him.

 

I know it will be hard ~ for everyone. You need to hear and respect what he's saying ~ how he has to "mentally prepare" to your H.

 

I had to take a class before my divorce would be final ~ on how kids cope with divorce ~ and it gave amazing insight. I think you need to read up on how they react. Just cuz he's old enough to drive doesn't mean he's mature enough to handle this.

 

Wonderful post Lor. I wish it had been around early in my marriage. My husband and I have the his/mine/ours situation. Although his 2 daughters and I have had our rough moments we've never had the problems that my husband has had with my oldest son. They lived with their mother and visited us. My husband's relationship with my daughter has always been very good. She was only 7 when we got married and they had time to bond before she hit those dreaded teenage years. And of course his relationship with our son together has always been good.

 

However, my son was 13 when we married and they have clashed almost since day one. I was left in the middle, expected to choose sides. My husband made it clear, through both words and actions, that he was my son's step-father and not his father. That was sad and difficult for my son because his own father had never made much of an effort to be a part of his life. And here was this man who could be but didn't want to be. He saw how my husband acted with my daughter and our son together and compared that to how he acted towards him. He was resentful, disrespectful, rebellious to a certain extent and they argued constantly. It hurt him and he reacted the only way he knew how at that age.

 

Once, when my son was around 18 I guess, it became physical. My husband had developed a habit of plucking my son's ear to get his attention. Never in front of me, of course. Well my son, by then almost 6ft tall and towering over my husband by a couple of inches, decided he'd had enough of that. He stood up as my husband was walking away and pushed him and told him not to ever touch him again. I heard them from the kitchen and ran in there just as my husband swung around and raised his hand. I had to get in between the two of them and push them apart or else it probably would have gone further. They were both wrong. Luckily, nothing physical ever happened again but neither one of them ever forgot it. Their relationship caused stress for everyone in the household.

 

My son, who is 21 now, lives on his own and makes a point of not visiting when my husband will be at home. So, unless his work schedule allows him to come by during weekdays that means my daughter, younger son and I rarely get to see him ourselves. And that breaks my heart.

 

Don't let it get to that point in your situation anna13. They need to mend their relationship too. Maybe family counseling would be a good idea before you allow your husband to move back home. If your teen is uncomfortable or resents your husband now, and those feelings of his aren't addressed, it will only cause more problems for your family in the long run.

[Lor]

I'm sorry to hear you're relationship with your son has turned out like that. Its not always the SO's fault that a stepparent/child relationship turns sour, but I could never believe that its also completely the child's.

 

My oldest son was 16 when my ex and I separated ~ and he had to talk to counsellors at school to help him deal with it. He was there for me ~ I didn't have the backtalk or obnoxiousness with him ~ too much. He doesn't care much for my ex but won't talk bad about him in front of the two little ones. He lost a lot of respect for him and that was very hard for him to deal with.

 

My 8 yr old is another story ~ only now am I being able to deal with him better. His grades plummetted, his attitude was awful, his behaviour horrid. We had him talk to the counsellors at school, we talked to him, worked with him but he wasn't able to deal with it all very well at all. Each child reacts differently.

 

Anna, your teen is handling this like my 8 year old. In that children coping with divorce class I had, his behavior was ranked in with the 4 to 5 year olds. There is no real set age group for behavior and attitude. Your oldest has been trying to deal with this, but not very constructively.

 

Have you tried to talk to him about what he feels? I know, teen and talk don't always work very well. But maybe if you let him know that you respect his feelings in all this, that you'll try and work with him on what he wants too, his attitude might lighten up a little. Right now, from what you've wrote, I get the impression that he's thinking his feelings don't matter. You're going to argue and say I'm wrong but you need to step back and look at it from his viewpoint. Every action you describe sounds like a lost, confused and hurting kid to me.

[anna13]

My oldest son was 16 when my ex and I separated ~ and he had to talk to counsellors at school to help him deal with it. He was there for me ~ I didn't have the backtalk or obnoxiousness with him ~ too much. He doesn't care much for my ex but won't talk bad about him in front of the two little ones. He lost a lot of respect for him and that was very hard for him to deal with.

lucky you

 

My 8 yr old is another story ~ only now am I being able to deal with him better. His grades plummetted, his attitude was awful, his behaviour horrid. We had him talk to the counsellors at school, we talked to him, worked with him but he wasn't able to deal with it all very well at all. Each child reacts differently.

 

that is true all kids are different , my teens grades are good still thank goodness.

 

hi lor ,

yes , i tell my teen I understand how he feels , my mother had a boyfriend 20 years her junior living with us when i was a teen . that was hard, he didnt raise me , but yet he was there , bu tunlike my teens situation where he has a step father raise him all these years since he was like 1-2 yers old, my situation was where this guy I didnt harldly know would tell my mother to throw me out and that i was old enought to take care of myself ect. I would never take sides with a man over my kids. my teen is really arrogant , I am not just saying that cause I am angry at him ( which I am not at the moment) but that is the way he is . my H and my teen have done things together throughout, and my H has always bought him things . always put him in activitiees such as martial arts and hiking ect. but my H is the step father , that is a fact.

 

My teen is a teen , he acts up. doesnt like it when things dont go his way . totally normal. and I dont expect him to be all smiles about this situation, but I will not say " ok honey , I will divorse my H because You dont want him here". to me , my H is making an effort , and I told my teen that no one is perfect and we have to try to move forward.

 

my H did do damage to our family , no doubt about it . I am not siding with my H , he has really let this family down. but I am not letting my moody teenager determine if this family stays together or not.

my mothers boyfriend was obnoxious , use to go into my room and steal my money out of my room . my mother never listened or believed me . so I can say I am not like that , I f my h was treating my son badly , then that would be different.

 

Step families are trikier. but it can work. part of the problem in my marriage was that I expected my H to be his father. but what I shouldhave expected was for him to just be a father figure. If I married a man who had a child , i wouldnt want to be forced to be his mother. maybe a role model , maybe a motherly figure, but step families like i said are different.

 

No , it isnt easy for anyone in this situation , not easy for my teen , my toddler , my H and not easy for me . but that is life, just got to try to move forward.

[anna13]

also , my H has moved back in . so far so good. we have alot of challenges ahead but one day at a time. I am going to give this my best shot, my H seems to want to as well now. but time will tell .

I am going to give this a shot because if it doesnt work out at least i will know that we gave it all we had. and if that is not enough then it was meant to end. I will be ok with that .

I have regrets in my life , and I dont want another one . If i didnt give it a shot I would always think to myself , what if I tried this or that , what if what if what if ... dont want that.

 

so this is now a reality , he is here, hope things work out. we shall see.

[Lor]

I really hope it works for all of you, Anna. I would offer advice but what I did didn't work so don't know if that would be a good idea or not. Only thing I would say is be yourself and no one else and always think twice before you say anything.

 

You can tell your teen you know how he feels but your his Mom so you don't and can't. If his friends were to tell him word for word the same thing you say to him, they would understand but you would still be clueless.

 

I'm not saying your H is abusive or an utter failure as a step-parent, I'm stating that it seems that your son is having a hard time dealing with this. My ex took my teen to taikwondo and school stuff ~ but ~ he never spent any time with him, never talked to him. He would tell me that he didn't have anything in common with him....uhm, it is supposed to be the other way around. Just because he's been there since your teen was 1-2 years old, doesn't mean that they meshed.

 

If your H didn't expect to be a father to your son, then he shouldn't have married you in the first place. To me, when you marry a person who has children, you are marrying all of them and taking them all on as your family ~ its a package deal. You had every right to expect him to be a father and not just a father figure. Especially since your son was so young when you two married. Myself, I would never consider getting into a relationship with someone again who didn't accept my children as a part of the deal, and who genuinely wanted to be with them, not just lip service.

 

Your son should not be a deciding factor in if you and your H work things out, nor should you have to divorce H to make your teen happy. You said your Mom wouldn't listen to you, is it possible that you are not listening to your teen ~ I mean listening with more than just your ears? He sounds angry at what your H did to his family and even though you seem to be able to move on, he's not able to let it go quite so easy. Your H doesn't have to prove only to you that he's changed but to your teen as well ~ and he's probably gonna have to work twice as hard with him.

 

My teen adjusted and was helpful. But ~ if my ex and I had managed to work it out, it would have taken him a long time to forgive and to let it go. A lot longer than it would have taken me. Matter of fact, he's still bitter over a lot of it and lost a tremendous amount of respect for my ex, something he won't ever get back. Just as you wouldn't divorce your H for your son, don't expect him to welcome H back just because you did.

[Lor]

you figure my marriage almost seems like it is saved but then there is the "teen" factor ... and i feel complete and utter anxiety everytime that they are together. I wonder if there will be an argument between them that day , i wonder if my teen will pull me over to the side to drop another bomb on me ... my days should be filled with enthusiasm but instead it is constant Stress. I wonder how long it will be this way for me . everytime my teen comes home my heartrate goes up , and my hands shake. even if my H is not even here. my teen just gives me alot of anxiety because i feel like my marriage survival depends on how he chooses to behave or act like. it is horrible.

 

I re-read some of these posts... Are you afraid that if your son and H get into it that your H will walk back out the door again? You can't live like that, if you are. You have to have enough confidence in yourself and in your relationship to say that you are both giving it 150%, regardless of any fights you may have, and crisis that comes up, that you can make it thru anything. Otherwise, what's the point in trying?

[anna13]

Hi everyone ,

just read your post Lor , yes I think in a way i am afraid that my husband fighting with my son , will make him want to leave again . I always have that in my mind , will he just walk out on me again if things get tough ? I dont share with my husband that I think this way , but i do it is always in my head. but I know if he did walk out on me again that would be it , it is over. I would be hurting alot but it would have to be over right . cant let someone make me feel like that over and over again .

I am trying i guess cause i feel like if I dont i will always wonder if it could have worked out .It is one of those , i have to know for sure.

 

well , my teenager has been making me insane but my husband and him seem to be getting along well , going out together without me . my toddler is really happy , and even my teen seems more balanced. as for me , I wouldnt say i was super happy , with all the thoughts of the past in my head. but i have dealt with it myself. everything has been going well untill tonight . this is what happened. . oh and ps ~ i pasted this from my personal BLOG diary ....

 

I am very annoyed right now , my husband just left with my teen I guess it is a good thing .. since I really dislike them both at this point . my husband was being really nice to me the past few days and then BOOM .. there he is again , the crazy jerk ! .. .let me tell you what happened.. we ( hubby, toddler and I ) were at the arcade havign agood time , then we went home , everything was good conversation . I was happy because i just bought myself a painted horse.. ( those are collectables I have been wanting to collect and I got my first one ) ... all of a sudden we were turning into the road toward our place, then this stupid old lady is not in a lane she looks like she is driving toward a tree. i tell my husband watch out for her ... then he sees her , looses his head and decides to make a point to the other driver by swirving toward the other driver ! what an idiot and then he is shocked when her car hits ours? what an idiot he is ! then ... i was like did you just hit her car!? .. then he got mad at me ... he said NO ! she hit our car ... next thing you know he is pulling over .. this old lady who he didnt know was an old lady untill she drove by ~ she kept going , she must have been senile because she just drove along cluelessly and kept going . I am thinking my husband is an idiot. .. so ok , then I tell him dont get mad at her , she is senile you should just follow her and call the cops... then he gets really angry and tells me that he hates it when i tell him how to act , and that he might just take out his anger on me ???( dont know what he means really ) since he cant take it out on that driver ... you see ..... this is why I cant stand my husband sometimes, cause he flips out , . I bet you he just feels like an idiot because he got our car hit . or i should say my car hit . stupid dumb-a** ! .. I then tried to be nice to him and tell him I love him just to put things back to how happy we were before that little car incedent !~ oh no~ he acts Like I did something wrong , then as he left with my teen he says ~ lets get the hell out of here. like i said , sometimes i wonder , is he goin to leave me again now? because of this little incedent . well I tell you what ~ if he leaves me again for any reason especially something so stupid and miniscule ! ~ . it is really going to be over . no matter how hurt i am, no matter how sad , i will not take him back or think of getting back with him . that will be it . he already left us once because he was too "stressed out ". I just feel if that happened , then I would feel the worse for my toddler ! I really hate my husband when he makes me feel like this. I guess he will be mad at me the rest of the night. i got my painted horse , what i have been wanting for a long , long time . thanks hubby ~ for tarnishing the memory of my first horse , just like you do everything else. JERK!

[anna13]

well , things have cooled off since the last entry , reconciliation is tough! he has been really nice to me again , sooo moody he is . I am still angry about that night and so is he , but i think we both realize that we both are letting go of the anger. surely dont want to get into a revolving door of arguing like we did before the seperation . I meant what I said though , if he leaves me again that has got to be it . just like one of you said a long while ago ~ just cant control how the other person feels or thinks . you can only control how you feel and think . I am putting my best foot forward with this marriage and I hope that our marriage can stand . I notice even with the incedent the other night , he seems to be restraining himself from continuing the argument . I think we both learned when to just stop . the kids benefit from that because they dont hear us arguing like before. I give him his space and concentrate on building my own life instead of revolving around his . i was sooo angry the other night and I still feel i had every reason too be . but if that had happened before the seperation , I think we would have been fighting for days about the same thing . so i can see the improvement here. but I hope that it is enough .

my teen and my h are getting along surprisingly well so far ( knock on wood) . i guess time will tell . it isnt easy that is for sure. oh and i got another painted horse , I have to remember that my collections ect are not related to him , it is my thing . so I am not going to stigmatize my collectables over things like that anymore. lol. my teen is making me crazy again , but what s new, I just stay calm and just handle him myself for he is my child. i have to try to stay clam because my blood pressure is sky rocketing ( no joke ) I can feel it and I am on blood pressure meds to keep it down but it doesnt help when i am stressed. so for now I have to tell myself ~ wax on, wax off , breath in , breath out .