Tender_Heart Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year and our relationship was as strong as anything. Until last two months ago. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, he emailed a girl whom he ended up falling in love with. Even though they'd never met (she lived in another country, he was lonely) he built his life around their email relationship. He had no interest in any other women except in her, and she wasn't exactly "real." He wasn't even interested in me. Anyway, when she suddenly stopped writing, he was devasted. Once his heart healed, he began dating me. This girl recently came back into his life. At long last they met for coffee, knowing that it was under platonic terms-- he made his relationship with me clear to her-- and they have continued to meet for coffee, once a week, for five weeks. They email eachother every day and tell eachother everything. That was intimidating enough. Then I saw what she looked like and she was stunningly beautiful, a blonde bombshell who pretty much worships the ground that my boyfriend walks on. He can do nothing wrong in her eyes and she accepts EVERYTHING about him, good, bad, everything. In other words, she's my worst nightmare in terms of competition. What should I do? To tell him to stop writing/meeting her for coffee would only make him resent me. They haven't done anything wrong and they obviously have a special connection as friends. I'm scared that he will leave me. Are there any signs that I should look for? I know that they aren't intimate because he doesn't have a car (I do) and she lives in another town. So far, its only been coffee. So far. Am I being paranoid or could this develop into something more? Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Am I being paranoid or could this develop into something more? TH...do you want the honest response or the sugar-coated response? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 TH...do you want the honest response or the sugar-coated response? I didn't expect this kind of response from someone who claims to lack self-confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tender_Heart Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 Be brutally honest. I want to be prepared for the worst. I know it seems logical (she's perfect, I get it already) but my boyfriend and I have lived together for a year and he's an extremely sensitive guy. Would he throw it all away for someone he barely knows and who has burned him in the past? Be honest. I can take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year and our relationship was as strong as anything. Until last two months ago. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, he emailed a girl whom he ended up falling in love with. Even though they'd never met (she lived in another country, he was lonely) he built his life around their email relationship. He had no interest in any other women except in her, and she wasn't exactly "real." He wasn't even interested in me. Anyway, when she suddenly stopped writing, he was devasted. Once his heart healed, he began dating me. This girl recently came back into his life. At long last they met for coffee, knowing that it was under platonic terms-- he made his relationship with me clear to her-- and they have continued to meet for coffee, once a week, for five weeks. They email eachother every day and tell eachother everything. That was intimidating enough. Then I saw what she looked like and she was stunningly beautiful, a blonde bombshell who pretty much worships the ground that my boyfriend walks on. He can do nothing wrong in her eyes and she accepts EVERYTHING about him, good, bad, everything. In other words, she's my worst nightmare in terms of competition. What should I do? To tell him to stop writing/meeting her for coffee would only make him resent me. They haven't done anything wrong and they obviously have a special connection as friends. I'm scared that he will leave me. Are there any signs that I should look for? I know that they aren't intimate because he doesn't have a car (I do) and she lives in another town. So far, its only been coffee. So far. Am I being paranoid or could this develop into something more? Chances are is that he is looking to or already has had some sort of sexual relations with this girl. You could try and talk to him about it, but chances are he will refuse to stop seeing her. He is having his cake and eating it too by seeing the both of you. I suggest you leave him and meet a guy who will only want to get involved with one woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 i agree with mr.riddler Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 RE: There is no easy exit route. As much as you love your boyfriend, you have to be strong and sit tight for the next little while. The relationship is at a major crossroad right now. It is due or die. You need to think logically, and deeply about all this. First of all, their friendship started on the wrong foot -sour note, better said. This doesn't mean it might vanish in the next few months. No one knows. But what I do see, is that their friendship will surely escalate in the near future. Not only that, but his curiosity will get the best of him and he'll yearn for exploration with this, beautiful blonde. You can't do anything, as of right now. As a long term girlfriend, you should just stay positive and confident about your relationship with your boyfriend. IF you break the silence with him, it will get messy. You'll be the psycho girlfriend who, apparently, doesn't care about her boyfriend's friend(s). Continue to keep track of his relations with this woman. The moment he crosses the line, call him on it. As of this moment, she is just a friend [although, meeting her for coffee really did push the envelope]. Oh, and don't ever think she's better than you. Blonde doesn't equal perfection/class/"every-man's-dream-girl". You, actually, have him as your boyfriend. Think about it. Something to keep in mind. Cheers, Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Has he showed you his emails with this girl? If not, get him to do it so you can gauge the intimacy. It sounds like you might have seen them but I can't tell for certain. Keep in mind that he needs to be willing to share them with you. In all honesty, I think you have a problem on your hands. I hope you're both communicating clearly about your feelings. I would strongly suggest you tell him how unhappy you are about the situation, in an assertive manner. He should know that you're not pleased, so he needs to correct the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 This is a tough one. I don't think it's time to go running for the door nor is it time to make accusations. There needs to be perfect communication and honesty between the two of you and all done with a level head. Realize that you're posting this here because you are not completely confident in your relationship. Either you do not fully trust your bf or you're self-esteem is low so you think there is no way he would want you compared to her. It does you and the relationship no good to hide these thoughts. These are things that you need to improve for a lasting, loving relationship. This is a trial by fire. Much of this also falls on him, of course. It will at least cross his mind that the grass may be greener. You can't stop him from going there but you also don't have to be a spectator. Hopefully your honesty with him will encourage him to be honest as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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