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Gut Instinct/ Paranoia?


Anastasia0309

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Anastasia0309

Hello Everyone! So, about 2 weeks ago I had dinner with my ex after 3 months of not seeing him but limited phone contact. It was so crazy cause he cried through the whole dinner. Not like out of control crying but tears kept falling from his eyes. He would say things like I missed you so much, you have no idea, And he just talked about how he doesn't think he will ever find someone like me. He said he wants to be with me ( In the future) but he t wants me to have this moment of clearity. I was so shocked that I didn't say not a single thing. Which is not like me at all. I was so shocked because through the 3 months I was the one crying to him and missing him and he cried just a couple of times and said he missed me but he mainly acted like he was handling everthing fine. So, that's why I was so speechless at dinner. He said everything I've wanted to hear the whole 3 months. He said he never wanted to tell me all that because he wanted me to get better and focus on myself. He also wanted to tell me in person. He apologised for being a "Mess".... He said he knew if was going to be hard to see me but he didn't know he was going to cry. AWWWW!!! The thing is now I'm not sure if I should be with him. I do love this guy with all my heart/soul. I would love to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him..... But you see he's a DJ and I'm not sure if the things I want from life and the things he wants are going to go with eachother. I also don't trust him completely. I'm trying to figure out if it's my paranoia about getting cheated on or if it's a gut instinct. So, I want to know if anyone has ever had this happen to them. I'm wondering why I always have this feeling? If I have this feeling and he's not doing anything I know it's not fair to put him through this but if he is doing something I don't know about then that would answer my question on the gut instinct. I just don't know. So, any advice would be helpful. He would probably say I'm thinking to much. Maybe that's just the problem but I can't help that this is bugging me.

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Hey Anastasia,

 

I cannot comment on the cheating thing in that you left out any behavior on his part that would warrant this suspicion. I can say that usually our insticts are right.

 

Nevertheless, what compelled me to respond to this thread, was the fact that you have grown stronger and matured during this time apart from your b/f. You essentially have the power to assess this situation from a clear and emotionally detached perspective and follow what you believe in your heart would be the best for you. All the while, you have shown him that you are not needy and can live without him You deserve kudos for this regardless of how you proceed.

 

Good Luck

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OP, your post is a PERFECT example of growth and maturity and how to get your own power back.

 

And if anything I have learned that gut insticts are usually right on the money.

 

If he really wants to be with you then you can always lay out the ground rules for what you want. Especially his career and the trust issues. If you can't get an agreement on those then I say stay the course you are on now, continue to heal and look for someone who is a better fit for you and your long term goals.

 

Cheers.

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Anastasia0309

Well, I see where your coming from and it's all true. But how do I know if this feeling is just me being paranoid or a gut instinct? That's what I don't understand. Anyway, if he really wants to be with me then he'll want to work it out?

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Well, I see where your coming from and it's all true. But how do I know if this feeling is just me being paranoid or a gut instinct? That's what I don't understand. Anyway, if he really wants to be with me then he'll want to work it out?

 

He has nothing to "work out" unless you discuss it with him. You're getting stronger the more you are away from him. He is seeing that as well.

 

The question is "Is this guy really the ONE for you the way he is now?" If so, then you can hold on.

 

However, what I see in your post is that he needs to "CHANGE" some things. You can't force him to change. You can let him know what you dislike and how your goals appear to be different and see if HE wants to make a change.

 

But you really can't do that until he says "Let's work this out..."

 

As for your feelings...if I were in your position I would hold out longer. Continue on the path you are on, gaining strength and becoming a better you. Who knows, after all is said and done you may decide that he's not right for you after all.

 

Right now it appears things are on his plate. He knows how you feel but he's not exactly ready to try again. I'd wait until you get something back from him in regards to where he stands. Sort of "cross that bridge when you get to it" mentality.

 

Maybe, just maybe, you'll take a path that leads you away from that bridge all together.

 

Cheers.

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