Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Thanks. For the post. I want to make one thing clear. I DIDNT BUY GIFTS FOR HIS CHILDREN TO TAKE ANY PLACE AWAY FROM THE MOTHER. I did buy them gifts because I WANTED to. He didnt ask me to get them anything. I did it on my own. And with only GOOD INTENTIONS. To the OP (or any OW thinking of buying presents for MM's children). Someone over on Infidelity referenced your thread, and the situation and responses are interesting, might be useful to read: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t106880/ In fact, it's just interesting all round, especially if he's planning on leaving, for the responses it's getting. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Good morning YSF. I read this and just had to say that you can only be damned in this situation if you do. Nothing will happen if you don't. I know that you are just trying to do something nice. I hope it all works out for you in the end. I feel like am damned if i dont and damned if i do. I guess I need to talk with him tonight. And tell me all the concerns I have about the gifts. And see what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I want to make one thing clear. I DIDNT BUY GIFTS FOR HIS CHILDREN TO TAKE ANY PLACE AWAY FROM THE MOTHER. I did buy them gifts because I WANTED to. He didnt ask me to get them anything. I did it on my own. And with only GOOD INTENTIONS. We all understand that, but she isn't going to see it that way......And now that you've read that other thread, have you realized that it may not be in the best interest of those kids if you give them the gifts? It's just not appropriate due to the situation.... Ofcourse he isn't going to tell you NOT to buy them gifts because it would have hurt your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Remember too, this isn't about you and what you want - Doing something nice for his kids...The easiest and safest thing you can do is not give them presents. He knows that you want to and that you care, that should be good enough. And fact is, his kids probably won't get upset if you don't give them anything anyway. Hope that makes sense... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Thanks for seeing that I wasnt trying to do anything harmful. We talked about it last night and today. But I wanted to say thanks so seeing what I really was trying to do. Good morning YSF. I read this and just had to say that you can only be damned in this situation if you do. Nothing will happen if you don't. I know that you are just trying to do something nice. I hope it all works out for you in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 This has nothing to do with what i want. I never want to force myself on anyone. I have since talked with him about this last night and today. Remember too, this isn't about you and what you want - Doing something nice for his kids...The easiest and safest thing you can do is not give them presents. He knows that you want to and that you care, that should be good enough. And fact is, his kids probably won't get upset if you don't give them anything anyway. Hope that makes sense... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Have you decided what to do yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Honestly ...no Im torn. I talked to him about it. And i told him i'm looking at every point of view here. But especially the kids. This has nothing to do with, me or him. Or even her. But everything to do with them. They are my concern right now. ( I hope you know what im trying to say, and dont take this the wrong way. ) Have you decided what to do yet? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I don't understand something. By giving them gifts, what is it that you expect to feel if you do give or not give to them? I just ask this because this is really a big deal to you. Which makes me think it is about you in the sense that if you don't give them a gift how it will make you feel or how you will look in their eyes... Hate to say it, but they aren't your kids and his wife isn't going to see any good in them receiving presents. I mean what I'm saying in the nicest way so please don't read what I say out of context. I'm just trying to understand why this is such a big deal to you, giving them presents, even though you are fully aware of the chain reaction it could cause in a not so good way... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 So, you have these gifts that you know the kids will love. You don't want to hurt anyone, but you really think the kids will be happy getting these gifts. Are they gifts that the MM would actually buy for his kids if he had seen them in a store? I remember a time when I was shopping and I saw something that my son would love. My sister lives out of town and had been asking me what to get for my son's birthday. When I saw this gift, I called her and offered to buy it and she could pay me back. I gave the gift to my son and told him it was from her because even though I bought it, she paid for it and she really wanted to give him something that he would enjoy. If the MM really thinks his kids would love the gifts you got, and you don't mind if he says they are from him, then let him buy them from you. That way he will be telling the truth when he says they are from him. Then, the only things you have to worry about is when his wife questions why he bought gifts for the kids from another woman and the ramification you may get in the future if the kids find out you bought the gifts. As much as I'm trying to help you, I still say that you should donate the gifts to underprivileged kids and not created a situation that you may regret. Your relationship is difficult enough without adding to the stress. Honestly ...no Im torn. I talked to him about it. And i told him i'm looking at every point of view here. But especially the kids. This has nothing to do with, me or him. Or even her. But everything to do with them. They are my concern right now. ( I hope you know what im trying to say, and dont take this the wrong way. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Nah, Im not pursing it like its a HUGE Deal..I just didnt want the impression to be that I was doing some intentionally hurtful. It was with the Best of intentions. I don't understand something. By giving them gifts, what is it that you expect to feel if you do give or not give to them? I just ask this because this is really a big deal to you. Which makes me think it is about you in the sense that if you don't give them a gift how it will make you feel or how you will look in their eyes... Hate to say it, but they aren't your kids and his wife isn't going to see any good in them receiving presents. I mean what I'm saying in the nicest way so please don't read what I say out of context. I'm just trying to understand why this is such a big deal to you, giving them presents, even though you are fully aware of the chain reaction it could cause in a not so good way... Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Yousaveme, IMO, take the gifts back to the store. Save yourself the grief. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Then, the only things you have to worry about is when his wife questions why he bought gifts for the kids from another woman and the ramification you may get in the future if the kids find out you bought the gifts. His wife isn't stupid! I said this before, but she is going to figure it out in less than 10 seconds...Unless he's an amazing actor and can pull off NO reaction if she questions him about the gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 You know what I know what I am going to do. I just made my decision. THANK YOU EVERYONE YOU HELPED ME.....THANKS Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 If you only take my advice 1 time, take it now & take those gifts back. I promise you won't regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I second that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 OK, I'm about to do something that I never thought I would. I'm going to give some relationship advice to an OW. I hope the BW of the world will forgive me, but I like YSM and I don't want to see her get hurt. YSM, don't be high maintenance. This is not a big deal. My advice is to drop it. Don't waste valuable time with the MM discussing things that don't really matter. He knows you have good intentions. He knows you better than anyone on this board ever will. Don't create anymore problems than you already have in your relationship. In other words, make your time with him enjoyable and not stressful. If you really want this relationship to work, choose your battles wisely. This one is not worth it. If there is even a tiny chance that giving his kids gifts will cause problems for either one of you, or the kids, don't even give it another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Thank you GUYS Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 HN...Thank you..I like you too..Im laughing :lmao: that was cute.. and Your right..Thanks things are really clear to me... OK, I'm about to do something that I never thought I would. I'm going to give some relationship advice to an OW. I hope the BW of the world will forgive me, but I like YSM and I don't want to see her get hurt. YSM, don't be high maintenance. This is not a big deal. My advice is to drop it. Don't waste valuable time with the MM discussing things that don't really matter. He knows you have good intentions. He knows you better than anyone on this board ever will. Don't create anymore problems than you already have in your relationship. In other words, make your time with him enjoyable and not stressful. If you really want this relationship to work, choose your battles wisely. This one is not worth it. If there is even a tiny chance that giving his kids gifts will cause problems for either one of you, or the kids, don't even give it another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I think the fact that you are still deciding whether or not to do it should show you that your intentions are more than just Ho Ho Ho gift giving.. You seem in turmoil over something that should be a no brainer.. I still think that you should not give the gifts but if you have a relationship with the kids then it would be okay.... It also seems to me that you don't know the kids.. or you have never met his kids as his GF. If you give the gifts at this point I feel you are giving them for the wrong reasons and are trying to prove something to him to try and win him over.. Those kids already have a mother who is married to their father and giving them gifts will not change that fact and move you into her place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Already decided what to do. Just didnt want the impression I wanted it to be harmful or trying to take someone place. Thats disgusting, Im not that type of person. I think the fact that you are still deciding whether or not to do it should show you that your intentions are more than just Ho Ho Ho gift giving.. You seem in turmoil over something that should be a no brainer.. I still think that you should not give the gifts but if you have a relationship with the kids then it would be okay.... It also seems to me that you don't know the kids.. or you have never met his kids as his GF. If you give the gifts at this point I feel you are giving them for the wrong reasons and are trying to prove something to him to try and win him over.. Those kids already have a mother who is married to their father and giving them gifts will not change that fact and move you into her place. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Since the real question you asked was "should I wrap the gifts or not?", I hope you don't feel like you were ambushed. I think there was only one person that actually answered the original question. Oh well, sometimes it's OK to get things you don't ask for. Consider my unsolicited comments and advice my gift to you. Please feel free to re-gift if you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 I know this has nothing to do with the thread...Did you ever re-gift to the same person or someone close to them , by accident... Since the real question you asked was "should I wrap the gifts or not?", I hope you don't feel like you were ambushed. I think there was only one person that actually answered the original question. Oh well, sometimes it's OK to get things you don't ask for. Consider my unsolicited comments and advice my gift to you. Please feel free to re-gift if you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Since the real question you asked was "should I wrap the gifts or not?", I hope you don't feel like you were ambushed. I think there was only one person that actually answered the original question. Oh well, sometimes it's OK to get things you don't ask for. Consider my unsolicited comments and advice my gift to you. Please feel free to re-gift if you want to. I think that subconciously, she wanted the answer that she's gotten. I don't think it was really about wrapping gifts or not. I like YSM too, and it may appear that I am also an OW when I am not because of some of the posts that I've written in response to YSM. YSM, you make me see outside the box. I do think that no matter what your feelings are genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I know this has nothing to do with the thread...Did you ever re-gift to the same person or someone close to them , by accident... No, hasn't happened. I usually open everything and use it right away. Especially if I open in front of the person that gave it to me. So, I rarely re-gift. Link to post Share on other sites
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