My insecurity ruined my second chance...

[perspektiv]

This will be long, so I appreciate anyone that takes the time

 

I was with my ex for 6 months in a long distance relationship. The first 5 months were amazing. The best time I've spent with anyone ever. I've been through relationships that lasted many years and nothing added up to the way I felt with her. She’s 22, I'm 30. Were at very different points in our lives.

 

When she went back to school in the spring, things started getting bad. She had guys around whom I knew nothing about. She has mostly guy friends. Most of these friends she has slept with in the past. She told me when we got together that she had cheated on everyone she'd been with. Along with my trust issues, this all did not make a good combination. On top of this as time went by, she had less and less time for me. She was so consumed by school that there was nothing else to push away but me.

 

I felt rejected. I felt insecure. I started getting needy. I made up stories in my head constantly to answer the questions I had no answers to. During a fight, she gave me her passwords for her email and myspace because she wanted me to trust her. It took me 2 weeks until I actually used them. I found some things I didn't like. It wasn't outright proof that she was cheating, but there were a lot of messages with guys where she flirted really bad. Her intentions did not look good. She got pissed that I checked her stuff. She said she gave me the passwords for peace of mind. She didn't intend on me using them. I myself still don't understand this.

 

We broke up for a month. During that month we pretty much had no contact. I did everything I could for myself. I started my business that I had been talking about forever. My gym time went up considerably. I hung out with girls. I went out a lot. I became much more confident. I saw our relationship objectively. I realized why things went wrong.

 

We talked last weekend, and I ended up making the 2.5hr trip up to see her. Everything felt unresolved and we wanted to see what it would be like to be face to face. We had the best time. Totally spontaneous, so much fun, and it felt great. We've been talking since then but not trying to rush things. Before we broke up, my family asked her to come with us to Mexico for a family trip. We decided to go ahead with it even though things aren't set in stone for us.

 

She’s going through exams right now and is constantly busy. I've tried to be there for her as much as possible. I told her I was only a phone call away anytime. She’s even woken me up at 3am because she couldn't sleep. I just wanted her to do well. She takes meds for ADD. When she takes them she is completely numbed out. A couple of nights ago she said some really cold things to me. I tried to brush it off, but it just ate me up. I became sort of needy again. It felt like she was pushing me away.

 

We had previously agreed not to talk in depth about the relationship until we see each other face to face again. The fact that she was sooo cold to me the past 3 conversations ate me up. I confronted her about it. We got into all these parts about talking about our relationship. It ended up in a huge argument. During this arguing, she had this guy over her place. Apparently he was a friend picking some stuff up. He was there for a few hours. the messed up part is that she told me she was tired. We kept talking for a bit, and THEN this guy came over. It was almost like she was trying to get off the phone with me to hang out with him.

 

After the argument she told me she can't take me right now and I'm driving her nuts. She told me that she wasn't going to call me for a week. This morning I was stewing about everything. The whole thing about this guy seemed messed up. It felt like she was hiding something from me. I lost it and sent her a text asking her how her night was with her friend.

 

She got the message AS she was getting ready to go take a final. Obviously she got pissed and called me flaming. I asked her if we should really be going to Mexico together. She really didn't say much about it. I called her a bit ago and simply apologized for everything as she rubbed it all in my face. I feel like such an ass for letting my emotions get the best of me. I feel so selfish, just ridiculous. I'm beating myself to pieces over this.

 

Now I told her I was really going to leave her alone. She said she doesn't know when she will call me. She doesn't want to exchange gifts over her break. She said she will THINK about going to Mexico with me, and the only reason is that she doesn't want to screw over my family. If she doesn't go, its a $500 flight reservation out the door.

 

I am killing myself for this. I mean, things obviously became too much for me to deal with. Maybe I can't and shouldn't be with her. I really don't know. I can't handle the long distance thing. Its SOOOOOO hard to trust someone like that. All the minuscule little moments you miss... I know my actions were wrong, but something made me that way. During that month we broke up I felt so strong. I became a better person. When we started talking again, it all went downhill again.

 

I don't know what to think right now. I just hope that she can forgive me. I hope that if she decides to go on this trio after all, Maybe we can reconcile in some way shape or form. I'm not expecting anything from her. I think I may have pushed her away for good. There is nothing I can do to change the way she feels. Its the worst feeling to feel as though it is your fault for losing someone. I know its not all me, but my recent actions were not the smartest....

[D-Lish]

I know you probably already know this, but the age difference is presenting a problem for you. Simply put, you guys are at much different stages in your life. No matter how mature she is for her age, she's still at a different point in her life then you are.

 

Being in University is a period of self discovery, for both men and women. I'm sure she's torn between her love for you and her need to explore and experiment new things.

 

It's obvious she needs a little space right now, and it sounds as if you'd be better off taking some space from the relationship too.

 

At 30, you've already figured out which path your life is taking, and she's just starting out on that path. It may the wrong time to be involved with one another.

 

Just a thought.

D

[CaliGuy]

She gave you the red flag warnings such as "I've cheated on every guy I've ever been with..." As I am reading this, all I see from her behavior are red flags.

 

It seems to me that you need to work on your confidence and self-esteem and learn to build a healthy boundary so you can easily say no to people like her who are BAD for you (or anyone else for that matter).

 

Cheers.

[bluescreenlife]

We broke up for a month. During that month we pretty much had no contact. I did everything I could for myself. I started my business that I had been talking about forever. My gym time went up considerably. I hung out with girls. I went out a lot. I became much more confident. I saw our relationship objectively. I realized why things went wrong.

 

Well that sounds pretty good... maybe you should get back to that.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself... insecurity is when you don't trust someone for no good reason. It seems like you have some pretty good reasons ("red flags") not to trust her, and she's guilting you into thinking you're insecure. And you said you've been pushing her away... I think it might be the other way around. And I don't think it's you personally - like D-Lish says, university is an experimental time and she probably isn't ready for something as serious or stable as you might be.

 

Can you change the name on the flight reservation and bring, say, your best friend instead? I'm sure you can find someone else to go, especially if you/your family absorb some of the cost - better that than spending your trip to mexico creating bad memories. After that I'd tell her you found someone else to go, not to worry about anything, that she's not ready for you, wish her the best, and go NC with your dignity intact.

 

If you think there's hope for you two you can work on it, but she doesn't sound that receptive and I doubt if it'd be healthy for you. I guess, just be thankful for the good times you had and go NC to avoid any more bad ones.... that's my two cents.

[perspektiv]

Thanks for the responses guys. I know it was a LOOOONG read!

 

She sent me a text last night saying that she "forgives me because she loves me", but not to contact her until she contacts me.

 

This still leaves me in limbo. I'm really not even sure what I want. It's just that I have this whole mexico trip looming overhead. Its not until the beginning of january. Her ticket is non transferable and non refundable. I looked into it. I don't want her to go if she is just going to keep my family from losing out.

 

I almost wish the trip was never set up. That way, I could just move on and get back to myself and what I was doing. I mean, I love her to death. I would do just about anything to be with this girl. Its just that so much would have to change for this to work for me. I don't want to pull her away from her experience at school. Next semester is her last semester.

 

The fact is, we both love each other so much. like d-lish said, I think shes torn between her love for me and her school experience. When nothing externally is in our way, everything is perfect. Almost too good to be true. Otherwise I feel like everything could fall apart at any moment.

 

I'm just going to do my own thing right now. Its all I can do. But like I said, I have to be prepared to possibly spend a week together with her in a few weeks. Thats hard to swallow. Like I can't totally shut her out because the door will be open soon. I just want the drama to be over one way or another. I'm sick of living in this gray area...

[D-Lish]

Limbo sucks! I've been there.

If next semester is her last, then maybe you won't have to wait too long.

It would be nice if she could get her act together and figure out where you guys stand. It truly isn't fair to you to be kept waiting.

 

During this time, just stick to giving her space. I think if you appear to be pulling away from her and moving on with your life, you'll inspire her to think things through a little quicker. Right now you are the one feeling a little rejected... You can turn the tables in your favour if you pull away from her. I know it sounds game-ish... but it works.

 

I never knew how much I loved my bf until he dumped me. I had been playing aloof with him, unsure as to what I wanted- when he pulled the plug on the relationship... it totally threw me for a loop and I realized how much I truly loved him. So give it a try- you'd be surprised how well playing indifferent can work.

 

When she contacts you wanting to talk- make sure not to answer right away. You want her to believe there is a possibility that she could lose you in order to prompt her into realizing she misses you. It works, trust me.

 

When you do talk to her, make her believe you've been out a lot, are doing really well, and tell her you have to go because you have someplace to be. This will be hard to do, but you want to evoke a bit of panic in her- like you are capable of living a happy life without her. Of course this isn't true, but she needn't know that!

 

Ah, the games suck... but they work.

Good luck.

Dee

[perspektiv]

games definitely do suck, but yes they work. I mean, before I wasn't necessarily playing a game. I was honestly moving on and making myself better which in turn worked to my advantage.

 

I feel like right now I'm COMPLETELY stuck. I need all or nothing. I am at her mercy right now. I know I can't contact her because it will make things much worse. The thing is, I DO know she will contact me. She has to in order to figure out what we are going to do about us and the trip. I have no idea when she will call. As days go by, I just feel farther and farther apart from her. As I've said before, I sort of f**ked myself with this whole trip thing. There are so many instances in our relationship that I wish I could turn back time. I guess all are like that really.

 

I guess time will tell, and I just have to deal with it for now. There really is nothing more I can do but sit and wait. That seems pathetic to think that I have put myself in this position. I'm doing everything I can on my own to fill the void. I've been going out a lot, still in the gym, etc. Its just that for instance, while I'm at the gym, the situation pops in my head a lot. It even messes with my workouts. Tomorrow I'm going out with a girl friend. I know I'm not ready for anything, but it takes my mind off of things...

[Guest823]

This will be long, so I appreciate anyone that takes the time

 

I was with my ex for 6 months in a long distance relationship. The first 5 months were amazing. The best time I've spent with anyone ever. I've been through relationships that lasted many years and nothing added up to the way I felt with her. She’s 22, I'm 30. Were at very different points in our lives.

 

When she went back to school in the spring, things started getting bad. She had guys around whom I knew nothing about. She has mostly guy friends. Most of these friends she has slept with in the past. She told me when we got together that she had cheated on everyone she'd been with. Along with my trust issues, this all did not make a good combination. On top of this as time went by, she had less and less time for me. She was so consumed by school that there was nothing else to push away but me.

 

I felt rejected. I felt insecure. I started getting needy. I made up stories in my head constantly to answer the questions I had no answers to. During a fight, she gave me her passwords for her email and myspace because she wanted me to trust her. It took me 2 weeks until I actually used them. I found some things I didn't like. It wasn't outright proof that she was cheating, but there were a lot of messages with guys where she flirted really bad. Her intentions did not look good. She got pissed that I checked her stuff. She said she gave me the passwords for peace of mind. She didn't intend on me using them. I myself still don't understand this.

 

We broke up for a month. During that month we pretty much had no contact. I did everything I could for myself. I started my business that I had been talking about forever. My gym time went up considerably. I hung out with girls. I went out a lot. I became much more confident. I saw our relationship objectively. I realized why things went wrong.

 

We talked last weekend, and I ended up making the 2.5hr trip up to see her. Everything felt unresolved and we wanted to see what it would be like to be face to face. We had the best time. Totally spontaneous, so much fun, and it felt great. We've been talking since then but not trying to rush things. Before we broke up, my family asked her to come with us to Mexico for a family trip. We decided to go ahead with it even though things aren't set in stone for us.

 

She’s going through exams right now and is constantly busy. I've tried to be there for her as much as possible. I told her I was only a phone call away anytime. She’s even woken me up at 3am because she couldn't sleep. I just wanted her to do well. She takes meds for ADD. When she takes them she is completely numbed out. A couple of nights ago she said some really cold things to me. I tried to brush it off, but it just ate me up. I became sort of needy again. It felt like she was pushing me away.

 

We had previously agreed not to talk in depth about the relationship until we see each other face to face again. The fact that she was sooo cold to me the past 3 conversations ate me up. I confronted her about it. We got into all these parts about talking about our relationship. It ended up in a huge argument. During this arguing, she had this guy over her place. Apparently he was a friend picking some stuff up. He was there for a few hours. the messed up part is that she told me she was tired. We kept talking for a bit, and THEN this guy came over. It was almost like she was trying to get off the phone with me to hang out with him.

 

After the argument she told me she can't take me right now and I'm driving her nuts. She told me that she wasn't going to call me for a week. This morning I was stewing about everything. The whole thing about this guy seemed messed up. It felt like she was hiding something from me. I lost it and sent her a text asking her how her night was with her friend.

 

She got the message AS she was getting ready to go take a final. Obviously she got pissed and called me flaming. I asked her if we should really be going to Mexico together. She really didn't say much about it. I called her a bit ago and simply apologized for everything as she rubbed it all in my face. I feel like such an ass for letting my emotions get the best of me. I feel so selfish, just ridiculous. I'm beating myself to pieces over this.

 

Now I told her I was really going to leave her alone. She said she doesn't know when she will call me. She doesn't want to exchange gifts over her break. She said she will THINK about going to Mexico with me, and the only reason is that she doesn't want to screw over my family. If she doesn't go, its a $500 flight reservation out the door.

 

I am killing myself for this. I mean, things obviously became too much for me to deal with. Maybe I can't and shouldn't be with her. I really don't know. I can't handle the long distance thing. Its SOOOOOO hard to trust someone like that. All the minuscule little moments you miss... I know my actions were wrong, but something made me that way. During that month we broke up I felt so strong. I became a better person. When we started talking again, it all went downhill again.

 

I don't know what to think right now. I just hope that she can forgive me. I hope that if she decides to go on this trio after all, Maybe we can reconcile in some way shape or form. I'm not expecting anything from her. I think I may have pushed her away for good. There is nothing I can do to change the way she feels. Its the worst feeling to feel as though it is your fault for losing someone. I know its not all me, but my recent actions were not the smartest....

 

I was in a 7 year relationship with insecurity issues although we were practically living together... My ex bf somehow has a charm with women. He just knows what to say, when to say it and that's what made me fall so madly in love with him. He was very affectionate in the first 2 years of our relationship.

 

Because of this I felt insecure everytime he told me stories regarding females at his work or what not, although I know he was being honest to me. He tells me that some lady gave him her calling card just out of the blue... or he'd ask this woman at his work to buy him lunch or what not.

 

I even suggested I'd bring him his lunch but he said I didn't know what time his lunch would be and that the food would only be cold when he got to it. So I let that issue go... There were times when he'd have women riding in my car, or he'd ride with a woman and that really hurted me alot. He knows it would hurt me, yet he still did it and decides to tell me all this.

 

At one point in time I asked him to stop telling me these kind of stories because they hurt, but yet he continued and his reason is "I never hid anything from you, or did anything stupid" but it sure was painful.

 

I've had guys ask me out on dates, want to have lunch with me but I never entertained them. Yet sometimes I would be accused of cheating out of the blue which I never understood.

 

Well we broke up just recently and all I can ever think of is him... it just hurts so much that he just dispatched his phone number to a bunch of women... I am still very much inlove with him, despite how ridiculous it may sound...

 

We're good friends and he'd call me over the apartment we used to live in and hang out for a few hours 1x a week or 1x every 2 weeks, we'd watch a movie together or what not. I'd rather have him as a friend than an enemy although this is all very painful for me. Everytime it's time for me to walk out that door, my legs just don't want to move... I wish I could stay... Wish we could be together again...

 

I blame myself for my insecurites that I ended up pushing him away when he needed me. If I could turn back time to correct my mistakes, I would.

[perspektiv]

I totally understand all that. I was in a 6 yr relationship a long time ago and it ended on a similar note.

 

The one thing you have to understand is that its the situation and the other person that can make you insecure. It may not necessarily be you. Its something along the lines of communication that is lacking. Then it sparks insecure moments.

 

I've been without contact from her for a week now. I feel myself becoming strong again as I did when we broke up for a month. I know what I need in my life. I don't want a compromised relationship. I don't want to lose myself in someone unless they do the same. She is not ready to commit. I can't see how this will truly work at all. I know what I want, but I'm not getting it from her. I wish more than anything that I could. I love her to death.

 

I wrote a long email that I haven't sent her yet. Its basically elaborating on what I just said. I don't want to go on this trip with her. Its like something that is just standing in our way of moving on. I wanted it to be special. Although I know if we went we would have a great time, Its just building up for the fall that would happen after we came home. Back to normal...

 

Its much easier pretending that she doesn't exist right now. I've been having a lot of fun going out etc... i feel that I myself am moving in the right direction by doing this. Thinking of her still makes my heart drop into my stomach. I just do anything I can to stop thinking about it.

[D-Lish]

There's nothing worse than being in a much different place than you're partner~ being in love with them, bt recognizing that the timing is all off.I too had an e-mail sitting in my drafts box~ a lengthy "I wish things were different" kind of letter that sat there for a while, as I revamped and edited according to my day to day feelings. I did end up sending it, about a month after the break up... and I never did get a response. I regret sending that now... although it did provide me with some semblence of closure from my own end.The NC is very hard. I don't know why some loves end up being more complicated than others. I've had relationships that were easy, and ones that were much harder. If it's easier on you to be in NC, then I'd stick to that.It doesn't mean you forget about the other person... but it's better than being in limbo.I hope things work out for you,D

[Guest]

what i learned, huge list, is never, ever, never, ever, never, write a letter and give it to an ex until 4 months have passed by - i think i wrote 15 novels and gave them to her and if i read them now i would probably puke over how many errors, self serving, hateful crap they contain....i will never write novels like that again....i was so all over the map that i frightened even myself - gawd how does a 40something man become a 14 year pimply jerkhead in 60 seconds! i wish someone had filmed me back then - would make a great, best selling video and i would call it 'how not to win her back for dummies' - really - it was that bad. lol

[perspektiv]

There's nothing worse than being in a much different place than you're partner~ being in love with them, bt recognizing that the timing is all off.

 

Definitely nothing worse than that. I mean there is a clear picture of what we could be if there wasn't such an outside influence on our relationship. If she was done with school. If we lived in the same city. If we knew the same people. Distance makes things so hard. But seriously...it could have been so good. I think thats what we both are holding onto. Its almost like we want to keep each other at arms length in hopes of pulling each other back in somewhere in the future. Who knows...

[D-Lish]

No body knows what the future holds.

Perhaps this time apart will put things into a clearer perspective for both of you.

[perspektiv]

I don't know if I can handle this. She called early last week. I responded to what I was feeling at the moment and told her I didn't want to see her over her break, and I didn't think the trip was a good idea.

 

After telling her that, I felt horrible. The next day I was going nuts, and trying to figure out what I truly wanted. I wanted to see her. I wanted her to come around. I wanted her to go with me. I tried getting ahold of her but couldn't, and she actually ended up calling me later that night.

 

We decided to meet up last night. As days went by and we talked, we decided to meet up friday night and hang out saturday too. Anyways, we went out friday night. I drove an hour to see her. We slept at her parents, then drove back to where I live. We lounged around, went to dinner with my family, and went out again last night. Then I drove her home (an hour away) and back to my apartment where I'm sitting now.

 

Of course that is a long story very short. We had a great time. We didn't talk about the relationship much. We just let things happen. It felt like nothing was wrong. Like everything was back to normal for a small moment in time, and it felt soooo good. The way she touched me, and kissed me, and told me she loves me...It was overload.

 

Now I'm sitting here in a lot of pain. I can't even get the energy to wrap the rest of my christmas gifts. I know we will hang out again. I know it is very likely that she is coming on the trip with me now. The problem is, was this weekend real? Was she being true with me? It seems she wants no true emotional connection. I mean, she tells me she loves me, but I know that if I started talking about our relationship, it would end up bad. She would probably shut me out.

 

I know I won't see her all week, but she didn't even mention hanging out on new years with me. I mean, I would love nothing more than to do that, but I almost don't even want to ask. I know I will get an unsure answer from her. Everything is so unsure. I don't know what to think about anything. I know what I want, but I'm so confused as to what she wants. What happens after the vacation? I don't know if there will be anything. Its killing me.

 

Should I remain as I am and suck it up for awhile longer?? I don't want to blow it by getting all emotional on her. Its just that I need answers. I don't want to get played around in the meantime. I feel that I will be unless I cut her completely loose and never talk to her again. Maybe I'm wrong...I hope I am.

 

Damn I need to figure this out. Its killing me. I had to go through my apartment as soon as I got home and erase any trace that she had been here. I did that for my own good. As soon as I walked in the door there were reminders of her. Although I wanted to leave it as it was, looking at it makes me feel worse.

[notmakingsense]

It sounds to me like you have two choices:

 

a. Suck-it-up and learn to live with the insecurity -- because your inability to stifle your need of assurance from her WILL kill the relationship. This option means that you should try extra hard not to discuss the relationship commitment aspect for a VERY long time -- perhaps a year or more -- no matter how she behaves. Use her behavior as a measure for the relationship rather than relying on direct confrontation & conversation. If she disrespects you significantly, like cheats on you, then end-it immediately.

 

b. Decide that you don't want to live with someone who isn't providing you with regular assurances and move on now.

 

Being undecided between these two options is worse than actually chosing one of them! Make a decision and stick by it. Only you can decide what option is best for you, but if you asked me -- by the way you write about things, I don't think you are emotionally strong enough for option A.

[perspektiv]

Thanks for your response. You are probably right. Right now I have to opt for "a", but I can't go on much longer like this. I know that I need to keep on doing what I am doing until this trip with her is over. I want to go on it with her. After that if things do not change, I guess "b" will be my only option.

 

Hanging out with her and talking to her makes me feel like nothing is wrong, like things will be fine. She expresses love to me, but also has me in a position where she can do what she wants because we are not technically together. Its rough. I keep using this thread to vent.

 

I really hope the next few weeks bring about some change. I know that she feels it too when we are together. Things just click. Once we are apart though, we are each on our own in our own places. Its such a different situation than most. Definitely different from anything I've ever been through.

 

If the trip didn't exist, I'd opt for "b" now. I just have to keep telling myself to suck it up for now. As for her cheating like you said, I would absolutely end it completely if I had proof of her doing so. Its just that she lives far away. There would virtually be no way of me finding out. That makes things even worse.

[D-Lish]

Well, whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of imagining her cheating or even wondering about it. Unless there is proof, you have to assume it's not happening.

 

I'm just worried about her age and the stage in life she's at. It's a struggle between having genuine love for you, and an inherent need to expand her horizons. That must be as tough for her to deal with as it is for you. She doesn't want to have to make that kind of choice, but her lifestyle can't help but contribute to those thoughts about branching out.

I'm not talking about cheating- I'm talking about life in general.

 

Don't pressure about the trip. You may have to suck it up and eat the financial loss. I hope she makes a decision soon one way or another for your sake- it's unfair to have the trip up in the air as it is now.

 

That's a little unfair actually.

Is she saying she won't go at the moment or just not saying anything about it at all?

D

[perspektiv]

No, its not really up in the air anymore. We are pretty much going for sure. First we were going for sure, then we broke up and decided not to. Then we started talking again and decided to go again. Then we got in a huge fight and it was up in the air, but now we are going to do it. And thats the story of the trip lol...

 

I can definitely understand what you are saying about our age and lifestyle differences. I see it myself. I think for both of us, we have a hard time thinking that where we are in our lives is what is holding us back from something more worthwile. It sucks...plain and simple. Sometimes I think it would be awesome to just let each other go for some time (maybe years) until we can have something more substantial. Its never guaranteed though. Neither of us wants to let go, but she is the one that is unstable at the moment.

 

Anyways, Merry Christmas to everyone. I'm just gonna try and enjoy the holiday today

[D-Lish]

Well as I've said to you before- it sucks to be in a position where you love someone but the timing is off. I look back on those relationships and have great regret now.

 

I think that if she screw this up that she will surely look back with regret in the future. I still think of the one that got away while I was going through an unsure period.

 

Hopefully the trip will be a positive experience, a time to reconnect for both of you.

 

Enjoy the holidays!

D

[perspektiv]

Man...I'm so sick of this up and down roller coaster ride. I'm sure my friends are too because I talk to everyone and anyone I can about all of this...

 

This blows, plain and simple.

 

Last night she was out with friends until 6am. Her story was vague by my expectations, and of course I over analyzed everything to the point where it drove me nuts. Tonight she is going to a strip club with a bunch of guys. I feel GREAT about that. She also feels the need to tell me about every guy that hits on her, touches her, etc. Today she said that she loves getting drunk with this one guy because he always tries to hook up with her, and she likes to shoot him down. Seriously, what kind of person says something like that?? I didn't over react to anything. I pretty much just sucked it up and didn't make confrontation. It would have ended up bad. I'm sure about it.

 

This has been a complete mind f**k for me for the past 3 months. I have had that feeling in my stomach like someone is cheating for almost that whole time. I just want to cut ties so bad at times, but I can't make myself do it. I am so on the edge though.

 

I know she is going to call me tonight before she goes, but I honestly hope she doesn't. She doesn't know how I feel about this, and I'm almost afraid to confront her. The choice for me about the trip seems so obvious. I tend to think sometimes that I am almost addicted to the way we feel together. Everything else besides that sucks...

[notmakingsense]

Roller coaster ride? It sounds to me like you are in the ticket-line while she's off getting the butterflies...

 

My friend, you are in the friend-zone, or at most, a backup in case something doesn't work out with the guys she's having fun with now.

 

This will sound harsh -- I'm sorry -- But why are you hanging on like this? I take back my earlier post. You should just go no contact until you can start dating other women and get your balls back.

[D-Lish]

Well, the best way to handle it is not to answer when she calls before going out. Leave her wondering what you are doing tonight, and why you aren't around!

 

In fact, I'd go missing for a couple days. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Yep, it's playing a game- but she's playing a game with you at the moment. When you talke to her after that, tell her you've been going out with friends to places that might make her wonder whether you could meet someone else.

 

You're too available to her.

SHe calls to check in before she goes to make herself feel better that you are at home. She says guys hit on her because she is looking for a response.. and you know what? That's truly mean.

 

You really have to pull away and make her think you are beginning to move on. You can't let her have her cake and eat it too. That's exactly what you've been doing so far.

 

Seriously, if you want to have impact- pull away from her.

Don't be there for her when she calls- don't give her the opportunity to say mean things like "I get hit on all the time"... I would never say that to my bf...never.

 

She's playing a crappy little game with you right now- don't let her play it with you. Withdraw your attentiveness and become distant and hard to reach- she needs this treatment to show her you won't allow her to treat you in this manner.

 

Trust me- don't talk to her for a while, and when you do, seem disinterested- tell her you have plans and have to get going, be aloof as to what those plans are.

[perspektiv]

I'd love to go NC again, but tomorrow is her birthday. She'll just turn it around and make me look like the bad guy if I don't contact her in some way tomorrow.

 

F**k...thanks for the responses guys...

[notmakingsense]

I'd love to go NC again, but tomorrow is her birthday. She'll just turn it around and make me look like the bad guy if I don't contact her in some way tomorrow.

 

F**k...thanks for the responses guys...

 

That's a cop-out. Who cares if she thinks you are a bad guy? She's a bad girl.

[bubbalump]

That's a cop-out. Who cares if she thinks you are a bad guy? She's a bad girl.

 

 

co-signed !