Problems with "casual" relationship

[Kristy]

I came out of a long-term relationship awhile ago and have been seeing someone casually for a couple of months. He's in the same situation (not wanting to get tied down) so we agreed to have a purely sexual relationship. I like having my space, being able to meet up with him for drinks and then go back to his place after without the hassle of having to stay over or worry about when he'll next call. This all seems to work in theory, but a few nights ago I was out at a bar (with another guy) and I saw him kissing another girl. He has no obligation towards me and I know that although the chemistry is great, we don't really get along outside the bedroom, but I felt really jealous and upset about it. I didn't confront him and I would hate to appear neurotic or posessive, but it bothers me to think that he is seeing other women on the side (even though I am open to seeing other men). I feel like a hypocrite for even having these feelings. I am angry with myself for not being able to become emotionally detached from this guy or have no-strings-attached sex. Am I not emotionally mature enough to handle a casual fling??

[Tony T]

Most members of the animal kingdom, including homosapiens, are biologically territorial. That is, most are possessive of those they mate with.

 

Humans are just like this. However, humans have evolved intellectually to the point where they can override most biological imperatives.

 

There's nothing wrong with having the feelings you're having. They're only natural but they are part of a device that serves no useful purpose in your case. There is no need to keep this guy faithful to you because you have no children with him and you are not financially dependent upon him.

 

It's also very normal for a woman to develop some feelings for a man they're having sex with, even if it's sport or casual. It's the most intimate you can be with another human and you would be odd if some even small level of emotional attachment had not formed. Yes, we can become emotionally attached at various levels to people it would be totally impractical or impossible to live with on a permanent basis.

 

I think most women, having observed what you did, would be mostly worried about just how many other women is he screwing and just how soon they would be catching an STD or dying from AIDS.

 

Good thing you saw what you did. It may have saved your life, babe!!!

 

Now, do you feel better???

[velvet]

Sport sex is just sex. There is not supposed to be any emotion involved. If you think you have crossed over to the other side you may either want to end things with him or discuss it with him. You say you don't get along outside the pants, you may want to keep things as simple as possible or move on.

 

After hearing that he was kissing another person suggests that he will take up a sex offer when presented. That is not only nasty but deadly. Remember when you have sex with him your having sex with the people hes had sex with.

 

I personally think that after performing sex with someone after a lengthy period results in a slow build of emotions that will either end that r/s or develop into something more.

 

You may want to stop seeing him while he your both seeing other people. Or you could talk to him and come to an agreement that while your having sex with each other you dont have sex with other people. See if he will agree to that.

[Ally Boo]

I could never have casual sex, bc I know that there is no way I can get intimate with anyone anyway unless I truly care about them. Why do you feel like you have to have someone to fulfill your sexual needs anyway? Do you HAVE to have the feeling of being desired? Buy a vibrator, trust me, buying batteries will be a lot cheaper than the doctor appointments and countless perscriptions you'd be paying for if this keeps up.

Always remember, if someone is willing to do that with you...chances are they've done it with someone else before, and possibly worse. I could go on about this, but I'm sure another post will come up one day when I can share that story with you.