I'm drowning....husband wants out

[mum2three]

I think when he dropped the bomb b4 Thanksgiving, I was still hoping. That might have appeared to be a small window in my eyes because his demeaner was softer. But since exposing his OW after New Year's, he has shown me his true side. He is angry that I know him for who he is and he really has no love for me.

 

So now he doesn't even want to speak to me and we communicate by email. He screens my calls etc. So I think his mind was made up about leaving me and having the relationship exposed made him not hide his true feelings anymore.

[FlyingHigh]

I think when he dropped the bomb b4 Thanksgiving, I was still hoping. That might have appeared to be a small window in my eyes because his demeaner was softer. But since exposing his OW after New Year's, he has shown me his true side. He is angry that I know him for who he is and he really has no love for me.

 

So now he doesn't even want to speak to me and we communicate by email. He screens my calls etc. So I think his mind was made up about leaving me and having the relationship exposed made him not hide his true feelings anymore.

Nevertheless, it was an "opportunity" however "small" it might have been.

 

Reread what you just posted, Mum.

 

Granted, you're pissed off at him for crossing the line. You have every right as any BS who kept their end of the deal in being faithful. And granted, he's also pissed for having his little dirty secret exposed as it needed to be. Exposure was a necessity. And yes, here's the BIG "BUT" that follows....

 

1) You are still stuck in the same "angry" and "self pity" mode.

 

2) Because you are still stuck in #1, you haven't done the necessary step which is to DECIDE what direction to take.

 

"Hoping" is fine. BUT hoping doesn't get the job done!!! You can hope all you want like I'm hoping that global warming will stop. But it won't unless I and each one of us do my/our part.

 

3) Because you can't decide which direction to take, your only action was to hope and wish that your H may "change" his mind.

 

So this led you to nowhere and your husband is ever more closer to having both feet out the door simply because a) you still haven't own up to "your" part/responsibility in the demise of the marriage b) you haven't done anything to entice him to reconsider to stay.

 

Remember the "life lesson" I once mentioned? If you ignore your responsibility in the demise of the marriage, you will be faced with it again in another marriage/relationship until you get it.

 

Take note that what has been consistent in your behavior throughout your thread Mum is this: You continue to describe your husband as a cold fish with a shark for an OW who is just waiting for that perfect opportunity to attack your marriage and grab hold of your husband. In other words, you're still complaining with not a whole lot of doing. And guess what? That shark is winning because your husband is too fogged up AND you haven't figured out what and how to beat the OW.

[mum2three]

I don't know how to translate that into actions to get my H back. The further we delve into this D talk the more I despise him. Given the intensity of our existence in the same house, I do not know how to communicate with him. He is in total avoidance or just anger.

 

Am I suppose to make nice meals for someone who can;t stand to be around me? Do I strike up pleasant conversation? The last time we created a family atmosphere playing with the kids in the same room, he told the counselor that it won't last and that we got along b/c we didn't talk to each other. I don;t think he enjoyed that time while I really did. All it did was make me feel sad knowing that he didn't value it. Of course, I didn't show it but just commented on how nice it was to do that as a family.

 

It seems like NC didn't work. He seems to be full steam ahead in preparing for the D. He is just waiting for me to ok everything and work out house and kids like his initial agenda.

 

I am not sure if you are saying that i didn't own up to my own faults to him or myself? I did acknowlege my shortcomings to him in counseling recently and he still hasn't owned up to his. But in terms of showing him, I am at a lost on how. He is very cold and I don;t know how to break that but only keep my distance. Otherwise, I seem like I am begging.

[mum2three]

He told that counselor that I would have to change myself entirely for him to be happy with me and that he can't expect anyone to do that so that is why it won't work out.

 

So, I know i can't do that for anyone. They need to love me for who I am, warts and all. I guess it just doesn't give me any insight to how we can be married for 13 yrs and have 3 children if he disliked me that much??

[FlyingHigh]

I don't know how to translate that into actions to get my H back. The further we delve into this D talk the more I despise him.

Exactly my point. And that's exactly why your H wants out because you haven't the faintest idea HOW to be a "lover and partner" of which the OW has been very good at. You've over used the "wife" department.

 

LJ, Mz. P and I gave you repeated pointers on how to entice your H back, but all seem to just fly over your head without much of a consideration on your part. You were advised to read up on "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs" on www.marriagebuilders.com. That too, went over your head like fly. And IF you really did read these, you would've at least given it a try. But it seems you didn't. Why I think this is so? Reread what you just posted...

 

Am I suppose to make nice meals for someone who can;t stand to be around me?

YES! And do it pleasantly! Because this is exactly what the OW is doing and is doing it better followed by desert! And I'm not talking apple pie, either!!

 

Do I strike up pleasant conversation

YES! Do you think anyone would want to be around you if you're not pleasant to be around? Think about it.

 

That's why he...

he told the counselor that it won't last and that we got along b/c we didn't talk to each other.

Can you blame him?

 

I am not sure if you are saying that i didn't own up to my own faults to him or myself? I did acknowlege my shortcomings to him in counseling recently and he still hasn't owned up to his.

You play a role in either keeping a marriage or not as much as his affair played a role in destroying it. What seems to be obvious in your statement alone is that YOU haven't the faintest idea what your H's emotional needs are. But you have no problems in identifying what yours are. Do you see the dilemma here Mum? And the lesson? Being a super wife/mother doesn't cover the entire ground of a marriage nore is it enough to keep it going unless that's all your H needs from you. It's obvious that it isn't. The areas you missed and still are not getting is the partner/lover department.

 

Granted you're pissed and don't have the courage to pony up to being the woman he once married. But if your focus were to keep your husband, it is as much a necessity to being "the woman" he married as it was exposing the affair. The problem is, is that you ALLOWED your anger and resentment get in the way of helping your marriage recover from the affair.

 

They need to love me for who I am, warts and all. I guess it just doesn't give me any insight to how we can be married for 13 yrs and have 3 children if he disliked me that much??

This is your "self-pity" talking again, Mum. He stayed with you for 13 years for a reason. Certainly not just for the kids. YOU are the reason he stayed for 13 years. The question is how was he prioritized once the kids came along?

[mum2three]

Yes, i was reading up on that site and D-busters too and i was that pleasant and nice person until I found out about her! Then after I found out about her his whole demeanor towards me was just loathe in the open.

 

I don't know how to mentally ignore what is going on (hurt, anger, rejection, hostility, blame) to do this great act. Maybe I needed to treat it like how an actor shuts out his surroundings and perform my scenes of a lifetime.

[Mz. Pixie]

This is your "self-pity" talking again, Mum. He stayed with you for 13 years for a reason. Certainly not just for the kids. YOU are the reason he stayed for 13 years. The question is how was he prioritized once the kids came along?

 

We also told you that the only way he can stomach what he's doing is to rewrite the entire history of your marriage in his head. In other words, yeah, he's going to act like he hates you, like the marriage has never been good, like he won't stay no matter what- but that doesn't mean that any of that is the truth!!!! They all say things like this when they are in the fog!!!

 

At this point I really recommend Love Must be Tough by James Dobson.

 

Yes, you are suposed to try to cook him dinner and play nicey nice with him.

What do you think OW is doing???

 

Look, with OW let me tell you- there is no arguing, no talking about the kids, they talk about whatever HE wants to talk about! They don't have to talk about money, or bills plus they can talk about work. They don't have to talk about division of labor. There is no past history or resentments- everything is brand new. That's exactly what makes an affair so exciting and tempting.

 

I was once a cheater Mum, and married 13 years. I've been your husband!!!

 

I think you're in denial, so you're spinning your wheels. Trouble is, he's lining up his big guns- and is now blackmailing you with money. How much more is it going to take for you to snap out of it and get some legal advice?????? I think you're sitting there thinking "How can this be happening?" when he's talking to an attorney or a friend to get advice about how to freeze you out!!!!

 

You need to decide what you want to do- either you want to buck up and not take his fog talk personally and work to save your marriage or you want a divorce. But you need to decide and at any rate get some legal counsel- even if you want to try to save the marriage.

 

You need to decide soon because everyday he goes further away and now he's manipulating you with money. It's going to get worse before it gets better even should you decide to try to save the marriage.

You have children and you do not have the luxury of sitting around waiting on him to serve you with papers!

[mum2three]

I know I have been thickheaded and in a fog myself. I guess I was trying to save the M by not acting. B/c acting by getting a attorney means I want out. I think if I get an attorney to freeze the assets then he will be really pissed. I think that I would also be the one to initiate the D that way.

 

I know my rights and I know it is just short of getting representation. I could serve him papers and kick him out and make him pay cs & ss but he is taking care of his kids and paying all the bills now...but just making it harder for me.

 

But I didn't want to go there with all the animosity and he loves his kids and wants to care for them. It is only me that he wants to cast aside.

[FlyingHigh]

I don't know how to mentally ignore what is going on (hurt, anger, rejection, hostility, blame) to do this great act. Maybe I needed to treat it like how an actor shuts out his surroundings and perform my scenes of a lifetime.

"I don't know?" You "don't know" how to mentally ignore what is going on? Bulls***t! You DO know! You just DON'T want to!!! There is NO such thing as "I don't know!" You haven't even tried! WAKE UP!!! What's going on is happening right in your face and all you can do is complain about how it's affecting you?

 

Frankly, Mum, and I will seem nasty and mean here. But your problem is that perhaps you are too self absorbed in your own dilemma that you can't see beyond your own; that because you are the mother of his three kids that somehow you are "entitled" to everything and anything that comes with being the "doctor's wife package". And for that he "should" stay with you. Get over yourself, Mum! This marriage was not ALL about you!

 

But having read your thread from the beginning, you gave us (me) the impression that you have lived the life of luxury that most readers don't. Albeit your "medical problems" which you were never cleared on, you've used it to your advantage. You've used being the "mother" of his kids to your advantage. You have a nanny to help you out. There are LS readers and other people with medical condition that are life sentencing that don't live your lifestyle, but they continue to work and do what they can. They don't complain about what they don't or can't have. They make do with what they have.

 

I've been in your shoes. Was married (first one) whom I didn't have to look at a price tag when I shopped. But I worked just as hard and didn't go crazy with "frivoulous" unnecessary cool craps. I probably spent more on my nieces and nephews than I did for myself. And I've been the BS in my second M which I thought would be it for me. And YES, I had to muster the anger, resentment, anger, resentment in order to meet stbxh ENs. How did I manage to do that? IT WAS A CHOICE! Call it acting, whatever. It was a CHOICE. And I did that for 6 f***** months! We went on a cruise, had a great time with honeymoon periods. There was actually a moment that I "thought" the M could've survived. But the bastard kept lying and caught him lying. That's when I DECIDED that I was done and his a*s was grass. An affair, while it contributes to destroying any relationship/marriage, it is the ongoing lying that ends up being the final nail to the coffin.

 

Divorce is in progress. I, too, have a medical condition, a missing cartilage on my ankle that in any given day, a wrong move or step could cause my ankle to give. I've been advised to undergo a second surgery that is yet to be FDA approved with no guarantees which I've opted against...for now. And yes, it sucks and it's damn painful when I wake up every morning. But I don't let it stop me from doing what needs to be done and enjoy life. I can't wear fancy high heels, but hey so what? In the end, I have a CHOICE to either sit on my a*s and kill myself in self-pity OR get off my a*s off and live. I chose the later. While I work my a*s off, my stbxh is looking to get things from me despite that he makes twice as much as I do. And yes, I'm prepared to fight him in court. And I don't sweat over what I can't control.

 

You on the other hand, seems to think that being the wife and mother is enough. Well, wake up! It's not! You're living it!

[mum2three]

I know it may seem like that just b/c I had a nanny but it was ONLY after my 3rd child and b/c of my condition at the time. I am not a socialite and didn't have any free time to go to the gym, enjoy spa days, did my nails, and ate bon bons. I worked thruout the M and into my 2nd child. My last children are a little over a yr apart. Then I felt like crap. While no excuse to ignore him, I think neither made any attempt to be there for each other.

 

I was never frivilous with money. I have no gucci bags or rotating accessories. Only buy food and clothing on sale. I still own 3 main pairs of shoes (sneaks that are over 6 yrs old, slip ons that are at least 4 yrs old, and heels that are 6 yrs old). I have one new pair of jeans since I lost about 15 lbs from stress. I drive any old minivan like everyone else. I never expected to live any different than how we lived 13 yrs ago when we were just students.

 

So as much as you or anyone else might think, I can't help that. I presented my story to LS the best way that i knew how. I know I worked hard just like he worked hard at work and never took a day off to pamper myself. But everyone's luxuries are viewed differently. Other people may not have a nanny while they are medically compromised but have family or friends to help out. I live far from any of my support systems. He would work from 7 to 7 or 7 to 9 and have nite meetings and wkend hrs. If I was physically 100% I would have been able to suck it up.

 

With 3 kids, I am not even looking at much in the back acct. Yes, at the time I felt like being a mother/housewife is enough b/c I did not know how to broaden that. Having said that, he thought bringing home the bacon was his entitlement to love, respect, and admiration.

[mum2three]

I am thankful that you are sighting that very personal example of what you experienced. It is how I can relate to your tried and true efforts despite success or failure.

 

I really can't believe that you did it for 6 months!!! I am just trying to put myself in that same frame of mind and say "how can I do this?" when my H is so hateful, isolated, and not communicating with me. I would be all cheery one day and then withdrawn another to protect myself.

 

Why did you and your exH go on the cruise when things are rocky? Did he want to spend time together? My H avoids me like a plaque.

[mum2three]

We also told you that the only way he can stomach what he's doing is to rewrite the entire history of your marriage in his head. In other words, yeah, he's going to act like he hates you, like the marriage has never been good, like he won't stay no matter what- but that doesn't mean that any of that is the truth!!!! They all say things like this when they are in the fog!!!

 

Yes, that is exactly where he is at now.

[Mz. Pixie]

I know I have been thickheaded and in a fog myself. I guess I was trying to save the M by not acting. B/c acting by getting a attorney means I want out. I think if I get an attorney to freeze the assets then he will be really pissed. I think that I would also be the one to initiate the D that way.

 

I know my rights and I know it is just short of getting representation. I could serve him papers and kick him out and make him pay cs & ss but he is taking care of his kids and paying all the bills now...but just making it harder for me.

 

But I didn't want to go there with all the animosity and he loves his kids and wants to care for them. It is only me that he wants to cast aside.

 

First of all, there is no such thing as a pleasant divorce or if there is, it's a rarity- and especially not in the case of infidelity.

 

I wasn't advocating freezing the assets, I was advocating getting legal representation and know what your rights are. Have someone ready to represent you should he file papers. You want to be able to file right back.

 

Getting an attorney does not mean you want out. It means you are protecting yourself should he file papers and it also means protecting your children. See, WH is not your husband, he's an alien.

 

He's not being a good dad- if he's cheating on the mother of his kids.

 

See, this is the part I where I step on my own toes. I thought I was still being a good mother. Never left my kids to pursue my A with OM. Never talked to him on the phone when they were around- always gave them my full attention. Despite all of the things that I didnt' do- one of the things I did was cheat on their father- which means at that time I wasn't being the best mother that I could be.

 

Has he prepared for the way the children are going to hurt when they find out you guys are splitting up?? No, I don't think he has. Because I didn't prepare for that. It literally makes me almost throw up thinking about it now.

 

His judgment is not good right now, wouldn't you agree??

 

Despite the way that he wants to cast you aside now you'll be parents and grandparents with him for the rest of the kid's lives. And, as I stated before that's part of the fog.

 

At marriage builders did anyone point out to you he was probably being unfaithful when you posted??

[mum2three]

See, this is the part I where I step on my own toes. I thought I was still being a good mother. Never left my kids to pursue my A with OM. Never talked to him on the phone when they were around- always gave them my full attention. Despite all of the things that I didnt' do- one of the things I did was cheat on their father- which means at that time I wasn't being the best mother that I could be.

 

Has he prepared for the way the children are going to hurt when they find out you guys are splitting up?? No, I don't think he has. Because I didn't prepare for that. It literally makes me almost throw up thinking about it now.

 

I have no idea how to do a quote. I can't find the box icon but anyway....

 

This is an eye opener coming from your own experience. I think it is so crucial to understanding yourself and he does not believe that he did anything wrong. I am just trying to catch up with what he did and deal with it. It's been 2 wks and I say that this wk is alot better. I only reacted terribly the first wk which I hope I am allowed.

 

His response about the kids is that "they'll be fine as long as they are loved by both parents." Besides my 5 yr old, he thinks my 3 & 2 yr old won't know feel the blow as much. Maybe he thinks this is the best time for him and the kids.

 

After I emailed him a metaphor from LS post about Marriage and maintaining it like a car is the responsiblity of both parties, his reply was....

 

"You can find all the metaphors you want, but it takes two parties who truly want to do it.

 

My only regret is that it took this long to get here, and there are 3 innocent children in the middle of it. I do not want to prolong the pain any longer.

 

I have no regrets about my decision. This is not done out of impulsivity, but after much soul searching. I do not want this anymore."

[mum2three]

Now that my H has officially announced our upcoming D and he is leading his new single and separate life. Does anyone else here get curious about the OM or OW. Do you guys ask where they stand with them? I have been ignoring and putting it aside so I don't invest much energy in OW. But I am curious about their relationship and I know asking won't help me at all.

 

How did you guys address this issue with yourselves and did you address with your S while separated?

[Ladyjane14]

I know it's got to be hard to hear.. but these ladies are right, Mum.

 

You really did have a 'window of opportunity'. In fact... even with all the guff you're hearing from the WH, you've STILL got one. He told you two months ago he wanted out. But where is he? ... still in the family home with no papers filed. TWO MONTHS later.

 

Everything we've told you is a compilation of other stories just like yours. And while there's NO method that will give you guaranteed success.. you've had more tools put into your hands than ANYONE I can remember receiving before here on LS. And you've used none of them that I'm aware of. Heck, any betrayed spouse who WANTED their marriage would've jumped on these options like a duck on a junebug.

 

To be perfectly candid with you, I don't think you love that man. I think it's probably been a VERY long time since you did. And... I think his choice to get out is probably his last viable option. You've stated many times that he's told you "he tried". Having observed it in my own marriage, and noticed it in alot of others... I'm thinking he probably did.

 

By and large, men don't just get up and walk out. They tell us repeatedly what the issues are before they get to that point. Problem is.. there's alot of bitching and whining coming out along with the bare bones of the problem; chaff mixed in with the wheat. And while I don't hold with cheating... I can still see how it happens. These guys go unheard and unaddressed, sometimes for YEARS. Then, they finally gather up all their resentment and indignity and take it to somebody who will LISTEN. Next thing you know, they've plucked up the courage and they're asking for a divorce.

 

Girl, you STILL had time to "listen". You still had time to "address". But you're so indignant over his poor treatment of you that you closed your ears. YES... by this time they're angry, and they've rewritten the marital history. They're so full of frustration and bent on finally taking action they even have themselves convinced that NOTHING you say or do will matter. But you know what, sometimes it does.

 

You have two choices before you: You can put your energy into reconstruction, or put it towards divorce. That's it. There are NO other options save to do nothing. And doing nothing... gets you the same results you've already achieved... NONE.

[Mz. Pixie]

Now that my H has officially announced our upcoming D and he is leading his new single and separate life. Does anyone else here get curious about the OM or OW. Do you guys ask where they stand with them? I have been ignoring and putting it aside so I don't invest much energy in OW. But I am curious about their relationship and I know asking won't help me at all.

 

How did you guys address this issue with yourselves and did you address with your S while separated?

 

I'm glad that you "got" my earlier post.

 

First of all, I saw his email. Who cares what he wants right now? This is about you and what you want. He can't just decide to make a decision that affects both of you all alone, especially a legal one. So, let him blow some hot air- but also let him know ya ain't budging until you're ready.

 

He doesn't have to know you retained legal counsel either. If you do not have access to funds that he doesn't have hold over borrow the money from a friend or family member.

 

Jacka**. Sorry, but his entitlement just blows my mind.

 

I didn't leave my exhusband for the OM, but I did date when I was separated but we were not living in the same household. He's not even out on his own yet.

 

I did alot of things that I'm ashamed of during my divorce. I never discussed my personal life with my then separated husband even when he tried to. I just figured it would bring more pain onto him. Hell, I had no business even trying to date at that point..........

 

Seriously, MUM, the OW is really not the problem here. Your H is. The only thing the OW is doing is meeting a need that he had unmet for a long time (most likely). You were sick and focusing on getting well and he was neglected and he's taken this route of getting his needs met.

 

Unmet needs are terrible little monsters. Now, I'm not blaming you for this at all so I don't want to come off like I am. I'm just saying that you both had some unmet needs in the marriage and you were sick and unable to meet them his right then.

 

He probably went into crisis mode when you were sick. Then he had these needs that were unmet and eventually built up resentment about it.

 

Once you get those needs met, it's an addiction. You're addicted to the brain chemicals that you're getting and you don't want them to end. That is why he seems like he cannot keep away from OW.

 

But it's seriously not about her, it's about him. It's not that she's special, or that she's more beautiful or any of those things. It's about him getting that fix.

 

You're dealing with an addict- you need to know this.

[Ladyjane14]

Now that my H has officially announced our upcoming D and he is leading his new single and separate life. Does anyone else here get curious about the OM or OW. Do you guys ask where they stand with them? I have been ignoring and putting it aside so I don't invest much energy in OW. But I am curious about their relationship and I know asking won't help me at all.

 

How did you guys address this issue with yourselves and did you address with your S while separated?

 

I knew everything there was to know. I made a point of it. I sized her up pretty well too, and during the reconcilliation phase... I was able to PREDICT each of her next moves in a way that had my husband quite frankly disgusted with her.

 

Once he could see how transparent she was... she wasn't interesting anymore.

[Gunny376]

By and large, men don't just get up and walk out. They tell us repeatedly what the issues are before they get to that point. Problem is.. there's alot of bitching and whining coming out along with the bare bones of the problem; chaff mixed in with the wheat. And while I don't hold with cheating... I can still see how it happens. These guys go unheard and unaddressed, sometimes for YEARS. Then, they finally gather up all their resentment and indignity and take it to somebody who will LISTEN. Next thing you know, they've plucked up the courage and they're asking for a divorce.

 

We're all heard of PMS, sometimes many women come down with TPMS ~ "Tired Of Putting Up With Men's S***!" ~ there's a male version of this as well!

[mum2three]

I could assume that he wants my full cooperation with mediation and that it is less costly to file D together and quicker.

 

He likes control and thinks he can do most of this on his own.

 

Thank you all for being so patient. I know it must be a part time job keeping up with some of us. But we have some sanity b/c of ur insight and experience.

 

Ditto LJ and Gunny about men don't just walk out and the wheat and chaff thing..... It is alot of poor communication between us and not making ANY serious time to address issues and enjoy each other's company. I know it is not about OW and of course, being admired and having attention/affection is addicting. I could use some of that!

 

I do love him but I don't know about the in-love thing at this point. I feel severed from his mind and thoughts. The betrayal that has been going on for the past year runs deep and I don't think I have even come close to dealing with that.

 

LJ, you said that you knew everything about OW...didn't your H hate that? Wasn't he annoyed that you were all in his "personal" business? I know my H is keeping me isolated from everything(his work, OW, friends). He makes it a point to make clear divisions, next it may be a line down the house.

[mum2three]

After i threatened legal on him, his reply is...

 

Do you think I've been splurging on myself all these years? Get your head out of your ass! No one "dicking around". Nothing is being hidden, so get the conspiracy theories out of your head!

 

In the eyes of the law, you are entitled to half. You think there was no personal sacrifice on my part either? You've got as much earning potential as anyone else, so don't feel so sorry for yourself.

 

You make it sound like your kids will be living on the street somewhere in a cardboard box. My children will be supported. It is because you never appreciated the support I gave you that we are where we are today.

 

I've been trying to talk nice. I could easily make all the funds completely inaccessable to you, but I'm leaving half of my hard earned savings in play. Get some advice from some real professionals instead of the internet!!!!

 

There are millions of single parents out there starting out with a lot less.

 

So we'll see what this wk brings.

[Ladyjane14]

LJ, you said that you knew everything about OW...didn't your H hate that? Wasn't he annoyed that you were all in his "personal" business? I know my H is keeping me isolated from everything(his work, OW, friends). He makes it a point to make clear divisions, next it may be a line down the house.

 

Yeah.... at first. They ALL go bullsh*t when they're busted. It's just a defensive reaction. In part because they're all wrapped up so they feel the need to be loyal to the OW. And in part, because they're embarrassed like they just got caught sh*tting the bed.

 

If the affair is broken up though and if the marital relationship recovers emotional intimacy, they'll even go so far as to start telling YOU about the OW's flaws. When a WH truly rejoins his wife's TEAM... he'll stand in opposition to the former love interest, kind of like he's in opposition to you right now. Two against one.

 

After i threatened legal on him, his reply is...

 

Do you think I've been splurging on myself all these years? Get your head out of your ass! No one "dicking around". Nothing is being hidden, so get the conspiracy theories out of your head!

 

In the eyes of the law, you are entitled to half. You think there was no personal sacrifice on my part either? You've got as much earning potential as anyone else, so don't feel so sorry for yourself.

 

You make it sound like your kids will be living on the street somewhere in a cardboard box. My children will be supported. It is because you never appreciated the support I gave you that we are where we are today.

 

I've been trying to talk nice. I could easily make all the funds completely inaccessable to you, but I'm leaving half of my hard earned savings in play. Get some advice from some real professionals instead of the internet!!!!

 

There are millions of single parents out there starting out with a lot less.

 

 

All this other crap he's told you is just his way of declaring his emotional independance. He considers himself to be divorced already by virtue of his own decision that it be so, and he's letting you know that he's only there until the paperwork is done. Then you're on your own.

 

He's not bluffing. This guy is going to divorce you. It will take something INVENTIVE on your part to stop that from happening. And no matter HOW "inventive" you are... you still won't be able to stop it unless you have some REAL LOVE for him. There's no substitute for that, and no getting around it.

[mum2three]

Yes, I have taken him seriously and that is why I never felt that window of opportunity. He is especially angry and loathing since OW came out.

[Ladyjane14]

Yes, I have taken him seriously and that is why I never felt that window of opportunity.

 

 

But just like in any other scenario Mum, there's his version, your version, and then there's THE TRUTH.

 

"THE TRUTH" is that what this guy really wanted was CHANGE. "His version" is that he can't have it with YOU. "Your version" (so far) has been just an echo of his... he can't have what he wants with you.

 

The 'window of opportunity' was in SHOWING him that he could.

[mum2three]

"Change"...we both needed that desperately.