I'm drowning....husband wants out

[mum2three]

After I found out H cancelled one of my credit cards I let my mother in law have it. I only use that card for family groceries! I know I need to get a grip and stop letting him get under my skin. But his mom has been so supportive of her son that I just could not help it but yelled at her about what he did.

 

Even now, i am not charging up a storm to get freebies. I was never that type of person. Makes me so mad, I ought to buy myself a nice diamond necklace!!!

[dgiirl]

First of all, get two journals and start documenting EVERYthing. One journal, you ONLY put the facts. What he said, what you said, everything, but only the facts, no emotions. The second journal, you write what happen but with all your emotions. This way, if need be, you can bring your first emotionless journal into court without incriminating yourself of wanting to strangle the guy.

 

Have you gone down to the bank yet? Have you got a balance of all the accounts? Have you created your own personal account yet? While you are still married, see if you can get your own line of credit too! And get your own credit card! These are simple basics ALL women should have! Go down to the bank and talk to them.

 

Also, call up your lawyer and tell him what your husband is doing!

 

Your husband is acting very fast. He knows you are traumatized with grief right now and he's taking advantage of you! You better wake up and start taking action. Yelling and screaming at him or his mom will do nothing. While you're too busy screaming, he's moving more and more assets.

[mum2three]

Yes, I woke up again and went straight to the bank and did that. Getting my own credit card soon. Lots to do. Thanks dgirl. I like journal idea.

[stillafool]

After I found out H cancelled one of my credit cards I let my mother in law have it. I only use that card for family groceries! I know I need to get a grip and stop letting him get under my skin. But his mom has been so supportive of her son that I just could not help it but yelled at her about what he did.

 

Yea Mum, you need to get a grip on your emotions. Giving your MIL that cancelled credit card was wrong. Of course his mother is going to be supportive of him - he's her child. I wouldn't waste energy yelling at her. Again, that just gave your h more ammunition. I don't understand why you keep doing that.

[Mz. Pixie]

Do you have an attorney appointment yet or have you retained one???

[mum2three]

I'll be retaining one. I saw some paperwork of H's so I need to be prepared. My H and I got into a heated argument and it was in front of the kids. I need to just hang a sign on me that says "I don't care about anything."

 

This was a rough wk b/c i don't feel my zen. My H called my therapist and left a message about my older one being upset and that I was not making progress on moving on. I think he left out whatever he contributed to the argument in that message. But I think he wanted to tell my therapist that she needs to tell me to figure out the finances and kids so he can move on.

 

I thought that was rather odd. That is why I am in therapy!

[polywog]

This was a rough wk b/c i don't feel my zen. My H called my therapist and left a message about my older one being upset and that I was not making progress on moving on. I think he left out whatever he contributed to the argument in that message. But I think he wanted to tell my therapist that she needs to tell me to figure out the finances and kids so he can move on.

 

I thought that was rather odd. That is why I am in therapy!

 

Called your therapist??? That just seems out of line and weird. How did you find this out, did he tell you, or did your therapist? Hope the therapist thought it was outrageous, if that's how you found out!

 

Sorry your going through all this crap, mum.

[mum2three]

My therapist told me his message. She said she wasn't not calling him back b/c I was her client. She would have gladly spoken to him if he came in with me to address coparenting issues. I think he is finding everyway to make me move on and physically out.

 

It wasn't a good scenario for the kids but I feel so pented up b/c I was avoiding conflict with him for so long and he doesn't really speak to me anymore. He finds it unnecessary to address my issues with him b/c he has moved on and I am the one holding him back.

 

He wants everything to go at his pace. He wants to me to accept that M is over (I accept) and that we quickly divide assets and child custody b/c he is fully ready to get on with his life. I am not ready emotionally to deal with child custody issues yet.

 

He is playing the perfect father right now. He's adjusted his work schedule to dropping the kids off at school and daycare. I remember he use to leave b4 7 am most of last year b/c he had a bunch of charts to "catch up on" and phone calls to make. All of a sudden, he is availble to care for the kids and don't need me anymore.

[FlyingHigh]

He is playing the perfect father right now. He's adjusted his work schedule to dropping the kids off at school and daycare. I remember he use to leave b4 7 am most of last year b/c he had a bunch of charts to "catch up on" and phone calls to make. All of a sudden, he is availble to care for the kids and don't need me anymore.

I'm just as speechless as LJ a week ago as to where you are compared to where you were weeks ago...SSDD...(Same sh*t differednt day) qwithot much progress.

 

Bottom line: YOU DON'T HAVE AN ATTORNEY!

 

Mum, get a clue on this one! The fact that he's "playing" the "perfect" father is another step in his scheme to get you out of the picture "legally" while you see a shrink. And the fact that you are constantly losing it, you have created a "perfect" alibi for him to prove to the court that you are an "unfit mother". As long as you're wasting time REACTING to every move he makes you are WASTING time and losing more ground to the point that you'll wake up one morning on your court date defenseless without a lawyer.

[Gunny376]

Make no doubt about it, your still in a relaltionship with the STBXH, but its very much an adversial relationship.

 

I've told you before, and I'm telling you again this guy is setting you up. He's leading you down the garden path to thinking that yoiur going to have one "type" of post divorce relationship/settlement, while he's setting things up and "you" for a totally different situation. He's closing accounts, opening others in his name and his name only, he's moving assets, (I know this ~ just because he said he's not doing it). He's painting a rosy picture for you ~ that you're going to be set up and doing just fine ~ but that's not the way its going to go down in divorce court. He and his lawyer are going to blind side you with motion after motion.

 

YOU NEED A LAWYER NOW!

Everything that he's saying and doing is out of the Psycho-Ops and Gurrellia Warefare manual. "Keep your opponent guessing!" "Keep your opponenet dis-orientated, un-organized, and confused about the situation at hand" "Keep your opponent on the defensive at all times" He's using every means at "hand" to do so. He's pushing your buttons, keeping you in a high emotional state of mind ~ so that you can't focus and utilize your "rational" mind to see your way clear of this mess.

 

I have two guys at work that I'm adversial with. I use the above methods that I learned via the Marine Corps to keep them lost, dazed and confused. They're easily aggravated, frustrated, and confused. This makes them angry with me, and the result is they run around in circles, screaming and shouting, flaying their arms about. They run to their superiors like little kindergarden children, and because I remain cool, calm and collective and keep my head about me when others are losing theres' (that is to say I remain rational and not emotional) I make them look like fools everytime.

 

Everytime this guy make you "lose it" you've lost!

 

Knowing what I know about marriage, divorce, courts, and the sum of my experiences and education ~ if I were married to you ~ I would be doing just what the STBXH is doing and more. He's setting you up ~ and you need to wake the **** up, or your going to be posting here a year from now about how the STBXH screwed you over. No he didn't ~ you did!

 

I say that knowing that you're not me, and I'm not you, and that you've not had the years of conditioning and training that I've had since age 18. But, I also say that as a person to another person that you've got to reach down deep inside and find yourself some intestinal fortitude.

 

Forget this guy. You've said yourself the marriage is over ~ and it is. There's a lot of things that you can do by yourself and by your "lonesome" but being in a marriage isn't one of them.

 

This guy wants his cake and eat it too. The problem isn't so much you, as it is things aren't the way that he envisioned them to be when he started out on the road to med school. There's the way things are suppose to be and there's the way things are! He was thinking "I do A, B, and C I'll get Z, but instead he got T. Now he's trying to get things back on track to where he thinks it should be ~ and he see you as a hinderance to that "dream life" that he envisioned oh so many years ago. The cool Dr. with the Raybans, and the Jag. (etc ad nauesumn) He didn't figure in the reality of burping and puking babies, and a wife with a diminished sexual desire, complicated pregnancy, med loans, student loans, on and on and on.

 

"Life" is what happens when you make other plans. Reality? What a concept! This guy is going to divorce you, break up a family, in pursuit of a dream, an illussion ~ something that can and will never be!

 

"Life's" hard ~ its even harder when your stupid. This guy might be an MD, but he's stupid if he thinks divorcing you is the answer and solution to all of his problems.

 

I've got an Aunt, that's always been drop dead gorgeous. She's not much older than I. The same age as my older sister. She's been married to an illegal Mexican that couldn't read nor write. She's also been married to an MD. She's also a Dental Tech and a RN. I think she was happiest with the Mexican. She dumped the MD and married another RN. She's finally happy and content.

 

There's life after divorce. This isn't the end of the world. But it is the end of the world you knew. But, that brings re-birth, and a second chance!

[mum2three]

He told me papers will be delivered next wk. i am waiting for my money to transfer but got a lawyer lined up. Gunny, that life experience is amazing. You get such different takes on life that opens up so many possiblities that some of us cannot see at this time.

 

I do appreciate you sharing this info about your aunt. I am looking forward to a rebirth, a long overdue vacation, and a job in the real world. I love my kids but I need to be on that priority list too.

 

Funny you should mention the Jag Gunny...he told me he is going to get a Lexus!!! You guys are right on the money.

[stillafool]

It wasn't a good scenario for the kids but I feel so pented up b/c I was avoiding conflict with him for so long and he doesn't really speak to me anymore. He finds it unnecessary to address my issues with him b/c he has moved on and I am the one holding him back.

 

If he doesn't speak to you anymore why are you trying to talk to him?

Why should he address your issues Mum??? IT'S OVER!!! You're right he's moved on and is preparing for him, OW and the kids. You had better wake up and stop holding him back.

 

He wants everything to go at his pace. He wants to me to accept that M is over (I accept) and that we quickly divide assets and child custody b/c he is fully ready to get on with his life. I am not ready emotionally to deal with child custody issues yet.

 

Whether you are ready to deal with child custody issues or not, it's coming and coming quickly. You aren't ready because you don't even have an attorney yet, while he and his attorney have his case all planned out. You h is working hard and deligent on his case while you just set back think about how pitiful your life has become.

 

He is playing the perfect father right now. He's adjusted his work schedule to dropping the kids off at school and daycare. I remember he use to leave b4 7 am most of last year b/c he had a bunch of charts to "catch up on" and phone calls to make. All of a sudden, he is availble to care for the kids and don't need me anymore.

 

Why are you letting him do your job??? He is going to make you seem like an unstable person who can't take care of your kids. If I were you I would be doing everything for my children so he couldn't say I'm not mentally and physically unfit to care for them. Your complaining about taking care of them, him having to hire someone to help you take care of them, your being away from the kids during Christmas, etc. are all things he may use against you. Now he has to take the kids to school while you do what Mum? You are sitting there in a "funk" while you can bet the OW is running around showing him she has all the energy he needs to help him. You can also bet Mum that they have talked about the children and he will want them to know her. Who knows she may be willing to help take care of the kids just to land herself a "doctor".

 

At what point do you feel it will be necessary for you to hire an attorney?

[Mz. Pixie]

Why are you letting him do your job??? He is going to make you seem like an unstable person who can't take care of your kids. If I were you I would be doing everything for my children so he couldn't say I'm not mentally and physically unfit to care for them. Your complaining about taking care of them, him having to hire someone to help you take care of them, your being away from the kids during Christmas, etc. are all things he may use against you. Now he has to take the kids to school while you do what Mum? You are sitting there in a "funk" while you can bet the OW is running around showing him she has all the energy he needs to help him. You can also bet Mum that they have talked about the children and he will want them to know her. Who knows she may be willing to help take care of the kids just to land herself a "doctor".

 

At what point do you feel it will be necessary for you to hire an attorney?

 

Yeah, I'm speechless. Find a good attorney who will take you contingent on him paying your legal fees. Many will you know. While you're waiting on your "money transfer" he's taking you to the cleaners!

[Dad_of_3]

mto3 still about?

 

How goes it ?

[mum2three]

I'ved decided to remain calm and have been a reader on LS the last couple of days. I've consulted a few legals and they have all told me that all the money is traceable and he would be accountable for it. Since he holds all the money in his name right now, I have no way of checking the balance.

 

I am going to wait for my D papers this week and take it to my attorney.

But I have decided that even if every last dollar is not accounted for I am not going to freak out over this. I realize that if I hold on to money as the last resort of dealing with my anger with him then I am still angry but also paranoid.

 

I am absolutely sure that he will financially provide for his children. He loves them but just not me. When I decided this wk that money is not going to resolve my anger, resentment, and hurt then I felt freed.

 

I am not going to depend on him anymore for anything. I can't wait till I have a new lease on life. I want to make my own money again and I will be ok even though it is not alot compared to his.

 

There are alot of "I's" in this post but I have been trying to readjust my sails. I really felt consumed by anger the last 2 wks and it affected me too much.

 

I want to feel energized and productive in planning my next step in life. Having constant anger and worry about what he is doing with the money was holding me back. All in all, we lived pretty simply so there is not much to divide up except for the house & bank accts. No priceless art, jewelry, or antiques.

 

I know the D is inevitable and the relationship is unsalvageable. He wants to minimize his financial losses but he will be accountable if there are huge discrepancies. I hope my sails are in the right direction.

 

When I get a quiet moment, I really miss the old H and love that was once there. I haven't quite dismissed all my feelings of love for him but have managed to suppress it so I can move on. It just hurts alot to see someone that I trusted and loved turn to hate me for just being me.

Deep down, I do care about him but I don't want to be in over my head anymore.

[debilou]

You're telling my story. It's been 2 years almost 4 months since he moved out. I STILL have anger that seems to consume me. Sometimes I want to rent a billboard and fill it with all the things I think about him and what he's done to my life. Financially he has ruined me. But this is just a valley, I will overcome this. I was married for 18 years, for the last 14 I worked only part time. I didn't have a career but now I'm working on one. I will achieve financially. I can take care of me. I did it before I married him and I'll do it again.

 

You're living my life only about 2 years behind me. You have to take care of you. He won't. That's probably the biggest thing I've realized in all of these 2 years. I am the only person I can depend on.

 

You will be ok. Work on yourself. Concentrate on you and all the things you really are. Men don't define us, no one but ourselves define us. Take charge.

 

Keep posting, Debilou

[Mz. Pixie]

I am absolutely sure that he will financially provide for his children. He loves them but just not me.

 

Don't be too sure. I thought this about my ex too. I thought he would always do what's best for the kids. Boy, was I wrong. He still wants to do what's best for him.

 

He clothes them at his house- I clothe them at my house. He pays mimimal expenses and when I've asked for us to agree on things to benefit the kids he simply will not do it if it's going to put him out or make him have to contribute more cash to their upbringing.

[mum2three]

I am so proud of you. I've read your thread and I feel your energy and strength jumping out on my screen. I just didn't know where you found all that strength to give your H all those chances. I know you did all that you can to save your M and have your family intact.

 

I can't even say that I am that strong. I am trying to cut my losses b/c I have lost faith in this person. I don't have hate in me and I wish i did b/c it will make it easier for me but I know he doesn't love me. All his actions right now tell me that he wants me out of his life. I can't change his hate and his anger towards me.

 

So I am really really trying hard not to be angry. It is easy to fester those feelings up everytime i want some answers. But it was killing me thinking about what he did, the time frame of his OW relationship, why he emotionally checked out of the M so long ago, his denial and lies, and why he is continuing to behave so hateful to the bitter end. Of course, I wonder what is going on with his personal life and his financial tactics with the D and kids etc....

 

Stepping back now, I can see he completely lost respect for me for being a stay-at-home mom. This was something we both agreed on. He went on a tirade b/c I decided to ask him about the finances now and he cursed me out for moving a tiny bit of money (i need to have some for legal). He said I haven't paid a f*ing bill in 13 yrs and that I a b*tch. He just lost it b/c he felt it was all his money all these years. I realized that i am treated worse than a housekeeper. Nobody would work under constant criticism & scrutiny, no respect, and no earnings.

 

I never felt like I needed to ask for personal spending money b/c I was taking care of the kids for us. But that devalued my worth in his eyes and became an expectation. But I was unable to meet his expectations. I couldn't do anything right by him. He would act disgusted by little things that i do. I can't even remember what they were but it was his hateful reaction that left an impression. He expected certain things b/c he brought home the bacon and he put the kids to bed. But he never communicated his needs and just resented me more day by day. I couldn't read his mind and he said nothing to me for the latter part of last year.

 

I do feel responsible for the M falling apart. I knew I wasn't meeting his needs and didn't know how to do it. I was willing to mend it but he does not want it. I do have to accept that he is not fooling around and has made his decision. He really has no respect for me and did everything he could to tell me that I can't take care of anything.

 

I worked for 6 yrs from getting my degree to having my 2nd child. I wasn't lazy and just mooching off of his residency salary back then. In the last 2 yrs, I was completely overwhelmed with having 3 kids in a four-yr time span with some health issues and he wasn't emotionally there for me. I know I am a loving mom and person. He didn't want to take the good with the bad in a M. It was all fun and games, then he wanted 3 kids and when the responsibilities of family life and M became too great, he is saying M isn't for him.

 

So I am trying to be the better person and the person he would like to come back to but I will not beg, plead, or cry too much b/c I need to love myself again. Even with that, I don't know if I can go back to this M without my own criterias and independence. The hurt runs deep now. But living under the same roof was fueling my anger when I still see her numbers on his cell phone. I am only human and I shouldn't be expected to like this and take everything in stride. But the anger was eating me up and I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to vent out all my feelings everytime I saw his face or the back of his head!!

 

The list can go on forever...like you said, I need a billboard to write all these things! But I releasing myself of anger has given me energy to devote on working on improving myself.

 

Good for you Debilou for starting your career. Remember, you always had a career but he never acknowledged it. Until they have to quit their jobs and take care of the kids, they can always say that it is easy. It is not easy being your family's beck and call 24/7. Even sitters and nannies need a day or 2 off and vacation time plus salary and benefits!

 

Girl, you have so much fight in you. I think your life is just beginning. You are paving your own road and it didn't come without alot of sacrifices and pain but that is what is making us survive and love ourselves for who we are.

 

Thanks for your support.

[Stampy]

Mum, you've been kind enough to offer some help on my post and I finally read through the majority of this post. Wowsers.

 

What an ordeal you've been through. Remember what I said to you on my post? Men have the ability to just turn their emotions on and off like a light switch. That doesn't mean that the emotions dont lie beneath. But they dont tend to come out too often. When my wife left me, I spent about two days like a faucet and then shut back off. But I miss her still...anyhow...

 

You still appear as though you need to decide whether you want a D or whether you want to work on it. The choice doesnt really appear to be yours but YOU still need to make it.

 

Its been over a week since your last post, so I dont know if you found a lawyer yet. I'm a lawyer in Western Canada but I'm not a family lawyer - though I'm licensed to provide family law services, passed that part of the bar exam etc. etc..

 

Anyhow, contrary to what you may have been told, these days some of the best lawyers get into family law. Admittedly I am speaking about Canada but I believe the same holds true in the US. The reason is that 50% of marriages (or more) end in divorce. There is lots of business and the fees are climbing.

 

A lawyer will salivate at your situation. The cheating rich doctor H with the stay-at-home mother of three marriage is what we dream about at law school. There is loads of case law about your situation and you will win (if you choose to lawyer-up). Do not fear having to go to trial. There is no friggin way your H's lawyer would let this go to trial. No way. You may choose to for a couple of reasons, which I will discuss. If your H goes to trial he will get abso-frickin-lutely killed by a judge or jury. No matter if you are in a no-fault state. This is a classic case.

 

No...my own confession. I have avoided getting a lawyer for myself and told the W she could get one if she wanted - I wont be offended. I want to save the money. But my situation is different. I am a lawyer and managed to draw up my own formal separation agreement. My wife is also a lawyer but feels a little more comfortable getting her own lawyer to give my document the once over. But we earn roughly the same income and our assets were easy to split up. Each of us was able to go get new credit cards, new bank accounts etc. and the W was able to get a new mortgage, and I was able to increase my mortgage. Not to say we're rich, far from it, but when the H and W make the same money, this stuff is easy.

 

BUT...I am self employed, as is your H. When he gets testy about whats in the accounts, be worried. I do the same thing (even though I'm the wronged party). When you are self-employed, it is piss-easy to hide money and to make it hidden from your W. I have corporations that I was suprised that I could use to hide money. I had never ever dreamed that I would separate or D from the W, but now see with glee that I can hide money from her, if I so choose - not that I've yet chosen to do so.

 

So, be absolutely guaranteed that your H is hiding money from you, through his professional corporation and other corporations. I harbour no serious resentment, at this time, towards my cheating W, but I am still thinking of hiding money, both for our matrimonial settlement and for future child support payments. If you think your H wont hide income in the future then a) you are kidding yourself and b) he would be the first H in history not to do so.

 

He will definately take care of his kids, but while they are with him. Every man I've ever met who was making child support payments commented that it was just being blown by the ex-wife. They don't view that money as going toward their kids. They will spend money directly on the kids and try to hide from child support payments.

 

So where does this leave you? You absolutely have to freeze his bank accounts. This is not a nice thing to do, but you need to trap every cheque that he receives from work before it escapes. Its easy to freeze the accounts in your situation. Do it. Otherwise, you could find yourself back working in your job and living in a much lower economic situation than your H. And if he has a new gal on the go, she will be whispering in his ear every night that he shouldnt be sending you money because you will blow it on "new clothes, new shoes and Starbucks".

 

Also, freezing his accounts will make him angry, but reasonable. You said earlier that he was holding the money over you. Reverse the power position. Its your right.

 

And you will be able to get a great lawyer. Why? Because your H has lots of money to grab - which is how your lawyer will get paid. Do it and do it now. If not for you, for your kids. How will they like it if dad is living in a palace and mom is renting a 2 bedroom apartment? Will they like spending time with mom?

 

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[mum2three]

This has got to be the greatest board! Love you guys for the sincere shoulder to cry on or for the kick in the *ss. Do you mind if I priv. mess. you? Got some questions. Don't want to divulge too much even if it's nothing. Got a lawyer today and he will reply to my H for the divorce petition that he sent me. Was thinking about letting the baliff run around town but shouldn't waste everybody's good money in the long run.

 

Btw, my lawyer recently divorced in 2004 so he's got some personal experience to keep him sharp.

 

An aside, in 2004 I went on 10 yr anniversary honeymoon with H, was 10 months postpartum with 2nd child, found out I was pregnant with #3 and in 2006 he just isn't in love anymore. Hmmmm.....that will be a boat load of IC fees for me this coming year. But trying not to be too wrapped up since I have to be in your mode. Seek and destroy, just kidding!

[mum2three]

not sure how to pm in LS? may need to be subscriber?

[Stampy]

yeah no prob. Not sure how you do that (priv message), but happy to do so.

 

Its only the naive that lose in this situation. Mind you, essentially everyone loses, so maybe I should say that the naive really lose. It seemed to be quite a shock to my W when I explained to her that we would both be poorer as a result of this (separation and divorce). I couldnt believe that was so difficult to figure out. But I guess for my W and your H, the cold reality of it all doesnt really factor into the fog.

 

As to your anniversary, it just doesnt make sense. Like one of my W's friends said to me, well obviously my W was fine with the relationship 17 months before she left me because thats when we conceived our son. And I had a great summer with her this year. What the F**k? No sense, but I guess thats why its called a fog. Suddenly, in her view, the marriage has been a steady decline. Again, what the f**k?

[mum2three]

hahahah, i like that. Needed a chuckle today. I know I should just get it over with b/c it is setting me back another 13 yrs just to be here knowing that he is really moved on. I know everyone here says just stop looking at his cellphone blah blah, doesn't make a difference. I guess it just hurts to know he never talked much to me but can call her 3-4 times a day and every day or so. I need to make peace with myself.

[mum2three]

Since i saw his call to her first thing Sun morning. I just had to call her. She sure changed her tune from being empathetic and understanding to "I'll talk to your husband whenever I want." I didn't expect anything different. I didn't curse her out but just told her that she and H are the lowest of the low.

 

Funny, it didn't make me sad this time to hear this. My H was at home and we had a spat but I just feel like he is dead to me. I finally feel this way and not like I lost someone special.

 

I know it isn't the high and mighty thing to do and call her but living under the same roof detracts my sanity. We are just playing chicken while waiting for the D process since neither wants to vacate.

[Mz. Pixie]

A lawyer will salivate at your situation. The cheating rich doctor H with the stay-at-home mother of three marriage is what we dream about at law school. There is loads of case law about your situation and you will win (if you choose to lawyer-up). Do not fear having to go to trial. There is no friggin way your H's lawyer would let this go to trial. No way. You may choose to for a couple of reasons, which I will discuss. If your H goes to trial he will get abso-frickin-lutely killed by a judge or jury. No matter if you are in a no-fault state. This is a classic case.

 

 

Thanks for telling her this. That's kinda what I was talking about when I said she was in the cat birds' seat. He'll settle just to move on with his life probably instead of going to court. Plus, he's in a hurry to move on!

 

He will definately take care of his kids, but while they are with him. Every man I've ever met who was making child support payments commented that it was just being blown by the ex-wife. They don't view that money as going toward their kids. They will spend money directly on the kids and try to hide from child support payments

 

Yeah, it's hilarious. You never get accused of blowing money until you get divorced then suddenly it's I don't trust you not to blow the money on yourself and all that assorted bullsxht. :rolleyes:

 

I never spent money on myself during our marriage but as soon as we were getting divorced he turned into a whole different person. I'd always done for my kids before I did for myself and he didn't give a sxht if they even had shoes on their feet- I did all of that.

 

That is what I mean MUM about them being a whole different person once you are divorcing/divorced. I had no doubt in my mind my ex would do whatever was best for the kids, but that just hasn't been the case at all. I've gotten burned in at least 3 or 4 different things since the divorce where

the kids welfare was concerned.

 

Little Miss secretary is going to take up alot of his time after you guys are divorced and he probably won't fuss too much about you having the kids more because they will slow him way down and no little young secretary wants to take care of someone else's kids like that!