I'm drowning....husband wants out

[FlyingHigh]

"Change"...we both needed that desperately.

Now what, Mum? What's your next move?

[mum2three]

Your last post made me chuckle...in a good way. Tomorrow, I will choose to be happy for me.

[FlyingHigh]

Your last post made me chuckle...in a good way. Tomorrow, I will choose to be happy for me.

Good! I take it you're ready for battle? Which way?

[stillafool]

Now that my H has officially announced our upcoming D and he is leading his new single and separate life. Does anyone else here get curious about the OM or OW. Do you guys ask where they stand with them? I have been ignoring and putting it aside so I don't invest much energy in OW. But I am curious about their relationship and I know asking won't help me at all.

 

Well I've been away for a while and I thought when I got back to LS you would have made some progress Mum. After all that has been said here on this thread you are still worrying about the OW. You still have not talked to your attorney even though your h has asked you to seek professional advice. He is definitely serious about the D if he asks you to seek professional advice so you'd better get moving and fast. Don't waste your time contacting his boss or the OW again as that is going to make him hate you even more.

 

I still don't know if you want him or you want to leave. That makes it hard to give you advice because no one really knows what you want. If you do want your h you have to do the things it takes to make him see you differently. What's wrong with planning special meals for dinner? You can take the view that you are not just making them special for him but for your kids too. If you don't want him anymore and feel this is hopeless and to be honest with you it sounds that way, what are you going to do?

 

You have to put your ego aside and stop dwelling on the fact that he said he didn't want you anymore. That's already been established, now what?

 

Another thing Mum, I don't care what your h says, he has slept with this woman and plenty of times. A man doesn't spend that much time on the phone with a woman unless he's addicted. So stop driving yourself crazy over that one because he is sleeping with her and has made big plans to be with her that's why he's in such a hurry to get you out. The fact that he has told you to put the house up for sale and split your belongings is telling me he's ready to take a financial lost to have this OW.

 

No he won't let his children suffer fianancially as I do believe he loves them. However, you may have to get a job if he only pays child support. Child care is so expensive in many cities that he might come out cheaper to pay you alimony than daycare for 3 children.

 

He certainly has told you in so many words that he's sought professional advice and has asked you to do the same. Like one poster said the train is in full steam ahead on you now. Now you are at the point where he is holding back on the money and it will probably get worst because he is also saving to move to his new place since he wants your house sold. BTW, you said the two of you went to school together. What is your profession?

[FlyingHigh]

Mum,

 

Whether or not you're in a "no fault" or "fault" state, basic stuff you should aim for are:

 

1) LIFETIME alimony until your remarry. Since you have been married for over 10 years, the court will look consider that long-term marriage. Don't go out looking for a job just yet. Your H is no fool. He wants you to go and get a job fast so that your spousal support will be close to zip AND so that he won't have to pay your portion of legal/court costs.

 

2) If you live in a "fault" state, adultery/infidelity will be financially painful to your husband. The court will find your H at "fault." Collect documents of his infidelity, i.e. phone records and expenses he withdrew from "community property" assets (savings, checking, credit card accounts).

 

3) If your H marries the OW, you can go back to court and have the child support modified and increased. If you've got a killer azz attorney, you might even get the spousal support modified. I live in "no fault" state CA, and I have a co-worker whose H's ex did exactly that and she won. She got the court to increase the child support because they considered her income.

 

4) Before you retain a D attorney, ASK if s/he is familiar with the judges who preside over divorce cases in each of the courtcouse within the County you live in. They can make a HUGE difference in the outcome of your D settelement. You want to have your D trialed in the court where the judges are more sympathetic towards C/SS especially in a case of adultery.

 

If your H files first, your D trial will be held at the courthouse where his attny filed which could be in a different city from where your primary residence is. If this is the case and you feel it would be financially difficult to have the case trialed there, you can request or have your attny req that the trial be changed/move to the courthouse closest to your marital residence.

 

You can also ask the court to waive the filing fees. You may have to show up at the courthouse to have your case be heard by a judge in order for the fees to be waived. Expect to spend half a day there. Consider it a good and eye opening experience. It'll give you a taste of what to expect should your D go to trial. You'll witness actual cases including divorce with each of the spouse's attorney.

 

5) Ask your prospective D attorney of their experience in trial divorce cases and their background. While rare, consider yourself lucky if your D atty is a former District Attny. They're the best to have. Remember, you get what you pay for.

 

6) Start collecting ALL pertinent documents and store them somewhere safe that you can use in court.

 

7) Write your "wish" list". This is what you want from your husband that your attorney will fight to get.

 

If your husband wants to be a dick about the whole thing as he has been, then by all means give the bastard what he deserves! A dose of his own medicine!

[mum2three]

FH, i think you realize that I must take this direction given the present situation. My H does not feel that I have a right to question him about the finances. I told him that was ridiculous considering that we are talking D. He is quite arrogant and feels that he is just protecting his assets. I told him that was a prenup!

 

I did see an attny. He was very nice but does about 80% divorce and some bankruptcy etc.. . i don't think he is as well versed in the county i live in so maybe need to see another. Since I don;t know anyone D it is a bit hard to go by cold calling. I am researching some more.

 

We are no fault here and alimony is not even guaranteed sometmes. Not a woman friendly state. One legal office told me that alimony may come out of paying out assets! I thought I was going to kill over hearing that.

 

I really wish I saw something deeper in him that would make me want to save this M. Regardless of OW, my H has not been the least bit kind. He is just plain angry and arrogant. Strangely, I don't even have as much anger about this as he does.

 

I think the total loss of loyalty really woke me up. I am still loyal to him by being careful who I speak to so that he does not lose patients in the area or hurt his reputation. I thought 13 yrs and 3 kids should bring an eansy-weansy amount of loyalty to the very end. But he has made me an estranged wife already by telling everyone at work and talking to OW like I am 3rd party. He forwards all his cell calls to screen mine.

 

It doesn't seem necessary to be this hateful. I was quite gracious to OW when I met her at the other office. I could have embarrassed her but did everything ladylike and kept it out of the office. I have spent no more energy on her since then. Not worth it.

 

A healthy relationship takes two people who are willing to try. He has told me repeatedly that he doesn't want this M and he doesn't want to try anymore. His goal is to be divorced and he is working very hard at reaching it.

[mum2three]

You have to put your ego aside and stop dwelling on the fact that he said he didn't want you anymore. That's already been established, now what?

 

I am just going to try and take it easy. I need to have legal advice of course. But I am really really going to try and take the high road. He is an angry bully and a financial strangler but I can't let him beat me down. Being around him is not good for my self-esteem when all i hear is blame and my faults for driving him to this.

 

He can say really mean things like, "Anything is better than living with you." or "Why do you think I need someone else to talk to?"

 

Another thing Mum, I don't care what your h says, he has slept with this woman and plenty of times. A man doesn't spend that much time on the phone with a woman unless he's addicted. So stop driving yourself crazy over that one because he is sleeping with her and has made big plans to be with her that's why he's in such a hurry to get you out. The fact that he has told you to put the house up for sale and split your belongings is telling me he's ready to take a financial lost to have this OW.

 

To see that in writing was (WOW) hard but I have been told by everyone around me that his relationship is not as pure as he claims. I am just not opening my eyes and wanting to hear that. Before I discovered OW, I thought he was sincere about all his feelings and now I just feel betrayed and deceived. I can't believe that he can lie for a year and still try to get the D without me knowing. No wonder he was having problems sleeping this past year. Living a double life must have been hard.

 

BTW, you said the two of you went to school together. What is your profession?

 

I am a dietetic technician. Just took one summer class where we met... way back then. My salary will never match his walking out from the D. But I need my sanity.

[mum2three]

Those are really good pointers that you outlined. I was a bit overwhelmed when I spoke to this legal. Another just did more marketing. Oh, so confusing. Now, I got some solid must-haves for choosing right counsel.

[FlyingHigh]

I told him that was a prenup!

Did you two sign a prenup? If you did, hopefully you didn't give away too much.

My H does not feel that I have a right to question him about the finances.

Of course he'll tell you that! That's what a desperate cheating dickhead will do! He's afraid you'll take him to the cleaners! So, his only way is to intimidate you! Don't let him get to you. Just play it cool and "smart". Focus your energy on getting prepared for a battle.

 

Has anybody ever told you "YOU CAN'T?" This is exactly what your bully dickhead H is "psychologically" trying to do to you. Prove that YOU CAN! Trust yourself that you can! It will take A LOT of the confusion you are going through now. TRUST YOURSELF.

 

Meanwhile, keep him in the DARK as to what your next move is. Put on your best poker face. YES, ACT!!!

 

I did see an attny. He was very nice but does about 80% divorce and some bankruptcy etc.. .

Skip him! He's a Jack of all trade type attny. Look for one who is 100% devoted to Family Law.

 

Talk to friends, neighbors and tell them what's going on. It can be therapeutic AND great way to get referral. They may know someone who have gone or is going through a divorce. Ask to talk to their attorneys to get referrals in your area. This is how I got mine.

 

Log on to www.divorcenet.com. It has a forum just like LS and site gives you some basic divorce laws in your state.

 

Do google search using these keywords:

1. community property divorce (your state)
   
2. alimony divorce (your state)
   
3. family law (your state). This is your Bible. Read it. It outlines EVERYTHING! Child/spousal support, marital assets/debts, etc. It's what your/his attny will argue over in court.
   
4. divorce attorneys (your city and state)

We are no fault here and alimony is not even guaranteed sometmes. Not a woman friendly state. One legal office told me that alimony may come out of paying out assets! I thought I was going to kill over hearing that.

Remember Tom Cruise divorcing Nicole Kidman weeks/days shy of their 10 year anniversary? Because he would have paid her alimony. Like she needed his money....and they're in no fault state, California. Again, it comes down to how knowledgeable and sharp your attny is. Keep looking until your intuition tells you.

 

A healthy relationship takes two people who are willing to try.

Your marriage/relationship is NO LONGER healthy. It's toxic. YOU need to be the ONE who is healthy. Your kids NEED YOU to be healthy. Once you get to that point, you will have a healthier relationship with the next guy.

 

So take care of you first.

[FlyingHigh]

A few more "basic" thing, Mum.

 

If your arrogant dh (no, not "darling husband") H wants wants to threaten you that you don't have the financial means to fight him in court, as long you have the marital home, DO NOT, DO NOT vacate!

 

Once you find an attny you're confident with to represent you, your home can be used to pay for your court cost fees.

 

Let your H file for D and he can "brag" about it the world as a cover up for his infidelity. Because he would be the one suing you, 1) your attny can request that he pays for legal/court costs and 2) the judge could be more sympathic towards you especially if the D goes to trial. You may live in a "no fault" state, but that doesn't mean the judges aren't human.

 

My salary will never match his walking out from the D. But I need my sanity.

Now is the time to get cranking. With child/spousal (alimony) support, you'll do fine. Remember, YOU gave up your career to help advance his by being a homemaker, mother and full time wife. There is monetary value in that in today's currency.

 

GET PREPARED! If you don't, you have no one else to blame.

[Mz. Pixie]

Mum,

 

Whether or not you're in a "no fault" or "fault" state, basic stuff you should aim for are:

 

1) LIFETIME alimony until your remarry. Since you have been married for over 10 years, the court will look consider that long-term marriage. Don't go out looking for a job just yet. Your H is no fool. He wants you to go and get a job fast so that your spousal support will be close to zip AND so that he won't have to pay your portion of legal/court costs.

 

2) If you live in a "fault" state, adultery/infidelity will be financially painful to your husband. The court will find your H at "fault." Collect documents of his infidelity, i.e. phone records and expenses he withdrew from "community property" assets (savings, checking, credit card accounts).

 

3) If your H marries the OW, you can go back to court and have the child support modified and increased. If you've got a killer azz attorney, you might even get the spousal support modified. I live in "no fault" state CA, and I have a co-worker whose H's ex did exactly that and she won. She got the court to increase the child support because they considered her income.

 

4) Before you retain a D attorney, ASK if s/he is familiar with the judges who preside over divorce cases in each of the courtcouse within the County you live in. They can make a HUGE difference in the outcome of your D settelement. You want to have your D trialed in the court where the judges are more sympathetic towards C/SS especially in a case of adultery.

 

If your H files first, your D trial will be held at the courthouse where his attny filed which could be in a different city from where your primary residence is. If this is the case and you feel it would be financially difficult to have the case trialed there, you can request or have your attny req that the trial be changed/move to the courthouse closest to your marital residence.

 

You can also ask the court to waive the filing fees. You may have to show up at the courthouse to have your case be heard by a judge in order for the fees to be waived. Expect to spend half a day there. Consider it a good and eye opening experience. It'll give you a taste of what to expect should your D go to trial. You'll witness actual cases including divorce with each of the spouse's attorney.

 

5) Ask your prospective D attorney of their experience in trial divorce cases and their background. While rare, consider yourself lucky if your D atty is a former District Attny. They're the best to have. Remember, you get what you pay for.

 

6) Start collecting ALL pertinent documents and store them somewhere safe that you can use in court.

 

7) Write your "wish" list". This is what you want from your husband that your attorney will fight to get.

 

If your husband wants to be a dick about the whole thing as he has been, then by all means give the bastard what he deserves! A dose of his own medicine!

 

WOW, awesome post.

 

Let me echo what FH said-

 

DO NOT VACATE THE HOME- he knows that you shouldn't and that is why he's pushing you to do.

 

DO NOT GET A JOB RIGHT NOW.

 

He is completely out of his mind if he thinks this is going to play out like he wants it to.

[stillafool]

I am just going to try and take it easy. I need to have legal advice of course. But I am really really going to try and take the high road. He is an angry bully and a financial strangler but I can't let him beat me down. Being around him is not good for my self-esteem when all i hear is blame and my faults for driving him to this.

 

That's good because you have to take care of yourself during this very stressful time. I hope you are eating and sleeping well because you need your strength.

 

He can say really mean things like, "Anything is better than living with you." or "Why do you think I need someone else to talk to?"

 

What makes him say these hateful things to you? I would stay away from conversation with him that leads to these kind of insults. I would only talk to him about necessary things, i.e., the kids, finances, etc. I wouldn't bring up his affair or tell him anything anyone else has told me, including what you talk about on LS.

 

I really do think he is saying all these horrible things to you out of guilt. He has to feel this hate to go through with his plan otherwise he probably couldn't stand his own stupid self.

 

I am proud of you that you at least sought an attorney's advice (even if he wasn't the right one) and you made that first step.

 

Another thing Mum, I don't care what your h says, he has slept with this woman and plenty of times. A man doesn't spend that much time on the phone with a woman unless he's addicted. So stop driving yourself crazy over that one because he is sleeping with her and has made big plans to be with her that's why he's in such a hurry to get you out. The fact that he has told you to put the house up for sale and split your belongings is telling me he's ready to take a financial lost to have this OW.

 

To see that in writing was (WOW) hard but I have been told by everyone around me that his relationship is not as pure as he claims. I am just not opening my eyes and wanting to hear that. Before I discovered OW, I thought he was sincere about all his feelings and now I just feel betrayed and deceived. I can't believe that he can lie for a year and still try to get the D without me knowing. No wonder he was having problems sleeping this past year. Living a double life must have been hard.

 

 

It's only natural to wonder what's going on with him and the OW, but just put it in your mind that they are two losers who will get their's in the end.

You have been betrayed and deceived because he is a cheater. He has been working on this for a year so you have to catch up quick with your plans.

 

BTW, you said the two of you went to school together. What is your profession?

 

I am a dietetic technician. Just took one summer class where we met... way back then. My salary will never match his walking out from the D. But I need my sanity.

 

Definitely don't get a job and take FH's advice on this one.

[stillafool]

I forgot to comment on how arrogant you WS is that he is going to get everything he wants. What planet is he living on and who is he talking to? I can't wait to see (or hear about) the look on his face when he finds out he is sadly mistaken.

[dgiirl]

Mum, I havent really been paying too much attention to your thread, but I just read the last 5 pages of this thread and wow, I feel like i'm looking at myself in the past. You've got some amazing people contributing to your thread and giving you great advice. I wish I had been given as much help.

 

If your h is still living with you, you STILL have time. But it looks like you are still really really really pissed off. And probably pissed off every time you're around _him_. I was the exact same way with my exh. Whenever we were around one another, I couldnt look him in the eye. I was SO hurt, so resentful, my whole body tensed up. My exh wasnt communicating with me, and I cant really blame him when I wasnt really someone approachable. Sure, I was very civil and polite with him. But I couldnt relax around him, and in turn, he wouldnt open up to me. You are very lucky if he's still living with you. I never had the opportunity. My exh told me he wanted a divorce one day and moved out the very next day. We talked very little afterwards, but only in regards to the legalities of the divorce, mail, or the selling of the house. I was very frustrated because I SO desperately wanted to fix my marriage. I read every single relationship resource online and offline and people on marriage builders would just tell me over and over how it's my fault, how i'm not working on fixing the relationship, telling me that my actions said I wanted a divorce. Yet, not one single person could give me step by step directions on how to save the relationship. I had zero clue into my exh's emotional needs. I STILL dont. I knew exactly what my faults were. I knew exactly what his faults were. I had no clue how to get past either and open the lines of communication. And I'm still haunted by the past, because I still question if there was anything I could have done. I didnt know what to do, I still dont know what to do, and I feel like I had no choice in the matter. My hands were tied behind my back. I hoped and prayed for months on end. Even up to a year and a half I was still hoping something would change.

 

The only thing I AM proud about is how I handled the legalities of the divorce. My exh was very quick to leave the house and very quick to settle the splitting of assets. He too wanted to settle this without lawyers. The first month he hounded me almost every day to settle the divorce. I was blindsighted by the whole thing, emotionally distraught and finally told him to back the hell off, otherwise I'm going for blood. That scared him enough to give me some breathing space. A month later, I told him I was ready, that I had seen a lawyer (oh how pissed he was about me seeing a lawyer "behind his back"), and how I closed our joint bank account, taking atleast half of my share of the money (i wasnt sure how mentally stable he was and was sure not going to lose my money along with my marriage), and I changed the locks on the house, he certainly was not going to enter the house, my only safe place in the city while he had his own safe place that I had no access to. He did NOT like any of these things at all. As a doctor, he was SO use to being in charge, and this was the very first time i ever did anything without counsulting him. I'm not sure if any of these actions damaged our change of reconcilation, but I would do it again today if I had to. There is NO doubt in my mind that this was the best course of action for ME.

 

After two months of separation, when i was finally ready to start the talk on the divorce, I told him to go see a lawyer. That there's no way I'm going to do this without a professional. That at this moment, I still loved him, wanted him back in my life, and that it wasnt fair for HIM to expect me to agree to things when I wanted him back in my life and would do anything for that to happen. That in a year from now, I didnt want to feel taken advantage of by him and thus I NEEDED a lawyer for my own sanity. Of course, he tried to make me feel guilty about that, but finally saw a lawyer. I then told him if he wanted a divorce, that he should file. He said he'll get a lawyer and draw up papers with a rough draft of our assets. Week after week, for 3 months, he'd call me up saying he'll have these papers for me next week. Week after week, for 3 months, his lawyer had one excuse after another why they couldnt get the papers ready, and promised next week. Finally, on the adivce of my own lawyer, he told me that we should file. And so I did. I filed, and once again, my exh was pissed off! He was pissed because I "sued" him and he didnt want to go to court. A baillif had to hand deliver these papers, and I didnt want them sent to his parents house where he was living, so I had to get them delievered to his office. I was kind enough to give him ahead notice, but he was STILL pissed off. It was the best thing I could have done for myself because a) i wouldnt have been emotionally stable to have some baillif hand me divorce papers, b) it made my exh finish up his responsibilities.

 

He had a set date to respond to my papers, otherwise it was going to court. He really didnt want to go to court, so he was forced to talk to me. I was able to negotiate exactly what I wanted, which was exactly 50/50. My exh tried every single thing he could to give me less than 50/50. He felt that since he earned more money than me, that he deserved more than 50/50. I wouldnt budge, so then he started with how his practice was losing money, and how life is rough and blah blah blah. He tried finding loop holes in the legal system, but apprently, asshat cannot add and no matter WHAT he tried doing it still came back to my original number. And I WAS being generous. I could have gone after SOOOO much more. My job was uncertain, and yet I signed away my spousal support. He had some assets from before the marriage, but no proof. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But I was being fair and that's all I wanted from the beginning.

 

Finally, after we agreed to everything, we put the house up for sale. It took us some time and I was forced into a position of once again being his keeper and asking him to take care of his responbilities. One of his complaints when he left was how all I did was take and take from him. And yet, he was the one who was pushing my patience until I blew up. I told him that i had the patience of a damn saint. That it's not fair that when I ask him to do something and he says he'll do it by x date, when x date comes around it's still not done that I have to remind him. He then gives me another date, which in turn it doesnt get done. So by the 4th or 5th time of this, I get pissed off. That I was sick and tired of having to remind him of taking care of his responsibilities and that he needs to man up as gunny would say. Then, he started to "man up", but only a little.

 

We finally sold the house 6 months ago, and I moved to a new city, very far away from my exh. We dont have kids, so I took the opportunity to leave this very far in the past. I'm now living alone for the very first time in my life and I'm loving it. I'm rebuilding my life, learning that I'm solely responsible for my own happiness, and that I can be happy by myself. It'll be two years, valentines day, since my separation. My life IS better in that there's so much less stress, less headahces, it's SO much more peaceful and tranquille. I've gone through so much emotions, and still have some more to process, but life is pretty good. This isnt exactly what I wanted in my life. I did love my exh. But I wasnt experienced enough to be able to nip the problems in the bud years before, and by the time divorce was mentioned, it was crisis mode and everything was too chaotic to think straight.

 

I just wanted to share my story with you. Hopefully there's something you can use to help your situation in whichever direction you do go in.

[mum2three]

Got my counseling apt. soon so i'll respond more later. I would be super surprised if he shows up. It's his day off and he's running amuck with his own plans. I need to focus on me and just continue to be at peace. I know I need to practice this every few hours or minutes of the day.

 

Dgirl....thanks for that story. Got some followup questions for u later.

 

In terms of prenup, we had nothing but loans from school when we got married. Simple grad student life renting an apt. Now that we have built a foundation, family, and his practice is getting off he thinks he is better off on his own (with the kids, of course). I just realized that my freakin' Old Navy underwear is over 6 yrs old! I have not gotten anything monetary from this M if anyone thinks I have benefited from being a doctor's wife.

 

How dare he nickle and dime me! Ok, back to positive energy.

[dgiirl]

I have not gotten anything monetary from this M if anyone thinks I have benefited from being a doctor's wife.

 

:lmao: i swear to GOD i'll never marry another doctor again.

[stillafool]

dgirl that was an inspiring story and I'm so glad you are in a peaceful place now. I had no idea some doctors are bigger a&&holes than lawyers.

[Mz. Pixie]

Another thing Mum, I don't care what your h says, he has slept with this woman and plenty of times. A man doesn't spend that much time on the phone with a woman unless he's addicted. So stop driving yourself crazy over that one because he is sleeping with her and has made big plans to be with her that's why he's in such a hurry to get you out. The fact that he has told you to put the house up for sale and split your belongings is telling me he's ready to take a financial lost to have this OW.

 

 

Oh, I'm sorry Mum, I thought that I'd already pointed out that he'd already slept with her- otherwise he wouldn't be calling her as much, buying her things etc.

[FlyingHigh]

Now that we have built a foundation, family, and his practice is getting off he thinks he is better off on his own (with the kids, of course).

Of course he does!!!

 

And as long as he's got the OW to put out without any financial strings demands attached (yeah, right...for now...hee-hee..so he thinks), and you out of the way to mess up his grand scheme of plans, he's in lala land. But you won't let it won't you, Mum? Because you're holding a reeaaally sharp needle behind his inflated balloon dickhead ready to pop it, don't you? So, you see, just as long as he doesn't know you're at his heels with a sharp needle, he won't see you coming and pop 'em good. And the reason why he can't see you from behind is because his fogged up rear view mirror is wedged between his balls! :D

[FlyingHigh]

:lmao: i swear to GOD i'll never marry another doctor again.

Don't say "never". Doctors, like lawyers and pilots are not ALL scums like the ones you, Mum and I married. Work for a large airline and "purposely" stayed away from pilots so I married my stbxh who works for a large auto company. I thought marrying someone "outside" my profession would be ideal. But, was I dead wrong!! He belongs in the same category as your x and Mum's stbx---scum category. My stbxh screwed another flight attendant (one of the competitors that's in bankruptcy) who knew he was married from the getgo and in the end started making demands. He certainly redefined the meaning of the "frequent flyer" program.

 

I have a lot of co-workers who have been/are happily married to pilots or with other employees within the company for a very long time. So, you never know. You may end up marrying another doctor. There are decent people who DO HAVE moral standards as opposed to the ones we are or have been married to regardless of their occupation. So don't shut your heart out on one entire profession because of ONE lousy bad apple for a representative.

[mum2three]

I just found some more statements for kids college funds and he is stuffing it like mad. We just went thru this over X'mas and not again. I am not going to be nice anymore. I know it is for the kids but he is a sneaky SOB. I can't believe he can live his life like this. Will he get what he deserves in the end??!!

 

I really don't even know how I can like him as a person let alone try D-busting or making him apple pie with a smile. He is a total jerk!! I know I need positive energy but it is taking all I've got.

 

Regarding saying hurtful things to mean is when I talk about Finances and his character. We rarely talk about the R anymore b/c this is where we are at... the point of no return. OW is not much of a topic but when I get pissed I will take a few cheap jabs.

 

I don't know of anyone who has been cheated on can take the high road all the time. He's lucky I haven't slandered him all around town. I am trying to remain respectable although when I see this crap that he is pulling it is taking all of my goodness and the grace of God for me not to pummel him!!!

[polywog]

Hi mum,

I have been reading your thread with great interest and sympathy. Maybe this is off-base of me, but isn't it a good thing to put money in your (&his) kids' college fund, I mean, maybe sneaky way of stashing money, but wouldn't it be much yuckier if he was putting money someplace where the OW would be benefitting instead of your kids?

[FlyingHigh]

I just found some more statements for kids college funds and he is stuffing it like mad. We just went thru this over X'mas and not again. I am not going to be nice anymore. I know it is for the kids but he is a sneaky SOB. I can't believe he can live his life like this. Will he get what he deserves in the end??!!

 

I don't know of anyone who has been cheated on can take the high road all the time. He's lucky I haven't slandered him all around town. I am trying to remain respectable although when I see this crap that he is pulling it is taking all of my goodness and the grace of God for me not to pummel him!!!

In due time, Mum. Trust me. I've been where you are. My SOB stbxh tried to pull a sneaky stunt, but I already know what he's up to. Keep you're cool. Collect what you found so far.

 

Google "college fund irs code" or log on to www.irs.gov. Make sure the monies he's stuffing are REALLY for college funds and not for anything else.

 

This is just the beginning...

[mum2three]

Can this money be taken back out or make him pay thru other settlement pay out like alimony? I heard from some people that educ funds allows you to lock up the money and I would be entitled to it at the end and the pot will be smaller. Gotta ask that question to legal but anyone with suggestions??

[mum2three]

Well, if you consider most of the cash assets is tied up in the educ. funds, I would walk away with barely any start up money. I am certainly not being selfish but there is a point when it is ridiculous. Let's just say, anyone looking at those numbers would be astounded!