I'm drowning....husband wants out

[Empty1]

Mum it seems like he is making it easier for you in a way, because he is nasty it can make you a bit stronger and determined. Mine is being so understanding and nicer to the kids and going along with what I want to do and basically if he had of been like this when we were married things wouldnt have come to where it has.

 

I think if he were an ahole it would be really easy for me to think well yes this is the right thing to do, who wants him. He has made up his mind and now wants to move on but still likes me as a friend, still wants to keep all our wedding photos because it is a part of his past. Maybe in the long run this is a better way, but in the short run what your husband is doing is better.

[mum2three]

Hey E1,

 

I know what u r trying to say. But it is still really really hard. It is hard to feel whole right now. I guess especially hard today b/c I am away from the kids and all. But I can't make good sense of his behaviour now. I know it's a matter of acceptance. Today is a rough day. My oldest is in kindergarten so he is reveling in the x'mas spirit and my middle is 3 and he just adores the tree and my D is just 2. I never imagined life for us this way. I hate that they are missing out on having mommy there. But it just doesn't make sense right now for me to be there.

 

Just trying to keep strong. LS is great but I shouldn't be surfing here today . I need to get a life. Sorry for the pity party.

[Dad_of_3]

Looking forward to hearing from u. I am more focused b/c I realize that this is it. I can't breathe now but that is beside the point. His goal is to kick me out of his life. It hurts alot to see someone turn on you like a rabid animal. I really hope i can do this.

 

Everyone is shopping and doing the holiday thing. I can't even think about that. I will need to get thru this coming wk when I go back home. I don't know what to expect....

 

mum, hang tough, its not a nice thing you are going through.

But as I read each and every new post, I see strength in your words. Its a positive sign.

I also read alot of anger and frustration in there as well. Please don't let that get the better of you. You are who you are, you don't need to let this further cloud your judgement of how to be.

I know my words of comfort may not hit the spot, but it will get better.

You can make it better, you know you can.

It hurts like buggery but it wont last forever. I can already see the day when it hits you like a freight train and it will be clear for you.

Its a feeling I cant explain or express but you will revel in it.

 

As for someone turning on you. Yes, it happens from my experience. Expect some insane behaviour in a unreasonable situation.

 

No mum, its not a case of "if" you can do this. You are doing this !

You've already taken so many steps to come this far. You are no one-hit wonder in the song of your life.

Its ok to doubt it once in awhile, to take a breather, to sit down and look back, but please don't stay there.

Pick yourself up, you have it in you to do it.

I'm full of quotes these days but this comes from a song that means alot to me. This song has had more inpact on me than anything.

When I found out about OM one night, I lost it, I knew nothing but putting my car through a brick wall at 110 kmp/h.

No thoughts of my kids, my future came into my head. All I could think of was the pain and how it hurt so much. I didnt want it anymore.

This song I had heard before but never paid attention to it.

I'm not a ovely religious man, but I am a firm believer of things happening for a reason now. MORE THAN EVER.

This song came on at the right time, right moment to steer me clear.

 

Its a song called "Lift" by an Australian Idol contestant. Laugh all you want guys !

But this musician and singer, well, I am a fan for life.

I personally revealed my story to a australian forum in the hopes of letting him know what affect it had on me and to say "Thank you" nothing more, nothing less. His mother posted on the site, and offered there support and let me know she would let him know. That made my day !

 

In any case, I want you if you can to find this song, if not, contact me and hell I will mail you the cd. That is my offer to you for Christmas !

 

Its a tough time without the kids, I hear you. I left them hours ago but they are still in my heart. Its never good in this space to feel like this but don't loose sight of the picture. You are there mum and what you do and feel will always come out to them. Be there mum,. be loving, be there for them, shoudl they need you. You know what to do, you're already doing it. Missing them is already a sign.

 

As for enjoying the holiday season, enjoy it if you can, if you can;t no one will say a word. If they do, well, do there opinon matter? Thats all they are.

 

I wish there was more I could do, I cant offer Legal advice as I do not know the legal system in the states nor am I overly 'legal' savvy.

All I can offer is my hand in support and cheer you on as you make the changes in your life and see the beauty in it.

I can't wait till that happens for you.

 

Hope to hear back from you.

[Dad_of_3]

This is the song, its by Shannon Noll

"Lift"

 

I know you're hurting

Feels like you're learning

'Bout life the hard way

And it ain't working

 

Seems like forever

That you've been falling

It's time to move on

You're life is calling, yeah

 

This was never meant to be the end

Close the book and start again

 

[CHORUS]

Cause I know how hard it can get

But you gotta lift

You gotta lift

And sometimes that's how it is

But I know you're stronger

Stronger than this

You gotta lift

You gotta lift

 

When you can feel your

Whole body's aching

What's left of your heart

It won't stop breaking

You gotta let go

You took a hit

Time to pick up now

Move on from this

 

This was never meant to be the end

Close the book and start again

 

[CHORUS]

Cause I know how hard it can get

But you gotta lift

You gotta lift

And sometimes that's how it is

But I know you're stronger

Stronger than this

You gotta

 

Lift yourself up above all the hurt

Don't give it

Wipe your eyes and remember

You're better than this

Let them know

That they took their best shot

And missed

C'mon and lift

 

This was never meant to be the end

Close the book and start again

 

[CHORUS]

Cause I know how hard it can get

But you gotta lift

You gotta lift

And sometimes that's how it is

But I know you're stronger

Stronger than this

You gotta lift

You gotta lift

 

Pick up now...

Pick up now...

------------------------------------------

 

Like I said my offer to you is to send you this cd. It'd be good to get some Aussie culture into the states!

It would be a pleasure to send it to you. It'd be my gift to you

Send me whatever posting address you want it sent to to:

[email protected]

[mum2three]

First, thank u all who lingered here for X'mas. It was really tough for me to be away from the kids. The is the saddest X'mas for me ever. I found some comfort having someone here to listen. I am not back "home" yet from the holidays. I am giving myself and my H some space. It got really suffocating at home and I just felt unwanted all the time. It is so hard to face rejection contantly.

 

Dad of 3, thank you for the lyrics. I know you are working hard at GAL and inspiring many of us to do so. Delarocha, I am where u r at exactly. I need to let go and mean it. My H has not initiated any contact with me other than to let the kids talk to me. I feel that it is final in his heart and actions. I hate that I hold a small light in my heart and brain for him and this family. But I can't help it. I want to turn it off and just get on with my life. I think he has started to tell some more of his friends so things are rolling.

 

Being away from him and not talking or communicating does not seem to be helping. I don't think he misses me and can't wait till he can officially move on. I don't know what strategy to use now if any. I hate feeling "desperate" but the holidays didn't help.

 

I am flip flopping emotionally and that is driving me crazy. I need to "man it up!"

[PWSX3]

Being away from him and not talking or communicating does not seem to be helping. I don't think he misses me and can't wait till he can officially move on. I don't know what strategy to use now if any. I hate feeling "desperate" but the holidays didn't help.

 

I am flip flopping emotionally and that is driving me crazy. I need to "man it up!"

 

I know it's very hard to do, but thinking about what he is doing and what he is thinking is just taking good energy you could be using for yourself.

You don't know what he is feeling so you are just worrying about things you have no control over. (been there done that)

 

This is something that takes time, you have to be patient (thanks Ilmw;)) and it does get better with time.

Maybe your H needs the time away from you to start missing what he had and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be and you can move on after time and better yourself "IF" you start looking at yourself and find ways of making yourself a better person, you can't wait for him to decide what he wants.

 

Today at work one of my co-workers came into work and I grabbed his shoulders and shuck him and said good morning!!!

The first thing he asked me was; did you get laid last night, why are you in such a good mood????

I told him I did not get laid but I was in a good mood just because, didn't need a reason!!!

 

If you are going to worry then worry about what "YOU" are going to do next and what "YOU" are going to do to make "YOU" better.

 

DO3, thanks for the song suggestion, downloaded it so now does that mean I have some AUSIE music in my I-pod to add to my collection of music I would have never thought I would listen to? :lmao:

[mum2three]

I just want to feel out some guys opinions on moving out and being away from the kids and all. Was it gut wrenching? This is my second time leaving for the holidays. So far, I have been away for 1 wk and it's wearing me down. I miss my kids so much but I know that I can't be the full time mom that i used to be. I just feel the clock ticking on the shift in our family life.

 

I hate the uncertainty of my life now but i can't stand knowing my H is proceeding towards D and the lack of emotion that he can have thru out this whole time.

 

I feel I can cope better distancing myself but when I am home with the kids I feel sucked in again. I feel sucked into expectations and disappointment, not to mention anger. As hard as it is to consider this but should i go?

[GreenEyedLady]

Why can't you take the kids with you? If you were the primary caregiver before, you are shooting yourself in the foot by leaving them...I left my xh and I took the kids with me...

[mum2three]

Right now, I'm staying at my folks which is at least 2.5 hrs away. The space is tight here and not childproof by any means.

[mum2three]

Just wondering how old ur kids were at the time u left ur XH? Thanks for reading my post.

[GreenEyedLady]

My son was 4 and my daughter was 2...so they were young...my mom was able to watch them for me while I worked...i think that it helped with the transition...my thoughts are with you...I know how hard it is...

[mum2three]

Oh, you are so lucky to have ur mom's help. My folks still need to work themselves. My kids (5, 3, & 2) are really young. It is unbelievable that I am in this position now. But it's real and I need to take care of myself. I won't be good for my kids if I don't get started on rebuilding my career and ensuring some finances for the future.

 

When u left ur XH, did u remain in the area? Thanks for listening!!

[GreenEyedLady]

I moved about 45 minutes to my moms...I stayed there for 10 months...the kids were in child care part-time...I was starting my first year teaching...it was hard, he served me with divorce papers during class after I told him I was planning to file as soon as I had a retainer for the attorney...

 

I had just finished grad school and was doing my credential coursework so it was hard, but well worth it...I now have two master's degrees and am in my fourth year teaching...don't be afraid to rebuild for yourself...and TAKE CARE OF YOU! Best of luck...

[stillafool]

.

 

 

Being away from him and not talking or communicating does not seem to be helping. I don't think he misses me and can't wait till he can officially move on. I don't know what strategy to use now if any. I hate feeling "desperate" but the holidays didn't help.

 

I am flip flopping emotionally and that is driving me crazy. I need to "man it up!"

 

 

I know Mum you are wondering why he hasn't called you or missed you. I know it hurts so much and is unbelievable. You have to get to the acceptance stage and you'll be there soon the way he's acting. It's okay to be angry as that will push you forward to contact an attorney and do what you have to do for you and your kids. You said it is hard being home with the kids because you feel sucked in and angry. Maybe you wouldn't feel that way if your husband was removed from the house and it was just you and your kids. Your kids need you right now because they know something is going on and they are so young. To spend Christmas without Mommie must have been sad for them too. Have you asked your husband to leave the house since he is the one who is so unhappy?

[mum2three]

Yes, I asked him nicely why he would stay if i make so him miserable (even when I try to not cross his path). His response was "YOu're not kicking me out of my house and keeping me from my kids!"

 

I don't want to be the one to initiate D but he is driving it forward by messing with the savings. I never had my own money or acct. He is acting like he is already D.

[stillafool]

I don't know Mum, your Husband if a real SOB. If he is messing with the savings you really need to contact an attorney and your husband (i think) would have to pay for it. He has some nerve saying "You're not going to kick me out of my house and keep me from my kids" when he's the one who is trying to break up your home. You should tell him "you're the one who is unhappy here with me and not happy in our home. I am my children's mother and they need me. I am not leaving my children and am not going to remove them from their home. We are happy in our home you are not and should be the one to leave so you won't be so miserable." Or when you talk to your attorney he will tell you what to do. Don't leave your house or it will look like you abandoned it and your kids. I can't believe how selfish your husband is acting. He's a doctor making a good living and wants to kick his wife out of the house. Nonsense. It's too bad you can't get a private detective to take pictures of him with his OW to use in your divorce.

[stillafool]

Also I would tell him that if he leaves you won't keep him from his kids, he can have visitation with them.

[mum2three]

Ok, haven't had energy to post but latest is that he is messing with the bank accts. He is shutting me off the joint acct. Got all new ones just in his name. Latest, got the cell bills listing all calls and realized all these numbers from OW. They talk almost everyday and several times a day for the last 6 months. She works in his other office. Sleeze. I don't think the emotional attachment can be that strong w/o some hanky panky.

 

He is home every nite but if there is a will there is a way. He always calls her b4 leaving the office. Obviously my calls to him were short b/c he tells me that he's got one last patient to see. A***hole!

 

I can't believe he would still deny the whole thing. He says that she is just a friend and that he needs someone to talk to about our problems. OK!

 

Will write more later.

[Ladyjane14]

Ok, haven't had energy to post but latest is that he is messing with the bank accts. He is shutting me off the joint acct. Got all new ones just in his name.

 

If he's stashing the assets... you REALLY need to hire yourself an attorney. You can bet your ass he's already got his own strategy mapped out.

 

I can't believe he would still deny the whole thing. He says that she is just a friend and that he needs someone to talk to about our problems.

 

Of course he's going to deny it. He's afraid you're gonna skin him in the divorce settlement. He's not going to admit to ANY wrongdoing.

 

You know... the part that really fries my bacon is that the guy is a doctor. Does he refer his patients to other certified medical professionals when they need specialist care? More than likely he does. But when it comes to getting qualified therapy to deal with his problems at home... any old pair of ears will do?

[mum2three]

LJ, your reply about "any old pair of ears will do". Well, I have stronger words for his OW. I do feel like confronting her since i know where she works. I know it is my H's fault but she has a good hand in creating this drama. She works at the office so obviously she KNOWS that he is married and has 3 kids under 5 yrs old! Damn, I feel like smacking the both of them.

 

It is no wonder he has not been asking for sex or any intimacy in the last couple of months. He says that he left our marriage along time ago and so far the phone records indicate that. With him not wearing his ring since April, I guess I should have been smarter. He wasn't even sorry or remorseful when I confronted him. He just kept pointing the finger at me and how he gave up too much in this marriage and lost himself. He says he is being selfish for once.

 

Yes, it is time to move on. I told him that we (my kids & I) don't need him and that he should leave. He was so insistent on me leaving and how he and the kids are fine without me. I think he is crazy and out of his mind. He is probably going to fight me for those kids. He says all he has are his kids. I think he left out the part about the mistress that he has been banging out.

 

Can't believe he is pulling a sob story on me. He was crying saying that divorce is the only thing he knows on how to solve our problems. I told him that all i want is for him to own up to it and i dont really care at this point about his affair. The relationship is gone and I am glad that there is proof so I don't wonder if it is something about me.

 

In fact, this doesn't have much to do with me. He needs to be responsible for his actions. I just think of how sad it is for my kids when we have to tell them. But there is no choice. I need some sanity. I have been playing by the rules and being nice and even genuinely still concerned for his reputation and well being. But I really want to confront her or play a stupid trick on her. I'm tired of being nice!

[lasan]

Mum-

 

Get thee to a lawyer! Photocopy every bit of financial info you can find and put it in a safe place. In most states, things like alimony won't be affected even if he is having an affair...sorry, but, You need to talk to a lawyer before he goes off with too many more of the assets. I bet you that he has already talked to a lawyer. Absolutely do not leave the marital home. You need to get moving to protect yourself because he is already moving to serve his own interests.

[Guest]

i hope this doesn't sound harsh to everyone but i wish sometimes people would just take that first step outside of the fear and worry and realize that there is nothing that cannot be solved. i know personally, i have given my all and made statements that are TRUE and what i WANT and not done so just to please others. sometimes u wait to long and people DO move on. i am not one for ultimatiums and demands but i do believe in realistic expectations regarding communication.

 

i once told someone i am the best guy she will ever find or have in her life - and that's true - i am proud of who i am. i told her we deserve each other in whatever way works best and i even said that i would cherish and embrace children and lovers - THAT IS THE HIGHEST ASSURANCE OF CONFIDENTENCE AND SECURITY IN ONESELF - and i don't know anyone else that would say that and mean it - and for being this MAN i received not one single real reply or communication from her. i cannot accept that as a sign of understanding and trust as a response. i am sorry but....she could repair and change that quickly, but, i don't have an expectations as i know she is going thru many difficult things and thoughts that come with them.

[FlyingHigh]

Mum,

 

Finally got a chance to read your thread and each of your replies. I try to limit the number of posts I read and get involve in for the sake of keeping track as I did with Delarocha and Dad_of_3. You asked for my advice on Dad_of_3's thread, so now, YOU have my undivided attention.

 

Here's my take on what's going on:

• You've yet to make a concerted effort to wise up. So far you are sooo emotionally consumed by the way your H has treated and how, why you can't understand his reasons for being a dick head that you have not been able to be "proactive" in planning for you and what may be an inevitable divorce. HE IS being a dick! Plain and simple! So the question is WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE ANYTHING TO PREPARE?

Reread each of your posts/replies. NOT ONCE have you set out a "blueprint" of what you need to do! You have been in the "Pity Party" too long. What will it take for you to get up and start moving?! In other words, START GETTING YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW! How?

1. Start searching for a divorce attorney. You have a computer, start searching in your local area. Interview each one. If you don't have anyone to refer you to one, the best attorneys are usually located in the high rent district downtown, relatively close to the courthouse. When you interview attorneys, ASK for their background and if they are familiar with the judges at all the courthouses in your county who preside over divorce cases. Judges can be more consertive at one courthouse while more liberal over the other. An experienced attorney will know this. If you're in southern CA, I can give you my killer attorney.
   
2. Call a local paralegal. They will give you some basic info and they have attorneys on staff readily available.
   
3. Get a copy of his current paystub and W-2. His paystub will show his earnings PLUS automatic deductions to his retirement, 401K, bonuses and deposits to "other" savings/checking account you may not be aware of.
   
4. If you live in a "fault state" you'll come ahead. Start gathering evidence of his affair! Phone records, flowers receipt, anything. There are ways to get evidence. Women are naturally instinctive and pretty suave when it comes to detective work. Start kicking in those instincts.
   
5. If you live in a "no fault state" you will still come ahead beacause: a) you gave up your employment to care for your family's needs b) by giving up your job, YOU in the eyes of the court "contributed" to your husband's career advancement. And boy, he will get it, too!c) You have a medical condition that may or could affect your probability of attaining future employment. d) You've been married 10 years +. Alimony, my dear! UNTIL YOU REMARRY! e) If you have a great attorney and your H marries the OW, you can go back to court and get the child support and possibly alimony adjusted higher because NOW, the court will combine both their incomes!
   
6. Let your H file for divorce first because since he is "technically" serving you or suing you for divorce, it's easier to get him to pay for all court/legal fees especially since you're not working.

SO GET CRACKING! If you don't, you have NO ONE else to shift the blame for the outcome, but yourself. Think about it...

 

It is no wonder he has not been asking for sex or any intimacy in the last couple of months. He says that he left our marriage along time ago and so far the phone records indicate that. With him not wearing his ring since April, I guess I should have been smarter. He wasn't even sorry or remorseful when I confronted him. He just kept pointing the finger at me and how he gave up too much in this marriage and lost himself. He says he is being selfish for once.

My stbxh did the same EXACT things as your H did! Affairs turn cheaters like them into expert liars! Hell, my stbxh even swore on his mother's life and death bed he was telling the truth when he was confronted! HE LIED!!! His mother died a month later. CHEATERS have NO remorse! They have NO sense of responsibility to ANYONE but themselves! They BLAME everyone else, but themselves!

 

Sure, they'll admit their misdeeds. But those lying SOBS do so ONLY to pacify the betrayed spouse so they'll quit suspecting, interrogating and giving them hell!!

 

The best thing you can do is DO REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY on your husband. He already has you pegged on how you will react emotionally. So why bother giving him the satisfaction? It's his way of justifying his affair! That's what cheaters do!! If he disrespects you, tell him to get out. If he doesn't, I'd tell him I'd take his clothes and dump them in the front lawn. Do you honestly think any doctor who thinks "highly" of their profession will take the chance of being seen by his neigbors with his clothes on the front lawn? Hell, if you haven't exposed his affair, this is one heck of a way to do it!

 

Did exactly that to stbxh! He came back and packed! One of my GF threatened her BF that if she ever caught him cheating, she would cut off every crotch of his pants and underwear! :D LOL!

 

YOU HAVE OPTIONS! Your option to do NOTHING is not an option! And so far, you haven't done ONE thing that is proactive to your benefit. You're wasting too much time agonizing how your H is mistreating you. Fight back! BUT FIGHT SMART! Remember Ivana Trump's book? "Don't Get Mad. Get Even!" Your husband has too much to lose, financially. He's praying you will waltz out so that the OW can waltz in to live out their fantasy. And that is where they are still at! AND they will continue to play it out as long as you give in and DO NOTHING.

 

Think about it....

[mum2three]

I know I have been in a frozen state. My friends have been saying that I sound depressed. I know what I should do but i have held back for hope and also because of disbelief. I just couldn't imagine my H betraying our family like that. But now I see that in his mind he believes that the kids are better off without me b/c he has made other plans while I always had the same plan. NO ONE would believe this right now!

 

He is a star stand up. Despite our difficulties, no one would ever think of him as a risk taker like that, He is always home, always doing chores, always good with the kids etc.... The missing link was how distant he was to me and how he ignored my condition when it all happened early this year. I thought it was the stress of the kids or maybe my habits that he was fed up with. I truly wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt even if I gave him the divorce. I just wanted to make sure that I did all I can so my kids won't think that we changed their lives in haste.

 

It makes sense now all the things he has been saying about not being here anymore mentally, thinking about this a yr ago, taking off ring, being super busy at work this yr, can't talk to me at all, hated that i stopped by unannounced etd. He was deeply entranced in this affair. Even till now he is adamant that he has never been unfaithful to me during our M.

 

I can't believe that it went on for so long. I was just home everyday with the kids and managing the household. All summer we would run errands, take the kids out to eat, see friends...although it dwindled b/c he and I were not connecting well.

 

His excuse was that he needed someone to talk to that was happy. He said that I was never happy. He complained about how I took care of the kids even though he wasn't home to see it. He didn't think I was doing anything to better myself. He hated hearing about complaints after work. I did stop that but then I realized that we were living separate lives. He blamed me for not approaching him to help solve our problems. I felt responsible and not a good wife so i also felt very guilty about our trouble M. But I was really not the focus. He needed his fix from OW and bashing my self esteem was his way of controlling the sitch.

 

He has been bullying me and was sleeping on our bed while I slept with the kids UNTIL last nite. I think this is his own admission of his guilt b/c I found him out. I am treating him indifferent but my heart is gone. Maybe he expects me to go crazy. But I need to be calm now. Will do what is necessary now.

 

I know my inactions did not make sense to anyone else. But everytime he did something, I didn't want to believe that he could be intentionally so spiteful and mean. My friends are right, he wants me to walk away no money, home and kids. I have held back from filing D because I thought he would snap out of his early 30's midlife crisis. I was mauling over the idea of the kids suffering etc. But this is where we are truly at so it does ease the pain to end the M.

[Ladyjane14]

It makes sense now all the things he has been saying ....

 

I felt responsible and not a good wife so i also felt very guilty about our trouble M. But I was really not the focus. He needed his fix from OW...

 

BRAVA!!! Success at last!

 

I'm really proud of you, Mum. It's not easy to connect the dots when someone you loved and trusted is deliberately trying to mislead you.

 

You're exactly right. You were really not the focus. So much of this behavior is about The Affair.... not about you.

 

Initially, yes... his dissatisfaction with the state of the marriage might have opened the door to the thought process which allowed him to withdraw from the marriage. But EVERYTHING after that is about 'feeding the beast' and keeping the affair alive.

 

Now, you've got some fight in you and that's a GOOD thing. But I want to make you aware that just because your husband is focused on divorce right now... doesn't necessarily mean that the marriage is unrecoverable.

 

If protecting his affair is his chief motivation right now... and ALL his actions are tied into that particular impetus... what do you think would happen if the affair ended?

 

You still have some decisions to make. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't follow through with FH's earlier advice and get yourself a really good lawyer. This is something you need to do no matter what you decide about the marriage. But once you understand that the affair itself is the major impediment to recovering your marriage and family dynamic, you have some decisions to make in how you spend your emotional energy.

 

Now, I'm going to be really candid with you... For me, a physical affair is an absolute deal-breaker. I'm doubtful of my own ability to accept a husband back under those circumstances. But I'm hard-nosed about it and I'm aware of that particular flaw. What I would do is not necessarily the right thing for someone else.

 

That said, I most certainly WOULD hold my nose and bust that affair up.... just for the sake of making sure the OW didn't profit on the loss of my family dynamic if nothing else. You can bet your ass she'd never have a moment's peace wondering if he was in my bed or not. And hey, I might literally puke afterwards... but sure as the world is round, I'd do it anyway.

 

Anyway, if you're uncertain as to how to proceed... I'd see an attorney first and foremost if I were you. Then I'd keep WH guessing with a strong 'Plan A'. You do NOT have to commit to any notion of reconciliation, but until you've made a firm decision on what YOU want, Plan A will allow you to keep your options open.

 

'Plan A' does NOT mean that you don't follow through on your attorney's advice. All it means is that while you're doing what's necessary to protect yourself and your children, you do it PLEASANTLY. You're just a woman doing what she needs to do, right?

 

I would, however, recommend that you avoid the usual "Plan A" recommendations of Exposure. Instead, follow your attorney's advice to the letter. Your husband seems to be determined to put you out with nothing. You're facing a tough battle with a fogged out, but intelligent, opponent. Don't give him ANY ammunition to use against you. You need to come off as composed and well-spoken. His strategy will be to try to make you look crazy and out-of-control. Don't play into it.