Mother says she has a right to abuse me

[Woggle]

Every time I think I am over her she goes and taunts me again. Tonight she called because we needed to have a talk and I see she is even more screwed up in the head than I thought. According to her she gave birth to me and I came out of her body so she had the right to do whatever she wanted to me. I was not respecting her independence when I objected to the abuse and I as a man needed to be humbled. I needed to be taught how to respect strong women and how inferior I was to her power. Now you people see why I have issues with women. It is a miracle I am not a serial killer.

[Porn_Guy]

According to her she gave birth to me and I came out of her body so she had the right to do whatever she wanted to me.

this is true in the majority of the world

 

I was not respecting her independence when I objected to the abuse and I as a man needed to be humbled. I needed to be taught how to respect strong women and how inferior I was to her power.

most mothers think like this....

[Pyro]

Just be happy that you now have a woman in your life that is everything that your mother is not.

[KolzarAAV]

Haha, i had this same problem when i was a teenager

[hotgurl]

Have you considered cutting her out of your life? She sounds very touched in the head.

[bab]

this is true in the majority of the world

 

 

most mothers think like this....

 

No. No this is not a normal mother's attitude. Your mom is screwed in the head Woggle. Try and remember that not every woman is your mother and we don't think the same way. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I agree with Hotgurl, cut the strings.

[SmoochieFace]

Have you considered cutting her out of your life? She sounds very touched in the head.

 

Exactly. She sounds nuttier than a fruitcake. The 'right' to abuse... LMAO! What will they come up with next?

 

Seriously, from where do people derive such insane ideas? I really am curious.

[SmoochieFace]

It is a miracle I am not a serial killer.

 

I think it's a miracle you didn't strangle her.

 

If my mother ever said anything like that to me...

[a4a]

wog remove her from your life...... she is crazy ..... a lunatic.... or have her committed. I would. You don't owe her a lick of your time to converse with her. Do not even talk to her........you owe this nut nothing!!!!

 

She spread her legs and got knocked up...... that does not make her worthy of anything from you in return.

 

Get a fruckin restraining order on her and buy her a straight jacket for x-mas.

 

Then live and be happy.......... why do you keep letting her rule your life?

[ThumbingMyWay]

My wife had a troubled childhood. She left home to live with her dad at age 16. She had intermitten contact with her mother in late teens and into early 20's. Her mother was still in the "woes me" way of thinking and she just couldnt admit that she ***ed up a few things regarding her kids along the way.

 

it was until after her mother ahd breast cancer and stopped drinking that she finally became truthful with her self and her kids.

 

So, there was about 5 to 7 years were my wife did not have a relationship with her mother....and I think it was for the best.

 

After we had kids, her mother became very involved with them and my wife and her rekindled there relationship and put everything behind them. Her mother died this past spring....and my wife is glad she was able to have a normal mother daughter relationship for the last 5 years or so.

 

I guess what I am saying....is maybe you need to cut ties for now....and when the time is right....things will fall back into place.

[quankanne]

I was not respecting her independence when I objected to the abuse and I as a man needed to be humbled. I needed to be taught how to respect strong women and how inferior I was to her power.

 

what kind of freaking warped belief is THAT??? Now, she may have the free will to behave crappy toward you, but then again you've got the free will to not put up with her shxt, you know?

 

best advice I can give is to just head her off at the pass. If she starts saying crap like that, tell her that it's not accepted conversation with you. You know how when you're training a dog (or little kid, lol), you make that noise in your throat to make them stop bad behavior? Do that with her. Guarantee it'll drive her nuts to be relegated to being trained like a dog, but it asserts your authority AND it frustrates them to the point they stop spewing the bile they feel you need to hear.

 

then remind her sweetly that respect is commanded, not demanded. Until she gets that through her pointy head, she ought to keep her yap shut if she wants your respect.

 

yes, this is being rude, but at some point you accept that you are allowed to keep your dignity in a relationship ... even if it means bullying the bully to get him/her to shut the F up. You are worthy of better treatment than that harpy who birthed you give you, and you don't have to put up with her crap if you won't want it.

 

makes me want to go kick some ass on your behalf, wog ... no parent has the "right" to treat his or her child like that, and I suspect that deep down, she knows this but continues her bad behavior to continually convince herself that it's not so.

 

:mad:

[whichwayisup]

Woggle you have to cut her out of your life forever. Every time you hear from her it messes you up.

 

I am sorry that she didn't act like the way a mom should be, she took something away from you forever.....It's not right and it sucks, but just know that now you DO have the power to take control and not let her affect you. Talk to your therapist about all this stuff too..

 

Until she realizes all the damage she's done to you, things won't change. The only thing that will change is, how you handle her and your reactions.

[blind_otter]

I'd agree with at least taking a LONG break from having any contact with her. She'll only slow down your recovery process.

 

You should make sure to discuss this conversation and your subsequent feelings with your therapist for some extra good guidance. This is a growth opportunity, as are most challenging emotional situations.

[Touche]

I would pour it all out and write your mother a long letter. And then yeah, cut her out. She's toxic.

 

As a mother of a son, I can't for the LIFE of me understand her mentality. Yes, my son can make me nuts at times but I've never thought of him as anything less than I gift I was given. I would lay down my life for his.

 

It says a lot about you that to a large degree, you HAVE been able to rise above the damage she's done to you.

 

You certainly deserved (and still do) a better mother than that. I hope you DO realize that these are HER issues and have nothing to do with you as a son and as a man.

 

She's obviously a disturbed woman.

[My Fair Katie]

I would pour it all out and write your mother a long letter. And then yeah, cut her out. She's toxic.

 

I just wanted to comment on this. Woggle's mom sounds a lot like my own here, and OTHER family members have poured it all out in letters to her. Know what she did? Kept them and quoted from them and turned it all around on the wrong person and cried and moaned about what an awful family she had because who would say such mean and nasty things. She called EVERY OTHER family member playing the victim. So yeah, that backfired.

 

Anyway, I swear I'm not a self-help guru, but there have been 3 books that have helped me tremendously that you may like Woggle.

 

First is Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. The goal of this book is to help the adult-child of a toxic parent to break the cycle of toxicity and find self confidence.

 

Second is Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcisssistic Parents by Nina Brown. This one is about coping with parents who place the responsibllity of their OWN happiness on their children's shoulders. The goal is to empower yourself to the point where you no longer feel responsible or guilty for not delivering.

 

FInally is my favorite, If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with your Past and Take Your Place in the World by Dan Neuharth. This one helps build assertiveness and to create and enforce boundaries.

 

Unfortunately, at the moment I am COMPLETELY cut off from my parents. They did NOT like having boundaries placed on them and issued an ultimatum. I choose to walk from the family. Maybe after time I'll be willing to try again, but right now I'm working on me and dealing with my issues of anger and guilt over the whole nasty scenario.

 

Good Luck!

[Porn_Guy]

No. No this is not a normal mother's attitude. Your mom is screwed in the head Woggle. Try and remember that not every woman is your mother and we don't think the same way. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I agree with Hotgurl, cut the strings.

most mothers I have seen both love & hate their kids at the same time. Raising children is one of the hardest and most stressful things a woman can do.

[Buttaflyy]

most mothers I have seen both love & hate their kids at the same time. Raising children is one of the hardest and most stressful things a woman can do.

 

This is not normal. I can tell you that I in no way hate my kid. I really don't.

 

Abuse is never acceptable. A mother should protect her kid from any and everything in her power, or at least try to. Not the other way around. The child owes her NOTHING. That is a mother's instinct.

[Porn_Guy]

This is not normal. .

of course its normal....at least on Earth

[Buttaflyy]

of course its normal....at least on Earth

 

To both love and hate your kids? It is not! That's for the abusers. They may infact, love and hate their children. Outside of that, it's not normal.

[Porn_Guy]

To both love and hate your kids? It is not! That's for the abusers. They may infact, love and hate their children. Outside of that, it's not normal.

the key is to love them a bit more than you hate them

[SmoochieFace]

of course its normal....at least on Earth

 

Were you abused by your mother?

[Buttaflyy]

the key is to love them a bit more than you hate them

 

I went through alot with my mom during my teenage years. So much that I'm sure she must've disliked me. I know for a fact that she never hated me.

 

There's a thin line between the two, and if it's crossed then you are liable to behave viciously toward a person. Heaven forbid that it'd be your child that you feel this way about.

 

Wog, I'd cut her out of my life. She brings too much pain. This is not a matter of love and hate IMO. She has many problems. As someone else said, be thankful that you have a woman opposite of her. Treat her well and be happy.

[SmoochieFace]

the key is to love them a bit more than you hate them

 

Rubbish.

 

'Hate' is simply wrong. If you don't love your kids then you really have no business being a parent. There are lots of couples who cannot have children who wouldn't mind relieving the oh so awful 'burden' shouldered by those hateful parents.

[Woggle]

You know what? In a way I am, glad that I had the upbringing I did because it made me who I am today. If I grew up with a nice family in a nice community I would not be as strong as I am today. I would be some naive guy in his 20s who still hadn't grown up and crumbled under the smallest thing. Everyday I had to fight to survive growing up and it toughened me up. It made me a man early on and prepared to deal with the real world. I know so many people who get stressed over the smallest things but life right now is a piece of cake to me. What can life throw at me that it hasn't already?

[whichwayisup]

most mothers I have seen both love & hate their kids at the same time. Raising children is one of the hardest and most stressful things a woman can do.

 

To an extent, yes. For example my bro and sis-inlaw have 3 boys. It hasn't been easy raising them, and I've had conversations with both my bro and SIL, hearing the horror stories etc., and my SIL has said to me, "I love 'em but I also hate 'em at times." It's not really that one HATES their child, it's more like having fleeting moments when you hate their behaviour and they get on your nerves.

 

But moms who 'hate' their children most of the time, like in Woggle's situation, that is to the extreme. Not healthy and not right behaviour for a woman to feel that way most of the time.

 

You know what? In a way I am, glad that I had the upbringing I did because it made me who I am today. If I grew up with a nice family in a nice community I would not be as strong as I am today. I would be some naive guy in his 20s who still hadn't grown up and crumbled under the smallest thing. Everyday I had to fight to survive growing up and it toughened me up. It made me a man early on and prepared to deal with the real world. I know so many people who get stressed over the smallest things but life right now is a piece of cake to me. What can life throw at me that it hasn't already?

Yes it has made you stronger, but it's also given you alot of hang-ups, trust, insecurity and issues about women, dealing with women and relationships.