Am I Crazy?

[noturtypicalwife]

Hi New here,

A little background..I am married for the 2nd time, I have two children eleven and six. The first marriage ended nasty due to many factors, and even today I know it was for the best no regrets that way. I have been married for three years to this man, and with him 8 years. When we met he made me feel like Miss America, he was everything I wanted, and then some, he also was the complete oposite of my usual kinda guy. Heres the thing, for at least a couple of months I have been having these awful feelings that there was something he was hiding, just could not put my finger on it. More over for the past year or so things have not been the same. I had a hysterectomy which really messed with us, it was needed, and we agreed it would be for the best, the complications that followed were tuff on us both, it affected our sex life, my moods, ect. To add to it, my eleven year old is special needs, so he also puts a lot of strain on us, all this aside he and I have not communicated well for a long time, it's more like I talk and he may or may not be listening, he adds nothing to a conversation unless it's work related, which brings me to the next point we work together, not the same shift, but in the same place. There is so much more to tell but my hand will hurt if I type on and on, so briefly I will tell you there are numerous issues to this whole thing, and right now I am in a position where I feel like I wanna throw up everyday, I went to look for a pair of socks, in his drawer...ours are similar and so get mixed in, and I found a #..now normally I would think nothing of it, but with his unusual behavior it was hard not to, it ate me for days....I finally called it and it's a girl, I do not know her, it is not a name that has ever been said, and instantly my heart fell to my stomach. Moreover I am not a snoop, but lately it's hard to refrain. He has been hiding all kinds of stuff, I have not made him aware that I know, actually on some level I have acted like everything is fine....he isn't stupid he knows something..for about two days last week he seemed to care, he asked me what was wrong, what was I holding back from him, and now we r right back where we were, barley two words, I gotta ask for a kiss, and his moods are bipolarish. Even the people that we both know say something is up with him, he is not the cheating type in the sexual sense, but things have changed and so....I wonder. I have been faithful, I have made my share of mistakes, and surley I can understand having friends, but when it is a secret? When everything has a password, when everything I do is scrutininized, I am not even sure what to say anymore, because all I want to do is scream cry, yell, and throw up. Now I don't want to attack him and acuuse him, but it seems the writing is on the wall here, but I am afaird that if I do try to talk he will get deffensive and shut off, or worse tell me what I think I already know. I have been through all this before, I hate feeling like this, and whats worse is he could be reading this, he reads every email, looks into things I would never even think were an issue. Right now I feel like a physco, like I am crazy and suspisous over nothing. Help please! What am I to do with all these feelings? I suggessted marriage counsleing but he made no effort to find out anything about it, I don't think he wants to anyway. He watched me cry for three days, and I swear there was no emotion in him about it, he just said "don't cry, we just need a fresh start".....I am so sorry?

[Mz. Pixie]

Here is a tip- space out your story with paragraphs. It makes it alot easier to read and will probably get you more replies.

[noturtypicalwife]

my bad, sometimes I just type and pay no mind.

[whichwayisup]

I think you need to tell him how unhappy you are and that you are very suspicious of him, that he's having an affair. Mention to him when you were putting laundry away you found the phone number.

 

You two need marriage counselling and fix the problems in the marriage. The communicating has stopped, and it seems like you two have become roommates, not partners, not lovers and friends. Capture that romance again!

[bab]

He didn't say no to the marriage counseling did he? If he didn't say no, then can you go ahead and schedule a session and then ask him to go with you? I think that will probably work the best.

[Walk]

Set up the marriage counseling yourself, tell him the day and time he needs to go with you.

 

I don't want to put more stress on your shoulders, but what you describe sounds to me like he's cheating. Maybe not physically. Maybe he's using her as an emotional outlet right now.. but he's changed and he's closed off. And he's putting you under a microscope. Which implies to me that he's sneaking around and is projecting that behavior onto you too.

 

I think he is cheating though. But set up the counseling session. At least give it a real shot at working. The counseling will help you get through this too. So don't abandon it even if he refuses to go at first.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[noturtypicalwife]

I could schedule it myself, I can only remember one time when he actually went with me to a session, (I was going to deal with the stress of my son), I will do it for the sake of doing it, but there is nothing and no one that can stop a person from doing what they want to do. I guess I am flabergasted at this point, I am not niave, or stupid, I just thought he would not be the type. I decided today that I will pack a bag (just in case put it in my car, that way if this does finally come to a head I do not have to worry about gathering my stuff or my kids, it will already be there.

I guess I cried enough at least for now, I can tell my nerves are shot, I can't sleep, or eat, I am angry..sad, it's a mix. I don't want to go physco so I am doing all I can to stay sane. This forum helps me though, I have been reading and it's always good to know your not alone, and that I can have somewhere to go to vent.

so Thanks to you all.

[jmargel]

now I feel like a physco, like I am crazy and suspisous over nothing.

 

You are not psycho, and this is something serious. Communication is the foundation of any good marriage. When that goes, everything else crumbles around it. MC would be a good start and invite him. And you are right, if he's going to cheat on you he will do it no matter what. However, you then have that option to leave and find someone who will treat you right.

 

He keeps saying he wants a 'fresh start'. Not sure what he means by this, but if he keep continuing the same way he has no amount of 'fresh starts' will help any.

 

You are going through the same emotions that everyone who's been cheated on goes through. You deserve answers and if you are that afraid to confront him in regards to what has been happening, then right there is a huge sign that you have major communication problems.