MandiDoll Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 I'm 18, and, for as long as I can remember, I have always ALWAYS had a boyfriend, whether he was long distance or right next door. I broke up with my last boyfriend about a month ago, and I have been scrambling around, it seems, to find a new one, even though I don't even want a boyfriend. I'm going to college in a month and I don't want to be tied down to anyone. Anyway, I've been dating non-stop, a new guy every nite, exhausting my resources amongst my male friends and possibly screwing up lifetime friendships. I don't know why I feel a need to have a boyfriend all the time. Now, my two best friends are both in relationships: one is dating the brother of the other, and the other is dating one of her brother's friends. And I used to spend a lot of my free time with them, but now they are always with their boyfriends and I'm the fifth wheel. It's a horrible feeling, so I'm about ready to grab whatever I can and just convince myself I feel more for him than I do. I know it's stupid, but I think I have a serious serious relationship dependency problem, and I could use all the help I can get. My friends know me too well; they can't give me an unbiased opinion. Maybe someone here can do that for me. Thanx Amanda Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 I don't see a problem with wanting to be with someone. Everyone wants somebody at one time or another. I'm single and dating, but to exhaust yourself dating nightly sounds very tiering. You should give yourself a brake. Take your mind off men and what ever else that can distract you from your real propose here. Educate yourself and keep building. Men are just a distraction. The best way to deal with a complex is to stare it right in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Until you get to the point where you feel comfortable with your own company, you will NEVER EVER have a quality relationship with another person. Yes, like you said, it's pretty nuts to be doing what you're doing now...scrambling around just to find a human with a penis and testicles to call your own just for the hell of it. It makes no sense whatsoever. Take some time to do things by yourself. Once you get the hang of it, you may find that you really enjoy your own company. Now wouldn't that be special. But if you don't enjoy your company, how can you expect others to? Spend some time falling in love with yourself, discovering new things about the unique YOU, getting to know your ownself better in the absence of friends, boyfriends, family and all others. You might be very surprised just how enriching it is to do some things all by yourself. The minute you get really happy with yourself and truly love yourself, you'll have more men after you than you will ever know. Right now, men sense your desperation and you don't stand a chance in the world of finding one who will be very much interested. Men don't like women who are desperate...and least not for much more than an overnight roll in the hay. If you don't understand what I'm trying to get at, read this post over and over until you grasp it. What I have written here is very important. Love yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 i don't blame you for feeling that way. You are young and when you see your friends have boyfriend, you gotta have one too You do wild things when you are young. you mentioned that you will be going to college very soon. If you can, you can buy books and start to study it now before your classes start. You'll be ahead of everybody in your class. You should not date every night like you did because it's not good for you . WHY ? if you do that, your "RECORD" will be well-known among your friends and future boyfriend. Would you like to hear your friends and future boyfriend remind you about your "dating exhausted every night"? to be honest with you, a guy can date every night and there will be no problem with that but a girl does that, it's problem if you ask me, why people think that way. I don't know why they do but it is You have a bright future a head of you and should think more about what you want to do. I hope that i don't make you feel that i'm lecturing you or anything. what i try to tell you is RELATIONSHIP is something that can't be rushed or chased. Let it flow naturally. Hey, you may have boyfriend in your college. Who knows? do yourself a favor by not dating every night. Spending more time with your family is also good. You are adult now and soon or later you will enter to university to get your PHD or MASTER and you may not see them for awhile you don't have to do everything that your friends do. Whatever they do is not always right. KEEP this in your mind USE YOUR HEAD AND NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTION you can have a lot of friends if you loose one. Friends are EVERYWHERE Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 I know what you mean, Amanda. You are probably drowning yourself in relationships so that it will distract you from something else. Some people drown themselves in food, alky, sex, drugs, cigs, etc. Take the time to just write down the events that were important to your life (The new book by Dr. Phillip McGraw "Self Matters" is EXCELLENT to do this.) You'll be shocked what you'll find out. For years, I thought that I was upset about my grandmother's death when I was young, but it turned out to actually be my grandfather's death...the one I was "strong" about. Please take the time to do this, it will change your life. And especially since you are in a crossroads. Its the perfect book that helps you explore who you are, how you got there and where you are going! Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe Posted July 15, 2002 Share Posted July 15, 2002 ally, what do you think is best for a person who has just been told that they were loved, but need are being left beucase the other party wants to be alone to get to know her self? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 15, 2002 Share Posted July 15, 2002 the "i love u yet i leave u to be alone" is bull****. it's just a nice way of breaking up... ive seen lots of ppl put it that way. if someone wants a break up, that's that.. if someone loves u - no break up will happen. So if that girl loves u, she'll be right back to u. but it doesnt sound like it. hey - she's only 18... didja really expect her to be with u for the rest of her life...? just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe Posted July 15, 2002 Share Posted July 15, 2002 yes, in our case, we did pride our relationship on its future success- and not as 2 nieve teenagers either, as 2 loving partners. this is why I am so dang confused. I know she loves me, and that she wasnt trying to find an easy way out- beuase the easiest way out would have been to say 'i just dont feel the love anymore'- beuase who can rebut that? not me, I wouldnt want to try to fix something where there was no love. I believe she wants to tell me to wait, that she needs to be alone for some time but would like to come back later, but doesnt dare say that out of pure respect for me. nobody can ask you that, it is something you have to decide and commit to on your own. right? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 people say that they still love u when breaking up just to make the other person feel better. supposedly if its other circumstances and not lack of love thats making them break up, it'll hurt the other person less than if it's cuz of no love. so to me, it sounds like just a line to make u feel better about this break-up. besides, why dont u just go about your business? if she ever comes back, thats when u'll think whether or not you want her back, etc. She's out of your picture right now. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author MandiDoll Posted July 18, 2002 Author Share Posted July 18, 2002 I posted this thread in the first place, and somehow it has progressed to discuss the exact way I dumped my last boyfriend. I told him that I was still in love with him, but the distance was so difficult that I couldn't be with him anymore. Really, I just didn't love him the way I used to and thought that would be the best way to let him down easy.. kinda weird that this thread moved to that topic.. a bit ironic, actually. Amanda Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe Posted July 19, 2002 Share Posted July 19, 2002 I met with her mother- gave me much insight into her (the mothers) feelings and what exactally her daughter is feeling at this time also. I took an emotional beating while staning at her door, barred from enterance for a formal adult meeting, but I believe I gained alot from it- I am 99% done with the scrapbook, looks great, and without going into much detail, I wrote a letter in the back mirroring a letter she wrote me when I was about to end it with her many months ago over a lie or 2. sheesh. anyhow- I am going on with that plan, I cant give up now, it is more than leaving out of wanting to be alone to find herself, and it is not a lack of love, believe you me. thanks- giraffe Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 Hey sorry I was in the hospital.... Well, I think that means that you are important to her, but she isn't sure that you are what's best for her. Or maybe, when she's away from you, she feels strong and clear minded like she should be away from you, but when she's with you, she is happy...and it's confusing her. And she wants to back up so she can look and see...that's the only SINCERE meaning I can find from the phrase... Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 that is a wonderful explanation. thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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