he's making me call my ex in front of him

[Guest]

If the previous guest post was indeed of your fiance, then the relationship has no future at all, to be honest.

 

Trust is completely lacking. The right to privacy is lacking. Honesty and straightforwardness are lacking in this relationship. And playing with people's emotions is not okay. Unles you are okay with being controlled 24/7. But you should not be.

 

THis is the fiance. I did not tell her to stay in the house. I did not tell her I have to know where she is all the time. I did not tell her she has to be with me all the time. She decided to do that to try to make me feel better. I told her that life can't work that way. That I am not going to have a slave for a partner. I want an independent, honest, women.

 

I did not ask for her to call him because I wanted to degrade her. I wanted her to call him in front of me because I wanted to KNOW she was actually doing it. She had told me a long time ago that she had told him about us, and then I found out she hadn't at all. He knew nothing. THis time I wanted to make sure.

 

And she showed me these posts. I did not spy on her. Anyway, now, I simply want my normal life back. I am done worrying about it. Either she will stay with me or go to him. Either way, I am tried of being in a three person triangle and want that to in. It will end with either me moving on with or without her. I do love her but this stuff has to end. I told her to go do what ever she needs to do. She doesn't have to call him in front of me. She doesn't have to call him at all. But if she comes back to me, I really don't want him in my life. He has now proposed to her. WOW. But actually I can respect that more than the sneaking around. She has two offers now. We will see which one she picks. But I WILL be in a relationship that is me and my partner and not with a third person. Oh well, I am emotionally drained from finding out about her cheating, but I am willing to continue.

[Sal Paradise]

If the previous guest post was indeed of your fiance, then the relationship has no future at all, to be honest.

 

Trust is completely lacking. The right to privacy is lacking. Honesty and straightforwardness are lacking in this relationship. And playing with people's emotions is not okay. Unles you are okay with being controlled 24/7. But you should not be.

 

If that was really him I agree with you completely.

 

If she wants help she should register on the forum and post something a little less vague and a bit more coherent. It's hard to give her advice on how to deal with her problem if we're not completely sure what it is she did or didn't do to cause the problem. If she cheated physically or emotionally she needs to say it. If she did cheat how long ago did he find out. We need a lot more than what she has provided.

[Art_Critic]

I did not ask for her to call him because I wanted to degrade her. I wanted her to call him in front of me because I wanted to KNOW she was actually doing it. She had told me a long time ago that she had told him about us, and then I found out she hadn't at all. He knew nothing. THis time I wanted to make sure.

 

But you called and talked to the ex yourself.. but you still insist that she calls because you wanted to make sure he knew..

 

It was a power play...

 

But.. I do think she wronged you.. and I would like to repeat that 2 wrongs do not make a right..

 

you guy need to talk this out face to face and not do this on LS.. it is the only way to work it out if that is what you both want

[Guest]

But you called and talked to the ex yourself.. but you still insist that she calls because you wanted to make sure he knew..

 

It was a power play...

 

But.. I do think she wronged you.. and I would like to repeat that 2 wrongs do not make a right..

 

you guy need to talk this out face to face and not do this on LS.. it is the only way to work it out if that is what you both want

 

Fiance again---You may be right. It is one reason why I decided to drop it. But just to clarify I wasn't asking her to call and tell him about us. I was asking her to tell him she wasn't going to talk to him anymore or contact him anymore. I simply wanted her to decide between the two of us. And you are right LS is not the place for us to work this out. We need to work it out between us. Thanks for your words.

[Shrelana]

ok...obvoiusly, I don't know everything that happened....if something sexual happened between her and him, then yes, she needs to cut contact with him herself if she intends to stay in a relationship with you.

But, if nothing sexual happened and they just talked, I see no problem with that. My fiance's best friend is the girlfriend he had before me...in fact, she and I are now very, very close friends. I would never dream of telling him that he can't contact his ex unless they had cheated with each other while he was with me, and he's the same...

I do agree with what was said though, you two need to sit down and discuss this, depending on how far she went when she was in contact with him, maybe all three of you need to sit down and talk like 3 adults. I hope that you get everything figured out though...good luck....

[Trialbyfire]

Fiance again---You may be right. It is one reason why I decided to drop it. But just to clarify I wasn't asking her to call and tell him about us. I was asking her to tell him she wasn't going to talk to him anymore or contact him anymore. I simply wanted her to decide between the two of us. And you are right LS is not the place for us to work this out. We need to work it out between us. Thanks for your words.

This is good reasoning.

 

Btw, I can understand why you needed to hear her do it. It's proof of some form of finality. I've been there too where I needed proof of finality and commitment. Good luck to both of you.