cpholy Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Hi, I have been dating the same girl for the past 3 years in the SE in America. I moved here 10 years ago from the NE. I am Caucasian and she is Peruvian. I do love the girl and the pressure is on from her to get married (deservingly so). We started the conversation last week and I told her that I was scared because I had recently been thinking that I would eventually like to return to the NE to be close to my family and friends. Understandably, she didn't like that. She wants to stay here because her 2 sisters live here from Peru also. I told her I was so confused. There are a few things that make me nervous. One is that I do not think I could be happy here for the rest of my life while my family and friends live their's somewhere else forever. The other issues that I worry about are cultural ones. Do I want to have a bi-racial child (although she is almost as white as I am but her mother is dark) and will I be happy growing old with her sisters, their husbands and kids and all whom speak Spanish? I feel that I would have to adopt to a whole different culture even though we are living in the US. I am not racist but I am trying to look at how I will really feel. I am home today from work trying to figure things out. When I think of committing to stay here for the rest of my life, I feel sick but I feel the same way when I think about leaving her. I am sooooooooooo confused. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Don't try to rush a decision. You have some very legitimate issues to consider and you need time to do that. Relationships involve much compromise. This particular one will require even greater compromise. If both of you can give in some, it may just work. It doesn't sound very much like your lady is willing to give in much. That's not good. Relationships can't be one-sided. The biggest problem I have with your post is that even though you say you love her, I feel strange about that. If you love someone enough to be with them forever, some of these issues should be either insignificant or easily solved. There are a lot of incompatibilities, such as family language, heritage, etc. but it seems you would have worked all that out long before you arrived at this point. As far as being with your family and friends, when you are truly in love it will be your lady who you will want to be with more than any other and you find ways to communicate and otherwise relate to all others. If this is the woman you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you'll find a way to do it that is mutually satisfactory. If you don't, you'll call things off. In your case, it very well may take a greater love to leave her and move on than it will take to stay with her and make both of your lives unhappy in an area and under conditions that you seem to dislike. Love can really be a bxtch sometimes! Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I know how you feel. When your away from the family you truly realize just how much they mean to you and you hope that the time you did have with them wasn't taken for granted. I feel you, I have been there myself. It would be very selfish on her part to get upset about moving. After all you are there with her family. What if for some circumstance you had to move back home, what will she do then? I say continue taking it one day at a time. If you find yourself in this position still after a year or two, I would say you love this girl. You have to go where you will happy. If its necessary to move back home she should love you enough to go with you. In my opinion. I just love to live in new city's, different places. I became home sick at times but have made very enjoyable memories. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I think culture plays a big role in compatibility. Being bilingual is an awesome thing and you can always learn Spanish. You will love any child that is yours, no matter the color. Are you concerned about what others will think of the child? The problems come with how you veiw her culture in general. Do you share morals, values and lifestyles? Is her culture very different than yours? Can you respect it? Do you want to? Do you want to raise your children in it? If you have many doubts about these things, then you probably aren't very compatible. You'll have to compromise on where you live. Link to post Share on other sites
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