brunette4u Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Here is my situation. I wrote recently about a breakup with my boyfriend who had cheated on me. It happened becuase we had been fighting a LOT becuase we have not been able to live in the same city this summer, and he didn't feel like he could talk to me...so this was his way of dealing with his emotions...we have worked things out, and things have done a complete 180 degrees. We have talked about EVERYTHING, and are pretty much back together and in love. We communicate on a greater level now, and everything is out in the open. My problem is, is I am worried about what my friends will think of him, and about ME getting back with him, becuase they all think he is such a jerk about what he did. It hurts MY feelings, becuase I know the situation, and they are all so mad at him because he "hurt" me...and I understand, but I also forgive him and understand WHY he did this and the way that he felt..but they don't. Should I just explain to them that this is how I feel, and not worry about what they think, even if I spend numerous hours with them every day due to our schedules at college? Should I not worry about it??? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 i'd say it's none of your friends' business. thank them for caring, and say that u've worked things out, and u'r happy with the guy now. i think u can easily stay nice and keep your guy in this situation. now what they think....... who cares?? isn't yr happiness more related to this guy than to their thoughts?? thats my view... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I've been in your position and that of your friends so I totally understand where you are coming from and where they are coming from. You are going to do whatever you please regardless of what your friends think. Your friends are mad as hell because they have gone through a lot with you and this guy and they know you're going to get screwed over again. But right now with you are so in love, there is simply no way to get through to the control tower so they are just frustrated. If you have very good friends, they'll be there for you when you get smacked up the butt again. Meanwhile, be kind to them and let them know you appreciate their concern. You will need them again in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Jodie Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I can see how you feel torn in two directions here, between your friends and this guy. The guy will win out for now, but your friends will be there for the long haul. I was in a similiar situation recently where my best friend and boyfriend hated each other because I'd bitch to both of them about the other. Neither of them saw each other's good qualities. It was so stressful having this friction in my life that I ended up ending my friendship because she was being so critical of the relationship and my choices. Then two months later he breaks up with me and I am without my best friend. Choosing a guy over my friend was the worst decision I ever made, and I hope that it doesn't come to that with you. Let them know that you are aware of his faults, but the relationship is important to you. At the same time let them know that you appreciate their concern and value their input, as long as it's constructive. This is a pretty crappy - but common -situation to be in. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Ok this is kinda twisted...but me and my best friends actually became friends bc our boyfriends were about the same to us, and we the same to them. They would cheat on us, and we'd take them back. All of our friends thought we were stupid (and we were LOL) but they understood after a while that it didn't matter what they thought, we loved them and there was nothing anyone could do about it. After I finally got rid of mine, she still kept hers. And I see him go out and drink and not call her for 24 hours and it upsets me, bc she calls me all upset, we even went looking for him one time. Its bad when you call the jails and hospitals. Only thing is, I was able to break up with mine, but her's actually gave her an STD. And she feels even MORE tied to him. The STD has supposedly scared him enough to keep his pants zipped, but God, do you want to risk your life for that? I mean, if a guy uses sex to take care of his problems, what's he gonna do if you get married and have kids, and yall have problems, is he gonna do that again? You can make excuses until you run out of breath, she's been doing it 5 years and I did it for 1, thinking he was changing. Finally I wised up, and found an incredible guy. And I look at her, never saying anything, bc there is no point. It doesn't matter what any of your friends say, the decisions are ultimately yours. I can't say that it won't happen again, but I won't say that it will happen again. Sometimes they need a wakeup call to realize they need to change...but in almost all cases it doesn't last long. Just remember, you can fall out of love almost faster than you can fall in love. The only thing you will always have is your family and health...and if you risk those for a guy who isn't going to respect himself or you enough to break things off when he's not getting what he needs, you'll lose both, if you get a bad enough STD. Sorry, don't mean to make things harder, but you've gotta see this side. I know exactly where you are...and I feel so completely stupid now. And now I look even more stupid to all those people who warned me...but the real friends are nice enough not to say I told you so, and are just glad that I got rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
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