guest Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I hope you're sitting comfortably as this is quite a complex situation. I'm in my late 20's and i'm a very shy person. I broke up with my first proper girlfriend around 14 months ago after going out with her for just over 2 years; she was extremely possessive and the relationship was claustrophobic and hadn't been working for me for a long time. She was positive that I was having an affair with a female former colleague. I was friends with her and we got on quite well, but we were definitely NOT having an affair. Since the break up my ex has been harassing me & my family and has written 2 hateful & slanderous letters to my colleague. (i've roughly received 150 emails, 120 letters and 100's of telephone calls + txt) ranging in content from "...you two timing scumbag I hope you die...." to "...why did you cheat on me..." to "...I'll love you for ever..." to "...i'm sorry for all I've done..." - well you get the picture. The matter is now with the police. Back to the point of this. Around 8 months after the break up I went for a bike ride with my colleague and have been spending progressively more time with her, going for walks or just talking over a coffee, she then started ending her txt messages with a 'x'. I wasn't sure on how to respond to this so I ignored it at first, until one night after going out with my mates for a few drinks I txt her and included a 'xx'. When i saw her next she commented on my "lovely" txt. I invited her to a wedding reception with me, she replied "she'd love to but had an early start in the morning", we then txt each other for several hours that evening. Though it's been purely platonic. I think that she is flirting with me, but I'm not sure. She plays with her hair when she talks to me, or nudges me and smiles. We both 'make jokes about each other', and she laughs at my terrible jokes. I txt her one night and suggested that we should go for a meal, I didnt get a txt back, but next time I saw her she said "So we're going out for a meal then.", i've mentioned a few times since but nothing has happended. I also asked her to the cinema, but she didn't go, her (female) friend was calling round to her house, so she invited me over to watch a DVD with them. What really confuses me is that I can txt her in the evening and she wont respond, but if I dont txt her, she'll ring or email the next day asking where is text was? She is quite a bit older than me (12 years) and I'm really not sure what to do, I really like her friendship and I think I get on really well with her, I thinks she's great and would like to spend more time with her and I'd like to ask her on 'romantic' date. Do you think she is just 'playing' with me or do you think that she's giving me positive signs and waiting for me to be more assertive? I am also concerned about the 'ex' situation, I guess if we did date everyone would assume that we had been having an affair and perhaps that is causing her concern. i also dont want to place my friend in any danger. - HELP it got me dazed. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I would say she's a friend and you should keep it at that level. Link to post Share on other sites
ocset Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I would say she's a friend and you should keep it at that level. Thanks for the advice, though it's not what I wanted to hear! Anyone else agree with Yamaha? Link to post Share on other sites
goodfriendeva Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 just a friend who likes to flirt.. or a girl that is just playing games... scarey as it is.. your gonna have to lay it out to her and find out for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 RE: All very complicated. Does she like me? I don`t think it`s a matter of whether she likes you or not. She is your friend, at this point in life. And, since you and her enjoy spending time together then that is where you let the friendship stay grounded. It is obvious she sees you as an interesting character, and tries to include you in her inner circle of friends. Engaging you in activities, so that you`re not just a shy distant stranger. She is definitely working on improving the friendship. You should do the same. Don`t ask her out on a romantic date. It is too early; it will only reiterate the ex-catastrophe. Build a strong warm-hearted friendship. Later on if things fall into place, you may take it to the next level. Good Luck. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
ocset Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Thank you for your very reasoned advice sand&water. I'll stick with friendship and as you say work towards improving that before making any 'further' advances. Link to post Share on other sites
Raleuse Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 I kind of agree with Sand&Water on the way to go. She might want more but feel it's too early or that there is too much of an age gap for a relationship, or it might just be the way she is (flirtatious) regardless of how she feels but the only way to find out is to develop this friendship of yours so that you are both able to share your inner thoughts. But don't fall in love in case she decides she's not interested in anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
cbstyles69 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 this is tough. i've been platonic with a best friend for 11 years. we kiss, we cuddle,we laugh, we cry. been thru it all. i think the longer u wait, the less apt u are to gaining what you want. do it now while theres time. woman seem to fall comfortable with platonic love. trust me or you'l end up like me. in love and alone. take a search for my thread and read, u'll know exactly what i'm talking about. as for yamaha's advice lol i've been reading his comments to peoples threads. seems he has alot to say but it always seems the answeres are " not a chance in hell" i hope he didnt practice that line in the mirror first. such negative feedback. my advice is: u'll never find out untill you try. if u lose depending on how big theres always other fish in the sea. u only life once. look at a tomb stone. u'll see two dates. theres a beginning date and an ending date. neither of them are relevent. its all about the dash bro. the inbetween. how did you live your life. did you take charge, did u live it happily? did you let life pass you by? its all about chances. we live, we learn and we make decissions no matter how big or how small. hope this helps still clueless in rhode island. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 as for yamaha's advice lol I've been reading his comments to peoples threads. seems he has alot to say but it always seems the answer's are " not a chance in hell" i hope he didn't practice that line in the mirror first. such negative feedback. I'm not trying to be negative, just telling the way I see the situation. Sometimes what you want to hear is not the best advice. I'm just trying to be real. The longer your in a platonic relationship the less chance to move it to romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
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