Confused Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Hi. I'm in a relationship with a really sweet girl and we've being dating for four years now. The problem is, I (and have been somewhat constantly for the past for years) frequently dream about and fantasize about an old relationship which never quite got off the ground. I started in my current relationship somwhat on the rebound from this prior failed attempt, and it has always gone well. I just can't get the first girl out of my mind--I guess I never did fully stop loving her. What should a guy do in this situation? I used to IM with the original girl somwhat regularly, but we lost contact a while ago. I often go onto IM to see if she is on, and almost send a message, but hold back. What does this all mean? Can (and should) I force myself to give up on this person which may haunt me for the rest of my life? Moreover, I do definately love the girl I am with, and we've been great for the past four years. I don't know if I should give that up due to some old fantasy which continues to hover about longer then it should. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 I can't tell you whether to stay with or leave your current girlfriend. If you want to stay, you need to completely let go of the old girl. You're still keeping the door open a crack. Wondering what she is doing, looking for her on IM, waiting for her to log on. If you want to move on, delete her from IM, sever all your ties, and convince yourself to stop waiting for her to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 You need to deal with reality, not fantasy. Your mind seems to be trying to make a whole lot more of this old flame than what will ever exist. Reality will never be as fulfilling as that which we can freely imagine in our minds. We can make just about anything happen in our imaginations and that's what you're doing. Take a cold shower and resolve yourself to maturing into a reality-based mode of living where you deal with what is actually before you and do not consider that which you make happen in your mind. If after a great deal of effort you can't get this past love off your mind, at all expense find her and make known your feelings. See if she's receptive. It simply isn't fair to be carrying on a relationship with a very nice lady when your mind is elsewhere. It's cheating just as if you were physically with the other person. Get this straightened out ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 Just think about the heck you would put your g/f through if you decided to up and leave her. After all, things with her are great! I suppose they aren't so great. After all, your fantasy's about someone else. When you love the person you are with you fantasize about that person. No one else. Your mind is taking you on a trip. A fantasy trip. Your instincts are telling you not to contact your old flame. That fire went out for a reason only God knows while your here stumped and guessing. Let the past go. Only you haunt yourself with these fantasy's. Link to post Share on other sites
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