Career to make friends?

December 15, 2006

Hello,

I'm totally miserable. I want so badly to make new friends and unfortunately work is the only available outlet. But there's nobody at my job. Although I'm in my early 30's everybody seems like my parents. I still act like I'm in 26 or so and I look like it, and that's about the age range of people I'd want to work with, or at least have some variety. Some old, some young.

But it seems the only way to have that is to work somewhere that I won't make as much.

I'm afraid if I quit my current job and find a place where there's lots of people to mingle with, if I do end up making friends, then I'll regret leaving my current job. Cuz in all honesty, if I wasn't having this social crises, I'd want the job I have now. Cuz I'm making more than I ever could anywhere else. I'm positive of that.

So what you think? Because I don't think I can go on living w/out friends or people to just talk and hang out with. Even if I made a million bucks a year, this is just so depressing.

But if I do make friends, I know I'll be thinking, damnnn and I was making thissssssss much, and totally blew it just to find you guys! And I'll once again be a poor broke guy but with friends.. (That actually sounds a heck of a lot better)

December 15, 2006

It's me again, BTW, to sum up my dilemma here it is:

I'm making about $80K/year now.

So the question is, would you consider taking a job paying less than half that, say 35-40K, but with prospects of meeting more people and maybe even being "happy"?

Damn.. 80k...no friends.. 35k... friends... what to do..

And if ur wondering why I can't keep my 80k job and still make friends.. let's just say.. personal crises. I don't feel at home amongst well off, well dressed, emotionally stable adults. I know this seems ridiculous. I know this very well, but all I know is something must change or I will die. I was always happy & had friends when I worked crappy jobs. Now I have a good one, and I'm alone, unhappy.. I don't care anymore. I gotta do what I gotta do.

But just want some opinions first.. I really need to think this one over. Thanks~

December 15, 2006

Im right there with you guy. The only outlet for me to make friends is work. I wouldnt change jobs if I were you. For a while I thought I was doing good. The new guy who worked on my shift with me was a pretty fun guy, and we had started to get into that friend area. But then they moved him to another post and I sit alone again, all by myself for 8 hours a day in the middle of the night. Ive turned to the internet to make friends, and have some close ones. Just none that live around here. Which I think we can both agree is a major bummer.

Try looking around online at various sites of interest for you that have communities. Start chatting away with people in those communities and maybe something will become of it.

December 16, 2006

Have you thought about going to grad schoo, joining a gym..something along those lines. I do not consider anyone I work with a friend bc I pretty much have nothing in common with them. One's married and the other is 27 going on 47 lol. Personally I really don't know if I would want to mix work with friendship only bc then they can bring your personal life into the mix of things.

December 16, 2006

You don't take jobs to make friends. There are a million groups, clubs, volunteer organizations, etc. you could join to find friends in. It would be a huge mistake to give up a very good job just because you don't have friends there.

December 16, 2006

80K.... don't quit your job! I don't hang out with people from my work, and that does make me a little sad, but that's not the purpose of work. Work is to make money. It sounds like you're doing a good job of that. Find friends elsewhere. The internet is a wonderful place to meet people, even same-sex plutonic friendships. I met two girls on meetup.com for a euchre club, and now we hang out all the time. Perhaps you could put an ad in the paper about getting a roommate? or get a cat?

December 16, 2006

Well, to be honest, I'm really lazy and undisciplined at making friends. So the online thing, joining something, won't work.

I'd rather just go work at a place where there's lot's of social interaction. Like maybe at a university being a financial aid advisor or something. You know, you get to talk to students, but working adults too.

I just don't really have any one "thing" I can base friendships on. My interests are basically hanging out and doing whatevers.

But like I was saying, those kind of jobs typically are in the 30K a year range. So that's a big jump from what I make now, and I don't know if that's the best decision. But I'm soooooooo unhappy with my life, I been depressed the last few years. I was much happier when I was poor and in school. I still had social issues because I could never keep a friend, but at least I was surrounded by potential friends, and still sensed a feeling of hope that I'd eventually meet some cool people.

But now at this job, that hope has disappeared. I feel like I'm left out, because I'm in this bland office environment everyday until 7pm. Then I go home and just feel so blah. Weekends I just want to sleep. So what good is having all this money with no friends in my life.

December 17, 2006

I TOTALLY admire you

I have a new job but I'm too scared to make friends, even though I'm young I'm making about twice what the other office girls my age are making because I rushed through HS and college and got a degree several years early, while most of them only have a HS diploma. It deosn't bother me as I love to just hang out and go to movies or get drunk and do whatever but its like this divide, I don't know how to explain it. But its like I can never be one of them. I'm not sure if its my own shyness or something I'm picking up from them, but its like we'll talk to each other but I work directly with the boss and I'm "different"

Do what you need to do to be happy!

December 17, 2006

There is always the consultanting job. You are forced to interact and can still make what you make.

You make friends and mostly aquaintances along the way.

I've made some friends thru classes, work, and even thru their friends. It all starts with Hi, I'm Jerbear, pleased to meet you, what do you do?

December 17, 2006

Work friendships rarely last, especially if you're fast-tracking. Keep the $80K job. Friends are for off-time, networking is for worktime.

December 17, 2006

Work friendships rarely last, especially if you're fast-tracking. Keep the $80K job. Friends are for off-time, networking is for worktime.[/QUOTE]

very true.

I thing I would suggest for the OP to not fish in the company pond.

December 17, 2006

Thanks CarolAnne =)..I totally admire you too. If we worked together I'd go have a drink with you..

Work friendships rarely last, especially if you're fast-tracking. Keep the $80K job. Friends are for off-time, networking is for worktime.[/QUOTE]

very true.

I thing I would suggest for the OP to not fish in the company pond.

Well I get what you're all saying but I think I'm thinking a little differently here. I'm not looking for some deep, true, friendships at work. It's more the fact that I hate what I've become. Ever since starting work something changed in me. I used to be in this phase of searching for "something".. I didn't know what that was.. maybe friends? maybe a cool little job? happiness? I wanted a job that fit who I was. A job where I feel like it meshes with my self-identity.

The one I got now is as a systems analyst for the city. I just don't feel that I enjoy being in the tech field.. Coworkers try to talk to me, and I find myself becoming irritated--trying to change the subject from tech talk to, I dunno what they did this weekend. I'm not exactly this social party person, but at the same time I'm not this hardcore systems IT person either. I thought it would be okay since in school there was lots of young fun classmates we'd work together with, so I imagined this is how it would be in the workplace. Instead I work with older guys, since I did become a senior systems analyst (And I swear I look about 17)..

and being that I go home to an empty house every night I'm just getting lonely I guess... and I'm longing for some young peer's .. when I go shopping at Best Buy and see these teens all working together and also hangin out.. I just look at my situation and want to die. I mean, I'm not expecting to work at best buy, I'm just saying.. what I got now is not for me. It's for me in 20 years maybe, but not now. I know 80K is a lot and I definately used some networking and a bit of hustling to get that.. but I'd never make that outside. I'm just so miserable here.. And I don't know if my job is the REasON or if it's something else and I think it's the reason.

December 17, 2006

GET A HOBBY!

Great way to meet people you have someting in common with.

December 17, 2006

Well, to be honest, I'm really lazy and undisciplined at making friends. So the online thing, joining something, won't work.

Well stop being lazy. Because that lazy butt attitude won't attract friends no matter where you are. It's a HUGE mistake to think that going to the right workplace will magically give you friends. Time to quit whining and get moving. If you have neither hobbies nor interests, you're boring as anything so GET SOME.

Otherwise, if you are truly disinterested in everything in life and can't bestir yourself off your couch except to work, go see a shrink and get treated for depression. Because I promise you that no new job will 'fix' you. Nothing external will. It has to be you taking responsibility for your life and doing something sensible to fix the situation. And hunting around for jobs that'll give you friends ain't it.

December 17, 2006

Sounds like you are bored or even burnt out at work. Or that you are still young at heart but in a older body!

It is also quite possibily that you are upset due to seasonal depression?

Ah the younger years of making friends easily, been there done that but it is now time to move on and make friends doing different things. Try golf, entertain at home, new hobbies, join a non-profit organization. They might interests you and give you "access" to meet new people.

December 17, 2006

Sounds like you are bored or even burnt out at work. Or that you are still young at heart but in a older body!

It is also quite possibily that you are upset due to seasonal depression?

Ah the younger years of making friends easily, been there done that but it is now time to move on and make friends doing different things. Try golf, entertain at home, new hobbies, join a non-profit organization. They might interests you and give you "access" to meet new people.

I agree. Bored and lonely. Time to find something more challenging at work.

December 18, 2006

If you live in or near a major US city, keep your job and move to an apartment complex with lots of single people. If you can't make friends there, then something's wrong with how you approach people.

December 30, 2006

It's me again, BTW, to sum up my dilemma here it is:

I'm making about $80K/year now.

So the question is, would you consider taking a job paying less than half that, say 35-40K, but with prospects of meeting more people and maybe even being "happy"?

Damn.. 80k...no friends.. 35k... friends... what to do..

And if ur wondering why I can't keep my 80k job and still make friends.. let's just say.. personal crises. I don't feel at home amongst well off, well dressed, emotionally stable adults. I know this seems ridiculous. I know this very well, but all I know is something must change or I will die. I was always happy & had friends when I worked crappy jobs. Now I have a good one, and I'm alone, unhappy.. I don't care anymore. I gotta do what I gotta do.

But just want some opinions first.. I really need to think this one over. Thanks~

I don't understand that what you want career or friends.it is not good if you leave the job just because of that you don't have friends there.you should join some groups ,clubs and organizations etc for find friends.it would be a big mistake if you leave the job.