The agony is astrocious

[Guest]

Short and sweet just the way you like it.

 

Ex and I broke up on numerous occasions. Sometimes we get back together cause she finds out I'm seeing someone else. One time she did cause she missed me or so I thought. I have been dealing with family problems and legal matters which take a high toll on me. I feel I've gone partially crazy if not fully. Ex said she'd help me through it, but some of the stuff she does when we are not together makes me question if she really wants to be with me. I love this woman and everything. I know she can be my everything if I can get through to her that I'm sick of history repeating itself. So I broke things off to focus on myself without having things affect her. Its the hardest thing to do cause I constantly think about her and can't motivate myself cause of every issue. I am thinking about seeing a therapist very soon. Maybe to help myself overcome hardships and learn how to forgive other people easily. Why is it so hard to forgive others but we forgive ourselves like no tomorrow?

 

Now I haven't talked to her in a month and the last time she hung up on me cause she said she was going to call after a night out and never did. I was just concerned with her well being in that she doesn't know any of the people very well that she went out with. She said things never change and hung up. Now I haven't talked to her for a month and she's coming into town for Christmas. I want to see her really bad but don't if she has finally moved on from me. And a phone call is very scary to me in the fear of rejection. Basically my question is what would you do in this situation. I don't want to feel like I was all at fault but when we talk she makes it seem that way. Its very hard to get through to her. She said the main reason she went down there was to grow up.

 

The mixed signals she gives me are that when she left she said it would work but when she was driving down there she said she wanted me to get my **** done and come down there. I just want to trust her but how do I explain that to her without bringing up the past like she so badly hates that I do. I don't think she fully understands everything. She's mentioned going to see someone and talking about things. She's come back about 5 times now. I don't implant that she wants to be with me becuase I feel that she is only coming back cause I'm seeing someone else. HELP. I've lost my damn mind.

[jmargel]

First off.. how old are you two? What did she do that was so awful? It sounds like you two need to work on your communication skills, and counseling will help that. Counseling doesn't mean the relationship is at the end, or it will never work out, it means that you two recognize that there is a problem and you two love each other enough to confront this with the help from others.

 

You are going insane because you are doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results. You need to change your course of action. First off and the most important thing is the breaking up/getting back together. That is NOT good. All that tells each other is when times get tough you are taking the easy way out and bailing. That tells each other that you can't really trust that your partner will be there for you when things are getting bad and that you two will be constantly walking on eggshells.

 

If you two get back together, counseling is to be started right away (IMO). You need to talk to her and LISTEN. When she talks about things, BITE your tongue and say 'I understand'. You will get so much further with her by doing this. Also read my link in my signature it may help you. Contact her and don't worry about the rejection. If you don't talk to her, you'll know what the outcome will definetly be. You'll lose her forever. Tell her you are making an appointment with a counselor and would like for her to join. If she doesn't, that's fine. She will when she is ready.