I dont know about my BIL

[Guest]

Okay, my brother in law is in the Marines, he came to our house for the holidays. He stayed with us for about a year before he joined the military, and we had so many problems about his behaviour and what was expected of him, etc.

 

Now that he's here again, most of those problems have been resolved. Now I have new one that I just don't know what to do about. Right before he left last summer he started dating this girl. Since he's been here for the last four days, they have very loud sex in his room in the basement. The sound comes up thru the vents to every room in the house. I had company over the other day, and well, we all got to listen. We've told him that anyone at home can hear every moan, every groan, and ever word (eeeeeeeeeewww!) that they make. Apparently they don't care.

 

Now I don't care if they what they do, I just don't want to hear it. And they won't go to this girl's house b/c she's 18 and lives with her mom, and she doesn't want to get in trouble. I have kids who can't go to their playroom in the basement. I don't know how to make these two understand that NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU HAVING SEX!!!

 

When I was 18, I would have been mortified, but this little chick walks right into my house right past me and doesn't say anything, bounces down the basement stairs and is moaning and groaning 2 minutes later. BIL doesn't care that anyone at home can hear. So far, this hasn't happened when my children are at home, but I don't want my kids in the basement when my BIL and his girlfriend are in his room with the door shut.

[goodfriendeva]

he doesnt care?.. as in you talked to him about this? if you talked to him about it and he doesnt respect it.. why is he still in your house?? he doesnt have another place to stay? well then its either shut up and have quieter sex or go to your gfs.. KWIM?

[My Fair Katie]

Odd, I thought I posted a response. Guess it didn't work, here we go again.

 

Your house. Your rules. Take the door off the hinges in the room. If the 18 year old waltzes by you say, "I'm sorry dear, that area of the house is off limits to guests." If she argues and says, "But BIL invited me" you say, "Nevertheless this is my home and that room is OFF limits to YOU."

 

Eww. I can't even have sex in my own house when we have guests (I get loud), I can't imagine going to someone else's home to bang one of their houseguests. Just yuck. Good luck.

[magichands]

(I get loud),

A sure sign that you're enjoying it.

 

Anyway... I agree with MFK's fabulous advice.

Your house. Your rules.

He needs to be taught to have some respect! I guess you don't get that in the "modern" Marines.

[CrushedOrgans]

am i the only one one wondering why your brother-in-law is dating someone?

 

is this your sister's husband? or your husband's brother?

[Guest]

This is my husband's little brother.

 

My husband had a talk with him last night and now he says that he won't have sex in our house anymore. And that they only had sex once, all the other times, they were "wrestling on the floor." He left the house with his girlfriend this morning and hasn't been back.

 

I feel bad for my kids though, they really look up to their uncle. They thought he was coming here to visit them, and he's either been out of the house with the girlfriend, or she's over here.

 

He's leaving in four days, though. I think that next time he has leave, it might be better for all of us if we tell him to find somewhere else to stay. Having him here really strains my relationship with my husband. He feels like he's stuck in the middle. Honestly, I don't want my BIL to stay here. I don't think that he really means to be inconsiderate, it's just that he's totally oblivious to anyone other than himself and his girlfriend.

 

He lived in my house for a year, and during that time he had a dog that wasn't housebroken that he wouldn't clean up after, he caused actual structural damage to our house b/c he flooded the bathroom at least once a week, he never cleaned up after himself, my house always smelled like cigarette smoke, and I was constantly finding cigarette butts on my porch or on the carpet in my sunroom. We had to tell him that these things were just not acceptable over and over, he just seemed oblivious. However, all this stuff is taken care of now. It's just the girlfriend.

 

He doesn't understand why she can't be here all day every day. Last time he was here on leave, I walked down the stairs in my pj's and she was already here at 7:30 in the morning. He wants here to stay until 2 or 3 in the morning. He really seemed surprised when we told him that yes, he has room here, but it's not like an apartment, it's a room in our house. And there are rules here.

 

I think that if you have a guest, you show them courtesy and respect, but the guest also does that for the host. I think he feels like he has a right to stay here, and I think the only reason that he stays in my house is so he's close to his gf. It hasn't occurred to either one of them that this kind of stuff might make my husband and I say that he needs to stay somewhere else.

 

I'm sorry this is so long. I know that it upsets my husband that I don't want his brother here. I don't want to add to his stress, and I just need to vent. Thanks!