Quarter Life Crisis

[Confused5433]

I just turned 25, ended with my 1 1/2yr relationship with my first love, have a job that makes me think everyday that I should be doing something else in my life, Im in debt, moved home after college to pay bills/save money and feel like I have no direction.

 

Don't take me wrong Im very grateful with what I have in my life, but I have this persistent feeling inside of loneliness and this feeling of "what am I going to do with my life".

 

The hours pass, the days, weeks, and Im still here doing the same thing. I have to make better choices now, because this is the time I start to build my future. I have so many interests, endless possibilities, I'm healthy and still young.

 

What holds me back is that I don't know where to go as far as my career.

I feel so lonely without someone to share things with, and I feel like time is passing me by. All I do is remember my ex, miss him, then hate him, want him back and then never want to see him again. I have everything to be successful, but I'm so lost, I search for inner strength, but feel like crying sometimes.

 

I want to find my purpose, my calling, but don't know where to start. Did some soul searching, and I know I would like to work helping 3rd world countries, and the environment, and travel and feel alive.

 

I try to stay positive, Im always in a great mood with everyone around me, but inside I feel like I'm getting older and my spirit is just dying. Does this make sense? Has anyone felt this way?

I'm still getting over my break-up which was just 3 months ago, I feel strong at times, and then weak. I feel I can do anything, but then I can't.

 

All my closest friends are out of the state, and I don't have a social life anymore. I don't know where to start, I don't like clubs and bars, that's not my scene anymore. I just do all I can to keep going.

 

What Im looking for is many some encouragement, share your story, some guidance.....Don't we all?

[Rooster_DAR]

sometimes life really sucks im right there with ya

[My Fair Katie]

http://www.peacecorps.gov perhaps?

[Guest]

i can tell you what encouragement is all about Charlie brown. its about being able to put as much effort as u put into being happy as u do whining. take those two Charlie brown shirts u have and throw them out. smile. life is good and go after that red haired gurl u have a crush on - she probably likes u.

[bluescreenlife]

I felt the same way you did a few months ago. I had just graduated university, lost my first love, moved back with my dad and worked temp office jobs / collected unemployment. It was an unhappy, boring and lonely time in my life.

 

A few months ago I found a great job in the same place I went to uni. I moved back here and found all my friends from school and more, while my older friends back home had scattered just like yours. That job and that move have been great for me and life is really getting back on track. & I feel like I'm almost over my ex after about a year, which is such a big relief. I definitely have my confidence and direction back.

 

You know to stay positive and you're definitely aware of what's going on... just wait it out and things will change for the better for sure. Keep an eye on those job postings and watch for / make opportunities to make new friends. it's great that you want to travel and do good work for the world. And don't worry about your spirit, it'll be just fine.

[WTF]

I just turned 25. Broke up with my girl of 7 1/2 years 4 months ago.

 

I work for family and have not been paid since holloween. And it's one week before xmas.

 

 

One day................One day.

[JamesM]

Looking back from 42, the age of 25 IS a point of crisis.

 

You have laid it out exactly...what is my future? What will be my career? Will I get married? Did I marry the right person? And I am getting older, how much longer can I be a carefree single? I want to keep partying but my friends all want to get older.

 

Your age seemed old to me at the time for all of the above reasons. I had just met the person I was going to marry, but didn't know it. My friends were getting married. I had just started a career job...which didn't last...good thing. And I had recently moved into an apartment after graduating from college.

 

I think what you are feeling happens to alot of us. Having passed 40...no, I wouldn't go back to 25 ...you have valid concerns. The decisions you make then will have an impact on your true midlife crisis. At the age I am at, you realize that you don't have as much time, your choices are made for most of your life, and your family has been made.

 

Having said that, don't sweat it too much. What they don't tell you is that most decisions can be changed without too much trauma...choice of mate and children excluded. Jobs and careers can be changed, houses can be changed, countries can be changed. And even mates can be changed....it just has more pain involved.

 

So, relax. Truly the best is yet to come. You can experiment as to where you want to go. You do have time on your hand. You can afford to take risks, becaus eyou dont' have to be perfect. You are human...you will make mistakes, but that is okay. You don't have to rush into any decision. Your future partner for life may be the person you meet tomorow. Get excited about your future...it is still ahead of you.

[CarolAnne]

I hear ya--

 

I'm in my 20's, just moved, don't know anyone, my job started out on a bad foot and I just left school.

 

When I was younger I felt as if the world was brimming with untold opportunities and people like Donald Trump were examples that the world is what you make of it. And I think the world truly is what you make of it. But I don't know what to do and feel so lost.

 

I tend to cling onto people who are helpful because I feel like a piece of driftwood at sea, with none of the direction I had just a few years ago. My problem is that I've become somewhat disillusioned with the dreams I had in college that I worked towards, blindly. But I put so much effort in at the time, it seems wasted in a lot of ways.

 

My family tells me that my life isn't heading where it "should be going" and I'm trying really hard just to figure out how to listen to myself, and believe in myself, which is harder than any exams or theses ever were. I want to become stronger - whereas before I was the "perfect student" who was treated like crap by my own family, "she's our little slave" is the sort of stuff they would say whenever I did really well at school or on projects, slowly I am beginnning to stand up for myself. Even though I'm no longer "perfect" in their eyes and now almost scorned, I prefer it to the falseness of before. So many worries and much stress, so many choices, no direction, and total uncertainty.

 

I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life when I was in school, but realized I had worked toward it for all the wrong reasons, and in fact had no inner ground or sense of self on which to stand. When or if I figure out what it is I really want, then my moment will have arrived. Right now though, I really do feel like a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean, and understand exactly how you feel.

[KittenMoon]

Go back and look at my old threads- I am a quarter-life crisiser as well.

 

However, despite my break-up with my first love (6.5 yrs, I'm 25 now), I feel like everything else that was bothering me is beginning to go on the way up. My hobbies have increased, I've made a bunch of new friends, I don't loathe work everyday anymore, and I don't worry about not knowing where my life is leading anymore.

 

The pain of lost love remains, but even that seems more like an abstract lack of connection more than anything else.

 

But I don't ever want to do this again. The last year has felt like a low point in my roller coaster ride of life, and I'm just beginning a slow climb back up.

 

Point is- you're not alone.

[melodymatters]

Each stage in life brings it's share of troubles and opportunities. Just try and listen to your OWN heart, not your parents, friends, co workers, and then : Take a chance ! Your still young, not married, mortgaged or a parent. Now is the time to try things and even if you fall on your face, you can pick yourself up and try again. Hell, I'm starting over AGAIN, at 40 ! If i can have the resiliancy, so can you ! GOOD LUCK !!!!

[Lights]

I've still been stuck in my own quarterlife crisis and I'm almost 27. It scares me how little I've progressed. Aging has brought me a somewhat panicked urgency; at least now I'll be able to hopefully take more (no way of knowing if it'll be more effective) action I guess. I'll share my story here, but I'm afraid I have no advice.

 

After finding the hard way that my experiences and my brand-name education had pretty much no currency at all, I ended up left with no choice but to take whatever opportunities I could have handed to me via nepotism. I'm now a software developer, and I'm starting to get tired of coding and getting tired of the field I'm developing for. I can't complain about my life in and of itself; I'm in a comfortable job and treated pretty well in my opinion. I just don't want to do this or live here anymore, and I don't know what's worth doing in my life anymore...

 

I do feel stuck because of this; due to being forced to rely on nepotism, after all these years I still feel as if I'm still a satellite of my parents, even at my age, and that the only way out of my situation is down, and that taking the high road and slaving away in school has turned into nothing but some small cover against a downside rather than a road to real choice and power.

 

My parents and especially my parents' friends are pushing me to go to full-time business school. I'd consider that, but I don't even know what I like at all anymore career-wise, or whether that's something I'd even want to do. One thing I can say for sure is this: I'll be extremely angry if I find that once again a degree I slaved away yet again for gives me little currency. I'm already damned sick and tired of working harder and harder and gaining less and less real power.

 

I'm still trying to figure out what I'd actually like to do job/career-wise, and (once I figure that out), how I'll make enough money and the like doing so to be able to live a lifestyle I might enjoy more.

 

I'd like to travel the world more while I'm still young. While I'm at it, I'd like to do so in a fiscally sustainable (if not fiscally empowering) fashion that also lets me enjoy a wonderful social life. I'd like to hang around mass quantities of young dynamic people, and well-connected people. I'm done with living and working in a "soulless" suburb, and hopefully I'll find places where I can actually relate to more people. (Meh. Or maybe this is all a twisted fantasy of hoping to relive what my college days and earlier 20s never were.)

 

Once I find out this stuff (I still don't have a plan on how to find out what I'd actually like; the "magic" has gone from virtually everything over the last several years), I'm seriously considering leaving this entire area for good.

 

I've had friends who have been in significantly worse situations, some of whom had advanced degrees even, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much though.

[barfool]

Wow, there are lots of us on here who are going through this (including me). I find that the only thing that really helps me when I'm feeling in a rut is remembering that life is change. It's hard to swallow the cliche of "things will get better," so I prefer to think that things will change. You won't always be stagnant. A lot of times they'll change even though you aren't there sweating and pushing them along. All you can really do is make yourself happy a little bit at a time and things somehow work out.

[Okeydokey]

I'm right there with all of you... lol. Mid 20s, finishing grad school, BURNT OUT on the dating scene - trying to decide whether to say f**ck it and become a full-fledged crazy cat lady (and accept it happily) or muster all of my remaining scraps of energy to make one last good faith stab at a relationship. Job scene looks optimistic otherwise. lol. Crazy good post here. We'll make it. It's just transition - we've all been students all our lives - transitioning to professional life is probably right up there w/getting married. Hugs.

[beautifulearth83]

I'm feeling it too. I actually graduated from college quite a bit early, around 20 years old. The last three years have blurred by me. I've been in a few different jobs in my "field" and they have all offered bits of enlightenment and hard times. I have an idea of where I want to be mentally and spiritually from here, but I'm not sure what to do next.

 

I have made a good amount of mistakes that I've learned from and payed for in big ways. I've always been one to move pretty fast through things and well I can feel myself wanting to slow down in a big way.

 

I've realized what sort of people I want to be around. I've also realized what kind of person I want to be or continue to be. I've been told that It's growing pains and I think that may be true. I just hope that I can take a little more control of my life and not allow so much that I can't change get to me.

 

It's helped for me to instead of worry about where things are going all the time, to start focusing on all the simple, wonderful things that are right before me. That seems to offer a good ground for moving along.

 

I've always sort of drifted and graced into things and had major amounts of luck, and lately I want to feel more and more like I deserve it. Perhaps we all deserve it. I feel that the answers are always right there inside of me, but my head buzzes with so many distractions and conflicting thoughts that it's so hard to function at times. It's frustrating because it doesn't feel like me. I think of what has caused this and what I need to change, but it becomes too much for my head. I think of the following:

 

Could it be troubles with how I'm handling my relationship?

Is it that person that I work with that bullies me?

Is it Karma? Did certain ways catch up with me?

Am I just uptight and need a release?

Am I frustrated because I haven't been as creative lately?

Growing pains?

Ego?

Am I scared of something?

Do I need a vacation?

Am I going through withdrawels from medication I used to take?

Do I just need to smoke a joint?

 

I agree with a few of those from the start and especially think that I need a good release. I've found it hard to even cry lately. It's all bottled up and I feel that my heart needs opening.

 

Sorry about the rant, but I may be a good example of somebody who has been dealing with this sort of crisis from a great amount of angles.

 

Any input would be appreciated, if not I understand and hope that somebody can at least take something good from the words I've put here.

 

Love

[Vertex]

I admit I have a crush on Kittenmoon :X

 

 

I just wanted to point out... if mid-life crisis is around 40, shouldn't quarter be... 20? Just being anal. Unless 40 isn't mid-life. Assuming full life is 80. Which is probably more accurate than 100. I have no idea. Whatev.

 

As for the crisis... I think everyone at some point asks these questions. At some point we all feel lost and uncertain of the future, wondering why things aren't how we want them to be. There's a fear of time running out, or a worry that things won't be how you want them in the future. Questions about money, about work, about love... but I think in the end, we have to see that these lowpoints are part of a rollercoaster -- just a very long one. Eventually you will begin your climb, but you have to want it. Optimists tend to receive better luck due to their proactive nature an go-getter attitude. You just have to want something better and make a plan... that's the first step to ascent, I'd say.

[Lights]

So, relax. Truly the best is yet to come. You can experiment as to where you want to go. You do have time on your hand. You can afford to take risks, becaus eyou dont' have to be perfect.

 

Forgive me for my negativity, but do you really believe that such experimentation is possible at a nonprohibitive cost for the majority of us? Few of us really get a chance to sample or experiment career-wise, for example; internships are exceedingly scarce even in one's college days (only a chosen few get a chance to sample diverse environments and work types in such a fashion), and career changes, even if one knows what one's next 'experiment' would be, often are exceedingly costly and may require time measured in years for preparation for such a gambit (additional schooling, degrees, time spent desperately working for free in some industries, etc.).

 

You also mentioned changing countries; how specifically is that done without compromising one's economic upward mobility? I'd seriously consider this if I could do so cleanly (I don't have the advantage of working for a multinational company).

[UnsurePath]

No suggestions from me, but i'm in that boat. I'm 25 and feel like i'm in the middle of my quarter life crisis right now. I graduated college when i was 21, got a job after a few months in my field (rare feat, my field is very competitive) and worked steadily for 3 years for two different companies. September of last year rolls around and I got laid off along with a few other people in my department and I've since been sending out application after application and collecting unemployment. I love my career, and I feel lucky that I've gotten where I am, but I worry that I don't really deserve it and that I won't find another position, had several interviews, and no offer yet. My relationship of 2 1/2 years is on the rocks, though my gf keeps trying to deny it, we're making positive changes, but I don't feel like she is the woman I want to spend my life with and I don't know how to end it (we live together on the west coast, 3000 miles from friends and family, no close friends in the area, no support system). It's all just depressing and confusing, and I feel like I keep waiting for that good thing to happen that everyone keeps telling me is going to happen, but at this point all of those sentiments sound hollow. Good luck to you all, at the very least, we now know we're not alone in our feelings.

[daisydo]

Quarter life crisis going on right here.

 

I'm 24, live with my parents and am unemployed. I also have a degree from a prestigious university. Had a break up with my ex of (on and off) about 2 years and quit my dead-end, low paying job at the same time.

 

I have no idea what I want to do and no idea how to figure it out. I read self help books and post on LS everday.

 

Yeah it's pretty bad.

[Confused5433]

To all that have responded and shared your stories, thank you for making me feel that I'm not the only one. I truly hope we all find our way and can come back and share our success stories. let's keep the faith.

 

Well, Things on my side are still the same....I watched a great inspirational video 'The Secret' (highly suggested) and I gained a greater strenght to truly find my purpose and happiness.

 

I think the issues I'm facing now go deeper than my circumstances. I've never really gone through difficult times where I had to face things on my one. This is the first time I am truly responsible for myself. All my life I have lived to help others, to love others and to be there for others.

 

I never needed to be there for me. Now, I need to find my way and I have no help whatsoever and Im frightened because I don't know what to do and how to rely on myself.

I mean my family is here for me, but it's a bit of an embarrassment to tell my parents "I don't know what Im doing with my life" after investing all those yrs in college to make them proud. My siblings are in their own little world, my friends are married and long gone. The only person I loved and felt happy with, has too many issues to be there for me and he is now married.

 

Im alone, with God in my mind, but alone. It's scary and this is probably why I feel this way. I see it as a challenge and an opportunity to strenghten my character and gain a greater self-confidence. I try everyday to keep on going with my head up and be proud of myself, but Im not truly happy. I see people having fun, being successful, loving life...and I try to do everything it takes, to live that way, but I don't feel those things inside.

 

There is something much deeper that needs to change, for my life to change.

 

Im very grateful for all of your advices and stories, now at least I don't feel that lonely anymore.....please keep sharing.