i want him back

[guest**]

NC for 4 months...i broke up with him but a week later went back and wanted to reconcile but he was really upset with me and was tired of breaking up and getting back together. he asked me for time and space to take care of himself and his career.

 

i was devastated because i pushed him away because i was afraid that i would be more hurrt if we get relally serious and then his family doenst like me cuz my family isnt good enough for them, btu i always regret it cuz i know i love him. we were together on and off for about a yaer. i miss him every single day and cant stop thinking about us. life does go on and time does pass but i miss him like crazy. i miss the faces that he makes to make me smile and how he sleeps in my arms. what can i do to get him to start talking to me again since hes kind of ignoring my texts and email? i really miss him so much...

[panzer6]

Wow, thats really unfortunate. I guess all you can do is try to talk to him and let him know how you really feel. Maybe you can arrange to meet him somehow. It's best if you tell him face to face that you made a mistake and that you truly love him. People say and do things that they don't really mean to all the time. If he loves you he will understand that. But you must realise that you wounded him severely and this will take time. There are no quick fixes when you break someones heart. My ex dumped me and it hurt like hell.

[guest**]

i really want another chance because i never told him about my fear and feels that i jus like breaking up for no reason and he's tired because he always feels like hes not good enough. he's had affection problems in the past and was with someone for 4 years but never said those three words to her and he said it with me so i know that he does love me. the last fight we had was extremely horrible.

 

i went to his apt to talk to him but he treated me like a stalker and said that if i do it again he'll take legal actions. i was devastated but i can understand that he was angry with me since he asked for space and i never gave it to him. since that day i woudl try to talk to him but he wwoudn't answer my email or texts so theres no way i can talk to him in person without looking like a stalker. he asked for space to take care of his life and know wat it feels like to be single again. how much time would he need? the last 4 months have been a really bad rollercoaster to me.

 

usually when we fight he would still respond to me but now its nothing. does he hate me so much he doesn't ever wanna have anything to do with me? i was so sad when he packed up my stuff and gave it back to me because he gave me back the littlest unmeaningful things like a loofa sponge that i left in his bathroom cuz i stayed over a lot. i kno he still keeps our fishes. is there hope? how do i get him to talk?

[panzer6]

You will have to give him space and time. The idea is to make him miss you. This will also help you get to a better place emotionally speaking. You dumped him so you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I know you love him and I'm sure he still loves you. He is in the hurting phase and he has to go through that before he decides if he wants you back. Give him time to miss you, don't hound him, it will only drive him further from you. But also, don't disappear from his life, call him evry couple of weeks to let him know you still care. Like I said, this will take time. I hope things get better for you.

[Guest]

i guess i'm just afraid that this is finally it. i want to contact him but is afraid that his silence will take me back to day one of no contact. i wanna believe that he will contact me when he's ready because the previous times i emailed him i did let him know that i still love him and made a big mistake but im jus scared that we'll end up being one of those couples that break up and never speak to each other again.

 

although i live in LA, i'm pretty traditional and wanna believe in true love but people r telling me im not being realistic. i dun wanna have to try dating a bunch of people to find the right guy because i think he is the one. he told his best friend that i was the one despite all the fighting we had. are words really jus words? im starting to lose hope...does he still think of me everyday like i think about him? is it really easy for guys to let things go?

[jusified]

my fomer gfdid the same thing, but she met someone that was interested in her so she got all confused and packed up and left cause she no longer loved me that way, now she is over seas. Guest, just wondering, why did you break up with him? was there another guy or jut confused?

 

Anyways, to me everything has just happened so quick and devastating, moving on now but am feeling very disappointed at everything and there is no doubt that I was a great bf and still is a great person. (tell myself tat everyday hahaha)

[guest**]

theres no other guy involved. i love him with all my heart. he was always jealous and insecure about my ex as i was about his. i was jus scared and pushed him away and now hes so stressed he doesnt even wanna talk to me. i dont know if i should keep trying to talk to him or not. i dont want to push him away for good but im really scared that this is the end. he ignored his first ex completely like she dint exist and it feels like he's treating me like an ex too and forgot we ever loved each other.

[jusified]

Not to be mean or anything but thats how most guys are. I don't really want to talk to my ex and shes the one that broke up with me. When I do get over everything I doubt that I will want to talk to her or contct her. Its the way it is with guys. Simply because the way we see things, when I get my heart broken there is really no desire for me to be made feel the same way again and I don't need or want an ex as a friend (why would you?).

 

With that said, if you have tried to talk to him and he is just not taking you back then I say thats just the way it is (when you get off that train it not coming back some times, hard to hear bu its true) , look at how to improve your self, your innr self and you own relationship with yourself. Move on in life and when you realise that you have become a better person the right guy will come along.

 

Best of luck and I know everything is hard (For myself as well). quoting a great cartoon "life is some times like a dark tunnle, you might not see the light but if you just keep on moving you will arrive at a better place."

[guest**]

i realy hope that its not the way things are. my ex has problems with trust and affection. he's never been affectionate with his ex and trust few people. i admit we rushed everything but it felt so right. he told me i was his best friend and the only person he ever loved. he said that it hurt him the most if i can't be friends after a breakup because he would want me in his life as his best friend. it was always hard for me to do that when we were "off" because i was still in love with him. thats the reason y i feel like this can't be the end.

 

i kno i hurt him but there were numerous things he's done to me that were really hurtful but eventually i forgave him and still wanted another try. when does a breakup be "final" and when is it just a "bad time"? do people really realize that they love each other after a break up and get back together? i've always known that i love him and have never felt that way about anyone else before but i was jus so insecure with our family situations. i kno the insecurities have to do with me and not him and if i had a chance to start over with him i would tell him all my fears. i really miss him cuz he was my best friend.

 

i am trying to live my life without him and getting started on my career. i just graduated from college and in the process of job hunting and gotten a few offers. still think about him a lot though. i wonder if he thinks about me. even though i dumped him, it feels like he dumped me cuz i went back a week later but he didn't wnt to get back together. the ball is in his court but he doesnt seem to want to do anything about it. im losing hope...

[Guest]

If you know/suspect he loves you, then tell him everything your wrote here with great honesty. I know I would consider going back to someone who felt this strongly.

 

Good luck.

 

thanks rooster for replying. I do want to tell him but i'm so afraid that it will push him away more because I have tried to reach out and he never responded. i don't know if he's just confused or he really doesnt love me anymore. but i don't know how a love like ours.. so intense and passionate...can go away just like that. when we had our fight he told me that its over and that he only loves me as a friend.

 

but we were "unofficialy" together (his decision) for 3 months before the breakup and he acted as a complete boyfriend to me telling me he loves me and kisses me and holds my hand. y would he do that if he dint love me. but during the fight he said he'll take legal actions if i dun leave him alone and i'll hear from his lawyer. its like he turned a complete 180 on me. im just so confused and hurt. i wanna beleive that its just cuz he was angry but i don't know. everytime i breakdown and cry he tells me to go look at myself in the mirror and he can't believe that i am acting like that. i dont know wat to do. i do love him though

[Rooster_DAR]

I do want to tell him but i'm so afraid that it will push him away more because I have tried to reach out and he never responded. i don't know if he's just confused or he really doesnt love me anymore.

 

Well I only see two possibilites here, and they both rely on decision. You are probably scared because your afraid of rejection. I think you should consider making one last concerted effort and tell him everyting you said in the other post, and if he does not respond with and postive language then you have your answer. Facing the music is really hard to do, but at some point you have to do it.

 

Or you can continue with N/C and both of you will possibly drift even farther apart. Or the N/C could have a positive impact and make him realize how much he misses you. Make a decision one way or another, and stick to it you'll be glad that you have finally made some decision.

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

Well I only see two possibilites here, and they both rely on decision. You are probably scared because your afraid of rejection. I think you should consider making one last concerted effort and tell him everyting you said in the other post, and if he does not respond with and postive language then you have your answer. Facing the music is really hard to do, but at some point you have to do it.

 

Or you can continue with N/C and both of you will possibly drift even farther apart. Or the N/C could have a positive impact and make him realize how much he misses you. Make a decision one way or another, and stick to it you'll be glad that you have finally made some decision.

 

Good luck!

 

MY EX KNOWS I LOVE HER, KNOWS I KNOW SHE KNOWS SHE'S HURT AND NEEDS TIME TO HEAL AND DECIDE WITHOUT PRESSURE - THAT;'S KEWL WITH ME. AS LONG AS SHE JUST GETS BACK IJN TOUCH WITH THAT WOMAN INSIDE HER - EVERYTHING ELSE IS ICING ON THE CAKE

[ThatAin'tRight]

I think you should leave him alone, get used to the idea of it being over and move on. Guys don't like when girls hurt them and rarely wish to feel or be reminded of that feeling. Leave him be, if he wants to find you, he'll know where to look.

[guest**]

after the endless torture, i decided to text him to tell him the reason and suggested that we let everything go and be friends. after so long and the hurt we both put on each other i really hoped we can leave everything behind us. still no response since tuesday and it makes me more sad because it hurts to think he doesnt even care about us anymore. i guess it is my fault for not giving him space he asked for from the beginning. i have forgiven him for saying those mean things to me but he probably dint for me calling him inhumane for saying those things. i wish i can take everything back btu i cant change the way he feels. the next few months will be even harder because i know if he doesnt respond then it is over for any type of relationship between us. i'm jus so sad it had to be this way because he is my best friend and first love and the only one ill ever love.

[Spinderella]

I know what it is like to push someone away through fear, and I sympathise.

I think you should write just one single letter (not text), allow yourself to be vulnerable and take a risk. At this point, what do you have to lose? But dont hound him with many texts etc. Just one single letter, explaining EVERYTHING. Why you pushed him away, and how much you love him. Say that you will not contact him again, but, that you wanted to tell him the truth. Then completely leave him alone and go NC. At least if you are honest then you get an honest response. If he doesn't respond to that after a few weeks, then that will be your answer, but DO NOT contact aside from this.

If you are still fearing being honest with him, then what has really changed? How can he have faith in things being different when you are still acting with the same fears that drove you to push him away?

[demilde]

I know what it is like to push someone away through fear, and I sympathise.

I think you should write just one single letter (not text), allow yourself to be vulnerable and take a risk. At this point, what do you have to lose? But dont hound him with many texts etc. Just one single letter, explaining EVERYTHING. Why you pushed him away, and how much you love him. Say that you will not contact him again, but, that you wanted to tell him the truth. Then completely leave him alone and go NC. At least if you are honest then you get an honest response. If he doesn't respond to that after a few weeks, then that will be your answer, but DO NOT contact aside from this.

If you are still fearing being honest with him, then what has really changed? How can he have faith in things being different when you are still acting with the same fears that drove you to push him away?

 

I think a letter is the only way to deal with a potential final contact, other than face2face. Txts and emails are far too easily deleted. But a letter can be left lying around and will be more than likely read and re-read; especially in the quiet moments, where thought is more focussed.

[guest**]

thanks guys for the advice. you guys both have a point but i had already texted him. i'm afraid if i do more ill annoy him more than i already am. im afraid that he hates me and never wanna talk to me again or maybe i hurt him so much that he doesnt wanna have anything to do with me. it sucks bcause i can forgive him for everything hes done to me and its as serious as the things ive done to him. i know i cant expect him to be like me but it sucks.

 

the last few days ive been rethinking everything. i did have a lot of expectations going into this relationship. i wanted it to be like a perfect fairy tale because in the beginning he made me feel like a princess. i never expected badthings to happen to us. i expected it to be perfect and no matter how we fight we'll always be together. i ddnt pay attention to his feelings and only cared for my own. i never told him my fear and just psuh him away every time we got better from a breakup. i regret doing that so bad. i guess just having the realtionship feel so "perfect" scares me that we are going to last and then i'll get hurt later on. with him it jus feels so natural. like we can be together until we're old and gray.

 

i did text him and tell him my fear and y i pushed him away. he dint respond. i told him we should jus leave evertyhing and be friends and support each other without all this crazyness. his no response scares me because i feel like hes never going to forgive me and we're going to live life wihtout each other. i can live without him but i dont think my life will ever be complete. i just got a job yesterday and the first person i wanted to tell was him but i couldnt' -part of my heart feels empty.