You were all right

[stanchain]

To all that have given me advice the past month or so.. just wanted to let you know that you are right. there is no way that she is ever going to come back, or appreciate evreything that i have donefor her. wed, she just stops by crying talking about how she loves me, so my dumb butt takes the phone back.. she calls me twice on thursday and once friday. by friday night i am confused. So i go to her house. I tell her that i cant do this anymore. that i am a black and white person she is either with me or without me. she says without me right now. we talk a little more.. make a long story short she tells me that she loves me and that a big part of her wants to come back and try and make this work. i take the phone back again. then last night coming home from a buddies house i drive past her new "friends" house( it is actually up the street from me I pass it whenever i go anywhere. needless to say it is 4 in the morning and her car is still at his house. So i write her a 6 page letter explaining my feelings and telling her how much it hurts me that she says she loves me but spends all her time with him...so on and so forth. then what happens. I come home ot get my scarf and see what looks like her car on my street, I try to catch up but i cant and then what happens at the light? her " friend" pulls up to the light and makes a right. needless to say i made a left and low and behold her car was in his parents driveway. A few hours pass and i send her a text message. she said she read the letter and understands more. but she has ot go kick it her cousin that just came in from out of town( cousin did come into town) so she cant kick it with me tonight after we had already decided to start spending time together (and I told her in the letter that if you really want to see somebody you can make time). she says she is sorry and will call me when she gets a chance. oh did i mention she called me from his house. gosh i feel like the stupidiest person ever. I have known that something was going on with them, and everybody told me the same thing. But she kept lying ot me saying she loved me and wanted to work on this and things of that nature... how could a person just flat out straight to your face lie after you have given them 3 great years of you and their life? anyway... thank you guys so much for being here...

[Rooster_DAR]

To all that have given me advice the past month or so.. just wanted to let you know that you are right. there is no way that she is ever going to come back, or appreciate evreything that i have donefor her. wed, she just stops by crying talking about how she loves me, so my dumb butt takes the phone back.. she calls me twice on thursday and once friday. by friday night i am confused. So i go to her house. I tell her that i cant do this anymore. that i am a black and white person she is either with me or without me. she says without me right now. we talk a little more.. make a long story short she tells me that she loves me and that a big part of her wants to come back and try and make this work. i take the phone back again. then last night coming home from a buddies house i drive past her new "friends" house( it is actually up the street from me I pass it whenever i go anywhere. needless to say it is 4 in the morning and her car is still at his house. So i write her a 6 page letter explaining my feelings and telling her how much it hurts me that she says she loves me but spends all her time with him...so on and so forth. then what happens. I come home ot get my scarf and see what looks like her car on my street, I try to catch up but i cant and then what happens at the light? her " friend" pulls up to the light and makes a right. needless to say i made a left and low and behold her car was in his parents driveway. A few hours pass and i send her a text message. she said she read the letter and understands more. but she has ot go kick it her cousin that just came in from out of town( cousin did come into town) so she cant kick it with me tonight after we had already decided to start spending time together (and I told her in the letter that if you really want to see somebody you can make time). she says she is sorry and will call me when she gets a chance. oh did i mention she called me from his house. gosh i feel like the stupidiest person ever. I have known that something was going on with them, and everybody told me the same thing. But she kept lying ot me saying she loved me and wanted to work on this and things of that nature... how could a person just flat out straight to your face lie after you have given them 3 great years of you and their life? anyway... thank you guys so much for being here...

 

Don't want to say I told ya so...but I told ya so. The reason we all know is that we've watched our S/O do the same exact thing to us. It's amazing how predictable these women are, they almost always pull the same stunts. I'm sorry you are going through this pain, it's not fair being treated that way. Take care of yourself, they will get what's coming to them in the end.

 

Cheers!

[mum2three]

Sorry to hear Stan but in a way seeing is believing and somehow that may make closure easier. I feel your hurt and pain. I am awaiting for my day so to speak. Keep your chin up. Some gal is waiting to snatch a sensitive guy like you up and spoil you to death. Just wait and see! I'll be damned if my H ever writes me a paragraph let alone a 6 page letter!! Take care of yourself.

[stanchain]

Yeah, I knew that you were all right.. I knew it... but I wanted to believe that maybe jst maybe you were wrong. That maybe our love was strong enough to overcome adversity. But i was wrong. And the salt in the wound.... what woman would leave a guy who treated them good, spoiled them rotten, made good money (around 70k)... for a 17 year old bus bnoy that lives with mom and dad and hasnt even graduated high school yet? I think that is the salt in the wound. And of course it does not help she lied.. in fact to this day she still will not admit they are in a relationship or anything is going on between them. still swears she loves me and a big part of her wants to come home. I told her action speaks louder than words... if you wanted this at all you would be spending your time with me working on us.. not every day with him. i know not all women are bad.. but right now i just dont know if i can ever trust again. And to be honest even if I can.. I am not going to want to. no matter what

[Sup]

Yeah, I knew that you were all right.. I knew it... but I wanted to believe that maybe jst maybe you were wrong. That maybe our love was strong enough to overcome adversity. But i was wrong. And the salt in the wound.... what woman would leave a guy who treated them good, spoiled them rotten, made good money (around 70k)... for a 17 year old bus bnoy that lives with mom and dad and hasnt even graduated high school yet? I think that is the salt in the wound. And of course it does not help she lied.. in fact to this day she still will not admit they are in a relationship or anything is going on between them. still swears she loves me and a big part of her wants to come home. I told her action speaks louder than words... if you wanted this at all you would be spending your time with me working on us.. not every day with him. i know not all women are bad.. but right now i just dont know if i can ever trust again. And to be honest even if I can.. I am not going to want to. no matter what

 

 

At least you didn't marry that woman, I hope not anyway......... She would've taken you to the cleaners.

[Gunny376]

If you got money, you can find yourself a "Honey"

 

Its hard to imagine what it is that she see's in this kid ~ but people (both men and women) do this kind of crap all the time.

 

For the Love of God, if you're going to exit stage left out of a relationship ~ TRADE UP, DAMNIT!!!!! NOT DOWN!

 

The best thing you can do at this point is go strictly no contact, and drop this gal like a bad habit. I realize your wearing your heart on your sleeve here, and when you're trying to give up someone you love, the withdrawal is worse than freaking getting off of crystal meth or crack ~ not just because she's got a pair of 44DD, not because she's the daughter of this richest men in town, not because she's so "hot" the fire department has to follow her aound town, not because she own a chain of liqour stores ~ just because you're use to having her around.

 

I've been giving considerable thought to your thread ~ and I think what the deal is here ~ is that you've got your act together in a log of ways, and have a lot going for yourself. and she feels that she's simply out of her league with you and that she can compete with you.

 

My money is on you tell her ~ we're through, and stick to your guns no matter what for a good three to four months, she might wake up. Everytime she comes around, tell her to go hang with her friend the bus boy. You don't have time to play her silly games, and she's made her choice ~ and it wasn't you. That if she doesn't appreciate what you've got to offer then you'll find someone who will.

[stanchain]

Yeah she has mentioned something of that nature before... but i mean i never really paid attention to how much money i made vs how much she mad. I mean i just let her spend and have fun. the good news... i went from having 3k in bills a month... to now only havin around $700. And I make pretty good money... she can take off and have her bus boy pay the her $2300 in bills.... oh did I mention she only makes around... oh uh $1400 a month. Oh well that is not my concern any longer. She has mentioned to me a couple of times that she is wants to go back to school but she cant because she is going to have to get a second job so she can afford to live... oh well. Not to mention she moved in with her parents and I think she said her father is about to get fired from his job. But hey... worse case she can move in with the bus boy and his parents.... hahahahaha

[Dad_of_3]

Its not a fact of being right.

Just sometimes you need to see it for yourself.

I learn things the hard way. I look back and I wouldnt have it any other way. I learnt form it, I've grown from it, I'm moving on from it.

 

As you will, I have no doubt about that. But what you learn from it, what you get from all this will be whats inside of you.

 

Emotions will run high for a long time, hell read up from anyone and they still do. Do whats in your heart, dont let the emotion control you. Walk away and think "Is this the right time to act or say anything"

Do yourself that 1 favour, not for her, but for yourself.

 

Sounds soooo Star Wars, hahahaha

But dont give in to the anger, resentment and/or hate.

Hell all the range of emotions will come into it. My advice would be to ride it out.

It will pass in time and you will be happy again. You may dip, but what will you have learnt from that.

 

The world is your oyster and its time to get ready to appreciate the pearl that is in front of you.

 

Return anytime to post progress, vent whatever. there will always be someone to listen and/or post.

 

Take care.

[Gunny376]

Its not a fact of being right.

Just sometimes you need to see it for yourself.

I learn things the hard way. I look back and I wouldnt have it any other way. I learnt form it, I've grown from it, I'm moving on from it.

 

As you will, I have no doubt about that. But what you learn from it, what you get from all this will be whats inside of you.

 

Emotions will run high for a long time, hell read up from anyone and they still do. Do whats in your heart, dont let the emotion control you. Walk away and think "Is this the right time to act or say anything"

Do yourself that 1 favour, not for her, but for yourself.

 

Sounds soooo Star Wars, hahahaha

But dont give in to the anger, resentment and/or hate.

Hell all the range of emotions will come into it. My advice would be to ride it out.

It will pass in time and you will be happy again. You may dip, but what will you have learnt from that.

 

The world is your oyster and its time to get ready to appreciate the pearl that is in front of you.

 

Return anytime to post progress, vent whatever. there will always be someone to listen and/or post.

 

Take care.

 

There is much wisdom in these words!

[Rooster_DAR]

Yeah, I knew that you were all right.. I knew it... but I wanted to believe that maybe jst maybe you were wrong. That maybe our love was strong enough to overcome adversity. But i was wrong. And the salt in the wound.... what woman would leave a guy who treated them good, spoiled them rotten, made good money (around 70k)... for a 17 year old bus bnoy that lives with mom and dad and hasnt even graduated high school yet? I think that is the salt in the wound. And of course it does not help she lied.. in fact to this day she still will not admit they are in a relationship or anything is going on between them. still swears she loves me and a big part of her wants to come home. I told her action speaks louder than words... if you wanted this at all you would be spending your time with me working on us.. not every day with him. i know not all women are bad.. but right now i just dont know if i can ever trust again. And to be honest even if I can.. I am not going to want to. no matter what

 

WTF?? 17 year old bus boy? Oh yeah, I remember the post now.

BTW..Women who cheat/affair will lie through their teeth, you won't get an ounce of truth from them.

 

This chic is the typical spoiled americanized brat female who thinks she deserves to treat guys like this I bet. Dude, I feel your pain brother, I still say to myself daily "I still don't believe it!". The person you thought they were turns into to be so different, and the betrayal is something you never thought they were capable of. I'm with Gunny, the world is a much different place than many of us thought/hoped it would be. Somehow I want to believe that people arent' like this, but they are. Fact is, you really can't trust a lot of people for the simple fact that if you let them, they will walk all over you.

 

There are some good women out there, but they are few and far between in my experience. For me, I'm going to enjoy being single for a while now and enjoy doing things for me. After going through this kind of trauma, you can really reflect things and gain a better understanding of the kinds of "Red Flags" to look for in the next woman that comes along. Out of everyone I know friends and aquaintances, only two of the couples are lifetime partners, and the woman they are with are truly down to earth. They are not these typical shallow "I want it all" american women who always have to validate how independant they are.

 

P.S. If you get the divorce I would not let her off easy...

 

Good luck!

[Gunny376]

This chic is the typical spoiled americanized brat female who thinks she deserves to treat guys like this

 

This never ceases to amaze me, that there are women out there who think that they were born with everything (a vagina and a pair of boobs) they need to get through life with?! I've seen personals of women in their mid forties and early fifties. You could tell back in the day, they were all that and then some. They hold medicore jobs, but in their profiles, to get with them you can't make less than $70K?! WTF? You've told me all that I need to know!

 

What you need to do Stan is take some time off, get past this, re-evaluate what your looking for in a woman, and set your minimum requirements. And, you need to look past just the physical attributes. For example I recall listening to G. Gordon Liddy talking about when he came up a gal at a dance, doing differntial calculus problems as though they were crossword puzzles ~ he knew that she was the gal for him!

 

Most men spend more time and effort thinking about what kind of car and what kind of accessories their looking for in a car than the do about what they're looking for in a woman. You ask some guy to describe their perfect car they can describe it in detail. Ask them the same question about what they're looking for in a woman and you're going to get ?

 

Personally, I'm looking at staying single. You see my azz in the Sunday paper talking about getting married you can point it out to someone out, and say, "You see that! You see that picture of Gunny with that woman talking about getting married? You can bet she's all that and then some, and crazy about him.

 

Even them we're going to pre-maritial couseling, and work through the Marriagebuilders material, and then consciously, intentionally, and deliberately work through some marriage enrichment material each year, with annual checkups. You can bet your azz, I won't ever put it on auto-pilot, and take its as a given or for granted.

[stanchain]

I went wrong, and answered my phone last night when she called. we ended up talking for like 5 hours... about everything. She finally came out and said why she left. it was a very interesting conversation to say the least. it almost made me believe what she was saying.. the she loves me and she still wants this but it is just hard because of everything that has went down. her parents being mad at me and my family being mad at her. Now she is all down and out because she knows at the end of the month I am going to be getting rid of the phone so she has no way of contacting me. She even asked me to go out with her on the 22nd. and she wants to go horseback riding sometime as well. I mean everything she said sounded really good. the problem is that I am an all or nothing type person. And right now it does not seem like she wants it all. seems like just keeping me on the string. Now that i am trying to pull away she keeps trying to pull me closer. Expecially after that 6 page letter. I mean I explained what went wrong.. oh and gunny even through a little bit of your 2 by 4 thread in there (worked like a charm... the babysitter, piece of ass thing.. right on cue). and explained that i do not see us being able to work it out. Now she is being all nice and trying to work her way back in.... gosh women are odd creatures

[Rooster_DAR]

I went wrong, and answered my phone last night when she called. we ended up talking for like 5 hours... about everything. She finally came out and said why she left. it was a very interesting conversation to say the least. it almost made me believe what she was saying.. the she loves me and she still wants this but it is just hard because of everything that has went down. her parents being mad at me and my family being mad at her. Now she is all down and out because she knows at the end of the month I am going to be getting rid of the phone so she has no way of contacting me. She even asked me to go out with her on the 22nd. and she wants to go horseback riding sometime as well. I mean everything she said sounded really good. the problem is that I am an all or nothing type person. And right now it does not seem like she wants it all. seems like just keeping me on the string. Now that i am trying to pull away she keeps trying to pull me closer. Expecially after that 6 page letter. I mean I explained what went wrong.. oh and gunny even through a little bit of your 2 by 4 thread in there (worked like a charm... the babysitter, piece of ass thing.. right on cue). and explained that i do not see us being able to work it out. Now she is being all nice and trying to work her way back in.... gosh women are odd creatures

 

I don't think the 5 hour coverstation was really on your side though. How can you have a 5 hour converstation????? Oh well. My guess is she now gave you enough hope to hang on while she decides what she wants, and if I were to guess I bet you will get more physo babble soon.

 

Good luck, let us know what happens.

[stanchain]

Well dar... you are close to right. I mean that is basically what the conversaiton consit of. If nothing else it gave me a lot to think about. But to be honest with you... I am not really sold on it. I mean yeah i am niave and would like to think she was being honest and loves me and wants to work on this. But when i really think about it... action speaks louder than words. I mean she asked me if i wante dto go out and do something on the 22nd. That is like a week away.. which is cool and all... but i bet you between now and then she finds some time to kick it with her "friend." To be real with you.. .I love her so I would like to believe her. But I find it really hard to believe what she says. for example she mentioned last night that talking to me kinda helps her get me... and also makes her miss me. Now after chatting with yall, i understand that it just helps her get over me. Cause she does not really have to come back into my life, well cause I am here whenever she calls. And then today she called about a bill (actually important one we share) and I asked her about it...I said... look you said that talking to me helps you get over me... And she wsa like nonot like that, it is good when i talk to you. it makes me think about you more. Yeah right..... women cant be trusted.... not anymore. I know I sound bitter... and maybe I am

[Rooster_DAR]

Well dar... you are close to right. I mean that is basically what the conversaiton consit of. If nothing else it gave me a lot to think about. But to be honest with you... I am not really sold on it. I mean yeah i am niave and would like to think she was being honest and loves me and wants to work on this. But when i really think about it... action speaks louder than words. I mean she asked me if i wante dto go out and do something on the 22nd. That is like a week away.. which is cool and all... but i bet you between now and then she finds some time to kick it with her "friend." To be real with you.. .I love her so I would like to believe her. But I find it really hard to believe what she says. for example she mentioned last night that talking to me kinda helps her get me... and also makes her miss me. Now after chatting with yall, i understand that it just helps her get over me. Cause she does not really have to come back into my life, well cause I am here whenever she calls. And then today she called about a bill (actually important one we share) and I asked her about it...I said... look you said that talking to me helps you get over me... And she wsa like nonot like that, it is good when i talk to you. it makes me think about you more. Yeah right..... women cant be trusted.... not anymore. I know I sound bitter... and maybe I am

 

Well at least you are communicating...so that might be okay. Just be careful, she must just be trying to communicate so she can let go of her guilt feelings. I guess you just need to find out where she is going with all of this, and if she get's wishy washy again I'd say this whole thing is about her.

[stanchain]

Well part of me thinks communication is good.. But I have made it clear that I am not going to be calling her and bothering her. So I really put it on her to call me. And I alreday decided that I am not going to talk to her tonight. She thinks that I may be going to my sisters, to kick it with my sisters friend. So I am going to let her stew on that for the night

[Gunny376]

The way I call the "ball" is that you've done all you can do, and there's really nothing else for you to do other than to get busy ~ getting busy, and moving on with your life. I hate it when women do this kinda of crap, and personally I don't play these kind of games. I learned a long time ago (albiet via the 2 X 4 method ~ aka "the hard way") that a man has got to be willing to walk away for good from any woman at any time. Regardless!

 

Now that this thread has played out, what your problem was/is that you were working all those hours to make all that "good" money, leaving her to take care of the house and the child care, you drug your dead tired ass into the house, and weren't spending enough play time and paying her the kind of attention that she wanted and needed, that's she's getting now from the busboy. You thought you were doing right ~ (and you were) as far making a living. but you weren't totally and completly aware of the ramifications and consequnces.

 

You, understand that you can play now ~ and pay later, or you can pay now and play for the rest of your life! A lot of people never umderstand tha concept ~ with her apparently being one of them. That's the another varibale to this equation. She needs to do some growing up.

 

I'd quit playing this game, and the next time I saw her, I'd tell her so, and I'd tell her there's very much a window of opportunity here for the two of you, and that its closing a little more each day, a little more quickly each day. And, that she needs to make her mind up and take a leap of faith, and either be in for a penny ~ in for a pound, be part of the solution and not part of the promblem. part of the answer and not part of the question. That you've been beamed between the eyes, that you know that you and her need to work on communicating, relating to one another, and that this is something that you need to do daily on a conscious and purposely manner. Add in whatever else you want to get off your chest, and then "shut up!" and listen. She'll tell you what you need to hear and need to know. If she's still "waffleing" tell her she doesn't need you, she needs to go hang out at the damned Waffle House ~ and then go find you someone that's got their act together, and who appreciates what you've got to bring to the table.

[mum2three]

Morning Men!

 

Gunny is right. We are either in the game or out. I have my raw moments too but it is eating me away to be angry everyday or hurt by H's comments. I think at this stage our spouses will have any excuse for D. I am still trying to be patient and learn the art of communication w/o pushing the buttons so that he can threaten me. I don't think he can control his own emotions and feelings now.

 

Stan, your wife was probably missing the attention from you b/c you were rightfully working so hard and somewhere lost the ability to communicate your importance to each other. It is very selfish of her to just dump everything to feed her own happiness when you have sacrificed for the family too. I told my H that I used to shoot for the stars and try to do the best and get the best things for our family but it really wasn't the best for everyone. I realize now that his views of what is "best" is completely different from mine. Since we are starting off on different standards, whatever we try to do for the family will never please or be good enough for the other person. I have no idea on how to fix this of course!

 

But I told him that my priorities for the family and what I'll do has changed. Change is good. I don't need to stress myself when nobody else values what I do. I just don't know why our S just can't own up to the situation head on and deal with the real issues.

[stanchain]

The hardest thing to do is let go of the person you love. And gunny you are right... that is exactly what i have to do. Deep down I know it, I just keep trying to fool myself and think there is a way to fix this. when we talked that i night i noticed that she does not look at this guy as a serious long term relaitonship type. But at her age she is having fun. and that is what he is about right now. whether they are intimate or not it doesnt matter. actually i think she is being honest and their not. Only because if they were it would be just like being ina commitment.. something that she just got out of. Love makes people do stupid things and love is causing me to hold onto something that is over. its hard... but it is a must. I am going to cancel the self phone today and pay the cancelation fee... Going to write her one last letter letting her know that the door is closing and if she wants to come back in she must make her decision soon. cause i am not going to be here much longer at all. I mean I'll give her a couple of days to think about it... but thats it. I know I should not even do that... but i do love her and hope she understands that before it is too late....

[Gunny376]

One thing that I think you should do, before you do or make any move is check out this site, especially the e-book offer. It will really open your eyes and mind to a lot of things, and if nothing else will give you peace, and understanding.

 

Guns

 

http://www.womensinfidelity.com/index.html#home

[stanchain]

Hey gunny I thought you were saying that i should just let go... i am going to check out that site and such.. .but you said before I do or do not make anymoves... i feel as if i need to just let go. cause although we all like to think that things can be fixed or there is a magic potion to bring them back there isnt. love is not kinda... love is a harsh kick in th a-s that says that you need to enjoy your life and only love yourself

[Gunny376]

Hey gunny I thought you were saying that i should just let go... i am going to check out that site and such.. .but you said before I do or do not make anymoves... i feel as if i need to just let go. cause although we all like to think that things can be fixed or there is a magic potion to bring them back there isnt. love is not kinda... love is a harsh kick in th a-s that says that you need to enjoy your life and only love yourself

 

 

That is what I'm saying. The link that I provided and the book will help you in doing so, and in moving ahead and begin the withdrawal and healing process ~ it will provide you with a lightbulb moment. The site I linked isn't about some magic potion of winning her back, its about women's infidelity, why and how they cheat, and what they mean when they speak the the coded lanuage and why they speak the coded ~ double meaning language. It will also explain why she so-called "traded-down" to 17 year old bus boy.

 

I've been researching men & women, relationships, marriage, romance, dating etc for years and years every since I got thrown under the bus sixteen years ago.

 

The linki I posted was orginally posted by RossterDAR I believe, (I may be wrong and if so I apolgize to the orginal poster). Tha' link I provided you to help grease the skids out of this relationship, and on tnto the rest of your life.

 

Your relatively speaking a very young man, whose accomplished a lot in a few short years on the planet. Life's too freaking short to be wasting your time, effort and energey on someone who's not appreciative of what you've got to offer and what you're bringing to the table.

 

Per the book listed in the link, and per my life experience, (and other sources) you're nuts to be settling down with anyone younger than the age of 30 anyway. Since women are about ten years more emotionally mature than men, the perfect age for you to think about settling down is about age 40 with a young thirty something. You'll materially, and financially "set" by then. You should have yourself a house, with a lot of up-side equity, and you'll have your place furnished and all of your boy-toys. Money in the back, hardly any debt, (and from previous post its sounds as though your either there or close to being there).

 

Then you can go find you some gal, who's reaching her sexual prime, (women don't really reach their sexual prime until about age 35. By this age, the nerve endings in their privates have fully developed, most women experience a tetesterone rush at this age and want to mate like bunnies [NO, I didn't get it wrong, I said testerone, the predominant hormone in men. Both men and women have testerone and estrogen in their bodies] and who's been through the party stage, the x,y, and z stages, who's bio clock is ticking and who is ready to "nest" and have babies ~ aka "settle down"

[Rooster_DAR]

I originally did post that "womensinfedelity" site. The book probably won't help much in getting your EX back, because it sounds like she's cleared the threshold of that happening. When you visit the site, look for the link that describes the stages a woman goes through during the transition to infedelity.

 

Here:

 

http://womensinfidelity.com/stages123.html

 

The book should be read by both genders, but it would actually be more beneficial for any woman struggling with why she is feeling like she wants to cheat/affair. I bought this book after I found out my EX was cheating in hopes to understand why women take this path. The author is not by any means a professional, but she is a woman who has researched these reasons through her friends and her own infidelity. I have read the book several times, and a good chunk of it would explain a lot.

 

The book is an interview, it's not a guide on what to do but rather details some key issues that arise during the stages of infidelity. I have had all three of my (2 marriages, one LTR) fail due to infidelity on their part, and nearly every key topic she touches on relates (in my situation) to the experiences I witnessed with these women. This book is not targeting women as bad people necessarily, but instead it targets the reasons why women cheat and why society has created the problems of relationships today.

 

(note: there should be a seperate book about men's infedelity as well, but this one focuses on womens issues)

 

Read the book, I think it will shed more light in understanding women and the problems they struggle with due to societal beliefs and misconceptions. It also fundamentally shows that if women and men were equiped with knowlege and understanding what's really happening to them, the better chance are that marriages can be saved and go on to prosper. I would like to debate these issues with someone else that has read the book, so if you choose to read it post back I would like to talk about it.

 

Regards,

[stanchain]

Well I will have to read it sometime.. right now though i really do not feel like reading anything. I still cant believe it is over. And I mean we talked for 5 hours this and that. it is hard for me to believe that all the things that she said was bs. I mean how do you just lie to somebody that you loved so much. I feel so much pain right now. but i know that i have to just deal with it because like you said DAR we are past the time of working things out. it was a great 3 years....

[Rooster_DAR]

I mean how do you just lie to somebody that you loved so much.

 

I understand, I ask myself the same question quite often. I'm not thinking you should totally give up if you guys can work it out through communication. I just know from my experience that women will cling on to something, I'm not sure what, but they are in an internal battle as well. If indeed she is seeing someone and it's gone into an emotional relationship, there is not a lot you can do but take care of yourself. You can will know when it's time for you to give up, and that's when the pain is taking a tremendous toll on you mentally. What I mean by this is:

 

You lose focus of many or all aspects of who you are

Your productivity decreases at work and at home

You seem to be trapped in a dark place and can't be happy

You keep blaming yourself and cannot find peace

You start coming apart and lose your identity

Your mental and emotional health are taking a toll on you

.....it's time to think about you and let her go

 

These are just some of the signs you need to be aware of, and if this is happening, you need to start letting go and find yourself again. The longer you hang on to hope, the worse it's going to get. Take a stand and let her know that it's either all the way or now way, and tell her you want a straight answer and action to back it up. Otherwise, you cannot carry on hoping she will change her mind eventually. I got to that point, and I was in self destruct mode, pitying myself, and I started believing I was a total loser.

 

Don't let this happen to you, take charge or your life. Things will eventually get better. A good start would be to ask her to go to therapy, if she does not agree but instead gives you nochalant answers, then you know what you need to do. It will take a long time to get over this, as your relationship was fairly long. I am still suffering my loss, and my EX was doing the exact same things yours did.

 

Regards,

 

P.S. I am on a long journey to understanding and being happy with myself, this is a goal I have committed myself to and I am going all the way. Even where I don't want to, I am going out and doing things by myself, such as movies, events, clubs, and outdoor activites. Somewhere in relationships sometimes we lose the love for ourselves, I do believe this happend to me.