Author stanchain Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 And i know that I have to let her go... but right now I am weak and she is all I can think about Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Stan, yup its hard. Not gonna sugar coat it there, but mate it does get better. Read through my thread, even though our situations are different, see the changes that have happened. I hear you buddy, its not nice, but what are you going to do about it? You say you know what to do .. but from the look of it, you are sitting down. Looking back and wondering. I can say everyone goes through that but what they do after is the turning point. You have friends and people cheering you on as you are going through this. They offer there hands of support for you, but YOU and and only YOU have the power to want to get up. Don't let this hold you back from having the life you have always dreamed of. So many prized lessons I have learned this year and many more to come! I look forward to them like nothing else ! A quote from my Skydiving adventures ... " Fear is the thief of dreams " Chin up matey, where here for you during this time. Take care and enjoy this season for what it is. Time of joy, happiness and hope for a better future. MERRY CHRISTMAS ! Do3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 yeah dad you are right I am sitting.. because just llike in your post... you wanted to believe. but in reading your post I see that although i have read this book, and that article... there is no such thing as turning back. i mean reading your thread helped me lose all hope that NC could possible work. i see that nothing works once a woman leaves. Like i have said about 1000 times in my threads... I still dont see how a woman can just walk away... without ever working on anything. it is funny cause th last time we talked she told me how much she loves me, and how she sees me as the guy she wants to marry me... and that scares her... That she just needs some time to make sure that she is not missing out on life by not being in a relationship... how she really wants to come home because she is seeing there is nothing out there really... but when it all comes down to it.. all she really wants is a security blanket. Gosh the holidays are hard Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 it is funny cause th last time we talked she told me how much she loves me, and how she sees me as the guy she wants to marry me... and that scares her... That she just needs some time to make sure that she is not missing out on life by not being in a relationship... They all do this, throw out misleading contraditons that only aim at keeping you in limbo. My EX was doing the same thing. She also stated "I finally found true love, and I don't want to lose you again", but this is just another empty promise, now the got I suspected she ws involved with is spending Xmas with her. I really don't know for sure what causes them to do this, but it's probably a combination of guilt and wanting their cake. These women are poison, I think we both know that but were holding on to what they used to be. That person is gone, I am grieving the person I used to know. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Well just wanted to say hello, and tell ya that this is hard. I mean expecially with the holidays going on. I guess I am just loking for words of encouragement. I have not talked to her since friday afternoon. And well she called friday night but i refused to answer. But mentally my cut off was christmas. I mean when she left i said that (mentally) if i spend christmas by myself then i want nothing else to do with her. and well it is xmas eve and for the last 3 years we have been together at her families house. It is really hard to not call her, or at least sent her a text message telling her merry christmas. I know that i shouldnt or cant. but i want to. How have you guys dealt with this empty feeling during this time of year? Could you get with your family? If not, at least give them a call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Yeah you are right... just misleading contradictions... it sucks though... that people or women cant be honest and just say what hey mean. And of course she is spending the holidays with him and his family... while I am sitting here missing her. it is a damn shame. that she doesnt love me enough to be honest. but oh well one more holiday (thanksgiving as well) without her. it is hard.. but love sucks a-s Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Hey doing NC... But i am pretty sure she is going to call tomorrow for xmas.. do I answer... and if I do? do i be cold... or what do I do Link to post Share on other sites
devon1 Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Keep up the NC For my case, I ignored her text wishing me Merry Xmas but replied after more than 12 hours. I just thought I would be amicable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Ya know doing this whole NC thing is not easy... but the dumb question is... after talking to me everyday for 3 years... how is it NC bothers the hell out of me but does not effect her at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Stan, take your mind of it. You are paying more attention to it than whats necesary You're still consumed in it. Go out for a coffee and people watch. Grab a book and sit down for a coffee. Go meet up with some friends for a drink. The possibilities are endless. Why is it bothering you ? Cause I see you are still stuck in a moment. You're still wrapped up in it, and thats ok. Remember that this is part and parcel of the stage you are going through. No one realises it but they do go through it. You are greiving, do so. Learn from it. When it goes and you are back in the frame of mind, think what happened and what can you do to combat it? Some people may think it lame, but I believe music tells a story. Every song, tells a little story of the person who wrote it, the emotion they felt when they wrote it. I love music, thats why I chose to pick up and learn the guitar. I think a song for you would be from the Backstreet Boys, lame as that sounds. Backstreet Boys - I Still ... What I would prefer to hear you listen to is more: Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong That should keep you busy for a bit. Get the lyrics and songs and listen. Oh Btw, hows that 50 things list going ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Stan, take your mind of it. You are paying more attention to it than whats necesary You're still consumed in it. Go out for a coffee and people watch. Grab a book and sit down for a coffee. Go meet up with some friends for a drink. The possibilities are endless. Why is it bothering you ? Cause I see you are still stuck in a moment. You're still wrapped up in it, and thats ok. Remember that this is part and parcel of the stage you are going through. No one realises it but they do go through it. You are greiving, do so. Learn from it. When it goes and you are back in the frame of mind, think what happened and what can you do to combat it? Some people may think it lame, but I believe music tells a story. Every song, tells a little story of the person who wrote it, the emotion they felt when they wrote it. I love music, thats why I chose to pick up and learn the guitar. I think a song for you would be from the Backstreet Boys, lame as that sounds. Backstreet Boys - I Still ... What I would prefer to hear you listen to is more: Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong That should keep you busy for a bit. Get the lyrics and songs and listen. Oh Btw, hows that 50 things list going ? Now the list... I am only on number 17 i think... or 16... and you are right I am consumed. But after reading your threads I see you know what i mean. You know as well as anybody else dad it takes time to just let go of something that meant so much to you. And the worst part about it... I am a very analytical person. So i do over analyze it. I know this.. and I think that is why i spend about 15 hours a day thinking about it..hahahaha... ya know it is the holidays which is making it that mch harder. I have a 6 year old and today he asked me where was mom at and if she was going to come by. things like that only make it harder ya know... and no she is not his real mom.. but he called her mom for like the last year Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Ok.. have not talked to her since friday afternoon... and she called me friday night... but i didnt call her back. well it is monday and because i did not call her back i know she is not going to call me... but i wanna hear her voice so bad. I mean it is christmas. My first one without her in 3 years. Should i call or text message her just to say merry christmas? or should i just try and be strong and do nothing? this is hard to just let go. I mean the last couple days have been hard... but christmas day.. what ever happen to the miracle of christmas.... friday when we talked she said she wanted to see me today.. .but considering i didnt return her call I know for a fact she is not going to make a way to see me... actually she probably wouldnt have came and saw me anyway. I did let her know I will be home all day moving so if she wants to see me she knows where I am at.... should i just leave it like that and not text her. I know I go back and forth.. But right now i am trying to be strong. it is just hard Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Stan, What are you doing in on Christmas? Can't you go visit family and friends to exchange gifts? You know when you stare at a clock face the time goes so slow? Its like an eternity to the next minute? Go on, do yourself a favour and get on out for a little while. Its boxing day in Aus and its a day of spending time with family. For me, its hard but no way am I going to sit at home. Going to see friends and maybe go see that new Ben Stiller movie. It only takes 1 little step As for calling her, leave it. You've let her know. Maybe later in the day do it but not right now. Its like everytime you want to its cause you are at the peak of whatever emotion strain you are going through. Keep strong ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 I have picked up the phone like 8 times thinking about calling. Ya see she knows that today is the day... i mean I am moving out of our apartment right now. And I let her know days back that once I move out of here, we have no reason to ever talk again. " [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I believe that those days are days you spend with loves ones and family. Not just friends, see before when you left I set a mental date for when I had to let you go. And that was basically Christmas. I figured that if you loved me like you say you do.. .there is no way that I would be alone on those days. I know it is not those days yet. I just don’t see anyway in which we would have ended up spending those together. I just don’t not after that conversation at least. "[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]"[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]While I think if there is anything else I need to say… you and your mom can come in here any time after Christmas and clean up. I will be out of here by Christmas the end of Christmas day. And by the end of that day I will have let go of the last thing that held us together. Of the last reason we have to communicate. "[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]And then I turned my phone off.... and somehow she got my number... So I mean if she wants to take the initiative then so be it. I am trying my best to be strong. I know that is is the first one that breaks that loses. I mean if I call her it shows I am weak and need her... if she calls it shows that I am still on her mind. But I am sure that after 3 years no matter what she is doing or who she is with she has at least a couple thoughts of me today[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 DAD... i gave in... I couldnt take it anymore.. .I had to say something to her. But the good thing is that i did not call her... or text message her individually. I sent out a blanket text to all of my friends wishing them a merry christmas and included her in it that way she will recieve it as well. I know it does not mean much to her or anything... but i had to say something. Dont ask me why I am trying to crack the door for her to come in... but i know that is basically what i am doing Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 I do not get her last message... On thursday of last week we had th econversation about me turning the phone off, and of course friday I turned it off after i said that i may leave it on... so she left me a message and I am going to try and write it exactly: "hey stanchain umm i guess you turned off the phone and umm i respect that umm anyways uh i would like to say thank you for the gift you gave me for christmas it is beautiful umm it has a lot of meaning to it. it is a veryvery very beautiful gift. umm if you want to call me back you know the number and uh either that or something is wrong with the phone but more than likelyyou turned it off. so yeah um if you dont want to call me back take care, and uh remember that i will always love you. and um if you are wondering why I didnt do anything today was because i got an exhuast on my car and i had to get it done after i ate dinner so uh yeah um call me if you decide you want to talk.. ok bye." The whole time she sounded all sad.... I know I am tortuing myself by thinking about it and I know that i have to get over it.. i know this. but it has been a very hard day for me. just trying to deal with this the best that i can Link to post Share on other sites
theplastickid Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 stanchain do you have msn messnger? i am going through the same thing do you want to talk? Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I do not get her last message... On thursday of last week we had th econversation about me turning the phone off, and of course friday I turned it off after i said that i may leave it on... so she left me a message and I am going to try and write it exactly: "hey stanchain umm i guess you turned off the phone and umm i respect that umm anyways uh i would like to say thank you for the gift you gave me for christmas it is beautiful umm it has a lot of meaning to it. it is a veryvery very beautiful gift. umm if you want to call me back you know the number and uh either that or something is wrong with the phone but more than likelyyou turned it off. so yeah um if you dont want to call me back take care, and uh remember that i will always love you. and um if you are wondering why I didnt do anything today was because i got an exhuast on my car and i had to get it done after i ate dinner so uh yeah um call me if you decide you want to talk.. ok bye." The whole time she sounded all sad.... I know I am tortuing myself by thinking about it and I know that i have to get over it.. i know this. but it has been a very hard day for me. just trying to deal with this the best that i can You made her feel guilty, and now she's responding. Be careful, continuing the contact like this may resolve her to distance herself more. Women in this position tend to start feeling like your pushing guilt trips on them so they will change their mind. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Just got out of bed and noticed that she did send me a text message at like 6 in the morning. But I think that you are right. cause i know her pretty well and it is not like her to not call or anything for an imprtant even. I know she is not the girl i was with for 3 years... But i think nby turning off the phone it some what bothered her because she cant just have me sitting there waiting for her. Well like i said in previous post, Christmas is over with... and so is my relationship. I am sure you will see more post on here of me trying to deal with it. But I dont think there is anything that NC, contact, Begging, moving, basically there is nothing out there that is going to fix this. I said that mentally i have to let go on christmas (i think that bothered her too.. she is not one of those that likes to deal with things). and well it is the day after xmas. My heart is heavy, my mind is lost, and things will never be the same.... thank you all for being here Link to post Share on other sites
theplastickid Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Just got out of bed and noticed that she did send me a text message at like 6 in the morning. But I think that you are right. cause i know her pretty well and it is not like her to not call or anything for an imprtant even. I know she is not the girl i was with for 3 years... But i think nby turning off the phone it some what bothered her because she cant just have me sitting there waiting for her. Well like i said in previous post, Christmas is over with... and so is my relationship. I am sure you will see more post on here of me trying to deal with it. But I dont think there is anything that NC, contact, Begging, moving, basically there is nothing out there that is going to fix this. I said that mentally i have to let go on christmas (i think that bothered her too.. she is not one of those that likes to deal with things). and well it is the day after xmas. My heart is heavy, my mind is lost, and things will never be the same.... thank you all for being here thats ok were. in your corner dude! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hey I basically moved everything out of the apartment... well in the process I also destroyed every picture... every small sentimental thing she left me with.. well I have not picked them up yet... And I know she is going to be coming by in the next day or two to clean up and such with her mom. Now should i leave it all for her to see? or should I clean it all up so she does not see how much this is bothreing me.. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hey I basically moved everything out of the apartment... well in the process I also destroyed every picture... every small sentimental thing she left me with.. well I have not picked them up yet... And I know she is going to be coming by in the next day or two to clean up and such with her mom. Now should i leave it all for her to see? or should I clean it all up so she does not see how much this is bothreing me.. Stan.. seriously.. how old are you.. Throw it away... and grow the up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stanchain Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Hey you know some people do dumb htings ou tof anger. Now i did not destroy anything that is not replacable... ie i still have all the negatives and such. all the 8 by 10's and such are still there. and everything else small i gave to her. mostly it was pictures... hey i have bene mad and hurt. sorry... and yeah i know I am older and better than that Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Stan.. seriously.. how old are you.. Throw it away... and grow the up! Seriously. He's no better than the biological teenager she's currently shacking up with. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 hey stanchain, I've been busy, but just read many posts on our thread. I see you are still waffling, sitting on the fence. There is no progress in that and I think you know it. She (Melissa) told you that she didn't see herself coming back to you. He (Aaron) told you that everything would be okay because "he has you and you have him." Lets see....Melissa is making you miserable. Aaron is giving you comfort. Now which one is the older one???? Listen to your son. He is the most important person in your life and irreplaceable. The Melissa's of the world will come and go, hopefully not very frequently or not go at all. Aaron is your top concern, your top priority, and he is acting more mature than you are at this point. It's obvious you can't do NC for more than a few days, so talk to her. Wallow in your misery if you think that will make you feel better. It won't. Even if she comes back to you now it will never be the same. You know this. You are posting on another thread wondering if you weren't enough in the sexual prowess dept. A 17 year old has NO sexual prowess, yet you are wondering. Please, for your own sanity, stop questioning what to do and simply do it. You know what needs to be done. Hugs, Kisses, and a Happy New Year! Legs Link to post Share on other sites
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