You were all right

[stanchain]

Actually the last 3-4 days I have been going out and have gotten like 4-5 numbers of women.. it has been fun to get my mojo back. But and there is always a butt... I dont think or know if I am ready to open up again. and I do not want to be one of those guys that uses women for s-x. Either way it is a difficult postion to be in ya know?

[Cub]

Well don't then. You don't want to get into a rebound relationship, as that could only cause you more pain, so just take it slow. I think a lot of people are in such a rush to be happy that they forget true happiness takes time to create. Just take it day by day and get over her in the way that suits you best. You know we're all here if you need to get anything off your chest;)

[stanchain]

Hey cub... you know I have found the last coupledays that life is still good... That i am still a good person.. that I am still attractive... hahaha. the girl I met... like I said... is absolutely my type.. i mean if you knew me you would know that is the type of woman that I have always dated... SO i mean it is nice that her and I actually hit it off and such. A little nervous cause i have not dated in a while and trying to not be too eager. but other than that, it is cool. I am not going to jump into anything, I am just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. plus she deserves to get more than I can give right now

[dropdeadlegs]

Yeah it is nice ot have met somebody but also hard... and here is the reason... part of me wants to do NC and see if she comes back. But I know part of that is opening myself up to dating other women. Now the girl I met has not had the best time with guys, and I do not want to be another one of the guys that acted interested and then left. SO basically I am in a weird situation. I did not think of melissa until today and then i thought wait.. if I start dating this girl what do I do if melissa wants to work on things. I do not want ot be an a-s and hurt this girl like that....but I do enjoy her ocnversation and she even came by my job tonight and saw me... so i mean she is just as interested as I am... so i dont know I decided that basically I am interested, but we just have to take things slowly because I do not want to hurt her or make her feel like I am using her in anyway. She deserves to be treated with respect and not played with emotionally in my mind.

 

Stan, we've been through this over and over again. I would go back and try to find the exact moment you said it, but there are over 100 posts on this thread.

 

Did I miss something important? Didn't Melissa state that she DOES NOT see herself coming back to the relationship? Didn't she further state that she felt if she did that you would end up married and that she did not want that? Yes, I know she calls, but has she called to say "I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake and want to reconcile with you"? No, she hasn't . She also let the home (apartment) that the two of you shared go at the end of the lease. What more do you need in the form of words and actions to convince you that she no longer wants the relationship you once shared?

 

I am not advocating getting involved with someone else, I am advocating letting go of the notion that NC will bring her back in the long run. It does work in some situations, but only in those where the "leaver" was confused and realized they made a mistake in leaving. From what I hear, Melissa does not feel that leaving is a mistake. She appears to believe that she is too young for the responsibilities of child rearing and the relationship you shared. I know she has told you that being "out there" has not been all roses and champagne, but she still has not come back to you.

 

The sooner you realize that you and Melissa are over, the better off you will be. Another relationship at this point may ease your pain and soothe your wounds, but she will not be Melissa. Melissa's actions in calling you etc. are mostly in an effort to lick her own wounds. She feels bad about disappointing you and does not understand that by continual contact efforts she is making your pain worse, not better.

 

However the next "she" could be even better! But you have to stop believing that Melissa will come back before you will be able to see that the next "she" is better. You can't make yourself stop thinking about Melissa, but you can control how you allow those thoughts to affect you. I've received a "blanket" text, and the receiver cannot see that it was sent to many. So that could be interpreted to Melissa as an individual message meant for her. That is not NC. If you want to pursue NC, then do it by making NC. But if that's the road you choose, at least give yourself a timeframe to allow it to work and then move on. Honestly, I think it's too late for it to work at all. It hasn't been practiced with consistency. You've sent mixed signals to her so far. The only way NC will work, if it will work at all, is to say "I want to work this out, and if you do as well, please let me know, however, until then there will be no contact. I need to think myself and start the healing process by assuming you will not be in my life any longer"

 

Dude, I want you to be happy, but as I have stated before, you need pick the side of the fence you want to be on for now, and then stick to it. If you keep thinking she's coming back you may be right where you are now in 2008.

 

Peace, love, and a Happy New Year.

[stanchain]

I know it sounds like... well it sounds like I am confused.. and a lil... But not as much as you think. But first, melissa has stated it was a mistake leaving and things of that nature... and I dont "really" think she is going to come back. I guess the best way to explain it is this. I have kinda gone through something like this before. It was with my sons mom. we split up and it wsa over. I had my life and she had hers. Well I met what to this day has to be the most incredible girl I have ever dated. Everything was wonderful.. for about 2 months. well my sons mom came back into the picture and I could not resit her. And I left the other girl.. well things did not work out with my sons mom and the other girl was very understanding and gave me a second chance.. happen one more time... and well basically.. the girl got tired of giving me chances and my sons mom was just doing that because she heard I was happy with somebody else. That being said I have learned from many of my past mistakes.. and with that I know that i have to be strong if the situation ever occurs again. Right now... TODAY!!! I question if I am strong enough. Now the girl i was telling you about.. my age, my experience, everything is great... so I believe that giving her a chance would really benifit me, not because it would make me forget about melissa, but also because it is somebody on the same page as I am. I am just leary because I do not want to hurt her in anyway because I think she is a really nice person. That is probably a better way to explain it. Oh and her not being melissa would be a good hting. Although I have pinned and pinned over her for the last 2 months basically... she was not perfect and part of the reason she left is because.. well because she never felt like she was good enough... long story. .but work wise and sexually... our sex life sucked ofr the frist year... and I never told her until we broke up that it had really improved. But like I said long story

[stanchain]

Hey gunny, legs, dad... well everybody... remember I said I met that girl... well yeah she came by my job yesterday, and then I called her last night left her a lil message asking her if she wanted to do something on thursday. Well she called me back today and we talked for like 3 hours (about what... not really sure) but it was a long conversation. So I now have a date on thursday which I am really excited about... but also really nervous. Where should I take her? And new years eve we almost kissed, and well I am not sure of the signs I should or should go for a goodnight kiss... any advice?

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm sorry Stanchain, I haven't been online for days. Hope your date went well! I trust that the "kiss" situation took care of itself. I know you would know if it was appropriate or not after spending a few hours with this new girl. Let me know how it went! I really care and hope it was the start of a new year for you!

 

I feel a bit bad about my last post, I was rather hard on you. But you seem to have taken it well. I truly want the best for you and just hate to see you in so much agony. But I know that agony well, and you haven't done anything I haven't done myself in the past. It is hard NOT to pine over lost love. If it happened to me again, I would probably do so. But I hope I would be stronger!

 

Good luck, and again, please let me know how it went with this new girl. She sounded good, but only you will know if that will pan out.

[stanchain]

I'm sorry Stanchain, I haven't been online for days. Hope your date went well! I trust that the "kiss" situation took care of itself. I know you would know if it was appropriate or not after spending a few hours with this new girl. Let me know how it went! I really care and hope it was the start of a new year for you!

 

I feel a bit bad about my last post, I was rather hard on you. But you seem to have taken it well. I truly want the best for you and just hate to see you in so much agony. But I know that agony well, and you haven't done anything I haven't done myself in the past. It is hard NOT to pine over lost love. If it happened to me again, I would probably do so. But I hope I would be stronger!

 

Good luck, and again, please let me know how it went with this new girl. She sounded good, but only you will know if that will pan out.

 

The date went great, I mean like I said before she is a great woman... and I use the world woman bcause that is what she is. Since the date we have talked everyday for at least 2 hours. Ya know legs.... no joke.. if I had just not got out of a long term... man I would be happy as can be. But because I just got of something I am very nervous. And I do not know if you read my other post.. but since the date I have been dreaming and thinking about my ex a lot. My cousin said it is because I feel guilty... but I am not sure what is going on mentally. I can say that I do not think about my ex when I am with casey. she is really a good person and I do enjoy her company.

But since we last talked... I know you are going to talk bad about me. But i did send my ex a message and gave her my land ladies number because she wanted to do the walk thru. Now the funny part is about 3-4 hours after I did that... her cousin called me after like 3-4 weeks of not talking (her cousin not her... she has only been two weeks). she asked me whats up and things of that nature. I told her that I went 2 weeks ago things were a lil down and out. But lately htings are good. I let her know that I have been going out... and that I have got a few numbers a long the way. That I went on a date on tuesday and that I went on a date on thursdya. Now the one on tues I did not consider a date bcause I have known the girl since I was 15. But the other one was great. The one on thursday.

Now the funny thing is that Today i got a call at wrk from some woman like i was teling you about before. Some girl call and not say anyhting other than asking what time I get off work. I do not think it was her but it is funy none the less... anyway... thank you for carrying legs.. .and although it is hard sometime..... I am not going to actually call her.

Oh last thing. the kiss... did not do it. Gave her a hug and it seemed like she waitied around for a kiss.. but did not do it. trying to do everything really slow because she sems like a cool ass female.