Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I agree with the other posters too but...her's a couple of questions I think we all struggle with. Reading threads were people run into their EX again and it rekindles old feelings, I wanted to pose this question and get peoples thoughts in this juncture. If two people still love eachother and run into one another later in life, I wonder how many if any at all were missed oppurutunites. This is just a general observation, not looking for any adive just thoughts. ______________________________________________________________ What if two people who broke up were actually feeling the same way, that they are not going to convey their feeling for the risk of dismissal?What then? Are you both missing a chance to reconcile and fix any issues that broke you up? If either party cannot drop their pride and let their wall down if only for a moment, are they going to miss an oppurtunity to really encompass true love? My own thought: It's a risk either way, I guess you just need to decide for yourself it it's worth it. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Ukwizard Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 If either party cannot drop their pride and let their wall down if only for a moment, are they going to miss an oppurtunity to really encompass true love?Good question Rooster. It really depends on the couple, or the person. Its really hard to say, and any opinion, or answer I derive may not be the correct answer. There are just too many variables. However in my situation. Pride is definitely stopping my ex coming back. I ve been VERY patient with her. To cut a long story short. My ex lied through her teeth to get rid of me. Shot my aspirations down. Told me about her 2 other boyfriends ete etc. For once, I was correct. I told her the grass wouldnt be greener on the other side. Her pride, and should I also say her STUBBORNESS will not help her through any difficult time. She shuts down completely when any kind of confrontation kicks in. I ve never confronted her in anything, but she knows she wrong, and now she won`t come back. She`ll never admit she was wrong. Of course I forgive her. However she stil wont come back. If this is the case. She will never know that I`ve loved her like no other man. Thats pride for you. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Rooster -- I see you've started this in a new thread. That's good, because I think this is an important topic! I would say that there are probably lots of missed opportunities because of pride. But, I wonder if this is a good thing because it enables the person to find someone else even better for them. When you get two people together that are stubborn and full of pride, communication issues and misunderstandings like this happen all the time -- and relationships become very difficult. So, in a breakup, if the parties are so prideful that one of them can't make a concession, it is probably a good indicator that the relationship wouldn't work well in the first place. My suggestion to someone in this situation (like me!!), is that if you have made concessions and found ways to let the other person save face and admit faults, but they never reciprocate and stick to their stubborn-ways no matter what -- then I would strongly consider thinking about whether that person is the right one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Author Share Posted December 17, 2006 Rooster -- I see you've started this in a new thread. That's good, because I think this is an important topic! I would say that there are probably lots of missed opportunities because of pride. But, I wonder if this is a good thing because it enables the person to find someone else even better for them. When you get two people together that are stubborn and full of pride, communication issues and misunderstandings like this happen all the time -- and relationships become very difficult. So, in a breakup, if the parties are so prideful that one of them can't make a concession, it is probably a good indicator that the relationship wouldn't work well in the first place. My suggestion to someone in this situation (like me!!), is that if you have made concessions and found ways to let the other person save face and admit faults, but they never reciprocate and stick to their stubborn-ways no matter what -- then I would strongly consider thinking about whether that person is the right one for you. Understood...however some people are being stubborn and not coming forth because people like ourselves give advice to people suggesting that don't do anything, and let the O/P come crawling back. People don't always just "Come crawling back" even though they know they are to blame for the demise of the relationship. They have people on their side coaching them as well with things like "if he/she really loves you then he/she will get back in touch with you". Lot's of different variables here, but for the most part I agree with most of what you are saying. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I am starting to think that my n/c is just crazy....i miss him so much, and I know that he misses me too....basically, we're just waiting each other out...and we're not "kids'...I'm 35 and he's 13 years older than me...how childish is this....I'm hurt over the fact that he doesn't want to settle down...but he says that since meeting me, he has settled down....I do know that if he called and said anything close to what I want to hear, I would probably run to him....so is it simply manipulation? I would have to say that I think ton's of people miss out on love because of pride..Right now I'm one of them:( Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Understood...however some people are being stubborn and not coming forth because people like ourselves give advice to people suggesting that don't do anything, and let the O/P come crawling back. People don't always just "Come crawling back" even though they know they are to blame for the demise of the relationship. They have people on their side coaching them as well with things like "if he/she really loves you then he/she will get back in touch with you". Very good point.... most of us on here are telling people NC, NC, NC, NC!!! Maybe we should more often suggest that people take a look at themselves a bit longer and decide if it would be more appropriate for them to reach out to the other. As you mention, a lot of variables, but if you look at yourself and can admit that maybe you are being stubborn or maybe you didn't give things enough of a chance... well, maybe NC is not the way to go. Personally, I think that most people here on LS go in the other direction -- they reach out too much and they put their ex's ahead of themselves -- even if they were the injured party. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I am starting to think that my n/c is just crazy....i miss him so much, and I know that he misses me too....basically, we're just waiting each other out...and we're not "kids'...I'm 35 and he's 13 years older than me...how childish is this....I'm hurt over the fact that he doesn't want to settle down...but he says that since meeting me, he has settled down....I do know that if he called and said anything close to what I want to hear, I would probably run to him....so is it simply manipulation? I would have to say that I think ton's of people miss out on love because of pride..Right now I'm one of them:( NC might be crazy -- but it depends on whether or not you and your guy have had this discussion prior to the break-up. If he already knows how you feel, and you have already been giving him chances to come closer to your position and he still won't budge -- will your re-opening the door make a difference? I think that what I am trying to say on Rooster's post here is that if you look at yourself, and you think that just maybe you are being too stubborn in addition to your guy -- then communication is warranted. However, if you are always the one to make concessions and easy for your guy -- then you should ask yourself if life will him will always be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I've never tryed kissing his ass....We are both stubborn, and he's from this town where the woman seem to let the men get away with anything...for example: there's a married man here who has like 2 or 3 other girls pregnant, all at the same time and the wife knows it but refuses to leave this "man/dog/demon"...I'm new here, and I'm starting to realize that I'm different than what he's used to..So, for that reason, I have gone along with the "hit/quit/no relationship/but I only want to screw you" game..it didn't really bother me until I started to see that he was perfectly find with it...he thinks its a relationship...or the closest he's ever been to one...it's so crazy, and he pushing 50? I probably could "catch the bee with honey" but I'm mad now....He's just too old for this........ Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Have you talked to him about it? I don't think its being too stubborn for you to go NC if you have already had the talk and there is just no possibility of working it out. And yes, the fact he's 50 doesn't bode well for your chances. NC should help you get over him and move on -- you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 My mom said the same thing...I don't get it....everybody meets their match...I'm not saying that I his, but surely he's capable of loving again at 50 right? I don't intend to vacate the n/c...because continuing to be with him just goes against who I am...and it's for that reason alone that I'm doing it...not because I don't care about him, or miss him...damn, what a waste..... Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Oh, I don't know. Sure -- I believe it is possible for someone at 50 to love again, so I guess I shouldn't make a judgement on that unless I knew more about his history. I do think people at 50+ get pretty set in their ways. However, that's besides the point. As you pointed out, you shouldn't compromise your ideals -- it isn't worth it. I'm sure there is someone out there much better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 My friend teases me about being "sprung" by a senior citizen...and that really hurts my feelings, because there is just so much to him...she calls him ugly and says I'm just too cute to be seen with him...when I'm with him, I sometimes get the feeling that people are looking at me and saying why in the hell are you with him (sugardaddy)...and the truth of the matter is "I love him"...I just love the fact that even though I am good looking, and could do so much better than him, he still wasn't intimidated and a lot of guys are... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Author Share Posted December 17, 2006 My friend teases me about being "sprung" by a senior citizen...and that really hurts my feelings, because there is just so much to him...she calls him ugly and says I'm just too cute to be seen with him...when I'm with him, I sometimes get the feeling that people are looking at me and saying why in the hell are you with him (sugardaddy)...and the truth of the matter is "I love him"...I just love the fact that even though I am good looking, and could do so much better than him, he still wasn't intimidated and a lot of guys are... Screw what ever those people think, it's all about your perspective and your feelings, not theirs. Of course he can love again, and although people can be set in their ways, it doesn't mean they are not capable of something. You know, if your friend was any kind of friend they would try to find a way to support you, not hurt your feeling. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
MOMMIE Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Honey, my friends are a whole other story....He says "that they are jealous"....I don't know but he called tonight and I changed my tune a little(per your post today) just to see if he would give a little...and he did...he was all nice, and asked me what I wanted him to bring me while he was out shopping:love: ..He said "he misses me when we don't talk(***k) is probably what he wanted to say(that's terrible I know)...anyway, he said "he wants to see me and talk to me about us"....now we have attempted this talk in the past and it always seems to lead to sex...but now that I'm playing hard ball with him things may be different...the saga continues...... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 In my situation, i use pride as a positive - i am proud i want my ex back in my life and there is nothing that stops me from reaching out to her. I don't hold anything over our heads, or disrespect her by thinking if she called it would prove the grass isn't greener on the other side - that isn't related to two people just wanting to try again. I do know she is extremely STUBBORN but we have always found ways to make that work for us not against. And she is not wrong, if she decides she won`t come back. She knows what is best for her and that I will loved her no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 speaking of sex, i have no problem saying that the initmate moments i shared with the woman still desire were simply the most amazing experiences i ever had. it doesn't make me feel stupid to admit that part of wanting to have her back is tied to that - it was a huge part of our connection and was special. it was not something that was a priority over everything else - but it should was a great part of our time together. so, sorry but, yes, the sex was beyond great, the love making was soulmate stuff, and she is a goddess under the sheets - what a curse eh! if we saw each other and talked would thoughts of being with her enter my mind - better believe it. would it be just that? never was. damn - cold shower time. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 there is a woman i love and i know that she loves me but because of our past she now worries about everything and lets these things hold her back, its not pride, or insecurity, but the fear that comes with thinking too much and instead of worrying about those things she would realize that the only thing all this worrying is doing is holding her back and one day there will be nothing to worry about. i challenge her to step up right now, and make a break from what she is doing. if she wants me, come and get me now because she knows i cannot call her. she has my number and i want her back but we cannot do it this way. call this what u will, but we need to work from the open and not the shadows. my cell phone is on. she has 10 minutes! isn't this exciting folks! wooo hooo! 100 bucks says she calls - anyone want in on that? Link to post Share on other sites
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