I love her sooo much

[awiegman]

I will start this story at the beginning remember what I can about the past 6 years.

At age 22 I married my soul mate. She was 21 at the time and we had a very bright future. We knew each other since we were 13 and never really "dated" back then. Times changed and she and I took different paths until a year before we got married. She contacted me and things just took off from there.

 

Six months after we were married I don't know why I did it but I cheated on her. It was a one time thing and I never communicated with that girl ever again. I told her the night she came back into town because my conscious was really killing me. She was very hurt and that was to be expected. I cant apologize enough for that weekend. I found out only after we separated that she never forgave me for that, that really hurt me to hear that. So she has been living with that for 5 1/2 years. Through the course of our marriage I was very rude, mean and insensitive to her needs. I didn't pay enough attention to her, I didn't fulfill her sexually, as a husband should. Among those items there is the matter of me being forceful with her. Whenever we would get into heated arguments it would feel as if she was pushing me into a corner and i felt the only way out was to push my way out. Granted, I never balled up my fists and decked her...but I assume all of you will tell me theres no difference between the two. the turning point for me was 3 months before she wanted me to leave. We got in such an argument that I literally held her down on the ground to try and get whatever point I was making across to her...I looked up, and there was my 2 year old daughter, with the saddest face, crying her eyes out... At that point I wanted to take a gun to my head, because I finally realized how much of a monster I had become...

 

3 weeks before I moved out (before I KNEW i was moving out) my wife sits down with me and tells me she met someone online. I told her well, you need to stop communicating with him. I don't think she really did, because she stopped for 2 days and again they were talking. Well, fast forward to the weekend I move out. and she meets up with him that weekend and has sex the first time they meet...

 

fast forward 2 months later (the present) so far, her whole family hates this guy, he's no better then I was, but the only difference is he is never sober. He always has the be stoned or drunk. Everyone that has met him has told me that he is a lazy half-a$$ed dirt bag. The house I left which is where she is living now has turned into a frat house (party house) along with my 2 children and wife, there are 3 other people living there, including a drug dealer. I honestly don't think my wife knows that she is jepordizing the safety of our children by staying there. My wife never worked a day since she had the kids 4 years ago but she did pick up a job just before I left. She has so far left that job and is desperatly searching for another.

 

She and I communicate A lot. A lot more then any separated or divorced couple I have ever seen. Her whole family, and all her friends notice it. She has already told me that she "Does love me" a couple of days ago. But she is still communicating and seeing this other guy. the weird thing is, that she tried to leave him thanksgiving. she changed her phone number and tried to delete her myspace and lostcherry account and somehow got sucked back into talking with him... She says that it wouldn't be so hard to leave him if he didn't say those three words already. But yet she still stayed with me for four days and had amazing sex last thanksgiving...(sorry)

 

Ever since we separated I have been striving to be a better man/husband. I have been reading books on the subject and I have been taking better care of myself. I have treated her with nothing but respect since I left. She has just recently been very flirty with me. A few days ago I went to pick her and the kids up to take her to an appointment. She has been very sick for the past week, but she still had the strength to say cute encouraging words and flirt with me. she was being really cute when she had a little gators pillow that she kept giving me love taps with...it felt really good to see her this playful with me.

 

At this point I really don't think that even she knows what she wants. Her mother and all her close friends are telling me to "give it time" and that "this looser is gonna be out the door soon" and to "not give up"

 

I really don't know what else I can do...I want her back, I want her to WANT to come back. I miss her and I know she misses me too, she just refuses to tell me because if anything other then "us" happens she doesn't want to hurt me. She really is a good person and a loving wife. I know that eventually we will be back together, it's bound to happen, we both love each other, she is just really confused. I wouldn't be working to get her back if I didn't see a glimmer of hope. She showed me more then a glimmer the other day by flirting and playing with me.

 

It seems as though every week I make progress and she sees that and acknowledges it. She starts to get closer and closer to me and then the weekend comes that that @$$hole comes up and visits her, then next week I'm back to square one again...this is just really frustrating...

 

please help...I love her so much and I know we have a chance if she can just see that...

 

lonely in FL

[daphne]

could this be karma?

[Love Hurts]

When you told her what you did……….she lost trust in you.

Her attitude changed. She was in a marriage with a man she didn’t really trust and you lost her respect.

 

That was the foundation you built your home upon.

She carried it to finally emerge from the coup.

Poor choices I admit……..but they say; birds of a feather flock together.

She is probably under the influence of more than lust at the moment. Particularly if the new man is drunk and she gives safe harbor to a drug dealer.

 

You are not dealing with a full deck with her.

Her mind is not there. And what about relapse… Is she addicted?

 

How can she make a rational decision?

First she needs to clean her house.

Get her head on straight…then check where her heart really is.

This is going to take time. This is not an overnight challenge.

Your love could save her life………but are you up to it.

 

Good Luck

[Guest]

If someone has had painful situations in his/her past,they might believe that certain people are not to be trusted or allowed in too close.

So they run if that person shows signs of the behavior that they fear... that strategy can backfire though when they experience difficulty trusting or getting close to new people who remind them of those earlier experiences.

 

Even though this new person may be entirely trustworthy the "programming" from the past interferes with their thinking.How do you deal with these feelings? Trust is a slow process for some.. I also made it very clear that the amount of time and frequency with which we would see each other was up to her, so she could maintain a level of control that would help her feel comfortable. All of that seemed to be what she needed to enjoy our relationship, and I was fine with that.

 

Not to speak for the rest of the guys/ladies out there (because it isn't strictly a single gender problem), I would hope the person you were interested in would care enough about getting to know you that they would be aware of the problem and if they really want to have a relationship, take the.

[Guest]

A person runs.. because they are confused.. In the back of their minds they know what they want..they know that they care about you, they see themselves falling in love with you..and it freaks them out.. Especially if their last relationship..they were in love..and they seen everything fall to pieces .. It hurts..and it's hard to deal with..and forget and move on.. For most people.. Aside from that..

 

When a guy/girl is falling in love and they believed or made themselves believe that they thought they could never feel that emotion with someone else..it scares them..because they feel like they've been fooled.. The fact of the matter is.. guys especially.. run either because you have a child.. and they don't have it in them to have that kind of responsibility, morals, respect .. and what not to show to that child..

 

They feel like maybe they may not have that kind of unconditional love to give to someone elses child.. Everyone or almost everyone wants children..and usually people want children of their own..Not some other guys.. or some other girls.. Then guys and girls think gee.. this person has children.. that means they will always have to stay in contact with their ex's ..and there can be possibilities..of ex's getting back together because of their children.. But this is reality folks..

 

You don't get back together for the sake of the children..because thats how children turn out the way they do.. Fighting all the time, back talking, insecurity, confused, think it's okay to fight.. nah.. it's not right.. and it's not always like that.. Lots of relationships end because one or the other usually runs.. because they are uncertain of their true emotions ..

 

confused about the way they are feeling.. and are afraid to think down the line that 10 years from now.. he/she would still be with the same person.. It's not the same as the olden days..

 

There are tonz of people out there that want to settle down and see you as their world.. there's no need to run.. If your man enough to make yourself sound like such a wonderful person..Then be that person..don't be someone your not and confuse yourself more than you already are..

at least this is what I believe why people run.. :