Inside the mind of a Stripper and/or Very Hot Female

[Carbine]

Ok I realise that this might seem a bit obsessive and pointless, but just hear me out. I really really want to know what goes through the mind of a stripper and/or a very above average-looking female when she's in the presence of my BF, and/or my BF and me together. There are a lot of threads on here discussing how men view strippers/hot women, but it would be interesting to hear the other side of things.

 

I'm an extremely jealous person. My issues are more or less exclusively related to my looks and how i compare myself to other women. I guess i'm very bitter because I used to much skinnier and prettier and deeply resent myself for letting things go, and especially for not making myself stay thin. Hence, I'm very sensitive about how other women perceive me, as I've copped a fair bit of bitchiness in my time and I know what other females can be like behind the fake smiles and party-manners. I know that I'm still somewhat attractive, but i don't feel that its at a level where I'm percieved as a threat and it makes me feel like i'm losing control more and more.

 

My (then) BF simply couldn't understand why I'd become enraged, jealous and extremely upset if he went to a strip club or hung out in a group where some other girls eg) if one of his mates brought his hot girlfriend along. He naturally assumed that I thought he would cheat on me, even though i've tried time and time again to tell him it's really got nothing to do with that. Simply put, I can't stand the thought of a female who's hotter than me knowing that she's got some sort of power over my man and/or some sort of advantage over me. Obviously, i'm working off of my own assumptions here, but it greatly angers me to imagine a gorgeous stripper standing in front of my BF and thinking "Yeah i'm so damn hot, and we both know it. I could have him like that if I wanted." or "I bet he wishes his girlfriend had a s**t-hot body like me." Also, in regards to the latter question, I'm always trying to figure out what a good looking chick is thinking when she's in the presence of both my BF and me. It infuriates me that she maybe thinking things like a) how much better looking than me she is,b) knowing that she can get my BF's attention with her looks, and c) knowing that my BF has probably registered her as being a sexy girl in his mind, although he's making an effort not to show it in fear of upsetting me.

 

I'll try and illustrate my point - a couple of months ago my BF attended a bachelor party (what we call a 'buck's night' here in Australia) for a close mate of his. When i heard about the party i knew that without a doubt there'd be strippers there. I went ballistic and begged, pleaded and whinged for him not to go, which he ignored. He promised me he wouldn't do anything stupid and I believed him, but I still didn't want him in the same room with hot-bodied naked girls. A few weeks later we were talking in earnest and I asked him if he'd spoken to any of the strippers at the party. He said that the only interaction with them was when they came around handing out their cards after the show and when they offered him one he said loudly and somewhat jokingly "No, I'd better not, I have a girlfriend." The other time was when he went into the toilets and apparently some of his friends were in there talking to one of the strippers. He supposedly grinned and said to her "Oooh I'd better not come over and talk to you, I've got a girlfriend". However, it still p*sses me off that there's the possibility that the strippers were imagining how much he really wanted to take their cards, and how the chick in the toilets knew he couldnt resist saying something to her, even though he wasn't meant to. How goddamn perfect must she think she is having all these guys drooling over her???

 

My BF couldn't get his head around the concept of my insecurities. He just could not fathom it. He got annoyed and snapped "No other girls think that way, just you, cause you're a paranoid f**king psychotic b****"

 

That's the situation. I'm really hoping someone can enlighten me. I realise that not every female on this forum is a stripper and/or above average looking female, but please don't waste my time if you don't genuinely think you can add anything useful to the thread. As previously stated, I'm aware that some people may find my question a little ridiculous, and I'm also aware that what goes on in someone's mind IS just in their mind. However, I just can't stop thinking about it, and I'd prefer to know the truth rather than to keep fretting over it.

[amaysngrace]

Dancers are nice to men because it's their job to be nice to men. That's what they get paid to do.

[brickaney]

Every other woman in this world feels insecure and jealous. I think we've all gone through "if worst comes to worst" situations in our heads. But revealing that green faced side of us is not attractive and only shows our bfs/ husbands/ or whatever, that we don't trust them to make decisions on their own. Most guys I know would say that they will look at an attractive woman and think, "wow she's attractive". They don't imagine what it would be like to be with that girl, they don't fantasize about them and wish their girlfriends/ wives could be just like them. Men aren't animals. If he's with you then he obviously cares about you. If he is a total jerk-off then you'd know it right away.

 

When you see an attractive guy do you automatically think "oh I wish my boyfriend was like him" or "I'd like to be with that guy"? NO! So why should your boyfriend think any differently? because he has a penis? No. Men aren't horndogs. The ones that are, are easily avoided and if you're in a relationship with one then leave him.

 

I think you have a deep resentment towards your boyfriend. Most of it is from your own insecurities. You need to build yourself up, feel more confident, and show that to your boyfriend before you push him away even further. I think it's completely rediculous that your boyfriend would say something so mean to you. He needs to be patient with you. You've shown him you don't trust him, you're completely insecure> which is showing neediness, which is very unattractive to any human being, and he has pushed himself away as a result.

 

As for the above average attractive girls/ strippers, I highly doubt they are all nympho maniacs and that their goals in life are to steal your boyfriend away. Speaking for the first of the two, I give those guys that have girlfriends space whether they are with or without their girlfriend when I'm hanging out with them. Most guys, besides the rare horndogs, create a sort of barrier in their relationships with other women.

 

If your boyfriend is a smart man, he's not going to give up his feelings for you just because some girl looks perfect. He's not going to give some stripper his love and respect so why should you assume his thoughts & actions would show this?

 

You may have pushed him away so much that he IS considering being with another woman. From what I've read, your lack of trust shows that you don't accept him for who he really is. Guys need space, trust, acceptance, and simple appreciation in any relationship. Obviously he's getting none of these so why should you expect him to want to even be in this relationship? You are a grown woman and you need to take care of yourself. You need to work on conquering your own insecurities (without him) and show him how attractive you really are. You don't need to change your appearance. You need to change your attitude and way of thinking because it's obviously not working out for you.

 

If you feel threatened by this post then that's just one result of your insecurity. You don't need to listen to me. Hardly anyone has posted on this because you've put them in an awkward position. Anyone who's read your post has thought "wow I don't think like that" or they're feeling the same way and can't help you. I don't think you intended to look for an answer to "what are strippers and attractive girls thinking?". I think you wanted someone to come in and tell you you are justified in being so jealous and insecure, which is not true, and therefore no one has posted.

[pureinheart]

Hey Carbine....

 

That is the very thing that ended my last marriage....he was addicted to strip clubs and porn. I will try to be as compassionate as possible. I did some research and had close contact with a couple of strippers.

 

There are many reasons why people get into this area, although the core issue to some (speaking of female strippers) is control, in all actuality they hate men and taking their money, watching them squirm is a way of control.

 

A friend of mine was going to marry and ex-stripper, she was a sweetheart and hated her past, although she said it was like an addiction....she was way messed up in the head and the marriage never took place.

 

My son did marry a stripper and I talked to her in legnth....her childhood was a mess. She was void of all self respect and was psycho....she ruined my sons career with the Navy...they divorced.

 

Please don't be jealous....the media gives this image of the perfect "barbie doll" female....OMG I knew a girl who plastic surguried her way to "barbie doll"....my bf dumped me for her, later he told me when she took off her make up she made him sick...he said she was really messed up in the head....now she looks majorly like crap and is a mess. By the way this is the same bf who was going to marry the ex-stripper....his agenda was lust....

 

Some of the most "beautiful people" are the most messed up people you will ever see.

 

I remember a time when I required attention from men....a couple of friends and myself were reliving the high school days we never had....most of the men wanted our attention....this was at work, and there were about 2k people in a very small area....they told us how attractive we were all of the time....we got laid off and the attention was gone....I went through a major lack of self identity....my identity relied on the compliments and attention....it was horrible.

 

Personally I don't deal with men that are into lust, if they want porn and strippers then that is what they can have it without me. To me it is cheating.

[pureinheart]

Every other woman in this world feels insecure and jealous. I think we've all gone through "if worst comes to worst" situations in our heads. But revealing that green faced side of us is not attractive and only shows our bfs/ husbands/ or whatever, that we don't trust them to make decisions on their own. Most guys I know would say that they will look at an attractive woman and think, "wow she's attractive". They don't imagine what it would be like to be with that girl, they don't fantasize about them and wish their girlfriends/ wives could be just like them. Men aren't animals. If he's with you then he obviously cares about you. If he is a total jerk-off then you'd know it right away.

 

When you see an attractive guy do you automatically think "oh I wish my boyfriend was like him" or "I'd like to be with that guy"? NO! So why should your boyfriend think any differently? because he has a penis? No. Men aren't horndogs. The ones that are, are easily avoided and if you're in a relationship with one then leave him.

 

I think you have a deep resentment towards your boyfriend. Most of it is from your own insecurities. You need to build yourself up, feel more confident, and show that to your boyfriend before you push him away even further. I think it's completely rediculous that your boyfriend would say something so mean to you. He needs to be patient with you. You've shown him you don't trust him, you're completely insecure> which is showing neediness, which is very unattractive to any human being, and he has pushed himself away as a result.

 

As for the above average attractive girls/ strippers, I highly doubt they are all nympho maniacs and that their goals in life are to steal your boyfriend away. Speaking for the first of the two, I give those guys that have girlfriends space whether they are with or without their girlfriend when I'm hanging out with them. Most guys, besides the rare horndogs, create a sort of barrier in their relationships with other women.

 

If your boyfriend is a smart man, he's not going to give up his feelings for you just because some girl looks perfect. He's not going to give some stripper his love and respect so why should you assume his thoughts & actions would show this?

 

You may have pushed him away so much that he IS considering being with another woman. From what I've read, your lack of trust shows that you don't accept him for who he really is. Guys need space, trust, acceptance, and simple appreciation in any relationship. Obviously he's getting none of these so why should you expect him to want to even be in this relationship? You are a grown woman and you need to take care of yourself. You need to work on conquering your own insecurities (without him) and show him how attractive you really are. You don't need to change your appearance. You need to change your attitude and way of thinking because it's obviously not working out for you.

 

If you feel threatened by this post then that's just one result of your insecurity. You don't need to listen to me. Hardly anyone has posted on this because you've put them in an awkward position. Anyone who's read your post has thought "wow I don't think like that" or they're feeling the same way and can't help you. I don't think you intended to look for an answer to "what are strippers and attractive girls thinking?". I think you wanted someone to come in and tell you you are justified in being so jealous and insecure, which is not true, and therefore no one has posted.

 

 

Hi Brickaney,

 

I have to disagree concerning the insecurity issue....this is an issue that has caused the poster to be uncomfortable, and she is asking for opinions and learned experiences in others to evaluate her insecurity.

 

I have found that some "insecurities" are actually red flags in relationships that I need to run from. Many people are addicted to porn of all natures....these are people with deep rooted issues and they are unable to be faithful, I was ignorant to this, but not anymore....

[norajane]

Carbine, yes, there are women who size each other up, whether they're hot or strippers or not.

 

Every woman does some sizing up at some point in her life under some circumstances - although we often evaluate the whole package, not just looks.

 

In any case, no woman does it all the time. Hot women can't be categorized to all think the same, so you can't generalize and say all hot women are sizing you up or are wondering how much your bf wants them. Hot women aren't only about their looks and getting men - they are capable of not thinking anything at all about you and him.

[Carbine]

Hi Bickaney. No, i don't feel threatened by your post. Why would I?? On the contrary, I thoroughly enjoy the discussion!

 

When you see an attractive guy do you automatically think "oh I wish my boyfriend was like him" or "I'd like to be with that guy"? NO!

 

That's not entirely true. I tend to compare my bf with these attractive guys, and sometimes wish that my bf was hotter. I know deep down that I'd be happier if I was with the most attractive guy i could lay my hands on. I actually work with a guy who I'm friends with outside of work. He's a stage actor and the most stunning man I've ever laid eyes upon. Not to mention a great personality. Based purely upon looks, I'd rather be with him than with my bf. Initially, this guy and i were very attracted to eachother, but as it turned out, when he saw me in my warmer weather clothing, he lost interest in asking me out "because of the way you take care of yourself. Some of the angles i've seen from aren't your most attractive." I know deep down that i'll never be able to forget that i could have had the man of my dreams, if only I'd stayed thin and beautiful.

 

As for the above average attractive girls/ strippers, I highly doubt they are all nympho maniacs and that their goals in life are to steal your boyfriend away.

 

Hang on, I never said that they were! When I started this thread i wanted to try and ascertain only what was going on in the heads of these women in regards to comparing themselves with me, their level of confidence etc. I wasn't trying to imply that these girls may actually try to steal my bf.

 

Speaking for the first of the two, I give those guys that have girlfriends space whether they are with or without their girlfriend when I'm hanging out with them

 

So, you're saying that you are a stripper, yes?

 

If your boyfriend is a smart man, he's not going to give up his feelings for you just because some girl looks perfect. He's not going to give some stripper his love and respect so why should you assume his thoughts & actions would show this?

 

I know, and it makes sense, but this what my original post is about. I agree with you and I'm pretty sure that my bf is not going to nick off with stripper on a whim either! I guess maybe I was a bit vague in my first post - I was trying to narow things down to just focus on what the stripper/woman thinks, without getting caught up in the other stuff like what my bf is thinking/planning to do, what men in general think of strippers etc. That stuff's already been covered in old posts.

 

I don't think you intended to look for an answer to "what are strippers and attractive girls thinking?". I think you wanted someone to come in and tell you you are justified in being so jealous and insecure, which is not true, and therefore no one has posted.

 

That's not true either. The only justification i need for being so jealous and insecure is to look in the mirror every day. That's more than sufficient

 

Hi Brickaney,

 

I have to disagree concerning the insecurity issue....this is an issue that has caused the poster to be uncomfortable, and she is asking for opinions and learned experiences in others to evaluate her insecurity

 

Thankyou.

 

It's impossible for me to specify a single reason for starting this thread. All I can say is that i know my own mind very well, and I know that there's no way in hell I'm going to be content with not knowing. The whole issue with more attractive women has turned into an obsession for me, and I think it's fair to say that in my mind, girls like this are the enemy/competition. Hence, I'm driven to find out everything i can about them, and thus where I stand realistically.

[brickaney]

Alright well the first of the two I listed wasn't the stripper. I'm not a stripper. I was simply trying to hint at the validity of my answer since you wanted the other side of the story. This post still doesn't make sense. People started talking about men being addicted to porn when this post wasn't even about porn...

 

If you don't value your boyfriend and are sizing him up to other men then what do you expect him to do to you?

 

All these things these men have said to you are very cruel and you don't seem to take offense to it. I would not tollerate a man telling me that I don't look good from certain angles and that I've let myself go. What kind of adult actually says that to a person? More interestingly: What kind of adult actually listens to these people and lets it dictate how they feel about themselves?

[norajane]

The whole issue with more attractive women has turned into an obsession for me, and I think it's fair to say that in my mind, girls like this are the enemy/competition. Hence, I'm driven to find out everything i can about them, and thus where I stand realistically.

 

Maybe some therapy would realistically help you more than knowing what hot women are thinking. They are not competition unless they are going after your man. You are turning them into competition in your head because of your fears and because you don't like how you look. Have you considered obssessing over exercise instead?

[snuffles]

My first post

 

If you're that obsessed with getting inside a stripper's mind, I would suggest that you read a book called "G-Strings and Sympathy" by Katherine Frank. Frank was a Duke cultural anthropology grad student who worked at several strip clubs on the side and wrote her dissertation on the experience. It might go more into detail about emotional labor and the money aspect than you're interested in but it's still a fascinating read and has the potential to change your opinion about strippers.

For example, you might be surprised to find out that many of them are in serious relationships or even married, and they look at the men more as customers than as potential boyfriends - they size them up and see if anyone is paying them special attention. If so, they go over and chat to them in the hopes that the guys will buy a table dance or something.

 

Personally I highly doubt that every stripper stares at your guy and thinks that she could get him. In fact, she could even think the opposite, like "here's a good-looking guy that would never go out with me because I get naked for people for a living and that's not a very reputable job..." Haven't you ever heard the saying that goes something like, Guys like bad girls but they'd never marry them? (Sorry I butchered that.)

 

Anyways there's a reason why your guy is dating YOU and not the stripper or other hot girl. If he's that physically attractive that he's a babe magnet, then consider it a compliment - he COULD get "better" looking but he chose YOU for who you are, which includes your looks.

[RecordProducer]

I guess i'm very bitter because I used to much skinnier and prettier and deeply resent myself for letting things go, and especially for not making myself stay thin. Hence, I'm very sensitive about how other women perceive me, as I've copped a fair bit of bitchiness in my time and I know what other females can be like behind the fake smiles and party-manners. I know that I'm still somewhat attractive, but i don't feel that its at a level where I'm percieved as a threat and it makes me feel like i'm losing control more and more.

Dear lady, if you wrote the same thing but used the word "education" for example, instead of "looks," everyone would have told you to educate yourself. Or if you had bad lungs and continued to smoke, the answer would be: stop smoking, for god's sake!

 

So you say you're bitter, because you've gained weight. So lose weight! You will feel and look better, your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem will go up dramatically and you will do a great thing for your health. You CAN be really thin, do you realize that? Make it your new goal and feel good about pursuing and achieving it! Looks don't matter, but happiness does matter. And good looks may not make you happy, but bad looks can make you feel unhappy. So we should always loook the best we can.

 

Who cares what the stripper thinks? Concentrate on how YOU think!

[Tony T]

So you say you're bitter, because you've gained weight. So lose weight! You will feel and look better, your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem will go up dramatically and you will do a great thing for your health. You CAN be really thin, do you realize that? Make it your new goal and feel good about pursuing and achieving it! Looks don't matter, but happiness does matter. And good looks may not make you happy, but bad looks can make you feel unhappy. So we should always loook the best we can.

 

Very good information, inspiring.

[Trialbyfire]

So you say you're bitter, because you've gained weight. So lose weight! You will feel and look better, your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem will go up dramatically and you will do a great thing for your health. You CAN be really thin, do you realize that? Make it your new goal and feel good about pursuing and achieving it! Looks don't matter, but happiness does matter. And good looks may not make you happy, but bad looks can make you feel unhappy. So we should always loook the best we can.

 

Who cares what the stripper thinks? Concentrate on how YOU think!

I wanted so badly to say that but couldn't find the right words. Bang on. Well done.

[pureinheart]

I'm an extremely jealous person. My issues are more or less exclusively related to my looks and how i compare myself to other women. I guess i'm very bitter because I used to much skinnier and prettier and deeply resent myself for letting things go, and especially for not making myself stay thin. Hence, I'm very sensitive about how other women perceive me, as I've copped a fair bit of bitchiness in my time and I know what other females can be like behind the fake smiles and party-manners. I know that I'm still somewhat attractive, but i don't feel that its at a level where I'm percieved as a threat and it makes me feel like i'm losing control more and more.

 

 

Hey Carbine,

 

You know it was in the morning and I didn't see this paragragh.....I saw the stripper part and at one time had some personal issues with them....I don't agree with what they do for any reason....some make it ok because of money....there are many other ways to earn money so I don't buy that one.

 

I totally understand where your coming from....since being on the night shift have put on some weight, and don't feel like I'm me right now. I feel ugly and fat....am normally very thin.

 

I will loose the weight and so will you, but in the meantime in order to get there again try to figure out why you put the weight on....is it eating to fill an empty place?

 

For me, it is night shift, and will be back on days after the first of the year, so I have to live with it until then....

 

Be kind to you...you are not inferior to anyone, even with a little bit of weight....you are still you no matter what, and I think it took a lot of courage to post this, and because of that courage the healing will be quicker than you think....RP and TBF are sooo right.....

[StayClose]

Carbine:

 

You say in your message that you're not concerned about what your boyfriend might do, you're worried about what other women might think.

 

Well you can't control what other people think, especially those you don't know and haven't met. An neither can your BF. So if you continue to let the imagined thoughts people you don't know and haven't met eat you, and try to control your boyfriends behavoir and vent your anger & insecurity at him, you'll only erode your own relationship.

[Kinger25]

Carbine.

 

I debated whether or not to reply to this thread, but I feel quite passionately about this topic so I thought I should speak my mind.

 

I frequently get told that I am very hot / attractive. I do not necessarily think or feel in myself that I am above average looking, but its what other people tell me. The picture in my avatar is me so make your own mind up.

 

I am replying to you because you have asked what goes through the minds of "above average looking women" I dont quite know how we would define who is average looking, who is ugly and who is attractive. I suppose society does that itself. I reply to you because when I go out clubbing / to a bar etc, I am ALWAYS getting hit on by guys, almost every time I go out, and to be honest I get sick of it.

 

Not all of the guys that hit on me are single. In fact, most of the time, its the guys with GF's at home that are the worst. I am in a solid relationship with my BF. I have been with him for 2 years, have never cheated on him, never would cheat on him and am very much in love.

 

I NEVER EVER look at another womans BF and think "I could so easily have him if I wanted him" It just doesn't cross my mind and it is not in my nature to do so. I have full and total respect for ladies who manage to bag a nice guy who is willing to look after them and respect them. I have nothing but admiration for couples who have been together / married for many years. I hope one day that I am able to achieve this.

 

I know without doubt that there are women out there who thrive off of stealing another woman's guy. Its human nature and unfortunately, wherever you go and whatever you do you are ALWAYS going to come accross people like that. But its not JUST attractive women and strippers that are like that. ANYONE can have a stab at stealing your guy and may or may not succeed, in fact strippers are probably the LEAST likely to try it on with your guy or think that they have the power to obtain him if they so wish. They do a job and see so many men they probably get sick to death of them by the end of the day!!

 

I suppose what I am trying to say is that beauty really is only skin deep. Its how you feel about yourself and how you treat others that really matters. I trust my BF and I hope that he trusts me. I know that he might look at other women sometimes and think "yeah she's nice" but I know that he will always come home with me and go to bed in my bed with me.

 

Not all attractive women are bitches. Some women are attractive because they are born with it. Other women (me included) are attractive because they treat people well and aspire to be good inside. This desire to be good tends to make you feel good about yourself and therefore you take pride in your appearance and end up looking good aswell. Its a full cycle. Jealousy and insecurity are ugly and will in the end eat you up so much inside that you will lose your looks and you will become ugly with it. Its up to you really live life, get on with it and enjoy it or become jealous and miserable its up to you.

 

A quote from my favourite piece of writing -:

 

[sIZE=4]If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time[/sIZE]

[BlueEyedSarah]

Carbine, I pretty much doubt a stripper would be thinking what you have said in your post. I'm not a stripper and I don't know any strippers personally so I do not know what they are thinking.

Stripping is their job, like any other job I'm sure they may just be thinking like alot of others at work is "I want to go home!" .

I don't see why you should be jealous and/or feel threatened by other girls around your guy.

Your guy has clearly pointed out to girls that he can not talk to them because of you, that points out he is respecting you, but you can not keep your guy away from talking to all girls, like if he works with girls at work you can not keep him away from them as he has to work with them.

What your doing is pushing him away with these feelings you have and that will often make you lose the guy.

It sounds like you have no trust for your guy, you must know him by now not to cheat? Has he cheated on you in the past? If so then I can see a little bit of why your jealous and insecure, but if he hasn't then I don't see where you would be basing your insecurates from.

What he said to you was pretty harsh, it looks as though it was a slap in the face...but its a wake up call to listen to, he is feeling like he can not breath with your actions and your words because of your insecuraties and jealous side that I think you need time to understand how to control them.

He is woth you because he loves you and loves the relationship your in by the sounds of it, but now it sounds as though he is being suffercated.

Guys like space and time to themself, it dpesnt mean he will cheat on you with a stipper...

Strippers are doing what they are doing to loads of guys everyday. (Well when they are on working days).

[tinktronik]

Cabrine,

 

I don't know that all women think like you do . I have been a stripper and I would say that no thought like the ones you have created in your mind ever went through my head . I think perhaps you have some problems with being insecure and managing your own self-image about the person you are with the way you look. Just because a woman is more attractive does not mean they look down on you .

I would say being an attractive person myself I am less centered on the way I look and the way others look b/c I am secure with my own self both in looks and with the person I am . Perhaps you should go see a therapist and talk out your issues and whats going on with your jealousy before you destroy your relationship with it . Or the next relationship , your jealosy sounds unreasonable not in the fact that you don't want your bf in a strip club but that you don't want him to have contact with other women at all.

[Walk]

Kinger, Spot on! Great view on life!

 

Not sure how to say this Carbine... You need to adjust the way you think. Research Cognitive behavior therapy and positive thinking.

 

Stop watching tv, ok? And go see a therapist/counselor. You need help in combating the irrational thoughts.

[CarolAnne]

Simply put, I can't stand the thought of a female who's hotter than me knowing that she's got some sort of power over my man and/or some sort of advantage over me.

 

I'm trying to be understanding, but it sounds like this is exactly the sort of thought that used to run through your head in your prime, and now you're mad because you feel weak like those women you used to secretly criticize.

 

I was raised not to put too much emphasis on looks, because everyone inevitably ages and people who define themselves exclusively by how they look are destined for a sad middle-age life of frustration and self-hate and desperate plastic surgery -- instead to focus on things that you can improve about yourself permanently, like education and personality.

 

I'm sorry if I'm coming off badly, really, it's just that your letter really does come across like it was written by the Queen in Snow White who can't handle the fact that she's aged and not the fairest anymore, and mortally hates the beautiful, perky younger ones.

 

If your sense of self depends on your weight, then you should really consider going to a gym, or therapy to help you see that you as a person are worth more than the sum of your body parts. Also there is no way that you will ever know for sure what another person is thinking, but the fact that you are obsessively imagining women thinking these things about your relationship is really paranoid and damaging to you.

[Guest]

Ditto to the poster who states every other woman is insecure. Marilyn Monroe was infamous for her insecurity, she didn't want any other actress on her films to have a lighter shade of blonde and didn't like younger women. I am not saying I am gorgeous, but I get looked at by men whenever I go out and yet I am very jealous and insecure when it comes to my husband and other women.

[cutegirl]

Sometimes when I see a female who I think is more attractive than me I do get kinda pissed off like you do. I guess you could say I'm very competitive and jealous, and I'll admit it, extremely bitchy and catty. It does motivate me though to better myself even more, forces me to work out even harder and fix myself so I can be the best that I can be.

 

To be perfectly honest when I feel like I'm much more attractive than another female and her boyfriend looks at me, it depends on my mood on what I'm feeling. Sometimes I'll feel sad cause I think all men are scum. And to be perfectly honest sometimes I DO think : "Damn I look better than her", or "Yea, he's looking at me cause I'm hotter". Not to be a total bitch, but I'm sure SOME women DO think that sometimes. I know I have for sure. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I like the attention because it validates myself and of course it makes me feel good about myself.

 

I never let other women get to me to the point where I give up though. I always work on bettering myself, working out, always getting my hair done, facials, bleach my teeth, buy more MAC makeup... lol

 

But I KNOW how you feel because I felt the way you do a few years ago. I would get EXTREMELY pissed off in the presence of women more beautiful than me, even ones on tv and such... I was obsessed with Pamela Anderson because I thought she was the epitome of a perfect woman physically (not anymore cause she's old now) and I wanted to BE her. For some reason it got a bit better over the years, but don't get me wrong, I still get very "uneasy" and "intimidated" among women I consider to be extremely attractive. For some reason I'm easily "impressed" by women who look gorgeous and sometimes it will make me feel inferior.

 

I think A LOT of women feel this way to a certain degree. Some get sad when they are around women who are more attractive than they are and some get outright catty and bitchy.

 

I have a friend who is really hot, and I've known her for like 15 years. She's NOT a stripper but built like one. From observing her I would say of course she likes it when guys look at her, it feeds her self esteem.

If the gf of the guy who's checking her out happens to be overweight of course she would notice that and know that she looks better. I mean it's obvious. People just "know" usually what is considered more attractive. I mean, if I'm more attrative than another female, I definitely KNOW that I am. I'm not gonna lie and pretend that I'm not.

[cutegirl]

Also, what does it matter what goes through another woman's head anyway because it's not going to change the fact that if your man looks at another woman, he's gonna look anyways... Does it make it better if the attractive other woman being looked at is humble?? Does it make it worse if she's a bitch about it and KNOWS she's hot stuff? I don't see how it will change the outcome or affect anything...

 

I would never want to steal a woman's man because I don't take left overs and I'm too greedy to share, BUT I'm not going to lie, if men look at me, OF COURSE it makes me feel good about myself and of course I like it. And if I know I look better than the other woman, well, than I just think that to myself. Mostly all my female friends love attention. Who doesn't? To some people it doesn't matter where the attention comes from, but it does make you feel good about yourself. Who doesn't like praise?

 

I don't think Carbine cares about strippers, I think she is just getting mad over ANY woman who looks sexy and super attractive. She's just using strippers as a "measurement" of attractiveness, although I must say most strippers aren't that great looking. They are more a reflection of the average female population pool, a few are super attractive, and most average, and then there's some unattractive ones as well.

 

If you want to measure a higher standard of sex appeal I would say go with Playboy models or Victoria's Secret models or Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba etc. I've seem some strippers before and there's lots of ugly ones too, with cellulite, not perfect 10 bodies. And of course there are some very hot ones too, but I wouldn't say that ALL strippers are super attractive. You have a better chance of a higher percentage of attractive women in Playboy magazine or actresses and models in Maxim. That's just my opinion anyway.

 

Anyways, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that crap, but if you're measuring beauty in terms of mainstream media such as tv, magazines, etc only a VERY SMALL percentage of people are "physically perfect". The truth is that most people are average and quite a few are unattractive, but if you are measuring attractiveness on a pure physical scale not too many people pass the test.

 

And there IS a science behind what is considered beautiful. It involves facial symmetry. There's been studies done that show that even BABIES know what is attractive, they rest their gaze longer on faces that are considered "attractive" than ones who aren't. It's like an innate sense we were all born with.

 

It's nothing you or I can control though and we certainly can't control what others think anyway, so I don't think it matters. All you can do is fix yourself and I do think that it does help people feel better.

 

So I would suggest lose weight, get a personal trainer, self-tan, do your makeup like a pro (like all the models and actresses have done, they don't wake up looking like that). PRETEND your a stripper and that your livelihood depends on your body and work on it like you mean business, and then you'll feel better about yourself and some sense of accomplishment as well. At least then even if you're not the MOST attractive person in the world, at least you tried everything within your means to come as close as you could, so you'll have no regrets. Hey, it kinda works for me!

[cutegirl]

My first post

 

Personally I highly doubt that every stripper stares at your guy and thinks that she could get him. In fact, she could even think the opposite, like "here's a good-looking guy that would never go out with me because I get naked for people for a living and that's not a very reputable job..." Haven't you ever heard the saying that goes something like, Guys like bad girls but they'd never marry them? (Sorry I butchered that.)

 

 

Strippers may not think this, but I know of regular girls who are very hot and DO think this sometimes. I KNOW some think : "I could get your man if i wanted to but the thing is that I don't even WANT your man cause he's ugly, a loser..." etc

 

I have thought that before. I admit it. And I am also very aware of it when I consider myself more attractive than another female, REGARDLESS of whether her man is looking at me or not. The guy looking is irrelevant. I just know when I look better than someone else.

 

I mean just in GENERAL, people usually KNOW when they are more attractive than another person. I know people say beauty is only skin deep and all that, but come on. You KNOW when you look better than another person. Yes, of course someone could find the "unattractive" person MORE attractive than the supposedly "attractive" person because everyone has different taste, but come on, if I'm 100 lbs, and someone else is 200 lbs, then yea, I'll KNOW that I look better.

 

The poster wanted the truth so I'm just being honest. Attractive people usually KNOW their attractive.

[Trialbyfire]

Okay, I'll throw something in too. As I've said many times, I'm not even close to model material and would never pretend to be. Having said that, it seems that I garner attention, still not sure why. This is not false modesty. I just can't figure it out, never have, never will.

 

Anyways, when I see a beautiful woman, I do look at her but not with any envy or dislike, more with, hmmm...she's beautiful, what makes her attractive? Sometimes it's more the way she carries herself and how she dresses versus her actual features or attributes. It's all about her confidence and her style.

 

If I see a more...earthy type... in spandex or other forms of deshabille, I tend to discount them. There are better ways to attract attention rather than being so blatant about things.

 

As for strippers, who cares. They're doing a job, just ignore them if you don't swing that way. I've only seen female strippers once when a couple of male friends dragged me to a strip bar. I basically ignored them all night and enjoyed the company of my friends. In all honesty, I would never go to another strip bar again, but not because I felt intimidated or felt competitive, it's just a waste of my time because there's nothing of interest to me.