boon_beam8 Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Is it just me or is it a bit hard for a man over 40 to get access to a willing sex partner. I'm in reasonable shape, not balding or toothless. Lots of men are divorced or separated in that age group. Is the assumption that you are supposed to sign up for another hitch of marriage to get access to sex? With the tenet that marriage provides for the sexual needs of men being increasingly proven to be a falsehood, where does that leave the fulfullment of sexual needs. A sex drive is surely one of the basic drivers of the human being. Surely not having an outlet for this drive must have a detrimental effect on the quality of life of many people. There seems to be a perception that if a woman wants to have an active sex life all she has to do is "whistle". Not being a woman I don't know if this is true or not. It doesn't seem that easy for men though. There doesn't seem to be much information on the internet about shortage of sex. Perhaps it is an accepted fact of life that many men will have their sexual needs not met. What's with that? Anyone got any thoughts? My situation is a bit different in that I have children that I look after full time. Possible partners may be projecting ahead and seeing themselves in a step-mother role, even when the site is geared for a quick "hook-up", e.g. lavalife "intimate encounters". I have accessed a number of internet sites. A lot of these seem to be geared for the male to pay, perhaps without any real prospect of success. Just dangle a bit of semi-porn in front of them and they'll part with their credit card number!.There also seems to be many more men than women using these services, so they can perhaps afford to be more selective. Some women my age (almost 45) seem to be after men under 40. Do women hold the view that men over 40 can't "perform"? Maybe there is something to that. Maybe if you can get someone younger and the younger man is OK with that, there's nothing wrong with that. I am wondering if other men have experienced anything relevant to this post. Maybe other "single dads" have had similar experiences?
Road Rage Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Very broad questions you are asking but one thing is for certain, the more power you have the more p*ssy you get. But everyone has to work with whatever you have. Likely your big drawback is having children. But, there are a million variables and it involves personality, location, money, your level of pjysical attractiveness and so on. One thing is for certain. The older you get past 45 or so, it only gets more difficult to get anywhere with women if your resources are limited. Past 50 and it has very little to do with who you are and everything to do with what you have.
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 my hope is a simple one that some day soon all the questions she has will be directed towards me and it doesn't need to be face to face - instant message would be fine but i would rather say these things to her only to answer her questions. i do not believe this person i speak of would ever make me doubt her - it is i that needs to earn back trust and i am willing to take today off and put her mind to rest. if that is what she would like. so, back to the west i go again - without knowing what direction i should take. this isn't about kissing butt or getting back its about being honest with her. hope that helps
melodymatters Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Well, as a pretty attractive 40 yr old woman, let me say, the LAST thing I'm looking for at this point in my life is a cheap hook up. Been through the drunken crazy college days, thanks. If your projecting that that is all you want, I doubt a " quality" woman would have much interest in you. Personally I'm looking for a compatible, best friend/boyfriend with whom I enjoy having sex with, not vice versa. Just my opinion though
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 My situation is a bit different in that I have children that I look after full time. It isn't your age it is the full package deal that is the issue.. I'm 43 no kids and up till now have never had any problems getting dates from women..and recently just started a relationship with someone I met online. But I did have a tendency to stay away from women that had kids as they have a tougher time working a guy into their lives and I wanted to possibly have my own kids someday and women around my age with kids don't want anymore. A younger woman in your age bracket would also be looking for kids but most likely kids of her own. You would most likely find the best success with women around your own age with kids.. The girl I'm with now is younger than me and wants kids so it fits.. You just have to find what fits for you.
norajane Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I'd venture to guess that most women your age who are single are probably looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage, rather than just a hook-up or a casual sexual relationship. If you're looking for women on sites geared toward casual sex, there won't be a lot of women your age there.
burning 4 revenge Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Some women my age (almost 45) seem to be after men under 40. Do women hold the view that men over 40 can't "perform"? Maybe there is something to that. Maybe if you can get someone younger and the younger man is OK with that, there's nothing wrong with that. Most women over forty who are of independent means prefer younger men as opposed to men their own age. Nobody wants to f*ck their dad.
burning 4 revenge Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 One thing is for certain. The older you get past 45 or so, it only gets more difficult to get anywhere with women if your resources are limited. Past 50 and it has very little to do with who you are and everything to do with what you have.Quoted for truth.
SurferGirlTx Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I'm 44, single, attractive and am wondering where I can meet single men my age and up. Where? Church? I've looked at a few matchmaking websites and the photos of the single men are SCARY!!! I can tell you women my age would LOVE to meet decent men who want the same things you do. We just want guys who are not chasing 20 year olds, who aren't addicted to porn and who aren't nut cases with psycho exwives still in the picture. At my age the bar scene is out, church makes you look too desperate and meeting someone online is still a bit too risky. So what options are left? If anyone has good ideas please let me know! I'd love to meet a decent guy and have dinner and great (safe) sex and a monogomous relationship while being a hard working single parent but I think the pickings are slim the older we get.
SurferGirlTx Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Oh and I don't want marriage and I don't want a boy toy - so I'm proof that there are women your age looking for the same thing you are. My description of a perfect date is a fabulous dinner - great sex - then GO HOME!!! Call me in a couple of weeks and we can do it all over again. Sugar daddies don't impress me, younger guys don't know what they're doing, I want a middle aged guy who is a hard working single parent like myself who's just plain honest, kind, funny and genuine!
Grrlish Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I dunno...my boyfriend is 45. We're having plenty of sex. And I don't believe that he was having that much trouble getting laid before we started dating. BoonBeam, it sounds like you're looking for a F-buddy, not a relationship. IF that's what you're looking for, go have some drinks in a local dive and meet some gal who isn't looking for a relationship either. Or to a local dance club and do the same. Or join a couple of activity groups. You might meet another mature adult who doesn't want a real relationship but would like some companionship. There are women out there who would be interested in an FWB or F-buddy relationship - I've been in a couple of these. I think you're right, though, that internet sites/phone dating services that appear to be geared toward getting laid are often swamped with gals looking to get paid. Go for a 'legitimate' dating site, be upfront with gals that you're not in a rush for a relationship but that you enjoy dating, and, again, you might meet another mature adult who doesn't want a real relationship but would like some companionship. But, if you're just looking for a one-night stand here and there, a pub or bar is going to be your best bet.
notmakingsense Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Oh and I don't want marriage and I don't want a boy toy - so I'm proof that there are women your age looking for the same thing you are. My description of a perfect date is a fabulous dinner - great sex - then GO HOME!!! Call me in a couple of weeks and we can do it all over again. Sugar daddies don't impress me, younger guys don't know what they're doing, I want a middle aged guy who is a hard working single parent like myself who's just plain honest, kind, funny and genuine! How common is this? I just broke up with my on-again-off-again gf of 3 years because I wanted more than what you just described.... which described our relationship perfectly. She, a 41 yo single mom, busy, single, successful. Me, 43 you single dad, busy, single, successful. I want more -- I want a new marriage. Her? well, dinner, sex, go-home.... It worked for me for a while, but I want more now.
notmakingsense Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 But back to the original topic.... It is easy enough to get laid in your 40s. Most women I meet tell me how men in their 40s are just starting to get really attractive (is that just my "happy ears" or what? lol).... Anyway, if you take care of yourself physically, don't have too much baggage, have a family that loves you, and are financially stable -- you'll do just fine. Look at it this way, the older you get, the more expectations that women will have of you.
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 hi, i'm 45 and my gf is 39. we know who we are and have been to heaven and thru hell. we know what works for now, and what will work later. we don't pressure each other and communicate openly. there's lots of trust and respect and understanding and we are secure in ourselves and or relatinship. she has her own place and so do i. we don't need to be with each other 24/7, even though we want to. we have an idea of what the future holds and our relationship is a healthy and equal one. we don't allow drugs or abuse or anything negative into our lives and our past is not something we worry about our even talk that much about. we are both strong, intelligent and caring people and love ourselves first so we can love others. we both had children from othr marriages and we love each others children as if they were our own. they are almost at an age where they will not need us as much so we will have more time to spend on each other. we care about the same issues and are outgoing people and we share our hobbies and give each other space. we plan to get married when she is ready for that, but for now i dopn't pressure her about that,. now, if someone can tell me there is something better than this - then i will believe it when i see it with my own two eyes - but for me there is nothing better or more that i want, then what her and i have at this moment.
notmakingsense Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 We are starting to get off topic, but I really liked your post and agree that there could be nothing better in my eyes than the relationship you just described. I broke up with my gf not because we weren't ready to get married so much, but because she still kept her distance from me even after 3 years of being with me. Our relationship was more like a friends-with-benefits situation. The fun and the sex were fantastic, but in between our dates, there was no closeness or desire to bring our lives together by sharing events with friends and kids. I didn't pressure her to do this, but I ran out of patience waiting to see if it would ever happen. So, boon_beam8, as you can see -- being in your 40's is not a death-warrant. You can have anything you want, from a fantastic sex life with no strings, to a warm and caring new close relationship.
Jeffrey Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I'm 40 and got more mojo than ever and do much better with the fairer sex now than I ever did in my mid-20's - mid 30's.
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Look into swinging aka "the lifestyle" in your area of the woods -it's exactly what you are looking for. You'll get sex - and can make some great friends/enjoy companionship - without all the strings attached. I did this on and off for years - in between relationships - when I had needs but didn't want a relationship. Is it just me or is it a bit hard for a man over 40 to get access to a willing sex partner. I'm in reasonable shape, not balding or toothless. Lots of men are divorced or separated in that age group. Is the assumption that you are supposed to sign up for another hitch of marriage to get access to sex? With the tenet that marriage provides for the sexual needs of men being increasingly proven to be a falsehood, where does that leave the fulfullment of sexual needs. A sex drive is surely one of the basic drivers of the human being. Surely not having an outlet for this drive must have a detrimental effect on the quality of life of many people. There seems to be a perception that if a woman wants to have an active sex life all she has to do is "whistle". Not being a woman I don't know if this is true or not. It doesn't seem that easy for men though. There doesn't seem to be much information on the internet about shortage of sex. Perhaps it is an accepted fact of life that many men will have their sexual needs not met. What's with that? Anyone got any thoughts? My situation is a bit different in that I have children that I look after full time. Possible partners may be projecting ahead and seeing themselves in a step-mother role, even when the site is geared for a quick "hook-up", e.g. lavalife "intimate encounters". I have accessed a number of internet sites. A lot of these seem to be geared for the male to pay, perhaps without any real prospect of success. Just dangle a bit of semi-porn in front of them and they'll part with their credit card number!.There also seems to be many more men than women using these services, so they can perhaps afford to be more selective. Some women my age (almost 45) seem to be after men under 40. Do women hold the view that men over 40 can't "perform"? Maybe there is something to that. Maybe if you can get someone younger and the younger man is OK with that, there's nothing wrong with that. I am wondering if other men have experienced anything relevant to this post. Maybe other "single dads" have had similar experiences?
Guest Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 As a "mature" woman,my ultimate fantsy is a "zipless Fsck" ala Erica Jong fame. I want to go to a website,select a man purely on the basis of his physical appearance,sexual preferences.. I want to go somewhere to meet him and without speaking a single word,I want to have hot,hard passionate sex.I then want to dress and leave,all without saying a single word. No names,no life stories, nothing but pure hot animal passion.. why is that so difficult to find?
notmakingsense Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Erica Jong? You are showing your age! Well.... there are a lot of sex oriented community sites out there, I'm not sure which ones you'd be able to trust though! I'm sure there are a lot of men out there who would be willing participants... myself included
Guest Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I posted a profile on AFF in a horny moment and lots of guys wrote back with pictures of their wangs and phone numbers. But here is what went through my head when I considered actually meeting any of them, and maybe it will help you see things from a girl's perspective 1. Preganancy - this guy wants free sex, that's nice. But if the condom breaks/ bc fails will he be there for the kid? Pay for the abortion? Holy **** I've never had an abortion I guess I would go to canada to get the ru486 pill. Fly to Canada? **** and what the f--k am I going to do if I miss a period? just the thought of missing a period because of some random f--k from an internet stranger who cares not a damn about what I might have to go through afterward is enough right there to make me not write back to him. 2. diseases - look at how many guys have just written to me, about 20 per day. Say they hook up with a random stranger a week, 4 a month, she also hooks up alot with strangers too and this guy showing off his hung monster don't like condoms. genital herpes? bet that's not in your profile 3. HIV 4. psycho stalker internet murderer 5. not a guy I would ever date or have a lt relationship with, considering he's probably screwed hundreds of strangers who may or may not have aids Mostly it was a fantasy. The idea of meeting someone for a quick no-strings fling sounds great until u start to think about all the things that could happen afterwards. I guess they must have thought I was "playing games" with them by writing but not meeting with them, but that was because of insecurity making the fantasy fall apart. "Is the assumption that you are supposed to sign up for another hitch of marriage to get access to sex?" For me, yes that is mostly a true statement. I'm not going to drive all over town to meet with a f-buddy and give him free sex no strings when I could have a bf helping pay the rent and being there for companionship and sex whenever we want. It sounds like your ex either stopped having sex with u or used to take it away on purpose to get what she wanted. But that is individuals.
notmakingsense Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 "Is the assumption that you are supposed to sign up for another hitch of marriage to get access to sex?" For me, yes that is mostly a true statement. I'm not going to drive all over town to meet with a f-buddy and give him free sex no strings when I could have a bf helping pay the rent and being there for companionship and sex whenever we want. It sounds like your ex either stopped having sex with u or used to take it away on purpose to get what she wanted. But that is individuals. I hear you -- it is mostly an unrealistic fantasy of mine as well -- except I did have a one-night-stand many years ago where we both knew what we were doing. However, I think that the majority of people, men & women, think the same way as us -- there are just too many risks. Maybe this is more true for women than men, but I believe it is hard for most of us to seperate emotion and intimacy, which is why you read a lot about friends-with-benefits relationships not working out. It is much more enjoyable to have both, the sex and some sort of commitment. BTW -- My ex never played those kinds of games with me. Our sex stopped when our relationship ended, and its ending wasn't related to our sex life (which was great!)
suchislife Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 in my experience, and the limited info my friends and I have shared over the years, age has nothing to do with it. My friends range in age from 26 to 50's and I hear the same thing - sometimes its hard to find someone unless you want a quick thing. That's all over the place. It seems that it's pretty much what your attitude is, if you take care of yourself, handle your baggage, are open to new things and can you have fun... Good luck.
Author boon_beam8 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks for the feedback everybody. I've been chatting to a few women online and it seems that they might be looking for a similar thing to me. I'm not after one night stands, but an ongoing thing where there is no imperative to move in or take it to the next level. I go to some of the seeking sex sites and can't get number of women trying to line up long term committed relationships there. When I see the profiles saying must like country drives, walks on the beach, and driinking red wine in front of the open fireplace it makes me run for cover. Maybe I need post-separation-traumatic-disorder therapy. I guess there is a lot of newly unpartnered men in my age group and having kids throws a spanner in the works a bit. I find the ratios of men to women on the sites I go into is like 4 men for every woman.
suchislife Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 it would be a huge turn off to me to meet someone who thought their kids were in the way. Not saying you are doing that, just saying that it says a lot about a person.
Author boon_beam8 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 it would be a huge turn off to me to meet someone who thought their kids were in the way. Not saying you are doing that, just saying that it says a lot about a person. The statements that I've got over and over again straight from women's mouth's is that they see my kids as being in the way. For me to receive this message both in implied and actual form and be expected to to get a certain impression from it is, in my view, somewhat hypocritical. You only have one life and I am not looking to be a candidate for sainthood. BTW, how many kids do you have?
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