demilde Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I've just sent a christmas card to an ex that broke up with me nearly 20 years ago!! Didn't conciously do NC, but we just got on with our own lives; both got married and had kids. I have no longing feelings for her at all, but she contacted my folks to get my number to see if I had some things of hers to show her kids. The folks actually had them and gave them to her, so there was no point in calling me. But I just thought how nice it would have been to just chat about what we had both done with ourselves; no ulteria motive or anything. So I've tracked her down, not in a stalkereque manner, and just sent her a card. I am 100% sure this won't open a can of worms, but if it does then so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Does your wife know about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 Does your wife know about this? i mentioned it to her but then being divorced helps. Link to post Share on other sites
malibu Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 i think its sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 i think its sweet Think she must have too, cos I got one back by return. Seems a bit wierd cos its as if we only just talked yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 i think thats kewl - i miss my ex and when i catch myself calling her my gf or my wife or sweeetie, honey pie or booboo this is a good thing the way i see it - i would be disappointed if i didn't feel like this its a sign that yeah when i say i love her - i know its true because i am still here like this WOOO HOOO and i bet if i drove over to her place right now, i'd see her car and know she was at home, and if i picked up a bottle of wine and a meal for everyone's supper that she would let me in if i knocked but that would be rude and not fair to her to thrust myself upon her so i could leave these things at her door and ring the bell and not be there when she answers any suggestions as to which one i should do folks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 i think thats kewl - i miss my ex and when i catch myself calling her my gf or my wife or sweeetie, honey pie or booboo this is a good thing the way i see it - i would be disappointed if i didn't feel like this its a sign that yeah when i say i love her - i know its true because i am still here like this WOOO HOOO and i bet if i drove over to her place right now, i'd see her car and know she was at home, and if i picked up a bottle of wine and a meal for everyone's supper that she would let me in if i knocked but that would be rude and not fair to her to thrust myself upon her so i could leave these things at her door and ring the bell and not be there when she answers any suggestions as to which one i should do folks? How long have you been apart and is she married. Given I only live 15 miles from this girl, I'm tempted to ask to meet up for a chat over coffee, but am concious that her hubby might not like it, and I don't want to cause any problems, but then given that I'm not actually after her I possibly will just ask, she can only say no; no point finding out 20 years on that I should have. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 demilde, I think it would be in very poor taste for you to ask your ex to coffee at this point. I don't believe your intentions are pure, and even if they were, her husband surely won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 demilde, I think it would be in very poor taste for you to ask your ex to coffee at this point. I don't believe your intentions are pure, and even if they were, her husband surely won't. you might be right, but i assure you my intentions are pure, guess it depends if he trusts her, still not sure if i will or wont. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I'm tempted to ask to meet up for a chat over coffee, but *** given that I'm not actually after her I possibly will just ask, she can only say no; no point finding out 20 years on that I should have. If you met up with this girl and she leaned over to kiss you, would you push her away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 If you met up with this girl and she leaned over to kiss you, would you push her away? eh? There are about a million things that could happen, but I wouldn't try to cover every possible base. I'd just go with the flow, like I said it would just be a chat as friends; you can never have enough friends. I would not do anything to compromise her current relationship (assuming she is still married). Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 been a while since I posted here, but thought I'd just update this thread. Me and my long time ex have been exchanging emails for the past few weeks or so, chatting about all the old times and laughs we got upto. There is no risk of breaking up her relationship but we have re-established a true friendship after all these years. It has been so refreshing to have these chats and I am so glad I ignored all advise from friends. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Demilde, I am glad you are talking with your long time ex, but please be careful. From what I can tell, you are not married but she is? Correct? Let me tell you about some personal experiences with this. First my ex wife. We were married after college and stayed together for 18 years. One day, she receives an email from her high school boyfriend, who she hasn't heard from or spoke to in 20+ years. He never married but of course she was. They started out innocently enough, at least she did. Emails back and forth and so on. About 2 months into it, he had to come here for business. They met for lunch which ended up being an entire afternoon. The feelings overcame them and she was sure she had reconnected with her true soulmate. Long story short, we divorced. About a year later, she realized why they broke up and why he never married. She dumped him and begged me to take her back. By that time, I had moved on and was with someone else. About 6 months ago, my high school girlfriend tracked me down and sent an email. Again, hadn't spoke to her in over 20 years. We were both single although I was engaged. We had several, long conversations. Yes, I got caught up in it as she did. Luckily, she lives about 1,000 miles from here. The feelings I had for her back in high school came back. We even discussed meeting somewhere in the middle. But I realized what happened to my ex and nixed it before anything did happen. We have maintained a friendship, but I am glad she lives so far away. Just be careful, I know you don't have anything to lose, but there are other people involved, especially if she has children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author demilde Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Thanks for that, and I am sorry for what happened to you. I am aware of the potentials but I know that I have no intention of doing anything to cause her or her family pain and anguish. If she is comfortable with it then so am I. However I am not naive enough to be unaware of what might happen, but at this moment I am 99% sure that there is nothing in it other than a true friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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