Expected to play "The Role" for Xmas

[CarolAnne]

I'm really really mad

 

My family expects me to go to the Christmas party and just smile and pretend to be happy to see certain members of my family who were very abusive to me as a child and teenager.

 

I have always played this role, and my sister and mother want me to continue playing it or else not be invited.

 

They suggest I must have some sort of mental illness for refusing to see them for the loving and caring people that they are (ha! ha ha! vomit)

 

Also after a big blowup two weeks ago, my ma has called everyone, including my aunts and uncles and the secretaries at the office and my sister and told them how mentally ill I must be, and so people have been calling me, worried, until I explain the situation to them. And then they say that I am quite justified in not wanting to continue being the family's quiet whipping girl who always has a smile on her face despite whatever abuse is hurled at me. And yes, this is the same mom of mine who is bulimic.

 

It really hurts that my own ma cares more about keeping up appearances and being her parent's favorite than her own daughter's honest and very justifiable feelings. I feel more comfortable with strangers and office people than I do around my own family.

[georgejungle]

I feel for you, i truly do. This is extended family i'm assuming?

 

My mom is one of the biggest hypocrites, talks a big

talk about hating certain members of the family and complains,

yet she'll show up and expect me to show up to family

events where i don't feel comfortable.

 

I have friends that have had certain abusive inncidents

happen within their extended family that just don't talk to

those family members anymore. It happened, so they decided

never to talk to them ever again. And these friends of mine

are fine with it, they live good lives, no pressure to try and

be fake and put on a smile to keep the so-called "family" together.

 

That's the way it should be. I understand the importance of

family and bonds within your immediate family, but extended

is a whole other insignificant thing in my book.

[georgejungle]

got cut off but wanted to add something...

 

Don't feel guilty if you have a solid valid reason

for not wanting to participate in family get-togethers.

you need to feel comfortable. Not sure why your mom would

pressure you so and make up these mental illness stories

about you. She must be in a GREAT DEAL OF DENIAL.

[CarolAnne]

Thank you so much, and yes this is their usual strategy.

 

Whenever I'm not doing what they want/expect, then it's because I'm "mentally ill".

 

It's the perfect fall back for them- and I hear it all the time, I'm mentally ill because I won't forgive them for the abuse, I'm mentally ill because I'm standing up for myself and making a big deal out of "nothing", I don't realize how ill I am because mentally ill people never do, hence they are right and I am wrong. And ill.

 

The interesting thing is that as we were arguing at one point she even admitted that everyone in the family knows just how messed up they are and how bad she and her sisters had it growing up. Then, realizing that this sort of blew her cover, nope, the problem was still me for not putting on the show of the happy, loving, smiling daughter they expect me to be. And that I would be ecstatic to see them if I weren't so, you know, mentally ill.