Please help me out!

[missmelissa81]

I met this wonderful man about six months ago. He treats me with respect, and he is very loving, I never experienced that before with another man. The problem is that I am 21 and he is 34. Our thirteen year age gap scares me a lot. I get a lot of pressure from my family to leave him because he is a lot older than me and is a lot more experienced than me. But they just don't get it! He hasn't even pressured me to have sex with him. He told me to take my time, and when I'm ready to tell him! Never did any other man tell me that. He makes me feel so safe and makes me feel very important and respects me. He knows that my family is against my relationship with him. But he told me that he is not going to let me go easily, even if it means fighting my family for me. Every day is like a torment because of my family's constant arguments about my relationship with him. I feel confused and I don't know whether or not to continue our relationship. I need advice on what to do. I really care for him, but I can't keep on living like this anymore. My family is driving me insane! Please help me out!

[quankanne]

you haven't said if your family has met the guy yet, and that could be the key to gaining their blessing. If they only hear about some "old guy" dating their little girl, of course they're not going to approve of the relationship. But if they see for themselves how he treats you with respect (the way you tell them he does), they just might realize that this guy can be good for you.

 

My parents were shocked when I first started dating, because the guy was way older than me. So when I married my husband, who is the same age as my oldest brother, they were okay with it. In fact, my mother told me that she was glad that she didn't have to raise this one (my sisters both married their high school sweethearts right after graduating).

 

The best plan of attack is to let them get to know the guy themselves, instead of having a preconceived opinion of him.

[Debster]

I don't think 13 years is that big of an age gap when you are older, but at 21 you still have a lot of growing up to do and the age difference might become a problem.

 

However, based on your post it sounds to me like you live at home and that's why your parents torment you every day.

 

My advice to you is if you think you're mature enough to go out with a 34 year old, than act it. Move out into your own place and then you won't have to listen to your parents every day!

[Tessa]

Well, my b/f is 9 years younger than I am. The age difference really doesn't matter, but then again, it depends on the person. Sometimes my b/f really shows his age(24). He can be very immature and it bugs the hell out of me. However, there are times that he shows that maturity does come with time.( not to mention patience and understanding on my part)

 

This is something that you really need to decide for yourself. No one can tell you what you feel in your heart.

 

btw: when I graduated highschool at 18 my then b/f was 28. We are still the best of friends...

 

Bottom line...sometimes you just have to take the chance.

 

Good luck!!

[sexygirl]

Do you love Him?

 

If you do fallow you heart do not let anybody to tell you what to do.

 

This is your life and you are the only one with the right to live it.

 

Just remember that nobody lives you life, cry your tears and suffer you pain for you.

 

Just live you life and follow the path of your heart.

[yes]

i dont think age should have anything to do with it

let him meet your parents

if your parents have valid criticisms (NOT age), deal with it ... otherwise let them know that age is a formality anyway, and close the case.

 

if they have valid problems with it like you being in school and him working full-time, etc. - you should discuss with them how u plan to deal w/ it...

 

i find that parents become understanding if you sit down and talk everything out with them - i.e. get down to the problem, not the "he's too old" shallow comment.

 

good luck!

-yes

[Jenny]

Your parents probally see something that you don't. The age difference is substantial. What they are saying to you don't focus on what they are saying, but the reason they are saying. They love you and want the best for you. They want to see you happy and they probally don't feel that this is the best option in life for you. No matter what....your boyfriend has many life experiences you don't yet have. Which is good for you. Enjoy your youth and the fun that you can have now. Talk to your parents and listen to them. They will be in your life always! Boyfriends will come and go. Good luck w/ your decision, but act like an adult and listen to what they have to say.

[jimthzz]

when you're 40 he'll be 53

and when you're 60 hell be 73.

 

Have you thought that far down the road?

 

I don't want to be crude here but just when you are hitting you're hitting your sexual peak he wiol be so far down from that peak it's not funny.

 

If that's fine for you, whatever. But know you will be like an 18-year-old man is, but you'll be that way married to an old fart.

 

And later, if you manage to weather that you will be nursemaid to a really old guy.

 

Will love conquer that?

[Ally Boo]

I just got out of the hospital, my sweet bf hooked up my laptop, but I have been having problems logging in if I'm not at work. Anyway, My bf is 15 years older than me. I'm 24. And I've found that I don't think I'll ever date a younger man now. He's awesome, mature, and like I tell my friends "By now, he's figured out how to NOT piss a woman off, and HOW to do things right in bed...I don't have time for those idiots anymore!" And it's true...but I'm not saying all younger guys are bad at all...just the ones I've picked.

My Dad was suprisingly ok with it...in fact, he won't stop talking to him when we come over, but my mom was weird about it. But bc she is worried about me jumping into a relationship so soon, and she thinks he has a secret wife and family some where...but um we live together so I don't see how he could possibly have the talents of hiding that! Your parents are probably just concerned, but that's all they CAN be. Don't let them control you. In fact, my bf told me when I was afraid to tell my parents about him "You are living this life for YOU not THEM. They've had their chance, now it's your turn." And he's right.....God I love him.