Separated, Sad, but hopeful in different ways. (Also a BIG thanks to a board member!)

[mum2three]

Happy New Year! Just checking in to see how u & wife r doing with her moving back in. I have my own craziness going on, as some could see in my thread. I am really trying to stay sane.

 

Are u guys able to get along? Well, we have alot in common as being a pleaser. That is why I am taking in all my info and analyzing before i take a move or position. I think my time is ticking. Hope u r in a better place. You sound more positive and in better spirits. Perhaps u have made a new connection with yourself. I am trying hard!

[Delarocha]

Well, I appreciate everyone's support. My wife will be moving out shortly and getting her own apartment. We have talked about not officially getting a divorce, but at the moment I am honestly torn.

 

My family and friends think I should just bite the bullet and get a divorce. I have not made a decision yet, and realize one thing. If we do NOT get a divorce it should not mean there is ANY hope of us getting back together. Especially considering the lease she gets will be for a year. She is taking one of the cats with her, but at least I get to keep the other two.

 

Anyway, I am being as strong as I can be. I am thinking HARD and considering filing for divorce. The thing is neither of us wants to get lawyers involved, but I think I will get some legal counsel regardless to figure out the next steps. I think my wife is running away as fast as she can, and even though I am no longer chasing I don't believe there is any hope left. I am weighing the pro's and con's of not officially getting divorced, and I am having a hard time coming up with many pro's other than hope.

 

I am tired today... I can't think clearly, and therefore I just want to keep my mouth shut and sit back and relax... I read a piece of paper my wife wrote up for an unofficial separation document, and immediately threw up. I am embarrassed, tired, and honestly slightly hung over. (Had some fun with friends last night after I knew my wife wanted to move out.)

 

Sooooooooo, this is not all a bad thing. I will be forced to take action very soon. I think the idea of just getting separated and not officially divorced is something my wife wants to do for ME. BUT, I need to decide if I even want that.

 

I am being strong.. I am doing things for myself... and it might just be time to bite the bullet, grow some balls, and admit it's OVER...

[Gunny376]

You're kidding yourself if you think that this seperation is anything but a pre-lude to a divorce. She's just feeling guilty about hurting you. This thing can drag out for years if you let it! Its called "limerance"

 

The best thing that you can do is to go ahead and file for divorce, and position yourself for life with or without the STBXW. Your well being and happiness is not determinant on being with any single person. You're the one in control of that ~ you're the one responsible for that.

 

No matter what? It will be alright and you'll be better off one way or the other. No matter how it plays out, you'll be better off. You did just fine before you ever meet her, you'll do just fine ~ eventually ~ without her afterwards.

 

When all is said and done, when a woman says she's "Out of here" all it means is that you've got to get off your sorry ass and go and find someone else that appreciates what you've got to offer!

 

And, make no mistake about it! You could be a great guy, having made all the right moves, said all the right things, have everything going for you in life, the perfect house, the perfect job, etc and still have a woman (or man if your a woman) walk out on your ass ~ just because they're tired and bored with you ~ and want someone new! Its just that damn simple!