beautifulearth83 Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Hello everybody. I haven't posted here on here for awhile. I'm 23 now and lately I find that perhaps I'm thinking too much. I graduated college early (almost 3 years ago). I was still trying to find some direction in my life and I was still partying. I did a good amount of things I don't seem to be proud of. Nothin to hurt anybody or anything but just certain things I never thought I would do. I'm just wondering if there is a time for a lot of people where they look back on certain things they've done when intoxicated or when trying to find yourself and meaning in life. I said 3 years ago so I was about 20-21. I just can't help but hold myself to some sort of reputation that nobody knows about. I look at other people feeling like they're normal and wouldn't like me if they knew about many of my experiences. I make myself up to being such a bad person when I know I really just want to do good for myself and others. Perhaps this is just me finally realizing how I want to live and what some of my boundaries are, so I'm constantly beating myself up while trying to fix the past? Will this pass? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Yes, it does pass. Be easy on yourself. It just takes time. You're growing up, still, and that's a painful process for most. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 You cannot change the past. As hard as this it to hear, accept it. What you can do if necessary is apologize for the past. This alone can help you move forward to the future. We all do things we regret in our youth. I would like to say that you will now never do stupid things, but it aint so. When you reach 40, you will again look back, and you will again wish you could change some of the things you did. All of life's experiences are for teaching lessons. We make stupid choices, we go wrong directions, but we do it with the knowledge that we had at that time. Hindsight is always 20/20. Move forward, learn, and improve. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beautifulearth83 Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Just saying a thanks for your replies. They've been in thought and have helped so far. I suppose there is a bit that I need to face inside. Peace/Love Link to post Share on other sites
Margareta Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Yes, it takes time. So, be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Its ok to be not proud of things you've done in the past, as long as you learn from them. Improve yourself from here on out, still got many years left to become someone that you yourself would be proud of. Life is like a dark tunnle, sometimes you can not see the light. But if you just keep on moving, you will get to a better place. Good luck in your journey through life and you own personal metamorphises. Your past might define who you are now, but your actions will define who you will become. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 The past has made you who are you are today, without those experiences you wouldn't be aware of what you're feeling now. Don't beat up on yourself and say you're a bad person! You're not!! Think of it like this - In the past you made some not great choices, but you now know what really counts is the NOW and how to make your future count. Be secure and happy, and if you really are having issues with that, maybe consider therapy. It can only bring good into your life and help you to be who you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Hello everybody. I haven't posted here on here for awhile. I'm 23 now and lately I find that perhaps I'm thinking too much. I graduated college early (almost 3 years ago). I was still trying to find some direction in my life and I was still partying. I did a good amount of things I don't seem to be proud of. Nothin to hurt anybody or anything but just certain things I never thought I would do. I'm just wondering if there is a time for a lot of people where they look back on certain things they've done when intoxicated or when trying to find yourself and meaning in life. I said 3 years ago so I was about 20-21. I just can't help but hold myself to some sort of reputation that nobody knows about. I look at other people feeling like they're normal and wouldn't like me if they knew about many of my experiences. I make myself up to being such a bad person when I know I really just want to do good for myself and others. Perhaps this is just me finally realizing how I want to live and what some of my boundaries are, so I'm constantly beating myself up while trying to fix the past? Will this pass? I am ten years older than you so I think I can speak with the voice of experience here. I could have written your post word for word, only when I say I've done bad things I'm positive I've got you topped tenfold. I've done a lot of things that I'm not exactly proud of, a lot of people too for that matter. Nobody is normal, they all just seem that way. That's why everyone is so shocked when the normal girl commits suicide, or the normal guy turns out to be a pedophile. We only saw the outside, when there was a whole hell of a lot more going on inside... and inside is what really counts. Who you are inside is the real you. When I was twenty I thought I was finally grown up, now looking back I realize it was just the beginning. What they don't tell you is you never really get there, you never really get to a place where you have learned all there is to learn, tried all there is to try, and you are finally "all growed up" From what you have told us you sound perfectly "normal" to me... You left home, tried a few things on for size and now you are realizing that they didn't fit. That's okay, don't beat yourself up for it. I look back on some of those things I hated myself for and realize now that they got me where I am today. It's alot like your first broken heart... It felt good while it lasted, it felt like crap when it was over... but years later when the edge has finally dulled you look back and maybe even smile a little bit. Even the most bitter of memories sweeten with time... When you get older you will find that you regret the things that you did do a lot less, and the things you didn't do a lot more. Link to post Share on other sites
nancyleeh Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 I'd say that most of us have felt guilty about past experiences at one time or another. The advice others gave was great and in a few years you will look back on your past and recognize the good things that have come out of what you consider not so good and will be able to do so without judgement. To releave your mind now, if there was anything you did that hurt anyone from your past you might want to make amends to those people, maybe a note or phone call if that would relieve you in any way. There's no need to go into details about your past life with current friends or family. You don't have to purge your soul with them and they probably have their own secrets they do not share with others too. So share what you want to share and keep the rest to yourself. The future awaits you and I hope you can step into it because the past is only memories and not something you are living in the now. nancyleeh Link to post Share on other sites
Author beautifulearth83 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 wow. there have really been some good words here. thank you so much. i really love that people can get together and help each other out. it all just comes and goes...i want to give and be good...but i want to do it genuinely...not because i feel like i need to make up for something. i make my problems out to be so much more unique and unacceptable than other people's. those confessions don't seem to scare the people i tell away from me, but they scare me sometimes. i've lost a bit of my pride and i need to regain it. it's a total brain thing, but yet i feel like a certain amount of clarity is needed to grow more as a person and spiritually. i'm looking forward to going with the flow again!! i hope that some of these things i bring up help other people too. much love and happy new year! Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnne Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 this is so sweet everyone has things they are not proud of, deeply shameful things but every experience and everyone has something you can learn from. Maybe instead of feeling bad, look back at it and compare the you of today to the you that went into that experience several years ago - surely some changes have taken place, even if not in action, in your own perception and understanding. Some of the most valuable lessons I've learned unfortunately came through such painful experiences it makes my skin crawl. I wonder if there wasn't an easier way to learn them than going through that. But no, that's the way it was. Link to post Share on other sites
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