American Bosses/fitting in - big issues

[Hi Powered]

I am in real sh*t. i started a new role 3 weeks ago. Its very high pressuried and long hours (yes - u guessed it finance). My boss is also female, she already hates me it seems.

 

She is very formal with me, and this is coming from a very chatty hyper woman. she is very senior although fairly new herself. Im worried for my job, as she has the power. I also learnt when i went to lunch with a colleague today that used to work there, that she got rid of the last person doing my job very fast.

 

How can i break the ice? we have little in common, in fact we have opposite personalities.

 

I think this could get very very messy, as she may embaress me at my desk.

 

I feel she is really testing me. Asking( directing) me to do all sorts of work. even though it is xmas she is directing me to do work ( which noone is gonna care about if it waits until the next day) very late in the evening.

 

I have to grit my teeth and get her to like me, or at least tolerate me. I dont want to ar-se kiss coz that is gonna look too obvious. i m afraid that she may get off on sacking people. why did she sack the first guy, at a time when they really really needed someone.

 

this stress is ruining my xmas. the hours are long and she doesnt like me.

 

I also feel that this rubs of on everyone else, as they all like to follow the leader.Do you have any sugestions for small talk. i have done the "what you doing for xmas thing" and holidays. i need b*lls*t talk. the banter, as at the moment im looking far too reserved and in my own corner.This is really stressfull.

[lindya]

I also feel that this rubs of on everyone else, as they all like to follow the leader.Do you have any sugestions for small talk. i have done the "what you doing for xmas thing" and holidays. i need b*lls*t talk. the banter, as at the moment im looking far too reserved and in my own corner.This is really stressfull.

 

It sounds as though you have a very bad gut instinct about this woman. I think it would be wise for you to make contacts with a recruitment agency right now so that you can get yourself sorted out with something else -anything, as long as it pays the bills - asap if your worst fears come true.

 

People run into these work-related problems all the time, and they move on from them...so for goodness sake don't start making yourself ill with stress. It would be great if you could get on with this woman, but your entire future doesn't depend on her liking you. You managed to get this job, and you'll manage to get another if need be.

 

Ideas for banter: Hard to say without knowing her. Trying to force banter with someone who makes you uncomfortable can end up drawing attention to awkwardness rather than alleviating it...and can also make you feel foolish for trying. I have to say that I would always rather remain courteous towards, but a bit detached from, a colleague who I suspected disliked me... and take the risk of being sacked for not sucking up.

 

That might sound like a bad attitude, but I have the same view of workplace relationships as I have of any other relationship. Would you have sex, night after night, with an unpleasant and abusive partner because they were wealthy and could offer you financial security? Wouldn't it be better to be with someone who was less wealthy, but treated you well and could make you happy?

 

Success comes from confidence and happiness, and if you're in a job that's robbing you of both then I think you need to make it a priority to find something else - even if it pays less or has a lower status. I just feel that there's a bit too much of this "suck it up" attitude when it comes to people being treated badly at work. The people I know who value themselves and their emotional health sufficiently to not just suck it up have always managed to move onto better things fairly speedily.

 

Just to add something. I hope this isn't too offensive, but reading through your post I noticed the spelling and grammar were pretty sloppy. I wouldn't normally comment, but in this context I think it's probably appropriate to do so. Poorly presented work creates an extremely bad impression in the workplace. Make sure you take extra care over your written work, using spell check as you go.

[CarolAnne]

One trick I learned in the hospital for talking to psychosis patients is to use "parroting".

 

It's based on the premise that most people like to talk about themselves and want to be understood. So what you do is just repeat the last few words of any sentence in the form of a question. It keeps people talking and works very well with non-psychosis patients too

 

Example:

 

"Last night we went to a party and this guy was really drunk and he threw up in the grass."

 

"He threw up in the grass?"

 

"Yes and it was totally gross - even the cops came over."

 

"The cops came over?"

 

[Hi Powered]

good answers.

 

my grammer is sloppy coz im overworked and too tired too concentrate, i have used my brian ( overused) at work you see.

 

the parrot idea is brilliant.

 

I need more casual pointers for conversation. today the other 2 females ( much lower in status) went to lunch without asking me. it was very rude, as they went out for xmas type lunch.

 

i feel so isolated.

 

i found this job after so much searching. this woman is a control freak.

[lindya]

I need more casual pointers for conversation. today the other 2 females ( much lower in status) went to lunch without asking me. it was very rude, as they went out for xmas type lunch.

 

You're right - that's totally ignorant of them.

 

i feel so isolated.

 

Is your workplace close to the homes/offices of any friends of yours? If so, you could start making a point of meeting up with friends for lunch. This will make you feel less isolated, and it will also make you look less isolated (and, by implication, vulnerable) to your colleagues. You need to start giving out the message that you have a strong support network of friends and family - and if you don't have a very strong support network, fake it. Office politics stem from some very basic human drives...and if you're not part of the office pack then you need to demonstrate that you have a pack of your own.

 

i found this job after so much searching. this woman is a control freak.

 

I posted something in another thread about focusing on taking everything you can from the situation. Information about the industry you're working in, information about the people you're working with and information about the clients your company pitches its services at.

 

If people don't like you and if they don't talk to you, take the stance that this leaves you with more time to get on with the important business of using this job for every bit of experience and knowledge you can take from it. Those things will be your tools for escaping to something better. You might need to put on a very hard hat in order to get the best from this situation.