Love vs.Career -Moving to Greece 4 a guy

[norajane]

I'm sorry, sweets. It always really hurts when we realize our knight in shining armor isn't willing to fight for us. Such a disappointment, even though you know you're better off knowing sooner rather than later.

 

Throw yourself into your job. It's great for your resume, you'll learn a lot, you'll meet some fantastic people and make connections, get more good references. You can do almost anything for just a year. Then start looking for a more comfortable job.

 

Good luck to you, and I hope you feel better soon.

[magichands]

Just wish I could feel better about it than I do.

Yes, it sure hurts when you get your heart broken. They do heal, though, and next time you'll be sure to get much more respect for your pulsing, tender centre of affection.

 

Let the be your guide.

[mental_traveller]

You are taking a huge risk here. If he is genuinely your soulmate then it will be worth the risk, but you have to take a step back and ask how do you really know he's the one? Let's cover a few potential issues here:

 

The fact that you fell "madly in love" in a week is a bit suspicious to me. With LDRs its easy to avoid the "nitty gritty" of relationships that can cause problems - things like living and sleeping habits, work schedules, relatives etc that can cause serious incompatibilities. Until you have lived with someone for a while (like 6 months+), you don't really know if that's going to work IMO. You have only met him 8 months ago, and have met for how long - 4 weeks, 8 weeks? Imagine marrying someone in LA you only met 8 weeks ago. That is the equivalent of what you are doing here. International phone calls are not proper physical interaction, they are not a "real" relationship with all it entails. You are taking a lot on faith here.

 

Second, he doesn't understand you fully. You say he doesn't "get" the fact that you like having a career. If he was your true soulmate then IMO he should not only "get" that aspect of you, but love the fact that you are that way, and actively want to support it. For example if he was suggesting ways you could pursue your film interests in Greece, that would be a good sign. Sure you'd suffer a careerist downgrade, but at least you'd be following your passion and he would be supporting you in that way. That shows real love & understanding. His reaction, the way you describe it, shows total incomprehension. Remember there are Greek career women too, living there in Athens or other big cities - if you'd been in Greece all your life, but pursuing film-making, would he "get" you in that case either? I doubt it.

 

Third, you admit that you won't be able to be yourself in Greece. You aren't a stay at home housewife, you have goals and ambitions beyond that. Being able to realise one's true potential and passions is a critical element in human happiness. Imagine how it will feel as the years tick by and you wonder what might have been. If you are 60 and looking back on life, will you genuinely say "I'm glad I passed up that opportunity and decided to go for this man", or will you be kicking yourself for missing out on a life's ambition? The future mapped out for you in Greece is not compatible with who you are, a part of you will feel imprisoned and denied freedom, it could become a very frustrating and depressing experience if the marriage does not go 100% perfectly. Since he does not seem really understanding of this issue, I suspect it could cause problems & arguments too. You may grow to resent him for restricting your freedom and dreams, and he may view you as not being committed to the ideal that he wants (i.e. happy housewife).

 

Fourth - ask yourself, if a guy you loved in LA wanted you to give up your career and become a housewife/mother, would you agree to it? Wouldn't you be making it a pretty strong condition that he has to accept & support your dreams & ambitions? And wouldn't your true soul-mate be happy to do that? So, if you wouldn't give it all up for a guy at home, why give it up for someone thousands of miles away, with all the added risks & confusions of cultural issues, standards of living, language, society, loss of friends, distance from family and so on?

 

Think about the risks, what could go wrong, and whether you will be able to change your mind and go back if it all blows up. No matter how strong you feel about this guy, the circumstances mean that there's a big chance it won't live up to expectations, or might fall flat on its face. This job offer won't last long, so if you go and it fails then you will really have missed out.

I would also ask, why can't he come to the US? If you get married then he can get a green card can't he? Also think longer-term. What if in 10 years you can't take it any more, get divorced? You will be a mid-40s woman with a 10 year gap in her CV, living in a foreign country where you have none of your old friends or family anywhere near. Your financial situation will be infinitely worse off, most likely. If things go wrong then you could really be in a bad way. Whereas if you stick in the US and things go wrong with this job, you still have a good position, and heck there are plenty of great men where you live too. To be honest it's much easier to find a great guy than it is to find a great career!

 

Another issue is family attitudes. Have you met his relatives, and if so what are their attitudes to you?

 

Finally, look at the alternative. You could take this dream job, and put off your decision for 6-12 months. You will earn a really nice amount of money, have a great time, and then in 1 year be able to decide whether you want to give that up to be with this guy. It will also be interesting to see how he reacts to you doing that kind of job & discussing it with him etc. Taking the job and postponing a move keeps the upside intact, avoids the risk of making a huge mistake, and gives you time to develop the relationship and clarify your feelings. Remember in LDRs it takes longer to really find out how things are, due to the much less frequent physical contact & day to day things. Strongly consider taking the job, working hard at it, and then making a decision this time next year. If he really loves you then he will be ok with waiting.

 

If you want my honest, gut-feel response, I would say that you would be out of your frigging mind to move! I think if this guy was really your soul mate, then you wouldn't have to ask us on this board what to do - you would already have moved over there.

[mental_traveller]

I keep having these visions about getting married and having a family with him and my biggest fear is to take the job and always wonder about him and what my life would have been like. Is that so wrong? Yes, I know there are plenty of fish, but what if I never meet one again? I'm not getting any younger and at my age the dating pool is very slim. My gosh, how lame I must sound. Gag!

 

Well, to put it bluntly, a nice-looking 33 year old LA career woman on six figures is a much more appealing dating prospect than a 38 year old Greek divorcee returning with 3 kids in tow, doing temporary work while she tries to get her life back on track. Desperation is never a good reason to get married.

 

If this guy was right then we'd be able to tell it from your posts, the way he respects you etc. He isn't, the alarm bells are coming loud and clear and you are having major doubts too. Stop faffing about and call it off now before you make a mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life.

[Okeydokey]

And he dumps me in a text message! I guess his intention was to just blow me off. Im just so hurt by that.

 

breaking up is always hard. no matter how much or how little one cares about the relationship... even though he was the one who gave the nail its final hammer on the head from your posts it sounds to me like you both wanted out. You weren't willing to play on his terms only and do all of the compromising - and when you told him that - he wasn't willing to compromise. Basically - you were not willing to take no compromises and he wasn't willing to accept anything less than all compromises on your side and no compromises on his side. You guys left each other really.

 

Chin up. Let yourself feel sad about it for 2 weeks to a month and then get excited about your new life. That's the trick.

 

Good luck to you. You made the right choice. definitely.

[sb129]

"This relationship is over with us. We dont match. Goodbye".

I did everything I could for the guy. I went over there to see him so many times. I sent him so many little packages in the mail just to show him I cared. I was about to uproot my life for him. And he dumps me in a text message! I guess his intention was to just blow me off. Im just so hurt by that.

 

So its over now. Just wish I could feel better about it than I do.

 

Global, I know you are hurting right now, but in time I am sure you will feel more than a little relief that your man showed his true colours BEFORE you uprooted your life for him.

 

He is right. You don't match. You are FAR FAR FAR too much of a good catch for him. And he knows it.

 

Sometimes lifes difficult decisions are made for us.

 

Good luck with the job.

[Blue Phoenix]

--I was about to uproot my life for him. And he dumps me in a text message!-- I would consider myself luckey if I were you. Just imagen if he decided to do that after you moved there!! And then who knowes if even his family would want to help you after that. I know you may have thought no there nice people. But belive me its there son they would stick up for in the end!! Im very sorry for you that this all happned but at least it did with your feet still on U.S soil..Honestly from readeing your posts he sounds like a bit of a self absorbed old fashioned jerk any ways. Ive delt with imagration alot in the past so I know from experance. Only reason some one cant imagrate into another country. Seeing they meet the requirements and a relashionship dose def count. Would be if they have any past serious criminal charges. And belive me if they do its usualy a warning sighn to steer clear..