What I have recently discovered...

[Tessa]

I cannot stand my b/f talking about other women. I cannot stand the fact that he is making new women friends(big problem). I cannot stand the fact that he emails this one woman. It is driving me crazy. I have discovered that I am a very jealous person. The funny(well, maybe not funny), but I have never been this way with anyone.

 

Does this mean that I don't trust him? Does this mean that I am insecure?

 

Quick background: We have been seeing one another for about a year in a half. I'm older. He's younger. We work for the same company. Though in separate buildings and on different accounts. He is a flirt like you would not believe. Yet, he doesn't seem to think so. There's more, but then it would start to get long...

 

Any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

There's nothing anybody can write here to make you change how you feel or how he acts. But I think you are this way because you are particularly fond of him and afraid of losing him to one of these other people he's flirting with....somewhat insecure in the relationship.

 

I think talking about other women around you is rude as hell. He must not think much of you if you've asked him to stop and he continues.

 

Beyond that, I don't know what to tell you except if this doesn't work out make sure your next guy isn't the same way.

[Tessa]

I don't know what to think. There is this one person that he emails and it "seriously" bothers me. You see, she is not an old friend, she is a new friend. I have expressed my feelings on this matter, but it does not seem to matter. Sure, he doesn't do it in front of me anymore, now he does it behind my back. He wants me to think that the emails have stopped or at least slowed down...What am I stupid! H*LL No! I know better...

 

What can I do?

 

We have been seeing one another for about a year in a half...I thought things were good between us, but , now I have no idea what to think or feel. He tells me that I have nothing to worry about and I am being stupid, but I have been in this type of situation before and I know how it ends, I get hurt...HELP!!

[Tony T]

You will have many years of pain and horror with a man who says you are stupid for the way you feel. You will never have a good relationship with a man who has no respect for you and who carries out friendships with women behind your back.

 

You want to know what to do yet you already know what to do and you aren't up to it.

 

Once you have told a man what is bothering you...what he is doing that is hurting you...and he continues the behavior, even behind your back so you won't notice...you have absolutely no choice but to terminate the relationship.

 

If you are not strong enough to get away from this guy, just be saving your money for psychologists and therapies you will need along the way. Life is a difficult enough journey without subjecting yourself to this guy's BS.

 

In my opinion, he's a real jerk!!!

[MercyRose]

I can understand your fears. An old e-mail friend is a bit more acceptable but a new one is a downright insult.

 

Somebody who loves you would never make new e-mail friends or talk about other women in front of you.

 

Mutual love=happiness

 

And that is what you do not have.

[velvet]

You need to do more than just telling him how it makes you feel.

You don't want to lose his love yet hes going to continue flirting and meeting other women as long as he knows he can have you.

 

Its very difficult to make a choice of leaving or staying. You can start the process now or wait until later. Either way you have to face the healing process and get him out of your system as painful as it may be.

 

Before doing that, ask him one more time. Don't tell him your giving him another chance to clean his act up because hes just going to be sneaky. Just tell him this is something your not going to tolerate.

 

Than if you haven't seen any results, than you know what you have to do.

[Ally Boo]

You'll realize one day that you are only holding on to him for the wrong reason. He doesn't love you and you don't love him...you may think I'm being harsh and wrong, but sit down and look at it and you'll realize that you're just afraid of being alone. This sounds way too much like my last relationship. Just please let him go and roam, or it's going to blow up in your face and hurt you in the worst way imaginable.

 

Not trying to preach BUT....

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not boastful or proud, it is not envious or jealous..."

[Tessa]

Thanks everyone for your responses...It is appreciated.

[Tessa]

Well, I'm sorry that I have not been around, but I have no internet.

 

Anyway...My b/f and myself were joking around last night and while doing so, we ended up checking his mail. Yep, you guessed it...There were 2 emails that were replies from her. I looked at him and said "I thought you told me you were going to stop emailing her". His reply: "I'm not going to stop emailing people". I was upset...I I deleted the emails and her addresses(yes, more than one) from his address book. He watched me do this. After that, he decided to give the cold shoulder for the rest of the night. Amazing...He's the one who lied and yet he acts as if I'm the one that did something wrong.

 

I'm hurt and upset, but at the same time I have an I don't care attitude. I have no idea what to think or feel anymore...this whole jealousy thing is really getting out of hand. I don't know how to make it go away...getting rid of my b/f is not the complete answer. It has to do with what is inside of me...

 

What do you think?

[velvet]

I can understand you would be upset when your man is a big flirt at the office and takes it home with him. Thats a warning sign. Flirting is hazardous to your r/s.

 

If he respects you, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Deleting his email addresses in front of him was too much. He should have done it and because they were still there while you both were looking at them, well... that is reason enough to leave him.