unmarried Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 This may be a very childish/ignorant question, but since I am quite junior and am never been married... What exactly distinguishes a (loving) marriage from an (equally loving) partnership in which the partners are not married to each other? I mean aside from the legal practicalities such as taxes, sharing house, etc.... E.g. -If you invite someone for a party, you naturally invite his or her spouse - it would often be impolite otherwise. -In public occasions, when a nation's leader visits a foreign country, he's usually accompanied by his spouse, and the spouse is treated with equal respect. Not so for a sibling or unmarried partner. There's a kind of "recognition" of the marital relationship, that you two are sharing life together. It seems husband and wife are MEANT to be ALWAYS TOGETHER. Isn't it? I guess I'm trying to understand marriage. Some day I hope I'll understand it through my own marriage... You are free to laugh at my stupid question, but a word or two will be nice of you. Link to post Share on other sites
BruiserKC Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 The commitment to spending the rest of your life together. I'm sure that commitment can be there sometimes in an unmarried couple...but when two people decide to get married they are really stressing this is for the rest of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Eh, we only got married for the legality of it. Sorta "whoopppeee, you better be nice to me buddy because *I* get to decide when to pull the plug sucka." Okay, and sorta not. Our reasoning aside, yes, there is a huge difference to the rest of society between us being married and when we were living in sin. We get an odd sorta respect and some acknowledgement that we've joined a "club." I don't think it's an ignorant/childish question at all. Me and my husband *still* ask it despite being married (and happily so). We'd be just as happy living together. Though his insurance policy is way better and includes vision, so that was a nice treat when we got married. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 It seems husband and wife are MEANT to be ALWAYS TOGETHER. Isn't it? This reminds me of something. There's this guy I know, a married guy, past middle age, still good looking. His company's web site provides a space for his home page, where he posted many photos of himself, mostly dated after he's married, yet not a single one containing his wife. Does that say something? Why would he post so many personal photos on a professional web site? Why showing only himself without the wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 It means different things to different people. To my wife and me it meant and continues to mean a true commitment and mutuality rather than some easily set aside relationship. It was and remains a pledge and vow to love one another through thick and thin. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 It means different things to different people. To my wife and me it meant and continues to mean a true commitment and mutuality rather than some easily set aside relationship. It was and remains a pledge and vow to love one another through thick and thin. it is something u are supposed to do once we are told for me it is the same as i am now...looking into my wifes eyes and tells her i would die for u and then when i suddenly do, she gets everything p.s. the ex never knew i had her already in the will - wink shhhhhhhhhhhhhh quiet still do actually Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 At the time when I got married to my ex, it was about giving your total romantic commitment to the other person. You promised to "love, honour and cherish", "forsaking all others", "'til death do you part". lmao... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Yeah! I did that once before and it didn't last, even though it dragged on for 25 years. I like to think I learned from that mistake and didn't repeat it this time. So far, so good after 10 years. However things turn out, this is my last marriage. Ideally it will be the lasting one. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 In my opinon (even though lots of people here disagree ) it means nothing. All it is is a piece of paper. That is just my opinon though to some it is important and that is fine for them. Link to post Share on other sites
unmarried Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 In my opinon (even though lots of people here disagree ) it means nothing. All it is is a piece of paper. Please notice the original post - "I mean aside from the legal practicalities such as taxes, sharing house, etc.... " IOW aside from paperworks. I guess I'm more interested in the "recognition" or "acknowledgement" aspect, i.e. how (and why) the way *other people* see you and treat you is influenced by the fact that you are married to so-and-so. Aren't there enough examples in real life where, a person not taken seriously before being married (or before the marriage is known) is taken more seriously and more respected when people know that he/she is married to certain person? Similarly, there are cases where people hold one in less respect after learning he/she is married to a certain person. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Please notice the original post - "I mean aside from the legal practicalities such as taxes, sharing house, etc.... " IOW aside from paperworks. I guess I'm more interested in the "recognition" or "acknowledgement" aspect, i.e. how (and why) the way *other people* see you and treat you is influenced by the fact that you are married to so-and-so. Aren't there enough examples in real life where, a person not taken seriously before being married (or before the marriage is known) is taken more seriously and more respected when people know that he/she is married to certain person? Similarly, there are cases where people hold one in less respect after learning he/she is married to a certain person. Well I didn't say ANYTHING about legal issues or recognition. All I said was marriage is no different to me then knowing in your heart that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 All I said was marriage is no different to me then knowing in your heart that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone. Maybe not to you but tell that to children, insurers, schools, family law courts, hospitals and the tax man! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 There's a kind of "recognition" of the marital relationship, that you two are sharing life together. Yes, of course there's a recognition of marriage in society. Married couples and other non-married couples are viewed and treated differently by society. Link to post Share on other sites
unmarried Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Yes, of course there's a recognition of marriage in society. Married couples and other non-married couples are viewed and treated differently by society. You are restating the fact about which I was asking: WHY? Why not siblings? Why are two people married to each other regarded as if one person? Just because they have sex legally? (Obviously not because they live together--roommates don't get this privilege.) Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 You are restating the fact about which I was asking: WHY? Why not siblings? Why are two people married to each other regarded as if one person? Just because they have sex legally? (Obviously not because they live together--roommates don't get this privilege.) I think it's because you've made a public acknowledgement that your goals are no longer just your own. You've linked the two lives together, and now what affects one affects the other. To society it's difficult to determine which relationships are just two people who spend alot of time together, and which relationships are two people that have joined their lives and are considering each other's life goals when making decisions about their own lives. But when you are married, this second type of relationship is implied, hence married couples get more acknowledgment as a unit. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 In my opinon (even though lots of people here disagree ) it means nothing. All it is is a piece of paper. That is just my opinon though to some it is important and that is fine for them. I agree here as well. However; marriage does hold more respect by most people, and marriages statistically last longer than non-married cohabitants. (I did research on this). It's too bad, I think once you commit to a relationship it's a trust agreement, and verbal agreement's in the U.S. hold up better than paper in many cases. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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