Shellz Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 The holidays are approaching and I swear it brings out the wackos. Basically my issue is that I feel more comfortable around others than my own family. Don't get me wrong I love them dearly. Its just that when I'm around others I can relax. I've thought hard about this because I think its due to the verbal abuse I've had to go through my entire childhood. See I'm normally a bright happy bubbly person that gets along with everyone. One because life is to complicated as it is to be depressed, so everyone thinks that my family is the same way as I am. Well that's why I try and keep people away from my house. My dad is very optomistic, always trys to come up with a good solution. My mother on the other hand well, lets just say she made a few of my friends cry after meeting her. She tells the truth which I respect her for but she goes to the point of being so hurtful no one will come near me or wants to hang out with me near my house. When I was in highschool I dreaded parent teacher conferences because the next day I was always asked are there issues at home. My boss had the pleasure of meeting my mother in the supermarket and my poor boss who I considered close like an aunt asked me never to bring my mother near the work establishment. Don't get me wrong I love my mother dearly. I would take a bullet for the woman without a second thought. But its bad when the holidays arrive and I think of the future who would I have over for a christmas party and she's not even in the top 10. I'm currently considering moving in with my boyfriend, that she doesn't even know about. He is a wonderful guy who treats me well but I fear that if she were to find out about us she'll just ruin it. I'm an adult now and as I think of the future, I worry about what effects will she have on my future children, or even future spouse. I'm still living at home and I have it good, no rent, don't have to pay any bills, meal prepared for me, and clothes washed for me. But is it worth dealing with all the crap from her to just have the nice things? Like I said I love my mother with all my heart but I'm scared that I'll have a nervous breakdown before the age of 25. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I'm an adult now and as I think of the future, I worry about what effects will she have on my future children, or even future spouse. I'm still living at home and I have it good, no rent, don't have to pay any bills, meal prepared for me, and clothes washed for me. But is it worth dealing with all the crap from her to just have the nice things? No, it's not worth it. Mother or not she has no right to treat you or your friends like crap... If you don't want any effects on your future children and spouse, don't bring them near her...maybe not even yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Ironman75 Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Shellz, do not EVER take your self away from your mother. We all make mistakes. She is your mother. Sometimes parents have a funny was of loving us and helping us. But make no mistake the love is real. I don't think that she should disrespect everyone she meets. Thats not cool. You should try and talk to her. And really give her your side of things. Talk to her don't attack her. Remember you only get one mom so love her for as long as you can. Because when she is gone you will wish you had more time. So say everything you want and need to say to her. So you both can get on with the love you share. And to answer your other question the reason you feel more comfortable with others is because there are no expectations or fear of doing wrong. We sometimes hide who we are in front of our family so we kind of pull back as to not let them see the real us. Because of fear of rejection Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 The simple answer to your question is that it depends on your family. If they're unpleasant, overbearing, rude, etc. then it would be quite natural to prefer the company of others to theirs. I loved my parents (both long deceased) but could spend a maximum of about four hours in their company before things began to go sour so I planned my visits that way. At one point it got so bad there were no visits for five years. Just because they're related doesn't mean you have to enjoy their company. Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 The holidays are approaching and I swear it brings out the wackos. Basically my issue is that I feel more comfortable around others than my own family. Don't get me wrong I love them dearly. Its just that when I'm around others I can relax. I've thought hard about this because I think its due to the verbal abuse I've had to go through my entire childhood. See I'm normally a bright happy bubbly person that gets along with everyone. One because life is to complicated as it is to be depressed, so everyone thinks that my family is the same way as I am. Well that's why I try and keep people away from my house. My dad is very optomistic, always trys to come up with a good solution. My mother on the other hand well, lets just say she made a few of my friends cry after meeting her. She tells the truth which I respect her for but she goes to the point of being so hurtful no one will come near me or wants to hang out with me near my house. When I was in highschool I dreaded parent teacher conferences because the next day I was always asked are there issues at home. My boss had the pleasure of meeting my mother in the supermarket and my poor boss who I considered close like an aunt asked me never to bring my mother near the work establishment. Don't get me wrong I love my mother dearly. I would take a bullet for the woman without a second thought. But its bad when the holidays arrive and I think of the future who would I have over for a christmas party and she's not even in the top 10. I'm currently considering moving in with my boyfriend, that she doesn't even know about. He is a wonderful guy who treats me well but I fear that if she were to find out about us she'll just ruin it. I'm an adult now and as I think of the future, I worry about what effects will she have on my future children, or even future spouse. I'm still living at home and I have it good, no rent, don't have to pay any bills, meal prepared for me, and clothes washed for me. But is it worth dealing with all the crap from her to just have the nice things? Like I said I love my mother with all my heart but I'm scared that I'll have a nervous breakdown before the age of 25. It is not fair as your mother or your family members doing with you.Avoid the family is not solution of your problem you should solve your problem as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 As they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. You might want to illustrate to your mother, the impact she had on your boss and that she has made some of your friends cry. Let her know you love her but she can't keep scaring people away. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Shellz, do not EVER take your self away from your mother. We all make mistakes. She is your mother. Sometimes parents have a funny was of loving us and helping us. But make no mistake the love is real. I don't think that she should disrespect everyone she meets. Thats not cool. You should try and talk to her. And really give her your side of things. Talk to her don't attack her. Remember you only get one mom so love her for as long as you can. Because when she is gone you will wish you had more time. So say everything you want and need to say to her. So you both can get on with the love you share. And to answer your other question the reason you feel more comfortable with others is because there are no expectations or fear of doing wrong. We sometimes hide who we are in front of our family so we kind of pull back as to not let them see the real us. Because of fear of rejection What ironman, do you know her family? She posted about the situation, there is no reason not to believe her or think she's overreacting. And how do you know the love is real? not all parents love their children, not all parents do what's best for them or want to do the best of them. There are parents out there that rape their children, beat their children or abuse them in other ways, so "she's your mother" is not really an argument...if you give birth to someone doesn't mean you have the right to control them all their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ironman75 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Cardplay3r. Yes your right. There are people that are terrible parents. And do horrible things to there kids. Your right. But did you hear her say that. NO. So let's deal with what's at hand. And I ask you the same question do you really know what's going on there? She says several times in her post that she loves her mother very much even stating that she would take a bullet for her. It seems her mother can be very rude and she cut's deep with her words. And some times words can hurt more that fists. But like I said it's her mom. I did not see anything in there about her being so terrible to her where she should walk away from her mom. I'm a parent and we can be rude and overbearing at times. But the love is always there for me. I was speaking of what I read not what I thought happened not what could of happened but what see said happed. So if you would walk away from your mom because of that then I feel sorry for you. I do. Not to mention she is still young. Things hopefully will change for Shellz. And her mom will wise up. And just so you know no offense taken. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Well ironman..there's emotional abuse also, that's what her mom is doing. When you know your child is hurt by your actions yet you keep doing them, something is wrong with you. She can't even tell her about her bf because she's afraid of her reaction, that's not healthy nor normal....can't live her whole life walking on eggshells around her mother. I know what you're saying, but some people have mental problems etc. and can't listen to reason...her mother seems to be one of them judging by her actions Link to post Share on other sites
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