karlesa Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 My wife have been fighting and argueing alot lately and just recently she told me she wants to live by herself with her two daughters. She said she has never lived alone. She said she isn't seeing anyone and i believe her. Her first husband was a drunk, druggy, and abusive. Then i met her and we eventually married after living together for 4 years. We have been married 8 years and things started to unravel when my ex died and my two son's had to come and live with us. We had some rough times with her daughters and now we are having some rough times with my son's and she can't handle it. She say's it was different with her girls because they were part of the "package" when we got married. She says she doesn't want to be their mother. I told her she doesn't have to be and that i just need her to help me guide and discipline them when they act up. I love her and miss her so much. I am so sad and feel so empty inside. I will give her the space she needs, but i am not sure how long i can do this. I still have a life to live with or without her. She says she will go to counseling after the holidays and i said that would be good. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 My wife have been fighting and argueing alot lately and just recently she told me she wants to live by herself with her two daughters. She said she has never lived alone. She said she isn't seeing anyone and i believe her. Her first husband was a drunk, druggy, and abusive. Then i met her and we eventually married after living together for 4 years. We have been married 8 years and things started to unravel when my ex died and my two son's had to come and live with us. We had some rough times with her daughters and now we are having some rough times with my son's and she can't handle it. She say's it was different with her girls because they were part of the "package" when we got married. She says she doesn't want to be their mother. I told her she doesn't have to be and that i just need her to help me guide and discipline them when they act up. I love her and miss her so much. I am so sad and feel so empty inside. I will give her the space she needs, but i am not sure how long i can do this. I still have a life to live with or without her. She says she will go to counseling after the holidays and i said that would be good. Hi and welcome... This is pretty common question that gets asked when you show up here... have you read anything on the issues in your relationship..... if not.. start now.... Read other posts on here.... lots... of them... and post often so we can get to understant... what you situation is all about... Also.... it sounds positive that she is willing to go to counselling... and finally.... you came to a great place for support.... you will get lots on here... Take care... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 yes couple counselling is a priority but what do u think she is most concerned about? moving out or the kid issue? was this planned or just happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlesa Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 I think it is both and then some. I seriously believe she is suffering from depression. She is showing all of the signs and symptoms. I also think she is going through a mid-life crisis as well. She is questioning every aspect of her life. Right now i just don't see things changing with her attitude about me or the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Best things you can do is goto a counselor yourself and invite her. When communication breaks down, everything around it does as well. If she is depressed she will go after the one who is emotionally closest to her (which is you). What are your sons & daughter's ages? And how bad are they? When she married you, she also took the role as your sons' step-mother. The best thing you can say to her right now along with the counseling is just to mention 'When you are ready to talk, I am here'. Then just let it go. Give her the space she needs to think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlesa Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Her oldest daughter (my step-daughter) got pregnant at 15. Her other daughters have been caught shoplifting and smoking pot. My son's have been caught driving without a license, under-age drinking, etc., etc. The usual stuff for 15,16,17 year olds. She just can't deal with any of the trouble the kids get into. She lashes out more when my kids are in trouble. Right now it is so very hard on me. I am paying her rent, car payment and insurance, and buying her groceries. Am i friggin nuts or am i being a supportive and patient husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Right now it is so very hard on me. I am paying her rent, car payment and insurance, and buying her groceries. Am i friggin nuts or am i being a supportive and patient husband? Depends upon what your end game disered results are. You cannot fomulate a game plan, until you've clearly have decided what you're seeking when all is said and done. Therefore you cannot plot tactics (little steps and things) and strategity, (big picture) Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlesa Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Yes you are right. I wish i new what she really wants. I love her, need her, and miss her, but how long can a person wait for another to change. Life is too short. I am also a Marine Corps veteran. I served 7 years and held the rank of Sergeant. Semper Fi brother! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Well then take what you have learned as a Marine and put it to use here. but how long can a person wait for another to change. Life is too short. On each person it is different. Right now she needs time to think things through. It's not necessarily about 'for better or worse' but about communication. I beg of you to read the links in my signature then reply to this post. If have a feeling both Gunny & I have to educate you on some things Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlesa Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 Yea, you are right. I am going to put the ball in her court. We will see if she wants to get back in the game. Link to post Share on other sites
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